by Love Belvin
Arnie stroked the horse as he stood at its side. “Gee-Gee said she had to be white, so I went with an Andalusian horsie. She’s eight years old and a pretty large mare with good bones and size. She knows her leads and breaks real good!”
His beam hit me. My eyes skirted over to Raj, who gazed at me with his head resting to the side and his hands in his pockets.
“Wait…” I shook my head. “This is for me?”
“Your horsie,” Arnie qualified. “I get to name all the horsies, though. And for her, I’m going with CoCo like the white stuff in coconut.” He continued to pet her with long strokes.
I stood in shock. A damn horse? Arnie had taken me out on one once with his staff, but I had no true interest in them. To be honest, I was afraid of animals.
“Okay.” He gave her three strikes, saying goodbye. “I’m going over to Smokey to lead the trail.”
“But wait!” I called after him. Arnie turned to me, a blank look in his eyes. “I don’t… You want me to ride this?”
“Yeah. It’s what we do at every anniversary.”
Raj didn’t chime in, not one bit.
“But…” I glanced down at my skirt and sandals. It was a nice sunny day in April. I brought a jacket for when the temperature was to drop later, but I was full on spring season with my attire. “I don’t have any clothes for riding.”
Arnie slapped his palms on his knees, frustrated. I guessed he had a lot on his plate throwing this party today. A party that was delayed because of me.
“You do, sister-in-love. I made Gee-Gee order you some when he bought horse tack.” Then he spun around to get to his stallion.
I turned to Raj, remembering that last night I was here. Raj broke up Arnie’s and my shopping session when he was teaching me about equestrian accessories. I didn’t think he’d ask his brother to buy the stuff. It was simply fun, listening to him babble about his favorite topic. I’d played along.
Raj tossed his thumb over his shoulder. “You got three minutes to grab your stuff from his office and throw it on or miss the caravan.” The lopsided smile on his face was adorable.
Neither one of us wanted to upset Arnie. Without a word, I obeyed.
A little over ten minutes later, I was saddling CoCo with the assistance of Raj. Just as with my last two times on a living thing, I was nervous as fuck. CoCo seemed even tempered, taking short steps backward and forward, but not fussing. Raj walked us over to his gorgeous, dark chocolate American Quarter named Steel. I recalled that from one of Arnie’s many lectures out here. I watched him mount that beast with seasoned agility. His face was hard, and arm muscles bulged as he did it so effortlessly.
Damn…
The man was fine as fuck, even on a damn horse. Raj took CoCo by the reins and kept us at a close distance to him and Steel. The kids Cut brought up with him were the last ones suited, but eventually were in line to move. Once ready, we all began our trail. For minutes long, Raj and I galloped in silence. I enjoyed the views of nature: a dilapidated boarded up shack, a small pond. There was a light breeze as the sun was preparing to set.
Out of nowhere, the sounds of heavy trots grew nearer behind us. And before I could turn around, Cut came zipping past us impressively on his steed with practiced skill.
“Whoa!” I giggled. “Cut really knows how to ride a horse. He’s a damn pro!”
“Yeah,” I could hear him croak out ahead of me. “Pops did time in juvie. One of his first times in there, they sent him to a camp down in Cumberland County. The program had stable care…farm work. He was probably like twelve, thirteen and fell in love with them.”
“Wow…” I breathed. “He’s been riding since then?”
Raj shook his head. “Never got a whole lot of experience on them. Whenever he could, he’d find a stable, but not a lot of horses around New Brunswick. He took us as kids to stables. His love for them never died. That’s where Arnie gets his love for them from.” I snickered to myself, rolling my eyes at that obvious fact.
Ahhhh…
“But when I got the property and put Arnie back here, Pops commuted from here to the city for like eight months. He got Arnie settled, helped select horses to buy, supervised hiring staff…overseeing stuff I couldn’t ‘cause I was on the road all the time. So those two cats bonded.”
