by Love Belvin
His pastor was a phenomenon like I’d never seen. He was a captivating speaker: voice controlled, context-specific, well-articulated, and eye-candy. It didn’t take long to figure out the draw. Then, at the end of service, when he called for prayer, there were men and women alike sprawled out at the altar. Grown folks crying, shaking, and…praising God. I had little experience with church, so I didn’t know how to frame the experience. But it was damn good seeing another side—an intimate and spiritual side—of Raj.
Right after service, we left the City to head back to Jersey. Our destination was his grandmother’s church. He’d invited me last week to attend. It took a week of mental no’s to finally consent to it. I didn’t mind seeing Pastor McKinnon again. It was Heather that caused my apprehension. She remained an unsettled issue for Raj and me. The only reason I hadn’t addressed seeing her the morning I left for Arizona was because she honestly hadn’t been much of a factor in the droves of shit Raj and I had to clear to figure us out.
So, I agreed and felt adult about my decision until I lay eyes on her in their storefront church. Forget about the size disparity, the cultures and ambiance of the two churches couldn’t be more dissimilar. Redeeming Souls ran more like a production: stellar music, beautiful aesthetics, and a message from the pastor that evoked internal examination. Bibleway Ministries had meager ambiance, a horrible sound system, way too much running and jumping, and they collected an offering three times. Ragee’s grandmother was a yeller on the microphone, mostly quoting scriptures I had no reference to.
But I bore through all of those factors. Heather was one I couldn’t ignore. She was up and down the sanctuary aisles, doing the most. It was clear she was high-ranking in the infrastructure, but the sight of her irked me to the highest degree. I was also met with a more familiar foe. Myisha. She attended her grandmother’s celebration, too. She was with two women I didn’t know, and she didn’t speak to her cousin.
She didn’t speak afterward at the repass either. Raj had been busy anyway, catching up with family friends he apparently hadn’t seen since he visited years ago. Heather interacted with him lots, though. She’d whisper to him, but not in his ear. A few times, her hand brushed his arm and once his chest. I seethed in silence, refusing to upset Ragee while he was with his family. He’d been completely supportive of mine, championed it even. So I sat, smiled, nodded, and ate very little. I even took pictures with those requesting one of the both of us. I didn’t like it and wondered where they’d land.
But I did it…
And I ultimately made it through the basement banquet until Pastor McKinnon announced she was tired and needed to go. However, she wanted a word with Raj and Myisha at her place. So, here we were, tired and hungry, on our way to Grandmother McKinnon’s. I’d already told myself I’d take a back seat to whatever was discussed, even if it involved me.
Danny G pulled the truck into the driveway of a one family house, nestled on a block of two and even three family homes. We followed Pastor McKinnon and her assistant, Evangelist Mary, who drove her. The space was narrow, but Raj helped me out, and we trailed behind them to the back of the house for the door. Just as we’d made it, I heard clacking behind us and swung my head over my shoulder. Myisha strutted in her heels up the sloped driveway. Raj held the door open for me to come through and waited for Myisha to catch up.
When I stepped into the small entryway and noticed an old wooden door straight ahead, I froze. Its planks were shrunken with half inch spaces between some and was closed by a padlock. This was it. This was the basement where Ragee was victimized…for years.
I turned to peer over my shoulder and found Myisha waiting on me to move, wearing a flummoxed expression. But when my regard went beyond her to my fake, legal husband, his eyes fell, telling me he knew my discovery.
“Excuse me,” Myisha murmured behind me, prompting me to move.
I made it up the stairs and followed Mary inside. In the kitchen, I stepped out of the walkway to wait for him. My eyes brushed curiously right to left. I wanted to examine this place. My stomach already twisting and pulse beating at the scent. This was it. This was a breeding ground for victimization. He told me while in the Caribbean even Arnie was exposed to a sexual predator, but just like with Myisha, Ragee found a way to deter it. He threatened to tell and magically it worked for his impaired brother and younger cousin. Unfortunately, no one spared him.
