A Boy's Christmas Wish

by Patricia Johns

  “Danny, we shouldn’t—”

  He knew that. Of course they shouldn’t. There were a hundred good reasons not to, and he was sure he’d remember every single one of them once she was out of his house, but right now, he couldn’t pin two thoughts together.

  “You said you missed me,” he murmured.

  “I did.” She was still near enough that he could easily close that distance between them, but he wouldn’t. Beth turned away, and he leaned back with a sigh.

  “I’m not thinking straight,” she said. “This is just...chemistry.”

  “I’m not, either.” He cast her a wry smile. “Sorry.”

  “It’s late,” she said, and she tried to push herself up but didn’t seem able to do it. “Oh, for crying out loud!”

  “Need a hand?” Dan asked with a low laugh.

  “Please.”

  He stood up and took her hands in his and gave her a tug to lever her to her feet. “Hard to make an elegant exit when you’re stuck in my couch, huh?”

  “You have no idea.” Her cheeks tinged pink and she shook her head. “I do need to go, Danny.”

  “I know.” He let go of her hands and took a step back. “I’ll behave myself.”

  Dan helped her into her coat and wrapped her scarf around her neck tenderly. Maybe it was chemistry, but it sure was strong. He’d kick himself for this later—that was a given—but she was beautiful tonight.

  “Are you going to be able to get out of your car on your own?” he asked as she opened the front door.

  “Yes, I’ve got a system. Your couch is the problem.” She stepped out into the winter chill, and her breath froze in the air. He wanted to tug her back inside and kiss her again. He wanted to keep her warm in his arms—

  Chemistry. Some biological pull between two healthy adults. That’s it—wasn’t that their agreement, at least?

  “Good night, Beth,” he said.

  “Good night, Danny.”

  He watched as she got into her car and drove off, then he shut the door and locked it, waiting for logic and reason to calm his pulse. Then he looked over at Luke, still snoring on the floor, and he heaved a sigh.

  It didn’t matter what a woman could do to his heart rate if he couldn’t trust her to be strong by his side during hard times, too. She couldn’t be right for him if he couldn’t trust her to be the rock that Luke needed, too. That was part of being a parent...

  And there it was—the rush of regret he’d been expecting.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  BETH STOOD IN a secondhand-jewelry shop in downtown North Fork. The shops were busy, Christmas music playing in every store. The sun was shining, but a few snowflakes fell nonetheless, sparkling in the air as they floated to the ground. She’d hoped that some shopping would take her mind off Danny, but so far it hadn’t worked.

  She’d replayed that kiss over and over all last night, remembering the feeling of his arms slipping around her, the softness of his lips... That wasn’t the old Danny she’d felt in that embrace. This was the mature man with his restraint and urgency battling each other.

  There was something deeper and more insistent about this kiss than their last one. He’d known what he wanted, and if she hadn’t pulled back when she did— A blush burned her cheeks. That kiss was more troubling than their last, because it had overridden all the logic that she had thought would protect her. They’d known better. What were they doing—what was she doing? Even the memory of his lips moving over hers sped up her heart. Those conflicting feelings had their root in their past relationship, but that kiss had been very much in the present.

  She’d made a large enough mistake the night her daughter was conceived, and at this point she was supposed to know better than to just give herself up to a moment and live to regret it later. Actions had consequences—maybe especially now that she was pregnant. And she knew better than to toy with emotions that went that deep. Passion, heartbreak, regret...this wasn’t a game, and Danny wasn’t just some stranger in a bar. He was the guy who could tangle up her emotions like no one else.

  In the secondhand-jewelry shop, Beth had found a locket that Granny could put a picture of Grandpa in and wear around her neck. The wind stung her cheeks as Beth stepped outside, her bags at her side. Those few snowflakes still sparkled in the air, sunlight illuminating them in winter magic. It was like seeing the sun shine and rain fall at the same time—rare, but it happened, and she always stopped to enjoy the phenomenon. Except today was too cold, so Beth headed down the sidewalk. She realized that she had one more gift she wanted to buy...for Danny.

  Except that wasn’t appropriate. Just because they’d been close once didn’t mean that exchanging Christmas gifts wouldn’t be weird now. Even with their recent struggle with their attraction for each other—which was best put solidly behind them. And if she bought something for Danny, she’d need to get something for Luke, too. And that wasn’t a problem, except that it stopped being a nostalgic gesture and started being something different. Something tangible and present, and she wasn’t trying to make any statements or put Danny in an awkward position.