“Looks like you know how to work a horse, too,” I attempted to charm mildly. “Must’ve been time well spent mentoring.”
“Most of it I learned those first few months. Every time I was home, he’d call me back here and teach me. I can’t do what you see my father and Arnie doing, but I can ride.”
That was the last of his sharing. Ragee was clearly brooding, and I was too mentally exhausted to investigate it. From all the running I’d done this week preparing for this party, thinking about bringing Raj around my family tomorrow, and that shit with Heather that haunted me each time I thought about this place, I was at my max mentally. But this was nice. Arnie’s land. I could see how this stimulated his development. The open wild, beautiful nature. It was therapeutic.
When we were done, the sun had set. At the barn, cake was served. Earl’s cake. I actually recognized the three-tier pineapple coconut cake. It was one of my favorites from him. My damn mouth watered at the sight of it. As people were either lining up for a slice or saying their goodbyes, Arnie approached me.
“Wynter McKinnon, you want cake?”
I bit my bottom lip as I watched Mindy cut and plate it.
“Mmmmm… I’m tempted.”
He stepped closer and dipped his chin toward his chest as his eyes swept around us. “That chef at the main house made this,” he whispered. “You know he a lil different? He ain’t holy.”
I cupped my mouth. It was the same thing he’d said when I met him. For seconds, I was stunned into shocked humor, but was able to keep it quiet this time. The moment I was able to peel my hand from my mouth, Raj breezed near me and I was hooked and lifted into the air so damn fast my heart fell from the bottom of me. Then my torso was barreled over and I was facing the floor and moving away from Arnie. He picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
I peered over to Arnie, who followed us with his hands in the air. Cut and a few others came out and laughed at Raj’s brazenness.
“Gee-Gee!” he yelped. “Where are you taking Wynter McKinnon?”
“Home, Arnie!” Raj grunted.
“Already?” He stopped helplessly. “But she ain’t have cake!”
Raj eventually stopped, too, and I heard a door open. Then I was laid down gently.
In the back of his cargo bed—
“What the fuck, Raj?” I shouted as he closed the hatch door and quickly trudged to the driver’s side of his shiny blue pickup.
“I’ll have Earl bring her up some when he comes to clean up.”
“But Gee-Gee!” he tried again, stomping his foot like a toddler.
Raj keyed the engine and pressed on the accelerator, charging toward the gate of the ranch. My body shifted with the speed. I had to hold on to the wall of the cargo to keep still.
“Don’t fuck around and make some babies!” Cut yelled after us with a small plate topped with cake as he laughed.
When we turned out onto the dirt road, I peered over my shoulder in search of this crazy man. The back slider window of the cab was open.
I crawled over to it. “My car is back there! My pocketbook is in there. You think about that, you damn caveman?”
“You think about that when you drove straight back here instead of parking at the house?” he charged right back.
I couldn’t tell if it was an angry shout or just him trying to be heard over the roaring engine.
“Are you really making a big deal about this?”
“Are you really avoiding my house—your home?”
I opened my mouth for a retort about where my home was, then quickly remembered it was non-existent. The fucker was as close to a home as I’d had, and that pissed me off. Just as petulant as Arnie, I swung my
body around to face the road to the rear of him and crossed my arms over my chest with a pout.
Who the hell throws a woman in the back of a pickup?
I was filthy from being on the horse and now in the back of a pickup truck. Unbelievable!
Thank goodness we’d arrived to the main house where Raj parked in the garage. He assisted me down from the cargo, and pulled me behind him not much different than his brother had. As we traveled through the house, his cell phone rang and chirped, but he ignored it. It was quiet inside, but I knew dwellers were all around this palatial castle. The place smelled good, familiar as we headed straight toward the double staircase.
“Oh, damn. Hey, Wynter!” While being hauled up the stairs I caught Leech over my shoulder.
I tried to smile at the shocked expression on his already “different” face. “Hey, Le—ah! Shit!” I mumbled when I missed a step and stumbled.
