by Love Belvin
I sat up to go for Myisha but froze when I heard Raj whispering something to her soothingly.
“Jesus!” Pastor McKinnon called out, arms in a warrior’s stance. “The blood of Jesus!”
“See!” Heather pointed toward the cousins, huddled in a ball. “This the only person he lets in. It’s like they have a sick partnership that keeps them needy for each other. She called me upset that he put her out for his new wife. I called you, Pastor, and looks what’s happening!”
Pastor McKinnon looked confused…and pained. “Abuse,” she uttered, dazed. “What type of abuse?”
“They both said they were!” Heather continued. “It’s been a mess. I don’t know why I try.”
“Fuck you!” Myisha leaped from Raj’s hold.
“Hold up!” the preacher’s growl jumped from Pastor McKinnon’s belly.
“Heeeey!” Mary yelped.
“Me?” Heather’s hand was on her chest. “Try that the next time you call me to trick his wife!”
What?
Raj stood to his feet. “Trick who?”
“Shut the fuck up, bitch!” Myisha yelled, stepping toward Heather.
“Fine, but you’re the brat! You’re jealous of his wife!”
“And you are, too, Heather!”
“But he’s not my cousin. He’s my ex-boyfriend!”
A childhood fuck…
“You know what?” Heather clapped her hands. “Since everybody wants to make Heather out to be the bad guy, why don’t y’all tell Pastor about your bond. Tell her why you two cling on to each other like no one else matters. Tell her how you say you were molested here!”
Evangelist Mary’s head jerked back so hard, her wig shifted, dangling off her head. Pastor McKinnon backed up into a seat and held her chest.
“Stupid bitch!” Myisha pounced for Heather, but Raj caught her mid-air. “I’m gonna slap the dog shit outta you, you miserable bitch!”
“Yeah, but I don’t break into his wife’s social media account and post gold-digger messages to ruin her reputation. And I’m the miserable one?”
“Yeah, but when I called at night telling you to come over in the morning to fuck with her, you left your husband and kids to do it and didn’t even know why!” Myisha shouted right back. “But you ain’t obsessed with him? Get the fuck outta here, bitch!”
I was on my feet in less than a second. My hand stretched in the direction outside where the shell of a husband named Antwan sat. “Go!” My voice wasn’t raised to the max, but clearly with that of authority.
I’d had enough.
“You can’t tell me to leave,” Heather informed with wide eyes. “This is a family matter.”
“Which you are not a member of. You’re a member of the church family. This is a McKinnon matter, Heather. Go!” my tone sharper.
“Baby, I’ll have her call you in the morning,” Evangelist Mary offered gently, taking her at the waist to guide her steps. “Antwan waiting out there in the dark for you, sweetie. They gone be okay here.”
Heather’s aghast regard went to Pastor McKinnon, who was busy praying in a whisper, tossed back in a recliner chair.
“Go ‘head, Heather,” Raj gave the final order for her to leave.
Without a word, Heather sauntered to the door with Evangelist Mary assisting her the way the women in all white did those shouting earlier at Bibleway Ministries.
~19~
I lifted my hand over the bubbles and watched the water trickle down again. The staccato of her heartbeat against my shoulders provided a calm I didn’t understand. The bathroom was cooling, but still a little humid from the tub. On top of that warmth was her body heat as she was wrapped around me, her legs looped over my thighs like a pretzel.
Her soft lips pressed against my neck, just beneath my ear. “You sure you’re okay?” Her voice, low, breathy, and authoritative like it was earlier at Grandmother’s.
I nodded.
“You were brave,” she complimented. “And in so many ways.”
“What do you mean?”
“You didn’t tell her the details of your…abuse.” She struggled with the word. “You still want to protect her.”
“I didn’t want her to find out that way.”
“I see.”
She rubbed the body sponge girlie thing she used down my shoulders. It felt like heaven.
“You think Myisha’s going to be okay?”
