by Reyna Biddy
and forever and ever love themselves—
far more than anyone ever could. It’s important that we remain ourselves, for ourselves, and stay true to everything and everyone that makes sense to ourselves. Sometimes we get lost in the idea that
we should be or look like others, but
all of our flaws are what make us so goddamn beautiful.
And.. sometimes I don’t want to be pretty..
I wanna be fucking powerful.
I wanna be approached like a woman and not a piece of meat.
I want a man to look me in my eyes and say..
“What a relief.. a woman who loves herself.”
reyna's interlude
I guess you can call this an “about me” or the puzzle piece that makes it all come together, perfectly. At 11 years old I told my parents I wanted to be an author “someday.” All my life I was looking for a reason to say “someday,” “someway,” because I knew “today” was nearly impossible. Today I’m 21.. and I’m ready to give myself to you. I’m ready to share myself with whomever. I’ve learned that you cannot learn to love yourself overnight. You cannot rebuild your heart after being broken into a million pieces, overnight. You cannot fall in love overnight. You cannot fix yourself or your situation overnight. Everything takes time. It’s taken me time to write this. It took me some time to see that I have a God-given talent and to see that my message is extraordinary. I cannot express how grateful I am to have been able to tap into the woman I was meant to be—who walked around spreading daylight on the darkest beings. I never knew what exactly I was doing until there were hundreds of messages in my inboxes of people thanking me. I started writing this book when I started questioning if there was anyone who could relate to me. I started spreading my truths and saw how so many people began to gravitate toward me. You might imagine how overwhelming that came to be. I started getting questions like “Who are you?” and “Thank you for uplifting me. How’d you learn to express yourself so honestly and so freely?” Well.. the difference between you and me is, I was taught how to love myself—but never how to love someone else. I was selfish. I tried my best to neglect my fears and love. Then—I tried to love. I’ve failed several times—but I’ve gotten up twice as many to where I’m no longer scared. I’m no longer afraid to learn myself. I’m no longer afraid to be hurt by people because I’ve seen the beauty that comes with breaking down to be built back up into who you’re meant to be. I saw how hard my father loved my mother but it was never strong enough to be faithful. I watched my mom love my dad like he was her savior when in essence he was her Satan. I’ve learned
that the Devil is both gorgeous and deceiving. He’s always had this crazy habit where he loves me, he fucks me, then he leaves me. I’ve lost myself in people I thought I was made for. I’ve lost myself in the person people portrayed me to be. I was afraid of being me. I was afraid to feel. I was afraid to bleed. But really.. I’m just like you. I’ve been in situations where I would’ve rather died, too. I’ve been lied to. I cry, too. I’ve lost myself in love so many times. I’ve reached a point in my life where I know how to save myself from certain things. From certain beings. I know what it’s like to be damaged and humiliated by what I thought was love. And I know what it’s like to be too blind to see how toxic certain relationships were for me. I know what it’s like to feel like I was left stranded as soon as I fell too deep. I know what it’s like to pray for healing from the same person who broke me. I know what it’s like to lay next to someone and still feel alone at night and by morning just as empty. I know what it’s like to have no one on my side. I know what it’s like to keep everything inside. I know what it’s like to be too afraid to open up because of the fear of looking weak. I know what it’s like to be too afraid to give myself to someone because of how many times I’ve placed my heart in the wrong person’s hands. I’ve given up on myself before. I’ve had ideas and dreams that I never followed through with because I didn’t believe that I could make something out of me. I’ve learned to be more careful and selective with my heart. I’m no longer afraid to love myself like I was taught from the start. I’m no longer afraid of my truths. The truth is.. My name is Reyna.. And I’m an Addict. I don’t know where I drifted or how I got here but I’m addicted to love, not ordinarily. All my life I’ve been running from affection in hopes of finding it. Instead of hiking up the right way, I went down left.. thinking MAYBE prince charming tripped and needed some assistance. All the while wishing there was no such thing because I wasn’t quite prepared for that engagement. You ever do something you know you shouldn’t then look for the reason why? Mine was curiosity. I’ve heard plenty that curiosity kills the cat, but who molded the kitty? In my case, it was my city. You see.. LA raised me. Taught me that nothing good comes out of attachment, unless you like to feel pain.. Don’t have too many partners, it’ll ruin your name.. but needless to say—My name is Reyna, and regardless of the many obstacles, I’ve always remained the same me. And maybe that’s my biggest downfall. Maybe I was meant to touch more, to love softer, to trust faster, to kiss longer, to smile brighter, to let the voices in my head win more often. Maybe I was born to question less, to live on my own, to speak a message so deep that the inner beauty inside of me slowly seeps into my eyes and you can’t see that gorgeous little girl with the head full of curls anymore because that’s not who I am. I’m a product of my environment and I’m addicted to love.. I’m addicted to struggle.. I’m addicted to spilling my soul and receiving nothing in return.. I’m addicted to being a better me and not every man can see the beauty in spoiled seeds but when that root starts growing, let that thang go.. and maybe I’ll start to write something more worthy of anyone’s time.
In the meantime, do us a favor,
remember to save some you for you.
Keep up with Reyna Biddy on social media
for news on her next book
and many other exclusives.
Twitter: @Dearyoufromwe
Instagram: @ReynaBiddy
I Love My Love copyright © 2017 by Reyna “Biddy” Mays. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of reprints in the context of reviews.
Andrews McMeel Publishing
a division of Andrews McMeel Universal
1130 Walnut Street, Kansas City, Missouri 64106
www.andrewsmcmeel.com
ISBN: 978-1-4494-8694-5
Library of Congress Control Number: 2016959112
Editor: Patty Rice
Designer, Art Director: Holly Swayne
Production Editor: Erika Kuster
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Ebook Developer: Kristen Minter
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