by Nella Tyler
“Maggie-”
“What I'm trying to tell you is that you can’t just treat people like objects. You can’t go through life thinking that you can buy affection from anyone, even if they're willing to take it. That's just pretending. That's phony." I paused a moment. "I wasn't attracted to you because of your money. Like I said before, I was attracted to you."
He said nothing for several moments. "I've lost control," he said simply. "The honest, plain, simple truth, Maggie, is that I've fallen for you, and I lost control of the existence that I had so carefully orchestrated for myself. What I had imagined to be a simple lark turned out to be something quite more. What I'm trying to say is that my feelings for you are genuine. You're worth fighting for, and I'm willing to do that."
I stared at him in amazement. What was he saying? Was he telling me that he truly had feelings for me? I wasn't quite sure whether to believe him, but he seemed honest. Then, much to my surprise, we began talking.
We talked about relationships, what was most important to us, and he reiterated again how he felt about me. I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not. He could've been giving me a typical song and dance, but the more we talked, the more I began to believe him.
After a little while, he moved closer to me on the couch. Then, he leaned forward. I knew he wanted to kiss me. Much to my surprise, instead of pulling back, slapping him, or rebuffing him, I leaned into his kiss. The moment my lips touched his, I felt a thrill surge through me. I didn't know if I was making a big mistake, but for the moment, I was willing to give Ben a second chance.
Chapter 5
It started out easy enough, just a kiss – but what a kiss it was. With that kiss it seemed as though Ben was trying to say so many things. And I was still trying to figure out what the hell I was doing, and why I was letting him kiss me, but the moment his lips touched mine, most of my questions flew out the window. It was only Ben. I knew this was wrong, but I had already pretty much figured that I would be moving on without him and here he was in my living room, sitting on my couch, kissing the living daylights out of me.
And, you know what was so bad about that? I felt the same desire for him that I always had. No matter what he had done, no matter what he said, it was like I felt compelled to forgive him. It wasn't just the kiss that did it, either. It was because I realized how much I still felt attracted and drawn to him. Yes, I realized that he had overstepped the bounds, but he was trying to apologize, wasn't he?
The kissing grew more passionate and before I knew it, we were both pressed up against one another, his arms around my back, mine around his shoulders. Our lips parted and our tongues again began to explore each other’s mouths, and before I knew it, I felt one of his hands cradling my breast. All of a sudden, I couldn't stand the thought of clothing between us, and I broke off the caress, staring at him while I pulled the T-shirt over my head. I wasn't wearing a bra underneath. I got the impression that he felt a little uncertain now, so I reached for his hand and placed it over my breast, holding it there. Warm. Firm. Strong. He began to squeeze gently, and then I closed my eyes, leaned forward, and kissed him again.
There was something different about this coming together. It was like so many emotions were wrapped up in my chest. Desire, affection, despair, anger – I don't even know how to explain it. I was hurt, but I was still excited by the passion and in his caress. To be honest, I was surprised by my own reaction, as well.
He murmured against my lips, soft words of apology, regret, and then those three words that literally turned my world upside down. It was spoken between passionate kisses and my ears were ringing, so I wasn't sure I'd heard correctly, although I knew that I had.
"I love you, Maggie," he whispered, so soft that I barely heard the words. I wanted to reply in turn, really I did, but I didn't. I was still determined to protect myself, to protect my heart. Besides, I didn't want to show my hand, to make him think that a few kisses, sexual desire, and words blurted out in the midst of passion would sway me so easily. I kissed him in earnest, acknowledging his words without returning them.
I knew I had to protect myself. I knew it was wrong of me to continue making out with him without explaining myself, but he didn't seem to notice, or care. That gave me a slight pause, but the minute I felt his lips leave mine and I felt that sense of emptiness, I just wanted him next to me, close to me. He leaned forward again, as if he were going to kiss the base of my neck, but I grasped his head and lowered it to my breast. He kissed my nipple gently, so gently as if he were honoring it. It puckered of its own accord, reaching out to him, wanting more.