After calming Myisha down to where she stopped crying, I tried to calm my grandmother. Evangelist Mary had been working on her for a while, but when I was able to make it to her, I sang one of her favorite hymns. It seemed to do the trick after a while. She agreed to go to bed. Evangelist Mary made her tea to take up to her room before we left.
Myisha and I shared a few words. I missed her. A lot. I wasn’t ashamed to admit if it weren’t for Wynter being the best kind of distraction, I would be lost without Myisha. We’d been tight for so long. But Grandmother was right: It was time to leave and cleave. When she used to tell me to clean house, I knew a part of that was Myisha, but I didn’t want to let go. We were co-dependents according to Ezra.
“She has to be.”
“What do you mean?”
“The longer My stayed underneath me, the longer her growth was stunted. She didn’t have to get uncomfortable telling someone who cares about her, about all the craziness she’s been through because I was her comfort. I provided her business and leisure. I cushioned her world. That ain’t been working out well for her. She needs to get shaken up a bit. To learn how to trust someone else.”
“Is that what you did with me? Get uncomfortable.”
“I’m still uncomfortable. Being shaken up every day. And I love it. Need it.”
She drew in a deep breath through her nostrils and readjusted her body beneath me. Legs tightening around my trunk.
“I need you, too.”
That made my dick pulse underneath the water. I still couldn’t believe she loved me. It was something I didn’t think would come for a while, but I didn’t mind keeping her around until it did. I needed this girl. God, I was strung out with need for her and no one else. It felt like a daily task to stay out of my shell of comfort to be in each moment with her. It was something I wanted.
I needed.
“I wish you would’ve told me about Heather being here that morning. I could have nipped this all in the bud right then and there.”
“Yeah. But you still would have let me leave. Myisha’s threat was lethal. She may have been busted, but your hand would have still been pushed.”
I felt my lips going hard. “But I would’ve dealt with Heather. I had dinner with her a couple of weeks later, not knowing she was in my house. And then you said she was upstairs?”
The only time Heather had been on this floor was her first visit to come peep the place before I had it furnished.
“Yeah.” She kissed me again, this time on the forehead. Her hands moved to my chest and she trailed them down to my abs. “Wanna hear something funny?” I leaned my head back to see her face. “I can understand her regret. Like she said, she was a kid when you were victimized. She didn’t know why she lost her friend. She was forced to move on. Then when you got the heart to share it with her—”
“She showed no compassion. You know how hard it was for me to cop to something like that? To trust she wouldn’t tell nobody. I couldn’t sleep through the night for weeks after that.”
“But ultimately, that was Patty’s diabolism that did that. Depravedness of that nature has the longest arms. Look at you,” her voice hiked. “You don’t want children.”
My head whipped around and up to see her. “You want kids now?”
She made it clear she didn’t.
Wynter chuckled from her belly. “What is up with this paranoia with wanting kids. I don’t want kids, Raj. I doubt if I ever will. I don’t think I ever did.”
“So, the boys from Bearing Love?”
She was about to break the news. The boy
s were a no go.
Her chin dipped as her eyes danced toward the ceiling. “I’m willing to meet them. Low key excited, to be honest.”
I couldn’t help my smile. “Why?”
“Because they’re a side of your passion no one knows about. I’d like to see that.”
Wow…
I couldn’t fully digest those weighty words. I guess helping them out was a passion. It was something I’d been wanting to do for a while but didn’t know how. I wasn’t sold on adoption myself, but at the end of the day, if Wynter wasn’t down, I wouldn’t do it. She had to be on board.
“You need to call Ezra tonight?”
My forehead tightened. “For what?”
“To talk about what happened today. I know it was a lot on you.”
I lifted my head to look her in the eyes again. “I don’t need Ezra for that. That’s what I’m doing with you right now. It’s why I have a wife, Blue.”
“Ugh!” she groaned and I laughed. “Is that what I have to expect from you? The nickname from my kid cousin?”
