Deep Surrendering: Episode Six

by Chelsea M. Cameron

Hanging out with my boyfriend Tom Hanks.

  He responded immediately, but I couldn’t read it because Chloe grabbed the phone out of my hand.

  “Hey!” I yelled, but she held it out of reach.

  “Who are you texting while you are sitting here with your best friend, huh? Don’t you know that’s rude?” She grinned at me and waved the phone above my head. Damn her and her long arms. Finally she relented and handed it back to me.

  “Fine. Text your stupid boyfriend.”

  The word “boyfriend” made me stop for a second. Was Fin my boyfriend? I guess he was, for all intents and purposes. We were exclusively seeing each other with romantic intentions. If that wasn’t a boyfriend, then I didn’t know what was.

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” I said, and then read the text.

  Fin had sent me a picture of his laptop, where he must have pulled up the movie as well.

  No, he’s MY boyfriend, the text said.

  I snorted and tried to think of a witty response.

  I love Tom more than you ever could.

  His response was fast again.

  I can do things for Tom that you can’t even dream of.

  I looked up because Chloe was snapping her fingers in front of my face.

  “Want to share something with the class?”

  I shook my head. “No, Fin is just being a dork.”

  Chloe gave me a look and turned the volume of the movie up.

  “Poor Meg Ryan. She used to be so hot and now her face is all messed up from plastic surgery. I totally would have banged her like this, though,” Chloe said. I sent Fin another text.

  Tom will never love you the way he loves me.

  We went back and forth like that for a while as Chloe talked about Meg Ryan’s many seductive qualities.

  “Tom Hanks’ butt is not cute. I’m sorry, but it’s not. I think even if I was straight I wouldn’t think his butt was cute.” She turned her head to the side, as if she was trying to get a better view.

  “Don’t you insult Tom Hanks in front of me. He is a legend, a gentleman, and a hottie,” I said, glaring. “If you have a problem with Tom Hanks then you can leave my home immediately.” I pointed to the door with a dramatic sweep of my arm.

  “You’re ridiculous,” Chloe said, throwing a napkin at me. “And Tom is not hot.”

  “Get out of my house!”

  She just laughed at me.

  Fin started working hard again and didn’t have much time to chat with me. I tried to take it in stride, but it was hard to not resent his job and his father.

  I decided, one afternoon, that I should learn as much about the elder Mr. Herald as I could. I remembered a few things about him from my mother but nothing major. It wouldn’t be weird to look him up online. I wasn’t going to be hacking into his computer or anything. All the information was publicly available.

  I typed his name into a search engine and found mostly news articles mentioning his name. He was also listed on several websites but nothing of a personal nature. I scrolled further down, looking for maybe an interview or something.

  Then I found one. It was a few years old and from an obscure online magazine, but there it was. I clicked on it and read as fast as I could.

  Blah, blah, blah. It was all standard and boring stuff until I got down to the fourth question, asking him about what it was like to work with his son.

  My son is my legacy and I wouldn’t want him anywhere else. I built this company for him. I only want the best for him, which is why I’ve spent my whole life being the best at what I do and having the best people working for me. It’s all for him.

  Yeah. His company was for him. Him being Laurent Herald. He didn’t want it for his son. He wanted it for himself. He’d build his own little world where he could do what he wanted, control everyone, and have no consequences. Total domination.

  What a bastard. I found myself glaring at the posed photo that accompanied the article. God, I just wanted to punch that man in the face. Not only had he made his only son feel guilty for living, but he’d emotionally abused him and gotten a hooker for his birthday. As far as parenting went, he was pretty much the worst father ever. Daddy Dearest.

  “Fuck you,” I said to the picture. But I read the rest of the interview. Seemed as if he’d come from nothing and worked his way up the company ladder the old-fashioned way. He hadn’t been able to ride his father’s coattails like so many other people. That didn’t make me respect him at all. It only made what he’d done to Fin even worse.

  I still hadn’t really processed the fact that Fin had a twin that died. I wondered if they’d been identical or fraternal. I couldn’t imagine two of him existing in this world.

  Sure, my parents had done a number on me, but nothing even close to what Fin went through. They’d never hit me and rarely yelled. They were more fans of the silent treatment as a means of punishment. I didn’t know how I would have survived Fin’s upbringing.

  And speak of the devil…

  My phone rang and it was Fin. “Hey, I was just thinking about you,” I said, closing the web browser and focusing all my energy on him.

  “What a coincidence, I was thinking about me too,” he joked. Wow, someone was in a good mood.

  “Haha,” I said, getting up from my desk. “So, how’s Germany? Still German?”

  He chuckled. “I’m sitting at a café right now drinking a very large glass of beer, and there’s a plate of meat next to it, so yes. I’d say Germany is still German.”

  A pang of jealousy went through me. In spite of the reasons for his travel, I still envied him getting to see those places.

  “Shouldn’t you be putting your nose to a grindstone or something?”

  He took a deep breath and then made an announcement. “I took the day off.”

  “You what?” He may as well have told me he was running away to marry Tom Hanks.

  “I. Took. The. Day. Off.” He enunciated each word, and I could picture the grin on his face.