I jolted in place when Raj took me at the hand to lead me into the living room. There was an aged floral scent in the atmosphere, layered with years of cooking, I guessed. Pastor McKinnon excused herself to go into her room and change then slowly ascended the stairs. Myisha plopped herself on the couch and Evangelist Mary went to put Pastor’s cloak and purse into another room, leaving us alone.
“How you been, My?” Raj croaked, his voice so deep, masculine.
She shrugged. “Been getting by. Building my client list.”
“That’s what’s up.” He nodded. “Young call you about that new artist they pushing?”
Unable to look him in the face, her regard continued to sway from his chest to the staircase ahead of her. “Yeah. We conferenced last week. Think he’s got good potential.” She cleared her throat. “Thanks for that.”
Sounded to me like Raj had thrown business her way.
“Welcome,” he uttered in a manner I knew meant he was uncomfortable.
The moment Mary trudged back into the living room, appearing aged and lifeless, the doorbell rang. Raj’s regard moved toward it. I understood why. He was spent, had no more energy to smile and be “on” anymore today. The guy really wasn’t very social, preferring solitude to company. Evangelist Mary made her way to answer it, and we all waited in the quiet house.
Seconds later, Heather came bustling through, arms filled with gift bags and small boxes. Right away I recognized them.
“Whew!” she breathed, breezing through. “It’s getting chilly out there now that the sun’s going down.” She headed toward the kitchen.
The man I recognized as her husband from observation today was behind her, carrying even more things. He didn’t speak, just followed behind his wife.
Really? I have to see this bitch again?
My eyes settled on my lap as I told myself to hang on just a little while longer. I tried to envision myself in the bathtub back in Sparta. I would light candles and add extra bubbles as I reflected on Ezra’s sermon that was filled with a lot of those tools Laura awakened me to last week.
“Praise God,” I heard being whispered as the stairs creaked.
I recognized that utterance, which wasn’t meant for human ears. Pastor McKinnon was coming down the stairs on a wobble as she held on to the railing tightly. She didn’t look as well as the last time I’d seen her. When she preached, her appearance was lively, but when she came off the pulpit, she seemed tired.
Raj held out his hand for her as she descended the last step. She smiled with her eyes half-mast as they typically were.
“Thank you, son,” she murmured. The room was quiet. Mary had found a seat in the corner, crossing her thin legs and rocking back and forth with her eyes closed. “Well, let’s take care of this so I can get my due rest,” her petite tone informed. Then she leaned forward at the noise from the kitchen. “Oh, Heather here already? Praise God. I thought we was gonna have to start without her.” She giggled.
Without her?
“I’m here, Pastor. Antwan’s here. He’s dropping off the rest of your gifts and’ll wait in the car for me.”
My eyes swept over to Raj, whose were in the area of the kitchen as his brows were knitted with confusion.
“Here I am.” Heather gaited back into the living room with her hands in her jacket pockets. “Antwan’s laying everything out for you.”
Pastor McKinnon nodded. “Now, I would open in prayer, but I did that already, upstairs when I got out of my clothes. I am confident God will be faithful to allow His spirit of peace to reign over our family tonight,” her voice was
so tiny and breathy as she spoke with her eyes closed. “Come here, baby,” she ordered Myisha, who obeyed right away. Then Pastor McKinnon took Myisha and Ragee by the hands and pulled them close to her.
“It’s come to my attention there’s been some discord between you two. And that don’t sit right with my spirit. MyMy, when you first told me about the fight, I told you to pray on it, but it wasn’t that bad. Gee-Gee needs to leave and cleave. You two been close—too close for too long. He’s taken on a wife, and it’s God’s natural course that they move on alone.”
So that’s what this is about…
“Then it’s come to my attention,” her chin flicked over to that fucking Heather. “that Myisha was moved out of the house and the apartment. Now, I can understand the house because that’s where Wynter is. But leaving her homeless ain’t of God. So, I wanted to get you all here to see what we can work out as a godly family.”
“If I may, Grandmother?” Raj’s deep vocals trickled firm, but respectfully.
“Yes, son.”
