Love Don't Live Here

by Charmanie Saquea

  “I’m sorry sweetie, I didn’t mean to scare you. I was just letting you know that breakfast was ready.”

  Nadia was looking up at one of the most beautiful women she had ever seen since her mother. She had smooth caramel skin, hazel eyes, and long hair that flowed down her back. she looked familiar to Nadia, but she couldn’t place her. She was wearing scrubs, so Nadia assumed she was one of the nurses that Jax paid to look after him.

  “Thank you, are you the nurse?” Nadia asked as she got out of the bed.

  “Hmm, you can say that. I’m Mario’s mother,” she smiled.

  “Oh my God. I’m so sorry,” Nadia said embarrassed.

  “Don’t be, it’s okay.”

  “How y’all expect me to sleep with all that damn lollygagging y’all doing?” Mario mumbled with his eyes closed.

  “Boy hush! It’s time for your ass to get up anyways,” his mama fussed. “Sweetie go eat before your food gets cold.”

  Doing as she was told, Nadia went downstairs to the kitchen.

  “Hey Quise, what you doing here?” Nadia asked as she gave him a hug.

  “I called in to school and said I had a family emergency. What’s up with you though? You was gone from school, came back and got suspended the same day,” Marquise asked.

  “I’m pretty sure you know why I got suspended,” Nadia said dryly.

  “You know I do. I say she deserved it though. She thinks just because her sister sucks and fucks all the local dope boys that makes her royalty or something,” Marquise spat.

  “I know you better watch your mouth, you’re not grown.” His mother fussed as she walked in the kitchen. “So you‘re the infamous Nadia I‘ve heard so much about? It‘s nice to finally put a face to the name.”

  “I‘m sorry Ms. Lewis, I didn‘t mean to step on your toes or anything. When Jax called to tell me Mario was shot, I rushed over here in the middle of the night. I know I should have let his family see him first but-”

  “Whoa slow down,” his mom laughed. “First of all, call me Tracy. Second, as much as he and Marquise talk about you, you are family.”

  All Nadia could do was blush. She had no idea that Mario had been talking to his mom about her. She didn’t know how to take that. After eating and spending, some time with Marquise getting caught up on the latest school drama, she went upstairs to check on Mario. He was sitting up with his back against the headboard with a pained expression on his face.

  “You need your medicine?” Nadia asked as she walked over to him.

  “Nah, I’m straight,” he said.

  “That scowl on your face says otherwise.” She pointed out.

  “It‘s nothing. I‘m good, but what‘s up? What you doing here?” Mario asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Mario your little punk ass was shot last night. Jax called me, so I came over to make sure you were good. He told me everything by the way. I‘m just trying to figure out why I had to hear it from him instead of you.” Nadia fussed.

  Mario wanted to jump out of the bed and go kick Jax’s ass. Just because he wanted to sing like a bird and tell Marisa everything didn‘t mean that he wanted Nadia to know. In his eyes the less she knew, the better.

  “So you don‘t have anything to say?” She asked.

  “What do you want me to say Ndia?” Mario sighed.

  “Nothing, nothing at all,” Nadia said as she jumped up and started putting her shoes on.

  She didn‘t have time for this. She rushed over here to be with him in the middle of the night when she could have been sleeping peacefully, and he wanted to be nonchalant about everything. Ignoring the fact that Mario was talking to her, Nadia walked out of his room and out of his house. If he didn‘t feel any way about hiding that from her, then how was she supposed to be able to trust him?

  -17-

  Nadia was in her room trying to catch up on her schoolwork. She was now regretting the fact that she had allowed Nisha to get to her. True, she deserved that ass whooping for what she said, but Nadia was now feeling that she should have caught up with her outside of school. She had five months until she was due to graduate from high school, and this was no time for her to be missing school any more than she already had.

  She was sitting at her desk with her back to the door when she heard her the door to her room open.