  “I didn’t know you could do that.”

  “Neither did I. But I did it. I’m not sure what the consequences will be, but I’m doing it. I’m taking the day off.” He seemed to keep wanting to say it over and over to make it real. It was so sweet and so sad at the same time.

  “So, what are you doing with your day off?” I asked.

  “Well, I would have spent it with you, but since I can’t do that, I woke up this morning and went out to get breakfast, walked around the town, bought some terrible souvenirs, walked along the river, fed some ducks, watched a movie, and read a book. Now I’m having dinner by myself.” It did sound like the perfect day. I would have given just about anything to share it with him.

  “And tonight?”

  This time his chuckle was darker. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  “Fiiiinnnnn,” I said, dragging his name out.

  “Relax, Mari Cherry. I’m going to a play. It’s not a musical, but it will have to do. And then I might walk some more and go back to my hotel where I’ll dream of you. It’s as close to perfection as I can get.”

  I almost felt bad for disturbing his day off. I had those every now and then. Well, before Fin. I’d stay home and not leave the house or talk to anyone. Just be with myself, by myself. It sounded depressing, but it wasn’t. I needed breaks from other humans sometimes. We all did.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m totally jealous.”

  “Don’t be. There will be hell to pay for this little respite. But I’ll pay the price. I needed this day. Well, I need you, but this is the next best thing.”

  “How bad do you think it’s going to be?” I asked, but knowing the answer was “pretty bad.” But what could his father do? It wasn’t as if Fin was a naughty child you’d just send to their room or put in time out.

  “I don’t want you to worry about that. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself.” I wanted to believe that he could, but I wasn’t sure.

  “I wish there was something I could do for you
. I mean, other than phone or webcam sex.” I laughed a little.

  “Just being on the phone with me is enough, Mari Cherry. You’re enough.”

  “You too. You’re more than enough.”

  I did worry about the consequences of Fin’s Day of Freedom, but I didn’t tell him that. But I was definitely going to be texting and calling him the next day to make sure everything was okay. Not that I could do anything if things weren’t okay, except for getting on a plane, and then what? Tell his evil father to go away? Yeah, that was bound to work out really well. His father wouldn’t listen to me, that was for sure. I just had to let Fin handle his own life, as hard as that might be.

  Summer was nearly halfway over, and I couldn’t believe it. I missed the days when the only thing I had to do in those warm months was get a tan and work on my summer reading list. Now that I was taking classes and organizing a bazillion events, summer wasn’t the break it should have been. Guess that was what being an adult was all about. No more summer vacations. Well, unless you were independently wealthy and summered in the Hamptons or on your yacht. Not that I’d really want to do any of those things. The idea of sitting around and gossiping while day drinking sounded depressing.

  I woke up the next morning to a sound coming from my front door. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock. My alarm was set to go off in five minutes. Who in the hell could be knocking on my door this early? It had better not be someone trying to tell me about Jesus because I was going to give them a piece of my mind. I finger-combed my hair and grabbed a robe before I looked out the peephole. Oh. It wasn’t someone trying to save my soul from Satan. It was Carl.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked as I swung the door open and squinted at him. It took a second for my brain to wake up. “Did something happen to Fin?” For the heart-stopping second it took for him to answer me, I thought I was going to die.

  “No, not at all. He wanted me to give you this.” He handed me a piece of paper.

  I pushed my hair out of my eyes again and stared at him. “What?”

  He put up a hand and told me to just read it.

  What in the hell? It was too early for this. I stepped aside and let Carl in as my eyes scanned the paper.

  Good morning, Marisol. Your only responsibility today is to enjoy yourself. I’ve taken the liberty of emailing you with excuses you can pass along to your professors. You’re taking the day off, on me. Use this agenda if you want, or make up your own. The choice is yours. This is your day. Don’t waste it.

  - Fin

  Under the note was a suggested schedule of activities, including getting a massage, going to the library, feeding the ducks in the park, taking a nap, watching a matinee, and a bunch of other things. They were all activities I would do. He hadn’t even bothered to put shopping on the list. Bless him. I bought most of my clothes online to avoid the experience.

  I looked up at Carl, who was trying to hide a smile.

  “I really shouldn’t take a day off. I have a lot of things to do,” I said.

  “It’s up to you, Miss Marisol.” Oh, he was no help. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t…

  “Let me just go get dressed,” I said.

  Fin had also made some suggestions along with his itinerary. One included going out without makeup in my most comfortable outfit. Normally, I wouldn’t have done it, but I was feeling emboldened by his own day of freedom.

  I forwarded the email he wrote for me (saying that I was interviewing and shadowing him for a potential internship) to my professors and called out of my charity meetings. I only had two and they wouldn’t miss me. I hoped. I could always catch up later.

  “No guilt,” I said as Carl escorted me downstairs. I’d donned my favorite pair of threadbare jeans that made my ass look amazing and a baggy, soft t-shirt that draped really nicely. I’d put my hair up in a messy bun and grabbed some sunglasses.

  “You look lovely, if I may be so bold, Miss Marisol,” Carl said with a little bow.