He obliged. First with the tip of his tongue, and then his entire mouth enveloped my nipple, swirling his tongue around it, teasing, cycling, and then lathing it with his warmth. I pressed him closer, felt him suck, then felt the tongue flick up and down, and then suck again. Flames of desire shot through me. I grasped his head close to me, cradling it in my arms.
He moaned low in his throat, and it was all I could do not to moan in return. Suddenly, he lifted his head, looked up at me, smiled, and then paid equal attention to the other breast. He used his fingers to keep teasing the nipple that he had just relinquished while he began to repeat the suckling, flicking, and circling motions with his tongue that he had done on the first one.
I didn't know what to do with my hands. They were stroking his back, the side of his face, tangling in his hair. My palm ran against the side of his face. I wanted to cry, scream, and laugh, all at the same time. In a matter of seconds, I had pulled off his own shirt and placed my hands on his chest, my fingers feeling the hard nodes of his small nipples. And then we were lying on the couch, me beneath him, our hands exploring as much as we could.
Impatiently, I unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, while he tucked mine down. I don't know exactly how it happened, how we divested ourselves of our shoes and socks, pants and underwear, but all of a sudden we were both naked, warm skin pressed against warm skin. I was on fire, wanting him to get closer…ever closer. I repositioned myself to make it more comfortable for him as he nestled his hips between my thighs, and then, much to my surprise, his lips left my breasts and began to trail along my abdomen. As his tongue got closer to my bellybutton, he pressed himself downward along the couch, while at the same time pressing my knees upward and apart.
Oh my God. His head disappeared between my legs and I felt the most wonderful sensations running through me as his tongue repeated the process on my most private of parts with the same attention he had given my breasts. The sensations thrumming through me were exquisite. I grabbed the side of his head, tried to grasp his hair, tried not to pull too hard. I lifted my hips up slightly, wanting him to take in as much of me as he could.
I gasped in surprise when his tongue dipped deep into my slit, and then in the next moment, his mouth had encompassed my clitoris, sucking, tugging, and then pulling away slightly. He blew gently and then suckled again. He repeated this process over and over again until I was crazy with desire. Sounds were escaping from my throat that had I not known were mine, would've believed they were coming from someone else.
Everything felt hot, electric, and delicious. He began to moan, the vibration of his lips against that most private part of me nearly sending me over the edge. My hips began to rock upward automatically, wanting to take him as close to me as I could. Then, his tongue stroking, lapping, and locking around my lips and clitoris, he took me to my peak. I clenched my teeth, threw my head back, and swallowed the scream that threaten to issue from my throat as I felt the most powerful climax I ever had surge through me. My internal muscles clenched in a rhythmic orgasm that had me seeing white lights.
My internal muscles were still clenching rhythmically when I felt him lift himself up, situate himself between my legs, and then plunge his hard shaft into me. Deeply. My tight pussy clenched his penis and he groaned, eyes closed, his own head thrown back. His hips moved, he pumped a couple of times, and it was then that I remembered that I wasn't prot
ected. My eyes flashed open an alarm and I glanced down at him. Watching his cock pump into me, nearly all the way out and then in again, I realized he had donned a condom. I had no idea when he done that, but then again, I’d been wrapped up in my own passion. Nevertheless, I was pleased that he was taking precautions. That showed me something – proved something to me.
Once again, he began murmuring, his eyes closed, and a slight smile curving his lips upward. He had said he loved me. Did he mean it? His hips began to move faster, and I met every one, lifting my hips up every time he surged upward. I pulled him deeper into me, as deep as I could manage. I cupped his buttocks with my hands, and then reaching between his legs, I grasped one of his balls, massaging gently. That seemed to do it and took him over the edge, as well. Suddenly, he stiffened, and his pumping motions shortened into fast contractions. Then, it was over.