  “What you need Zir?” She asked without bothering to turn around

  She knew it was him because Neeman was out running the streets, and they were the only ones in the house. Out the corner of her eye, she noticed a body plop down on her bed, and she knew it wasn’t her brother. She turned her nose up when she saw Mario lying in her bed with her remote in her hands.

  “Hell, you looking like that for?” He asked.

  “Why are in you in my house, chilling on my bed?” She asked with an attitude.

  “What? You don’t want me here?”

  “What do you want Mario? I’m busy, and I don’t have time for you or your games,” Nadia asked.

  Mario reached over and grabbed the pen out of her hand before throwing it on the other side of the room and closing the book she was looking at before picking her up putting her on his lap. He sat up with his back against her headboard as he stared into her eyes.

  “Why you always getting mad at me every other week? I don’t even be doing shit?” He asked.

  “Why didn’t you tell me what you and Jax do?” Nadia threw back at him.

  “So that’s what this little fit is about? You’re mad because I didn’t tell you I like to rob people?” Mario asked in disbelief.

  “Once again Mario, you’re missing the big picture here. If you could easily hide that bit of information from me, then that means you could hide anything from me. If I feel like I can’t trust you, then I don’t want you around me.” She told him.

  “So you can’t trust me?”

  “Honestly, I don’t know.” She shrugged.

  “Damn, straight up?” He asked.

  Nadia didn‘t bother to respond as she looked at him. Mario didn‘t know how to feel about her not saying that she could trust him. He didn‘t think that him telling her what he did in his free time was that serious.

  “Why-”

  Mario didn‘t get to finish his sentence before her bedroom door was being burst open. Nadia turned her head to see Neeman standing there with a scowl on his face. Here we go, she thought as she slowly climbed off Mario’s lap.

  “What‘s up Nemo?” She asked.

  “Get this nigga out my shit before I act a damn fool. If you don‘t stay the fuck away from my sister we’re going to have some serious problems.” Neeman told Mario as he lifted his shirt, showing his gun.

  “Really Neeman? It isn’t hardly that serious for you to be showing guns and stuff,” Nadia yelled.

  “Do what the fuck I said!” He yelled back.

  “Don‘t think they stopped making guns when they made yours. You know what I do and what I‘m about,” Mario said coolly.

  “Yeah, you‘re a bitch nigga. You and your punk ass cousin,” Neeman laughed.

  “Will you two just stop!” Nadia said. “Mario just leave, I‘ll talk to you later.”

  Mario walked past Neeman making sure he sent him a silent message that this shit between them wasn‘t over. Nadia stood there confused. She wanted to know what the hell Mario meant by you know what I‘m about. She didn‘t even know he and her brother knew each other.

  ___

  Jax sat in his car as he sent Marisa’s call to voicemail for the third time. He really hated to do her like that, but he had more important issues that he had to take care of. He got out of his car and knocked on the door. He heard little footsteps running before the door opened.

  “Daddy!” His daughter Jamila yelled as she ran to him.

  “What‘s up baby girl?” Jax said as he swooped her up in his arms and kissed her all over her face.

  “I missed you, daddy,” Jamila giggled. />
  “I missed you more,” he smiled. “Hey Ms. Caroline, how are you?”

  “I‘m fine Jamil, how are you?”

  “I‘m good now that I see my baby girl.”

  Due to her maternal grandmother having temporary custody of her and her living in Jersey, Jax didn‘t get to spend as much time with his daughter as he would love to. Her mother was in prison for assault and knowing what line of work he was into, they agreed that her grandmother would have temporary custody of her until one of them gets their act together. It wasn‘t the ideal situation, but they were both young at the time, so it was the most logical answer.

  “Mila why don‘t you go get your new toy to show your daddy while I talk to him real quick,” Caroline said.

  “Okay, granny.” Jamila squealed as she wiggled out of her daddy‘s arms.

  “She is something else,” Jax laughed.

  “That she is, but come on in here and let me talk to you real quick.”

  Jax followed her to the family room where they both sat on the couch.