  “You may always be bold when it comes to compliments,” I replied. We both got in the car, and I scanned the itinerary. First on the list was breakfast. I was starving.

  “Mr. Fin has made reservations at several different places, so you can have your pick. Or not,” Carl said, handing me another piece of paper. There were five restaurants listed. One of them was my absolute favorite breakfast place because they had the most amazing scones. I circled it with a pen and handed the paper back to Carl.

  “He knows me too well. I would have picked that even if he didn’t suggest it,” I said. Thinking how well Fin knew me was both sweet and a little scary. I didn’t feel like I knew him all that well. Sure, I knew what he liked in terms of sex and his favorite books, but there were huge blank spots in his life that I knew nothing about. I’d only heard the bad things about his childhood. None of the good.

  Had he gotten good grades in school? I was sure he did, but was he naturally gifted or did he have to work for it? Did he have any friends? What would his ideal Sunday look like? Did he want to have kids?

  So many questions.

  I figured Fin was probably footing the bill for this day, and I was right. I tried to pay for my breakfast and was informed that my money was no good. I sighed and put my card away.

  I scanned the list and wondered what to do next. The library. I hadn’t been to the library to get anything other than a reference book or something nonfiction for research in ages. Fin was a huge fan of the establishment and read more voraciously than anyone I’d ever met.

  “The library, please, Carl.” This caused him to take out another piece of paper. This whole thing was starting to feel like a scavenger hunt. I was going to have to do something big for Fin. I had his address at the hotel where he was staying in Germany. I wanted to send him something that reminded him of me. But what?

  “How are you, Carl?”

  “Fine, Miss Marisol. Just fine.” He smiled at me in the mirror, and I was seized by the desire to know more about him.

  “Do you have children, Carl?” At the mention of kids, his eyes lit up.

  “Yes, ma’am. One boy and one girl. My son just turned eleven, and my baby girl is sixteen.” He beamed. It was easy to see that he adored them.

  “Sixteen, that’s a tough age,” I said, remembering myself as a teenager. I’d been an emo, angsty mess. It’s no wonder my parents hadn’t wanted much to do with me.

  He chuckled. “Yes, it can be. I have to keep reminding myself that she’s a young woman now, but it’s not easy. I still want to murder any boy who looks at her.”

  We laughed together. That seemed to be the curse of fathers with daughters, wanting her to grow up independent but wanting to protect her at the same time.

  We talked more about his kids on the way to the library. His son, Carl Jr. was into everything, from sports to robotics. Smart kid. And his daughter was a black belt in Judo and had ambitions to be a heart surgeon. Damn.

  “You must be so proud of them,” I said, and he practically glowed with pride.

  “I am. There’s nothing better than watching your children grow up.”

  I nodded, and he pulled up to the front of the library to let me out.

  “Thank you,” I said as he held the door for me.

  “You’re welcome, Miss Marisol. You just text me when you’re ready to go. Take your time. You’ve got all day.” He grinned and tipped his hat before getting into the car and driving away to park the car.

  I looked up at the imposing stone building of the Boston Public Library. It was beautiful and intimidating, like many of the structures in Boston. It seemed almost wrong to traipse around on so much history. Disrespectful.

  Still, I took a breath and walked up to the front door.

  I ended up with a stack of books. Fin had given me his card number, so I was able to take them out on his. I didn’t have a card here of my own, but I filled out a form and they’d be sending me one in a week or so. The building was rectangular and had a beautiful fount
ain and garden in the very center of the building. I wondered if they had weddings here. It would be a beautiful place.

  Not that I was thinking about weddings.

  I quickly went back to browsing the books. I was going to have to call Carl to help me carry these to the car.

  In addition to several novels, I checked out some nonfiction books on different subjects, including one on the evolution of women’s undergarments and one on unschooling. Reading books about education always fascinated me, especially different kinds of education. Unschooling was an interesting phenomenon that I didn’t know much about. It put education in the student’s hands. If a kid wanted to learn reading, they’d do it. If they wanted to play videogames all day, they could do it. I wasn’t sure how that would work out in the long run, especially with college, but I was always open to new ideas.

  I texted Carl, and when he saw me coming through the door with a teetering pile of books, he rushed to help me.

  “Thank you. Those were heavy,” I said. My arms felt like wet noodles as I handed them over.

  “Heavy with knowledge,” Carl said with a wink. I laughed.

  “Agreed.”

  We got the books in the car, and Carl looked at me for direction.

  “The park,” I said. With that, he pulled something out of the glove box and handed it back to me. A loaf of bread. Of course.

  “I also have a blanket for you to sit on if you’d like.” Well, he’d just thought of everything. Or Fin had.

  “That would be great.”

  “And if you’d like anything to eat or drink, just say the word. I know the location of several nearby coffee shops.” Having a map of the city in your head was probably an occupational hazard of being a chauffeur. It would come in handy, though.

  “Thanks so much, that would be great.” We headed to the park, and I said I’d really like a cup of Earl Grey tea to have with me while I read one of my books and fed the ducks. He said he’d be back in a moment, and I headed toward the pond.