“Myisha and I had a beef and I decided it was best for her to move out, but she wasn’t left homeless. I got her an apartment.” He leaned over his grandmother to peer at Myisha. “You ain’t tell her that?”
“I didn’t tell her I was homeless,” Myisha defended herself, eyes bouncing between her grandmother and Raj then over to Heather.
Heather’s face opened, mouth moved wordlessly. It was the mark of guilt.
“I didn’t know you had a place. When you called me, you were so upset and could hardly speak clearly. Maybe I missed that part.”
“But she always had a place to stay. That was worked out from the gate,” Raj finally appeared angry.
Heather’s arms lifted in the air and her palms slammed onto her thighs on the way down in a manner of shrugging. “Lines got crossed. I’m sorry.”
“You couldn’t come to me?” Raj asked Heather. “And ask me what the deal was?”
“I knew you had your hands full.” Heather’s arms swung my way, that sneaky ass smile at play.
With me?
“With what?” Raj demanded.
“With your…wife!” she spat. “All of that talk of her being with that B City guy. Her spending your money.”
Raj’s face fell. “Social media blog talk?” His brows then met. “You give weight to what you hear about my life in the media now instead of picking up the phone and calling me?”
“Let’s be fair, son,” Pastor McKinnon chimed in. “Nobody can get you on the phone, and now with MyMy gone, I’m sure it’s impossible.”
“It ain’t never been impossible for her,” Raj charged back. “When she needed a house, I answered. When her babies were born, she called. When the water heater bust, she called. When the car broke down, she called.”
“Raj!” Heather tried quieting him.
“Nah,” he spoke over her. “But when it comes to an issue with my wife, you call Pastor McKinnon?”
The room got quiet.
But that was when Antwan decided to finally come from the kitchen and make his exit. As he passed his wife in the doorway, her face fell into her palms.
Antwan mumbled something angrily as he passed the center of the living room, heading toward the door.
“Antwan!” Heather called after him.
“No!” He did a one-hundred-eighty-degree turn in the air, causing me to leap back in my chair. “He ain’t lying. You do that, Heather! You always throw up in my face, it’ll get done whether I can do it or not. I ain’t never been a man in this. You ain’t never let me—if we ain’t making babies.”
“Brother Antwan!” Pastor McKinnon tried.
Antwan’s hands shot into the air defenselessly. “I’m done with this. I know my role. I’ll wait out in the car I ain’t buy.” He stormed his way out of the living room.
Seconds later, the sound of the door slamming reverberated around the room. My heart split at the cry in that stance. What the fuck was going on with these people?
Myisha’s head fell and she shook it. She, too, was moved by that man’s defeated resolve.
“I’m sorry about all of this, Pastor,” Heather murmured, her eyes squeezed closed. “It’s clear Gee-Gee and I have some unresolved issues we need cleared out.”
“But that’s no reason for him to go off like that,” Pastor asserted. “He knew you and Gee-Gee were friends long before you married. It was just a kiddie crush. That ain’t no reason to be up in arms.”
Heather chuckled too confidently. “It was more than that, but I agree. That wasn’t necessary.”
“What do you mean more than that?” Pastor McKinnon asked. “You guys were barely in high school.”
And she fucked him, Grandmother McKinnon. Your heavily depended upon parishioner was fucking well before high school!
My fists clenched at my sides on the sofa, but I kept my mouth closed.
Heather’s eyes brushed nervously against me. “We knew back then we wanted to marry each other. As silly as it sounds, we were pretty clear even that young. We bonded irrevocably.”
I let go of a trying breath, shifting in my seat.
“I didn’t know any of this.” There was an earnest expression in Grandmother McKinnon’s words and reaction to that.
“That’s because Gee-Gee started acting weird,” Heather explained.
“He wasn’t weird, Heather,” Myisha warned. “Don’t go there.”
At the same time, Raj snorted, shaking his head. “Weird,” he whispered.
“Well, Gee-Gee, you did go through that moody, hormonal phase back then. I didn’t know how to handle you.”
“That’s because you didn’t try,” spilled harshly from Myisha’s lips in a mutter.