He collapsed on top of me, his chest covered with a fine sheen of sweat, his heart thundering fiercely, in accompaniment with my own. His head nestled in my shoulder and I felt his breath on my neck. Finally, after several minutes of silence, he rolled onto his side, but nearly fell off the couch. I tried to grab him and we both laughed when he crashed to the floor. I looked over the edge of the couch at him and saw him smiling up at me. My gaze passed over the length of him. Oh my God, what a glorious body he had. Broad chest, six pack abs, a narrow waist. His penis was still erect, but as I watched, it slowly began to soften. It wiggles a little bit, thanks to my attention, and as I looked at him, Ben watched me with a grin.
Without an iota of embarrassment or self-consciousness, he peeled the rubber off his penis, then quickly stood and headed to the bathroom. I was graced with the sight of his glorious buttocks. When he came back into the room, he did so confidently, a smile on his face. He stared at me, still lying naked on the couch. If he was bothered because I hadn't responded to his claims of love, he didn't show it.
"How about a picnic and a movie?"
He was standing there completely naked in front of me, and he was thinking of a picnic and a movie? I realized that it might be a nice thing to do with Ben. It was nothing special, nothing extraordinary, nothing designed to impress me. Just a date like normal people had.
I thought about it for a minute. Nothing fancy, nothing extravagant. Maybe he was trying to show me that he could do things that didn't cost a lot of money, that were pleasant, somewhat old-fashioned, but provided enjoyment nevertheless.
Reaching for my clothes, I agreed. "Okay, that sounds like fun. Just give me a few minutes to change." As he began to pick up his clothes, I passed him and headed toward my bedroom. I closed the door and then leaned against it for several moments. Oh my God, what I done? Was it so easy for me to forgive someone? What quirk about my personality made it so difficult for me to be mad at someone, even if they deserved it?
I quickly jumped in the shower, in a way hoping that he would join me, but he left me alone in privacy to get cleaned up and changed for the day ahead. I wasn't sure how the day was going to turn out, but I needed to know sooner or later whether Ben could change, or at least, keep his word and not just focus on trying to impress me. He should know by now that I wasn't one who would succumb to the things that many other women did. I just wanted to be with a guy who was honest, genuine, and down to earth.
*
The day passed relatively quickly, and I did have to admit, as late afternoon approached, that I was having a good time. After we left my place, we stopped by a sandwich shop, got some submarine sandwiches, some chips, and some sodas. We ventured toward the beach and just hung out there for a little while, eating our sandwiches, talking, and watching other people. I loved to watch the waves come in, and while I still kept my guard up, I was beginning to feel a little more relaxed. We didn't talk about the lovemaking session we had just had. We didn't talk about what had brought him to my door in the first place.
After we hung out at the beach for a little while, we went and saw movie. It was an action thriller with Tom Cruise and I did enjoy it, although I felt distracted through great part of it. My mind was humming with a variety of thoughts. I got the distinct impression now that Ben knew I was certainly not a gold digger. At the same time, I was rather disturbed with how easily I had been able to forgive him. What did that mean? What could it mean? And then, toward the end of the movie, which I couldn't even remember five minutes after we walked out of the theater, it hit me.
Could I be falling for him? Could I be falling in love with Ben? The thought scared me and excited me at the same time.
By the time he brought me back to my apartment, I allowed him inside, but told him I didn't have anything to offer him to drink, which I wasn't about to do anyway. When I drank, I did things I couldn't hold myself responsible for. Besides, we had already made love once today and I wasn't about to do it again. Not because I didn't like it, but because I needed to keep myself focused.
Besides, I had to tell him something. Something that I had avoided talking about all day. Something that he had avoided, as well. As he stood in my apartment, I reached for his hand. We stood facing each other in the space between my door and my couch.
"Thank you for the nice day, Ben. I had a lot of fun," I began. It was if he could sense what was coming next, so he didn't say anything, but merely nodded encouragement. I just blurted it out. "I don't want to help you cheat, Ben.”
