by Love Belvin
And there went my shield of security. Here I was vulnerable. And that scared the shit out of me. It made me sad for the both of us. There was so much I needed to tell him. So much of me I should have shared but had been too afraid to because I’d lose the mask of “put together” and “whole,” two things I wasn’t. What I was good at was championing other’s scars, aiding their wounds. It helped me forget my own.
He didn’t know the half, but when the torrent of tears I hated raced from my eyes, he lifted me from the water and wrapped me in his hard arms. Against his chest, I felt the astounding drumming of his heart. Even if he didn’t know the name of my fear, he felt it. He was well versed with the phenomenon to recognize it this up close.
No more words were exchanged that night. I was completely zapped and tender. Raj lifted us from the tub and walked into the shower where we slowly washed in silence. When I stepped into the bedroom, I headed straight to the closet where I saw my pocketbook and keys on the bench. Raj was there with me, tossing on boxers. He took me by the hand again, this time with a gentler and patient touch, and guided me out.
I froze.
The bed.
Raj turned to me with a questioning glare.
As I gazed at the stark white bedding. A few black decorative pillows were arranged at the top with white textured ones, and a lesser amount of gold. I whispered, “It’s the bed.” He didn’t respond. “That bed is a hard factor for you. And while I have no phobias of being with someone in a bed, I do have issues of belonging.” My eyes brushed up to him. “Of feeling special to people. You made me feel adored for weeks in that bed. You made me feel like the exception instead of an inconvenient party in your world.” I took a deep breath, hating opening myself like this. “That all went away when you sent me on that plane, hurt and fucking confused. I felt deluded... Burned...by all of you.” I swallowed back a cry, eyes closing and rolled behind my lids.
I felt him near me. Shivered from his heat and scent. When Raj took me by the hands, my lids cracked enough to see him take to his knees. His arms circled my waist and he lay the side of his head against my belly.
He didn’t speak right away, but when he did, he delivered hoarsely, “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m still learning how to be a man to a woman. I’m sorry for leaving you hanging that day. I swear...I lost years from my life all those weeks without you.
“Needing someone for something other than business hasn’t happened for decades for me. And needing a woman is still new to me. I’m sorry for disappointing you and can promise you it won’t happen again.”
My eyes closed, and I squeezed them to keep me from crying. I stroked the top of his head, my fingers brushing over the soft twists.
“I’m tired. I’m sure you are, too. We have a long day tomorrow. Let’s get some rest.” When I opened my eyes, Raj’s auburns were on me. “Together,” I mouthed.
The muscles around his eyes loosened and he stood to his feet and began pushing the pillows off the bed onto the floor.
What a damn life, indeed…
~15~
“You gone eat more than that. Right?” I swiped a piece of turkey bacon from her plate and bit into it.
“It’s so damn early,” she complained as she stretched against the pillows.
I reached back for my phone. It was after seven-thirty. I’d gotten up mad early and didn’t want her to oversleep. I asked Earl to whip up breakfast, so she could have something before hitting the road. I knew she was anxious about Van’s party today.
“Yeah, but…” I swallowed. “I know I didn’t feed you dinner last night and thought you’d be starving this morning.”
Wynter yawned. “Doesn’t quite work that way for my belly.”
“Cool.” I reached for the tray standing over her thighs. “But when Earl sees this half eaten egg-white omelet on here, he gone be in his feelings.”
I took the tray over near the doors to the room. Then I brought over the small box he brought up with breakfast.
“Here.” I handed it to her.
She took the box and looked inside. Wynter’s eyes popped open. “The cake from last night!”
I picked up my vibrating phone from the nightstand. “Don’t eat that instead of what he cooked you, girl.”
“I can’t guarantee it won’t be gone by lunchtime, though.”
I snickered, hitting Tori McNabb back about jokes she had on shoes she saw I wore in some paparazzi pictures she caught on social media.
“You know what would get this crazy day jumpstarted properly?”