  “So I take it you haven‘t spoken to Jessica?” Caroline asked.

  “No, not recently,” Jax answered.

  “She’ll be home in six months.”

  Jax’s eyes almost bucked out of his head when she said that. Six months? He thought to himself. He didn‘t understand how he had let that time slip past him like that. He ran his hands over his face because he had definitely dug himself into some deep shit.

  “I figured she didn‘t tell you that‘s why I took it upon myself to do so. I know you don‘t need her just popping up on the scene like that,” Caroline said.

  “No, it‘s cool. I mean I‘m happy she‘s getting out but…” Jax let his sentence trail off.

  “You‘re with somebody else right now,” she said for him.

  “I mean kind of and she doesn‘t know about Jess, so it‘s like she‘s going to be blindsided,” Jax explained.

  “Does she at least know about Jamila?”

  Jax just shook his head solemnly. It wasn’t that he was trying to hide the fact that he had a daughter because he would never do that, but he knew if he told Marisa about Jamila he would have to also tell her about Jessica and that was something he just wasn’t prepared to do. His situation with Jessica was a tricky one even for the two of them. They were basically each other’s first loves, and he knew Jessica was going to come out expecting them to be together, but he had to figure out what he was going to do.

  “Look Jamil, I’m not going to sit here and try to tell you how to run your life, but if you have any type of feelings for the other young lady you should sit her down and explain everything to her. It’s not fair for her to walk into a situation blindly then when Jess gets out she’s confused and has no idea what’s going on. It’s also not fair to Jessica to come out expecting the three of you to live as a happy family if you have feelings for and are dealing with someone else,” Caroline explained.

  Jax just nodded his head in agreement. He knew he had to get a handle on this situation quickly, but he didn’t know how to go about doing so. He knew in the end that one, if not both, girls were going to end up getting hurt, and that was never his intentions for either one of them.

  -18-

  Nadia had been doing some serious thinking. She wanted to know why Mario and her brother acted like they were enemies and couldn’t stand each other. Every time they were in proximity to each other, it was damn near a fight or shootout. As many times as Mario stayed at her house and looked at the picture of her and Neeman on her dresser, he, not one acknowledged the fact that he knew who he was.

  “Knock, knock.”

  “It’s open,” Neeman said.

  “Nemo I have a question,” Nadia said as she walked into her brother’s room and climbed into his bed.

  “What?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Would you ever lie to me or keep something from me?” She questioned her brother.

  “Now you know I wouldn’t so whatever you want to ask just go ahead, and I’ll answer straight up.”

  “Okay, so how do you know Mario and why is there so much bad blood between you two?”

  “Mario, Jax, me, and Jason all used to run together years ago. We all was on some ruthless shit at the time and was robbing any and everybody. Well, I met this chick named Tasha and she wasn’t shit, but a runner, so she wasn’t anything special. We used to use her as a distraction for some niggas. We also used her for other things if you catch my drift. I guess one day Mario just woke up and decided that he was going to catch feelings for the bitch. No biggie to me,” Neeman shrugged.

  He went on to tell her how Tasha would try to sleep with him on the sly on some ‘Mario don’t have to know’ shit. Neeman being a nigga he just said whatever and went with the flow. The two ended up sleeping together, and Mario got all in his feelings about it.

  “So one night we were supposed to be robbing some drug dealing nigga who was supposed to be making a drop. Mario and Jax were supposed to be meeting me at the spot while Jason was out of town. Come to find out the whole thing was a setup and that’s how I got popped and ended up getting locked up,” Neeman explained.

  Nadia sat there with her mouth wide open at her brother’s revelation. Never in a million years would she have expected the beef to be over something so petty as Neeman fucking a bitch who Mario knew was a hoe from the jump.

  “So all this over Tasha’s trifling ass?” Nadia asked.

  “Pretty much, but from what I heard that nigga ended up getting burned by her ass too. Heard she stole some cash from his ass,” Neeman chuckled.