“Your kid niece,” my tone turned serious. Every time I thought about how illegitimate Wynter was forced to be all her life, a flutter lanced through my stomach and I got angry. “It’s time to start speaking the truth. No more secrets, remember?”
This time when my eyes crawled up to her, a slow smile spread across her face.
“Time for bed now.”
A grin exploded on my face. “Why does that scare me at my age?”
Wynter’s so nasty…
“Because you know I’m drunk and ready to blow your damn mind.”
When we’d made it to the house from Grandmother’s, she was insistent on us taking shots of Mauve. I didn’t like to gulp my brandy. I preferred sipping it. But she made it seem so adventurous, I couldn’t deny her. I didn’t believe she was drunk, but knew she was oiled.
“Think I wanna start here. Let you lose yours first.”
“I sense a challenge.”
“Nah. That’s my sure thang swelling underneath ya leg right now.”
His scent roused me first. But that was nothing new. I memorized all of his scents, burnt them into the meninges of my mind months ago. Sometimes I’d smell him when he was miles away.
Then his mouth was on me and the dream turned wet or my reality was he was here, wanting me. But I was angry with him and he knew it. Why would he want me? When his slithery tongue roved from my shoulder to just beneath my ear, my eyes fluttered open. As I lay on my side, my head swung over my shoulder to face him.
His auburns glittered with adoration and exhaustion, impossibly. But it was understandable. We’d had a long night.
“Damn, you beautiful!” Mischievous humor sparkled in his tight eyes. “Your makeup is just as perfect as last night.”
“That’s because I fell asleep before washing my face.” Revelation hit. “Ugh! I didn’t sleep with my retainer!” He snickered behind me, causing me to shoot him angry eyes. My eyes squinted and I noticed he was still in his clothes from last night. His tuxedo shirt was unbuttoned at the top, exposing the wiry hairs of his chest above his stark white tank. Then his face dived into my neck, his tongue twirling, causing sparks of pleasure to pop in my groin. “You ain’t even been to sleep yet and you want morning ass.”
“Nah. I need Blue.”
But I was still mad from last night. I had to sit through a long and playful debriefing of last night’s event between him and his old friend. We didn’t get home until close to four in the morning. On top of that, we had guests coming to the house today. I had to prepare mentally for that.
But this negro…
“You wanted me while you were all up in Tori McNabb’s face, kee-keeing it up?” I rolled my eyes.
Raj lifted. “You still on that?”
The deadly stare I gave him answered it for me.
“Come on, boo-boo.” His hands rubbed his eyes like a big ass kid. “You know all my eyes’re for you—the heads, too.”
“I wondered that last night when you were dancing with your old crush,” I grated, sitting up.
I needed to brush my teeth before taking part in a petty, jealous ass argument. Dignity needed to be in store for this.
“Last night was a fundraiser, Wynter. It’s something Tori and I do every year. Our sponsors were there, of course we had to interact. Besides that, we go way back. My pops—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I hushed him. “He used to be her trainer.”
“He’s still her consultant.” He rested casually on one arm over the comforter with his pants and socks still on. “We’re like family. Been that way for mad years.”
“Not when you had a crush on her.”
“You not gonna let me live that down, are you?”
“You haven’t forgotten it or else you wouldn’t have mentioned it when you introduced me to her!” I charged, swinging my feet onto the floor.
Where did this jealousy temperament come from? I’d never been the jealous type.
But I’ve never had much to protect either…
Tori McNabb was the latest female boxing sensation. I swear, before her, the only female boxer I heard anyone making noise about was Laila Ali, but look who her father was. Apparently, Tori hadn’t only been talented in the ring. Her business acumen had garnered her unprecedented endorsements, shining light on the world of female boxing again. Ironically, she was signed to Jackson Hunter’s sports agency, another subsidiary of his public relations firm. It had been astounding to see how small the industry, in fact, was.