Raj did stop momentarily to check on me, but once he assessed I was still alive, he called down to Leech. “Yo, go down to the ranch and pick up her car.” He looked to me. “Where ya keys?”
I thought quickly. “In Arnie’s office where I changed!”
He tossed his chin to Leech. “Bum a ride down there and bring her stuff back. Her bag and clothes, too.”
Before Leech could finish the last syllable in, “A’ight,” the charge continued up the never-ending staircase. The steps that fucking Heather switched her way up the last time I was here. Then there was the ultra-long hallway to get to the master suite. The one he used to keep me away when I moved in.
Ugh!
See!
I was annoyed being here.
Both the doors to his room were open, but he swung me inside like a ragdoll and closed them behind us.
“Really?” I demanded.
Raj’s eyes closed, and he hung his head, resting his back against the doors. Out of breath, and utterly speechless, I stood and watched him. He took a deep breath.
When his eyes opened, he shook his head slowly. “I couldn’t go another night without you. Not tonight.”
I lifted my arm, my finger pointing behind him. “We just spent the night together two days ago.”
He shook his head again.
My face fell. “Aren’t we going away the day after tomorrow? You act as though you’re leaving town without me.
His face fell further into his chest. “It’s the obsession thing.”
What?
Then he moved. Raj ambled over to me and took me by the wrist again. I clomped behind him to the bathroom where he pushed the lever for water to run in the tub. My eyes shot up to him, questioning his next move. Yup. He lifted his shirt off, next came his t-shirt. Raj kicked off his boots before falling into a squat to remove mine. And then I thought of the lover in his “My Heart’s in the Sheets” single. Is that the woman he wanted right now? Did I want to be that? I had my own emotional cross to carry, too. I needed to be held and nurtured my damn self.
Within a minute, I was disrobed and standing next to the massive oval tub naked. Raj sprinkled powder into the water then, freezing on a thought, he sauntered over to the linen closet and returned with a lighter and white box and lay them near the tub. He then patted the pockets of his jeans, pulled out all of its contents, and carried them out of the bathroom. I stood there alone, without a single clue of his agenda.
When he came back in, he grabbed my hand and ushered me inside the hot water. And damn, did it feel like silk against my skin.
“Okay?” he asked.
I nodded, holding my breath as I slid inside. Raj went to lighting candles all around, creating an ambiance. He turned the water off, seeing the tub was full. Then he went for the white box and sprinkled the fresh black and white rose petals over me. I gasped at the scent and feel of them raining down on me. It wasn’t a finessed move, but he still got points for the added attraction of them.
“Be right back.” His broad, cut back scurried out again.
The water felt so damn good I decided to stretch back into it, until all but my head was submerged. What a damn day.
What a damn life…
I closed my eyes and let my arms float in the torrid, scented water. The fragrance of flowers heightened the experience. Instantly, I let go of the strain of my limbs and gave in to the water just enough to not totally submerge. Soft music sounding caused one lid to open. Some old school voice that sounded vaguely familiar. I adjusted to the new stimulant after a while, a hum of contentment leaving my nostrils. I didn’t know how long I floated in there, but I guessed that was the purpose.
The sound of him stepping into the bathroom roused my state. He was naked. My joints tightened again at all the groves and hairs on his body. His resting dick smacked against his thigh as he sauntered toward me in the tub. I swear, I salivated, needing to swallow hard by the time he lifted his thick thigh to slip inside, in front of me. My whole body seemed to have snapped awake, all senses alert to him.
Raj slowly sank in, adjusting to the searing water himself. I could hear him hiss all the way to the bottom of the porcelain bowl. Then he reared back, big body shifted between my thighs until his head rested on my right shoulder. Then as he let out a palliative breath, I felt the minty coolness hit my face, causing my eyes to roll back in my head and neck to collapse backward.
