Chageet's Electric Dance

by Ashir, Rebecca

  Her feet began to ache from standing, so she tried to concentrate on the music as a distraction. This only made her feel worse as the song playing was an angry song about a bad relationship, “Nightmares,” by Violent Femmes. She wondered if Rave thought of her as a nightmare. The singer’s voice was harsh and creepy, sending her mind into a dark, swirling, endless tunnel of fingernails scratching chalkboards. After the song, she felt she could no longer wait for Mrs. Pennington. The song had produced an obsessive, chaotic determination in her to obtain clarity concerning her relationship with Rave, so she briskly walked through the archway to tell her she was going to be in the game room.

  There was just one room off the hallway extending from the archway, but the door was shut. She attempted to open the door only to find it locked. She knocked, but no one responded. When the music paused between Violent Femmes’ “Just Like My Father” and “Dating Days,” she heard a man and a woman arguing behind the door about someone owing someone money. She figured Mrs. Pennington was tough enough to take care of herself. She had made her attempt to find her and that was enough, she told herself, so she went to look for Rave in the game room.

  When she walked into the game room, she saw Parker immediately, the leader and in control, like the queen ant atop its ant hill, across the room spinning records behind his sound equipment. The room was crowded and dimly lit with ants moving around searching for something higher than themselves and standing and circling confusedly in clusters talking and drinking beer. The music was the same thunderous music as the music in the other room, loud and whining overhead like a violent storm sounding its warnings before the deluge. Some of the ants were swarming around the arcade video games that lined the walls of the room as if they had been dipped in honey. Barbey felt her stomach sink when she surveyed the party and didn’t see Rave anywhere amongst the ants. Maybe he was outside, she considered, or maybe he was in the bathroom. She walked over to Parker slightly indignant, with her shoulders pushed back.

  Parker jolted his head up from the record he was spinning when he saw her. “Barbella, Barbella, Barbella what the hella are you doing here? Hey, that rhymes.” He smiled puffing out his chest like an animated cartoon character that just won a prize for some ridiculous feat of accomplishment.

  “Where’s Rave?” Barbey asked in obvious agitation.

  He looked side to side and seemed slightly uncomfortable. “Well, Barbey, I don’t know.”

  “We had plans tonight and he didn’t show up.”

  He scratched his head in exaggeration as if he was giving the matter serious thought and then he responded, “Hmmm…”

  “I can’t believe he just didn’t show up. Maybe something like sooo terrible happened to him.”

  “Oh, no, no, no. I’m sure he’s perfectly fine.”

  “I can’t believe he stood me up.”

  He patted her on the back. “I’m sure he has a perfectly reasonable explanation. Don’t worry.”

  “I’m so upset.” She looked around the party and noticed that Mrs. Pennington, running her hand over her feather boa, was talking with some ant who was playing Pac Man. It must not have been her behind the locked door, Barbey thought. How weird—she must have left the bathroom without me noticing or something. “I came here with your mother.”

  “You mean, Cherry?”

  “Yeah.”

  “That’s not my mother. Is that what she told you?” Parker released a low wry chuckle.

  “Yeah, I think so,” Barbey responded uncomfortably as she pulled up the straps on her white sundress.

  “She’s my older half-sister—a real liar. Watch out for her,” he laughed.

  “Really? No wonder she doesn’t seem like a mother. I, like, thought it was so weird that you would have such a hot mom. I don’t know why she pretended to be your mother though. She told me all these weird stories about her pa.”

  Now looking through his albums for a new record to play, he responded casually, “Lies for her own entertainment.”

  “That’s really weird. She seemed kind of cool though. Oh, I’m just so upset. Nothing makes sense to me right now.”

  “She’s actually a lot of fun—has connections at all the best hangouts and clubs around town—always has some guy or other throwing money at her,” he placed the record on the turn table and then looked at Barbey. “You can hang out with us tonight and we’ll lighten things up for you.”

  “Who’s us?”

  Parker took a step back and motioned with his hands at the air. “Barbella meet Gabe and Gabe meet Barbella. Gabe rhymes with Rave and he’s much better looking even though they’re twins.”

  “Very funny,” Barbey cracked a smile.

  “Gabe will never stand you up and he’ll always do what you want. He’s every woman’s dream.”

  Trying not to smile, she released a giggle.

  “You think I’m joking, Barbella, but I wouldn’t tease you. Simply open your mind, expand your consciousness and you’ll see that Gabe is better than Rave. He’s very brave also.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, Gabe can jump from rooftop to rooftop because he realizes that all physical matter is only an illusion.”