He nodded. "I understand, Maggie, and once again I want to apologize for even suggesting it. It's okay. Just for a bit of fun, I might go ahead and do it anyway."
"But why?” I exclaimed, my heart thudding with uncertainty. “Why even risk it? You’re already rich. Why would you want to even try to get away with cheating…which I kind of suspect you've been doing all along, haven't you? Have you been counting cards?"
He shook his head. "I'm sorry I asked you to get involved, Maggie," he said. "And the last thing I want to do is get you into trouble, so I'm not going to answer that question again, which I believe I already have. And I'm not going to tell you what I'm going to do. You've made up your mind, and I respect you for it. I hope you don't think less of me for asking or for having a bit of fun."
Well, I still didn't understand how he could think that cheating was fun. Was it just a lark to him, to see if he could get away with it? It wasn't just a matter of getting banned from the casino. He could be arrested. He could be required to pay back all of the money he earned from the casino. They kept tabs, you know. I was sure he knew all that, as anyone as experienced with gambling as Ben was, would know all the house rules.
“I'll never mention it again, okay?"
With that, he gave me a gentle kiss, told me that he had had a wonderful day, and then turned and left. The door closed softly behind him and I stood where I was for several more minutes, just thinking about him. I hadn't gotten any indication of what he was really thinking. Would my decision not to help him damage what we had managed to salvage of our relationship?
I didn't want to lose him, and he hadn't bugged me about cheating again, but that had me thinking – how far was I willing to go to keep them? He had told me that he loved me. But how could I possibly love someone who wanted to cheat like that? If I really loved him like I believed I was beginning to, where did that leave me?
For the first time, I felt tempted. It would be nice to have money. It would be nice to have nice things. It would be nice not to have to worry about where the next dollar was coming from, or what I would have to put up with to get it. Then, I realized what I was thinking and shook my head.
What was I thinking? I sat down on the couch, stunned. Was I even considering helping him? Was I even considering the idea of helping him to break the law in order to be with him?
*
I tossed and turned all night because I was so confused. Why would I even consider helping Ben? He had all the money in the world. Why did he need more, and most importantly, why did he need more through cheating? I waffled back and forth. I wanted to be with him and at the same time,
I wanted to put boundaries on our relationship. But wasn't a relationship all about the all or nothing? If I invested in any kind of relationship, I wanted no in-betweens.
I couldn't believe that I was even considering of doing anything illegal, but at the same time, I didn't want to lose him. Was it worth it? Could I count on him for the long term? He'd told me he loved me, but what did love mean in Ben's vocabulary? For all I knew, they were just words.
What would happen if I did help him cheat, I was caught, he was caught, and we were put in jail? At the least, I would lose my job at the casino and most likely be blacklisted from working in any casino in Atlantic City, perhaps the entire country. I didn't know exactly how that worked, and I didn’t really want to find out, either. I couldn't deny that the temptation of having extra money wasn't there because it was. However, I also had to stop and think.
Even so, for the first time in my life, I considered breaking the law in order to be with someone and definitely get everything that I had ever wanted in life. I couldn't quite understand why I was thinking this way. He was just a guy, a handsome guy at that, but just a guy. I had no inkling of what kind of relationship we had. Was it purely sexual or something more?
My mother would be shocked to learn I was even considering doing something dishonest. Other than a couple of little mishaps when I was in elementary school, I had always tried to be an honest person. It was that very honesty and trust that had made me so angry with my first husband when he betrayed me, not once, but twice. I expected everyone to treat me the way I treated them. I expected everyone to be as honest with me as I was with them.
I couldn't figure out what kind of game Ben was playing. I still couldn't understand why he felt the urge, or the need, to cheat. He won often enough, didn't he? I was positive he didn't cheat every time, so he was obviously good at the game. Why take a chance? Didn't he care about his reputation? And to ask me implied that he didn't much care about my reputation.