My attention shot over to Wynter still in bed, her eyes glittering with mischief.
My dick lurched. “What?”
“You making good on the debt you owe.” My face balled, confused. “The bet from this week. We weren’t supposed to fuck until tomorrow, at least, when we leave for this getaway.”
I’d forgotten all about that. Having her “back” but not “back” didn’t feel right. Wynter made me feel secure and vulnerable at the same time. She said she’d be here forever if I’d have her but didn’t want to be here in Sparta with me. I’d been working in the bigger studio here, needing the space for an instrumental ensemble I couldn’t fit in Jersey City. It felt like there was more to her not being here, especially after what she said before we got into bed last night. I decided to just be happy with having what I did of her “back” with me.
But now, my eyes went wild and cheeks lifted as I remembered our stupid bet. She was right: I lost. But no way I was going down without a fight.
“You really gonna make me do this?
“Are you really going to make me take you home to a party with my backroad ass family?”
“But we agreed—”
“Take off the shorts and boxers or all bets are off!”
Forget it…
My dick was already hard as metal. Why not let her see and possibly handle it? Wynter always came through with satisfying us. If she had time, I was game.
I dropped my shorts first. “I got mad stuff to do. Like pack.”
I watched her watch me. “So do I. I plan on finishing packing all my things this morning and leaving them by the door. You said we have to leave out early tomorrow morning, right?”
I caught her licking her lips then biting the bottom one. I didn’t answer as I shuffled down my boxers. I studied Wynter and caught her head leaning to the side while staring straight at my standing cock.
She nodded, sitting on the backs of her legs. Then her eyes lifted to my face and she tried to smile.
“Go…”
And I did. My arms shot over my head and I snapped my fingers, creating a rhythm in my mind. My lips pushed out as I hummed the melody. I thrust my pelvis in the air, feeling my dick smack my belly. And I was pretty sure I looked like a fool. Oh, well. She got me worked up with those hungry eyes and wouldn’t leave here until I heard her cry from me pounding into her. We never said the punishment would be over with the naked dance the loser had to do.
So I did my job, carefree of jokes. It took a minute to realize Wynter didn’t laugh. She didn’t crack a smile. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t stop with her lips and hardly looked at the silly faces I was making. Her eyes swung from my chest to my abs, down to my dancing cock, then my thighs.
She taking this seriously?
That question was answered when Wynter stood on her knees and pulled her tank tee over her head. I froze at the sight of her chocolate areolas and the hard peaks of them. Here… Now, in this bed I could see how more defined her muscles were. Her weight loss had been evident, but her dedication was pronounced in my bed. The place where it all started. My dick jutted when she lay on her back and spread her feet apart, giving me a clear view of her sex. She was wet—real wet. Her hands brushed down her open thighs and she used one to spread her labia, and the other to circle her clit. Then the finger glided down to her opening.
“Here,” she breathed. I watched her eyes close and peace wash over her face. “I want you to put i
t right here.”
I knew I moved too fast. Knew I should have used more subtlety, but when she turned bossy like this, something needy inside was happy to obey. I was between her thighs in an instant, my hand on my dick to align with her wet opening. Wynter pushed my hand away and grabbed me for her own navigation. She used the tip of me to stir her opening, coating me as her heavy breaths hit my face. Then she pushed down to another opening and lifted.
My forehead stretched, and dick got even harder.
“Maybe while we’re away.” She smiled, eyes looking drunk with lust. “If you’re nice to me.”
Then she brought me back up, pulling me in the hot, pulsing, cushiony cave I was used to. This time I knocked her hand away and sank down deep.
Home.
This was home.
“That’s good with you, boss?” Zeb asked, knowing I had to end this conference.
I hesitated, scratching my head. “Lemme sit on those numbers a few days and get back to you.”