  “Hold up,” Nadia said as she thought about something. “Mario knew who I was from the very damn beginning then.”

  She thought back to the night when she went out with Marisa and introduced Mario to Jason. That was why Jason was looking at Mario as if he wanted to put a bullet in his ass. For some reason, she felt as if she had been played the whole time. She didn’t know if Mario thought that getting with her would be another form of payback to her brother or what.

  “Thanks, Nemo, I appreciate it,” Nadia said as she kissed her brother on the cheek.

  “Aye,” Neeman called out before she could leave the room. “You’re really feeling that nigga, huh?” He asked.

  “At this point, I don’t know how to feel towards him,” Nadia answered.

  She walked out of her brother’s room even more confused than she was when she walked in. She knew her brother had no reason to lie to her, but she never would have imagined Mario to be so grimy over a damn female. She got answers from her brother, but now she needed answers from Mario.

  ___

  Mario opened his door for Nadia and stepped aside so she could enter. He leaned in for a hug, but she pushed him back with an angry scowl on her face. He stepped back and looked at her with a questioning look.

  “So what, was I a pawn in this little childish ass game you’re playing?” She asked.

  Mario titled his head to the side and looked at her confused. “Enlighten me,” he said.

  “Nemo told me everything. So did you decide that you were going to have a pity party for his sister, fuck her then turn around and rub it in his face for him fucking your bitch that obviously gets around?” Nadia asked.

  “Nadia you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Mario huffed.

  “You played me like I was a fucking game! I let you in my house, you were there when my mama died, you were there when I had to force my little brother to eat because he refused. You were there for it all, but it was all just a game to you. You didn’t give a damn!” She yelled as the tears fell from her eyes.

  “Enough!” Mario bellowed. “Don’t ever try to question my motives or what I did for you. I’ve told your little ass to many damn times that I did what I did out of the kindness of my heart and because I wanted to! I fucking love you Nadia Raelynn! Yes, I knew exactly who you were and who your brother was when I seen his picture in your room but did I
give a fuck? Hell no! Do I give a fuck right now? Fuck no!”

  Nadia just shook her head. “You’re a liar.”

  “What have I lied about Nadia? Huh?”

  “You don’t love me. If you loved me, you wouldn’t keep things from me. If you loved me you would have told me about you and Neeman’s beef when you found out who I was,” she said as she tried to run for the door.

  Mario swooped her up in his arms and hugged her to his chest tightly while kissing her neck to calm her down. “Listen Nadi, I do love you. I didn’t tell you because I knew that no matter what I said you would pick your brother over me. I’m cool with that though, but what I’m not cool with you is you questioning my love for you.”

  “What am I supposed to do? He’s my brother? You took my brother from me when I needed him the most,” Nadia cried.

  “I’m not asking you to do anything. I know where your loyalty lies and I respect that. Just know that no matter what I still love and care for you,” Mario told her.

  Nadia wiggled her way out of his arms and went straight for the door. She had tried to warn Mario too many times that if she couldn’t trust him, she didn’t want him in her life. Once again, he kept something serious from her, so she had to turn him loose.

  -19-

  Marisa and Nadia were having a girl’s night with Nyzir. They had been so consumed with keeping up with their schoolwork and trying to stay on top for graduation that they barely had enough time to spend with each other. They had so much catching up to do that they decided to spend their last day of suspension doing so.

  “So Reese Cup, tell me what’s been going on in your world,” Nadia said.

  “Girl,” Marisa huffed. “Once again Jamil is up to his childish games. I should have known he was going to continue with his little games. Never should have let him take my virginity.”

  “You did what?” Nadia yelled.

  “Shh, Nadi,” Nyzir said before returning his attention back to the movie.

  “Sorry Zir,” Nadia told him before she snapped her head back in Marisa’s direction.

  “I know Nadi it was stupid and I‘m regretting it. He played me like a fool, and I feel like more of a fool because I thought I loved him and he loved me, but obviously I was wrong.”