  “Oh. I don’t know what you are talking about, but I, like, have to admit you’re a weird one.”

  “You stick with me tonight and you’ll begin the first step in your journey with Gabe.”

  “I don’t even know Gabe.”

  “You’ve always known Gabe. You just don’t realize it yet. I’ll stack some records and then I’ll meet you outside on the patio at the picnic table just outside those sliding glass doors.” He motioned across the room.

  ****

  The patio was large and square with grass and oak trees extending off the cement into a seeming never-ending dark forest. She sat at the picnic table on the far edge from a lit kerosene lamp that had attracted some mosquitoes until Parker arrived in good cheer.

  “Barbella, Barbella, Barbella.”

  Her smile was starchy. “Funny meeting you here. You come here often?”

  He smirked, surprised at her humor. “Sure do. Let me buy you a drink.” He took out a tin can from his long black overcoat and carved it into a bong pipe. “Have a Coke and a smile.” He lit the marijuana and smoked it from the can, passing it to her.

  She was embarrassed. “Actually, I’ve never smoked marijuana before.”

  “No problem.” He smiled and took another hit. “More for me then.” He pinched her on the arm teasingly.

  “I’d like to try it, but don’t laugh at me if I do it wrong. And if I act weird, don’t leave me all alone. Ok?”

  “Leave you? You’ve got to be kidding.” He showed her how to use the can as a bong and when she took a hit, he was impressed that she didn’t cough. “I love corrupting innocence,” he said with a grin.

  A couple of Parker’s friends suddenly appeared emerging from the forest. “Hey Mathew. Hey Luke. How’re my good Christian brothers?”

  Mathew and Luke Tarantino were long time friends of Parker. They were from a well-to-do Italian American family who had made their fortune in pasta. As a child, Mathew, the more gregarious of the two, had swelled his head as a child commercial actor, but the fame died out as well as the desire for further pursuit when he realized smoking marijuana and occasionally helping out his parents in the family business was much more profitable. Luke, on the other hand, had never had any aspirations and was most comfortable only smoking marijuana. He was the type who lurked in the shadows, stepping out from behind trees, always wearing black, and always wearing two days of whiskers on his face. Nobody, aside from possibly his brother and parents, knew his true appearance because he always hid behind small, tinted, round spectacles which blocked out his eyes like ink drops.

  “This is Barbey,” Parker said. “She came to the party looking for Rave.”

  It looked to Barbey as if Parker had winked at the brothers. The marijuana had made her body feel as if it were flowing in wave
s. Although she felt dizzy with a lack of control over her mind and judgment, she thought that it seemed as if Parker was talking to the Italian brothers in codes. She couldn’t follow everything they were saying and the sentences seemed to cut mid-sentence with many innuendos and sideways glances.

  Parker sat down on the edge of the picnic table and said to the brothers, “Cataracts are blinking, but the eyes have no lids…”

  The brothers laughed. Luke picked up Parker’s cola can that he had used as a bong, looked inside it, and proceeded to drop kick it into the forest.

  “Asshole, I was still using that,” Parker said and then laughed.

  Luke ignored him and walked over to the other side of the table and leaned against it gazing up at the night clouds.

  Mathew sat down at the table next to Barbey and put his hand on her shoulder. “You know, dear, Rave is crazy to stand you up.”

  She felt uncomfortable with his hand on her shoulder, but she didn’t want to be rude so she just smiled at him and said, “Thank you.”

  “I’ll kick his ass for you if you want me to.”

  Parker punched Mathew on the shoulder and said, “Leave her alone.”

  “Dude, I’m just trying to help her feel better.” He turned back to Barbey. “Barbey, Rave is a putz. That’s your name, Barbey? Right?”

  “Yeah that’s my name.”

  “Ok. Barbey, Rave is a big putz. A nice girl like you shouldn’t hang out with a scum bag like him.”

  Parker pushed Mathew backwards off the bench. “I said to leave her alone.”

  “Hey dude, what’s your problem?” Mathew rolled back on his spine for momentum and popped up with a quick gymnastic snap onto his feet.

  “Don’t talk about Rave like that.”