He didn’t speak and neither did I. I now had to readjust to his presence, proximity, and energy. Raj was being weird. A little needy, not that it offended me. I just wished he’d just share with me. But I wouldn’t push. I didn’t want to set that precedent in our relationship. If he struggled, he should initiate the conversation. But this silence was nice. So nice, I think I dozed off.
His fingers grazing my skin underneath the water set fire to my groin. My eyes popped open and I could feel my nipples hardened beneath his weight on me. Then he managed to get a hold of my foot and rubbed it firmly in his big hands. The silkiness of the water intensified his touch and I could feel my sex swell. I was pretty much convinced he was beckoning the lover he described in his last two singles that weren’t even a part of an album. He told me earlier this week he had a few tracks he’d planned on releasing for creative fun. A cleansing act of sorts. He didn’t mention there were more about me coming.
When his fingers deepened the pressure on the inner arch, I pushed my needy palms over the grooves on his brawny shoulders. My body hummed as I fought a moan.
“I had a…” He swallowed, “…nightmare last night…” came out hesitantly and so soft, I almost missed it.
My eyes were wide, swinging from left to right. I licked my lips.
“You can talk to me…” I thought again. “Share with me, if you want.”
His handiwork paused.
“Or not, if you’re not ready,” I tried.
“I wanna tell you everything.”
“Then tell me everything.”
“I don’t know if you can handle everything.”
“Raj… Have I run yet?”
“You kidding me? I almost lost you.”
“Because you pushed me away, thinking I can’t handle your ‘everything.’ And I’m still here.”
He continued at my feet. “I want you to stay. Forever.”
“Forever is a long time.”
“And that’s why I’m scared to tell you everything.”
“Forever is a long time to be with someone who can’t trust you wholly to accept them. The only thing I can see being problematic is you filtering what I should know. You’re an R&B dude, Raj: be open. Vulnerable.”
“In my dream, you were pregnant.” He scoffed bitterly. “Real pregnant. And Patty got to you. She found you and told you something that made you so mad, you miscarried. It was like I was there but wasn’t. Like I was helpless to her…again.” He swallowed hard again. “I watched you grab your belly and scream from the pain of losing the baby as she stood there and watched. There was blood and…you screamed so bad, baby.”
My foot in his hands grew pained from
the pressure he applied now. I wiggled it to hopefully remind him he held it. Thank goodness it worked.
I closed my eyes and tried to not change up my breathing to tip off how concerned I was.
“What could that monster possibly have said that would bring me trauma like that?” I stroked his hairy chest to comfort him.
Ease him.
There wasn’t shit that bitch could say to harm me. She may have taken his innocence, trust, and tampered with his ability to flourish in personal relationships, but she didn’t take his soul. His spirit, though dim, was still intact and loving. I knew that for sure.
“The reason I don’t want kids.” The silence was killing me. My pulse could be heard at the staccato of a clock during the delay. “That you weren’t special,” he murmured. “That she carried my first child…”
My entire torso lengthened as my lungs vacuumed more air than I could tolerate. Raj turned to face me in one shift and so fast the water splashed on the floor.
“See!” he growled so hard and close to my face, my eyes rolled to the back of my head again. His wet hands grabbed me at the sides of my head, forcing me to look at him. “This is why it’s hard for me to share my shit with people!”
“I’m not…judging!” I couldn’t gain my breath. “I’m just processing.”
“Processing what?” His glower chaffed at my heart.
“How much I truly hate that bitch.”
“Why? She did nothing to you.”
He was being defensive.
“She’s making me work so fucking hard for something I want so bad. Something I’ve needed all my life.”
“What?” His eyes were crazed with madness.
Raj seemed violent and I knew. I knew it was all because he felt more naked sharing his trauma than he was here, bare between my tensed, arched legs. He trusted the moment to share just a little and thought he made the wrong decision.
“A home.” My shaky hand rose to his heaving bubbled chest. “A place where I feel I belong and am not just being accepted due to circumstances. A safe, loving place where I’m chosen, not tolerated.”