I watched on my iPad as Zeb tossed his hands in the air and shrugged at the people from Geo Tech, a company, who wanted to buy a property we’d been sitting on. They didn’t want to meet the asking price but did agree to let us expand the structure currently on there to add a new location for their business offices. Their counteroffer was about six percent less than what we listed it as, but Zeb knew I was holding off to hear from a community college in that area wanting to snatch it up. We only went with the highest bidder.
I could see Reginald from Geo Tech sit back in his seat, taking a deep breath.
“Just a day or two,” I tried to assure them, even though I really didn’t care.
It was a seller’s market for this particular property.
“Alright, Raj,” Zeb made another attempt to end the call. This time I took it. “I’ll hit you later, sir.”
“Peace.”
I hit the end button on the FaceTime call on the iPad then reached for my phone. We’d just pulled up in Garfield and I had one last thing to settle before I could go. Straight away, I went to the text Jashon shot me five minutes ago, but I didn’t address because of the conference call.
J-Exec: Captain says the float plan has been handled. Boat’s being stocked as I type. We’re good.
Me: All goodie
I purposely ignored the text from Myisha. She called me yesterday and I didn’t take it. Today was a text, but it said nothing about what she needed. Hopefully, she’d get the hint. Cutting my cousin off had been one of the hardest things I had to do. I’d be lying if I said her absence hadn’t been felt. But I still felt a firmness in my spirit about this being the right course of action.
As Danny G and I stepped out of the truck, I could see evidence of a family party. Music spilled from the back of the house somewhere and the scent of barbeque met us right away. There were people flanking the house we were due at and next door to it, on both sides. And there were the stares. This was why Danny came in with me. Lil Bruh would play the truck today. In a perfect world, I’d go in and meet my wife’s family alone to avoid the stereotypes, but Danny G wasn’t with it. He was here to run interference for people wanting too much face time with me. He looked intimidating and unfriendly on purpose. He also, carried the gift basket I bought for the house. I just wanted to get a lay of Wynter’s family, hopefully get to know her better.
We took to the small set of steps in front of the house. I smiled and nodded to the chicks and one dude sitting around the front porch, all looking spooked. Keeping pace, I headed straight into the screen door that was closed, but the main one was open. Danny trailed me, and we were met by two little faces, one crazy familiar. Before I could think, I heard my name.
“Shit. Raj,” the woman with her breathed, covering her chest and smiling like we’d met before. “You scared me.”
She was with another woman, clearly about to go outside. I smiled at her but focused on one of the little girls whose eyes were wild with surprise.
“Hey,” I smiled, leaning over just a little to appear friendly. “Why you look so familiar? I know you?”
“You Blue husband,” she spoke so clearly even though she looked nervous.
My smile deepened. “That’s right. I am. But what’s your name?”
The woman nudged her. “Ain’t you got a name? Why you acting all shy now?” She snorted.
“Asia,” the little girl murmured.
That’s right!
This was the little girl on Wynter’s IG. While she was out in Arizona, I stalked all her social media and saw lots of pictures of this face, some less mature than she looked now.
I squatted to get closer to her height level. “Yeah. You’re Wynter’s favorite cousin, she said.”
“I’m her best friend,” Asia’s face was straight when she shared that.
I chuckled. “I thought I was her best friend,” I spoke honestly, but remembered this was a child and decided to soften it. “But I guess it’s cool if she got another one, as long as it’s you.”
Finally, Asia blinked as though she was affected.
“C’mon!” She yanked the little girl standing next to her. “Blue stole him from me,” I caught as she flew out the door.
My eyes went wide. I was the surprised party this time. As I stood, I could hear the older women laugh.
“That girl is too damn much. I swear!” the one acting as though we’d met before offered while the woman girl with her kept from looking at me—or was she trying to take breaks from staring? “Raj, I’m Wanda, Wynter’s aunt. I brought the paperwork to your assistant a few weeks ago.”
“Oh.” That’s why she’s acting like she know me. “Yeah. I ‘preciate that.” I shook her hand.