  Barbey couldn’t keep track of the rest of the conversation because the rhythmic waves in her body splashed harder. She felt like she was being pulled under by the tide. Terrified that she would lose control of her body and make a fool of herself, she gripped the edge of the table and forced herself to smile. She remembered the night she was on the pier when Rave fell off the edge. The loneliness of losing her soul mate enveloped her as she choked on the cold hard knuckles of the ocean. What is reality? She wondered. Looking down at her legs, she noticed they had fused together into one big fish tale. This terrified her, but she kept her smile, feigning poise. She was a mermaid and couldn’t walk on land anymore. Somehow she had mutated. Her mind started crack, crack, cracking and she didn’t know her place.

  20

  The next day at cosmetology school was a blur. Barbey couldn’t stop from obsessing over why Rave stood her up. It seemed inconceivable to her that Rave could simply not show up without even a call. She had always been very responsible and the idea of a person not fulfilling his word or his responsibilities was beyond Barbey’s comprehension. She had always followed societal rules. It never occurred to her to do otherwise. Flabbergasted by the situation, she couldn’t process Rave’s inconsideration through her present mental framework that had been a product of her upbringing and experiences. This situation was new and it made her extremely uncomfortable and insecure. To coat these feelings, she mentally put herself atop a royal pedestal—how dare he treat me with such disrespect. Who does he think he is?

  When Elvira and Kimberly tried to coax her into participating in another day of white-powder bliss, she declined, barely acknowledging their temptress supplications. She continued to play and replay Parker’s conversation with Mathew and Luke, attempting to figure out whether they had been speaking in codes. Barbey could not figure out whether or not she had imagined this due to paranoia that the marijuana had produced. It seemed as if they were talking about Rave and that they didn’t want her to know something. It also seemed as if they had constructed a highly complex code for communicating secretly in the presence of others. At the same time that this code system seemed possible, it also seemed to be a figment of her imagination. This wasn’t the first time that she had felt paranoid in her life and maybe the marijuana had taken this portion of her disposition to an enhanced level. She really could not determine what was reality. This was one reason for declining Elvira’s and Kimberly’s offer. Another reason for her decline was that she did not want to become a drug addict. To the best of her knowledge, drug addicts used drugs every day, so because she tried methamphetamines and marijuana yesterday, she would not indulge herself today. Every other day would be fine, but certainly not every day.

  While Mrs. Sanders lectured on bacteriology and how to properly sanitize manicuring tools, the phrase, What is reality?, continually played in Barbey’s mind. She did not know why she kept repeating this phrase to herself, but she did. She did not even analyze the phrase; she simply mentally repeated it over and over again like a secret mantra. At the end of the lecture, the class took a practice multiple-choice quiz on bacteriology. Barbey failed, but created, in turn, by penciling in the bubbles of her scantron, a picture of a hand mirror out of the bubble letter choices on the quiz page. She thought of the evil queen in Snow White. Had she become the queen, she wondered, or was she the mirror? Of course, she was Snow White; every little girl is Snow White. What is reality? What is reality? What is reality?

  When she arrived home from school, she saw that her message machine was blinking. She played the message. “Barbey, it’s…it’s Rave. (pause) I, uh, I, uh—I’m sorry.” The machine beeped and the next message played. “I hope you…you can forgive me. Please give…give me another chance. I’m sorry. Parker said you went to look…look for me at that party. I’m sorry, Barbey.” When she heard him say her name, her heart stretched out of her chest, jumped in the air, threw a full twist, and dove back in.

  “He still loves me.” She picked up the hand mirror on her dresser, looked in it, and kissed it.

  The phone rang. “Hello,” she said hoping it was Rave.

  It was. “Barbey, it’s Rave…”

  “I know,” she responded coolly.

  “Look, I’m…I’m sorry.”

  “Why didn’t you show?” She asked indignantly.

  “I, uh, I was…well…I was scared.”

  She was confused. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “Our relationship seems to be deepening and…and I…I got scared.”

  She did not understand what he meant. People are afraid of ghosts or prowlers, she thought. They’re not afraid of me. What is there to be afraid of? “To be honest, Rave, I don’t understand you. You should have called.”

  “You’re right. I should have.”

  “Why didn’t you at least call?”

  “It just…it just seemed too permanent to call.”

  She still didn’t understand him. “I gotta go,” she said unsatisfied with his excuses.

  “Can I come over?”

  “I’ve got friends coming over and I’m going to that party that Suzie Albers is throwing.” She told him that she was going to a party to sound cool in front of him. In her mind, it didn’t seem strange that she was going to his ex-girlfriend’s party because it was an open party and many of her former classmates would be there. It was common for people to go to each other’s parties even if they didn’t know each other or even if they disliked each other because everybody was going.