“Excuse me, young lady?” Pastor demanded.
And I wanted to disappear. I wanted to take Raj and leave this SNAFU of an intervention.
“A lot of stuff happened back then that you didn’t know,” Myisha explained with a stronger tone, but little confidence.
“We ain’t going there, My,” Raj made clear. “The bottom line is, this ain’t necessary. Me and My had a major disagreement, and I thought it was best that we go our separate ways. That don’t mean I don’t love her. I’m still taking care of her until she get on her feet. That ain’t change,” his tone was firm. “Now as far as involving Grandmother like I ain’t a grown man, taking care of my business; I can’t front, Heather, it stings a little to know you went behind my back like this. I thought we were better than that.”
“We are, Gee-Gee!” Heather declared. “It’s just… Like I told you: Something in my spirit is off about this thing with you two.”
“Who?” Raj’s brows lifted with impatience.
“Her!” She pointed at me.
“My wife?”
“No!” she shouted, suddenly enraged. “Wynter Blue!”
“What?” Raj shrieked.
My eyes closed, and I prayed—to myself—for patience. I respected Pastor McKinnon and could tell all around her did, too. I didn’t want to cross any lines with her. She’d been nice to me. More than that, I wanted to take Raj’s lead on dealing with his grandmother. If he exercised patience, so would I.
“Look…” Raj paused, looking to me, reining in his anger. “You know what I shared with you in confidence. You know where I stand when it comes to my marriage. Maybe if you wasn’t so busy acting weird about your own and throwing little hints at what we once was, you’d see I have something real with her.”
“Well, I would if you would stop being so weird! So standoffish, Gee-Gee! One month, you’re hiding away from the world. The next you’re getting married to a complete stranger! Yeah, maybe we were kids when we had a thing, but so help me God, it was real! Yes, I married. I had to move on. After your angry period, when I asked for us to try again in high school, you said no!”
Raj’s head swung back in surprise, I guessed. “You said no. You laughed in my face and said, ‘too late.’ Remember that?”
“Now, wait a minute. We got Wynter here,” Pastor McKinnon tried. “We don’t need to be talking about this right now.”
Though grateful, I was intrigued about these two. It was clear Raj didn’t want his trauma to be shared in front of his grandmother, but in between their flashbacks were pieces of their story.
“Could we just forget about this whole thing?” Myisha bit out on an exhale.
“Nah. Heather wanna go over my head and pull Grandmother in this,” Raj argued. “Let’s do it. Yeah. I went to you in high school…broken and lost. I spilled my guts to you, telling you about my issues. I was open with you and you know what you did, Heather. Don’t front.”
And I caught it.
I caught that sliver of emotion when Raj was tapping into something real. I saw how the cords in his thick neck protruded and the arteries in his forehead swelled. How the deep timbre of his natural speaking voice transformed into a high pitch. She’d hurt him. I wasn’t clear on the details, but reading between the lines, Raj told Heather about his abuse and she turned him away.
“Because I didn’t get it back then!” Tears charted down Heather’s face. Evangelist Mary was at her side, trying to calm her. “I didn’t get it. I was a child, Ragee! An eleven-year-old girl. You stopped talking to me…stopped calling. Even in church, you didn’t want to sit by me or talk in the fellowship hall during service like you used to. You changed!” she screamed at the top of her lungs. “You were angry all the time. You only cared about instruments, boxing, and Myisha! But you come back to me in high school with this strange story of abuse, and I was supposed to know how to respond at seventeen?” She laughed bitterly, painfully.
“Abuse?” Pastor McKinnon’s flappy neck swung left to right. Myisha began to cry. “Now, what’s going on here?”
“Nah. You was supposed to care. Have some compassion when you said no. But you laughed—”
“I’m sorry!” Heather shouted at the top of her lungs, prompting Myisha to begin to wail like a child.
Raj went to her, bent down to cover his cousin, who now resembled a baby.
“Just stop this!” Myisha screamed, kicking her heels in the air, her hands covering her ears. “Just go, Heather! Nobody wants to go back there!”