But she was kind. She smiled when she addressed me, engaged me a lot, likely sensing my unease. Suddenly, I felt silly. They were like two teenaged boys interfacing: rapping, performing old school dances, and even cracking jokes on each other. Deep down inside, I was insecure about seeing a rare side of my husband with another woman. His dynamic with her was even different than that of Myisha.
As Raj ran his nose provocatively across the skin on the back of my neck, I tried to reconcile my anger and jealousy against the primal need of him he revved when he was this close. Or across the room, musing, lost in his dark mind. Or the artist behind the microphone, hiding behind a mellifluent harmony. Or the businessman, on a conference call about sheetrock and cinderblock wholesalers. I’d been spending copious time with this man over these weeks, learning so much about him. He wanted me close. Needed me, according to him, to feed his obsession.
In the meantime, I took mental notes. Raj had emotional deficiencies, mood swings, and trauma triggers. We still didn’t make love in his beds, here or in Jersey City, regularly. When we did, Raj would likely be on top, in control. I didn’t have a problem with that as long as there was progression in his healing. He’d had a horrible nightmare a couple of days after leaving his grandmother’s, likely because being in that house was a horrific trigger for him. But we got through it. I held him close and whispered words of our shared experiences together to remind him of his present: me, and our future. I rocked him on my bosom until he fell asleep.
As daunting as the experience was, my commitment to him hadn’t wavered. My attraction to him hadn’t weakened. But that voice of reality whispered in the back of my psyche that we’d only just begun. My stamina for his issues was still strong. I was a realist. I knew this would be an exhausting venture. But in my gut, I believed he was worth it.
“…happiness hasn’t consistently progressed with the years, but our strength together has.” Laura’s words played in my mind often.
But I was happy. I was committed. And our strength together had grown each day.
I stood for the bathroom, needing to relieve myself and wash this makeup off. Shit, now I was soaked between the legs. But I was caught before I could take the second step. Raj’s big frame towered me, snaking around me. His mouth was on that sweet spot beneath my ear. I could feel the muscles around my eyes jump as my lids squeezed closed, trying to mentally escape his nirvanic scent and heat.
“You can act as un
affected as you want. You ‘bout to feel this three-eyed monster, Blue.”
A moan escaped and I involuntarily gave in. Within seconds, I was bent over, holding onto the nightstand while Ragee beat into my sex until I could no longer remember Tori’s connection to my very real, very legitimate husband.
I watched Leech help Harry, one of the grounds guys, with the gas heat lamp post on the back deck. They were spacing them out. In the second week of May, the air was a bit chilled and we were planning to have guests out here. Leech kept an eye on the studio and the grounds people, amongst other things, for me. I watched him work with Harry to figure out why a particular post wasn’t lighting.
In my peripheral, I could see Wynter and Earl stepping out with food for the tables. She mentioned being tired after waking from a nap earlier. When I was done with her, we showered and she crawled back in bed with me after running downstairs to check in with Earl about this afternoon. I’d kept her up late last night, but she had to get used to it. My sleeping patterns varied according to whatever project I was working on. And I was constantly working on something.
Leech was able to figure out the problem after climbing up the post with his pocket gadget. I watched as he screwed something inside, hoping he didn’t fall and hurt something. To be real, I was happy he was distracted. He’d had a rough couple of weeks after losing his mother. She stayed in a home out in East Orange where they were from. They didn’t have much family around, and no money. I wrote the check for a modest homegoing service at a funeral home, specifically what he requested. Leech didn’t want anything more than to lay her to rest respectfully. The cost was low, and nothing was too much for my guy.
“Well, hello, your majesty.” I recognized LeRoy’s voice.
It would be just like him to arrive first. He kissed both of Wynter’s cheeks while holding her at the arms. He examined her from head to toe, something he’d been doing to people strategically since working in the industry. I knew it was his way of leveling them because he didn’t believe he fit in. So he insulted their intelligence by putting them on front street.