“No problem.” They slid past us in the narrow hallway. “Let me know if you need anything else.”
I nodded. Once on the porch, she shared, “Wynter’s in there. Y’all go ‘head, get comfortable. I’ll be back; gotta go get MaMa from the nail salon around the corner.”
They were off, and I kept inside the house. The living room was empty, but the dining room connected to it had a few bodies. My eyes swept around to all the pictures. Some were on the walls, some on the side tables, and wall unit. There were lots, reminding me of Grandmother’s house. Excitement grew at the opportunity of seeing more of Wynter’s past. After a while of searching, I saw pictures of Van, Wanda, her daughter, and even some of Reign coming up. Those were the only people I recognized.
An old family picture hung over the archway connecting into the dining room. It was obviously before Wynter was born because I counted three kids: a teenager, Wanda, and a baby Van. On a nearby wall, was a big framed one of what could have been an obituary of a dude named Edward “Junior” Williams, Jr. He wore an army uniform in the picture and underneath were his birth and death dates: 5/1/1960 to 1/4/1988. I compared his army facial features to the family picture overhead. He resembled his parents and siblings, and I could tell the oldest son in the family portrait was Edward Jr.
This must be her pops…
But where was she? I peeped pictures of her little sister, Reign and even one of Reign’s kids. Finally, I came up with only one four by six of her and Van, posing by a tree in what looked like a park. Wynter was in none of the framed pictures.
Weird…
“Aye, yo!” Someone shouted. It was Van coming toward me. “My nigga!” He walked up on me for dap. I returned the love.
“Good to see you, peoples,” I offered.
“Love is love, man.” Van was a completely different dude than he was in jail. He was loose, friendly. “Wynter!” he called to the back of the house. “She back there, busy with something, man. I’m glad you was able to pull up.”
“My pleasure.” I pulled out an envelope from my back pocket I had Jashon pack for me. “Welcome home, the proper way.” I handed him what was obviously cash.
“Oh, shit!” he croaked out, looking over at his boy just behind him. “You ain’t have to do this, bro!”
Tha
t’s when I sensed her, and my eyes automatically lifted behind him. Wynter and Ivie were coming into the dining room, carrying aluminum pans. She didn’t recognize me at first, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Ivie did see me and called her attention my way. At first, Wynter’s face looked hard, weary. But when she recognized me, it relaxed visibly.
“Hey, Blue,” I teased, using the nickname just jacked from Asia, but I didn’t smile.
Wynter made her way over to me and it seemed everybody around watched intently.
“Ya man just blessed me, Wynnie.” Van chuckled, happy.
As Wynter was on her way, I could see others coming from the back of the house and in from the front door, expectantly. I was used to drawing attention, even though I wished I was incognito today. I was only here for her. When she arrived, her arms went straight around my waist and my hand went for her hair. It was different.
“You like it?” she asked, looking up at me.
I did. It was different, though. The color was the same, but it was wavy and long.
“Yeah, but it ain’t look like this when I saw you last.”
“Damn!” Ivie interjected. “When was the last time you saw your hubby, Wynter?”
I ain’t like the way she said that but ignored her. Wynter could make me do that when her hands were anywhere on my body.
“I had a hair appointment this morning,” Wynter smiled. “That’s why I left out so early.”
Oh…
I thought she had to pack and run errands for Van’s party. I didn’t think about the girlie stuff.
It was too quiet. Everybody watching too closely.
I reached down and whispered in her ear as I eyed Ivie. Suddenly Mya came into the mix behind Wynter, sporting a more welcoming expression than Ivie. “You packed?”
When I pulled back to look into her face, Wynter nodded while biting her lip. She lifted from her toes, prompting me to lean down again.
“All packed. Luggage in the foyer.”
I lifted my head and smiled, butterflies released in my stomach on the low. It was dangerous what this girl did to me. I couldn’t wait to have her all to myself with no distractions.