  I’m hormonal, she reminded herself. I’m more emotional than I would be.

  That was it, wasn’t it? That could also explain her passionate response to Danny’s kiss last night, because that certainly hadn’t been logical. It couldn’t exactly explain his kiss, though... Was she completely overthinking this?

  “Yes,” she said aloud. She was. This was ridiculous. He’d kissed her. She’d kissed him back. Again. It was another mistake—they both knew that—the end! She had bigger problems and bigger responsibilities to worry about than a couple of kisses. They were just learning how to coexist in the same town.

  Beth waited at a curb until a car had passed, then she crossed the street. On the corner there was a cozy bistro, and she thought she might stop in for a bite to eat. As she approached, she scanned the patrons through the front window. She’d always enjoyed doing that—watching people eat—but as her gaze fell on a table a little way back, she stopped short. Her father sat at that table, his sleeves rolled up to his forearms, a bowl of soup in front of him, and across the table from him sat Linda. They didn’t see Beth—they were looking at each other, deep in conversation. It wasn’t a look of love, exactly—more a look of intense, earnest listening. She paused, watching them, her heart thumping in her chest.

  What was this, exactly? Was her father on a date? Or were they just hammering out mutual interests?

  “Hi.”

  Beth startled and looked up to find Danny standing next to her. His cheeks were reddened from the cold, and he smiled.

  “Hungry?” he asked.

  “No.” She’d answered faster than she meant to, and it wasn’t even true. She was starving, but she wasn’t going inside. She turned away from the window, heat flooding into her cheeks.

  “You okay?” Danny eyed her speculatively.

  “My dad’s in there.” She licked her lips. “With Linda.”

  Danny looked over her head, and she glanced back to see both her father and Linda looking away from the window and toward the waiter. It was just as well. She’d rather not be caught spying.

  Beth started walking again. Linda and Dad—together. Her father hadn’t mentioned that Linda was still in town. Beth had assumed that she’d gone home to Edmonton again. But apparently, she had not. Why was her father keeping secrets like that? Not that it was her business...

  “You are hungry, aren’t you?” Danny said, matching her pace easily.

  “Sort of,” she admitted. “I’m always hungry these days.”

  “How about the bakery? I’ll buy you a doughnut.”

  “Buy me a full sandwich and you have a deal.” She cracked a smile.

  “Done.”

  Danny put a hand on her elbow as they
crossed the street, and she found herself oddly comforted by the gesture. She tugged her scarf higher on her chin to fend off the wind, and when they got to the curb, there was a puddle of salt-melted slush awaiting them. Danny took her hand firmly in his and helped her across it. Granted, in her condition, she needed the extra help, but once on the sidewalk again, she pulled her hand free.

  “Thank you,” she said. But she couldn’t do this—lean on Danny as if he were more than just an old friend. Her emotions needed some clear lines—gray areas weren’t going to work. Not right now.

  Danny didn’t say anything, but he gave her some space as they walked toward the bakery, and when he opened the door for her, she looked back at the bistro across the street. Seeing her father with Linda had been unsettling—too much like the old days, she supposed. They used to go out to eat at that bistro on their date nights.

  Danny ordered Beth a turkey sandwich and a couple of doughnuts for himself. Then they took their tray and headed for a table by the window. Beth put her bags down beside her chair and eased into the seat. She needed more room now to make space for her stomach, and she rubbed her belly as the baby stretched.

  “I wanted to apologize for last night,” Danny said as he sat.

  “It’s okay,” she said.

  “Not really,” he said. “I know you’re in a vulnerable spot right now, and I keep forgetting that.”

  Beth nodded, then felt her cheeks heat. “It wasn’t only you, Danny.”

  Her mind went back to the way she’d clutched the front of his shirt, holding him there, holding him close...not wanting that kiss to end. She was most certainly culpable, too.

  “Well...I started it.” He smiled uncertainly.

  Had he? She wasn’t even sure. She’d been the one to tell him how she was feeling—missing him the way she had. She shouldn’t have done that—some things were better left unsaid. It had been a mixture of low lights and low voices...

  “I can’t play games,” she admitted quietly. “I’m having a baby...my life is upside down, I’m emotional, it’s Christmas—” Beth clamped her mouth shut, trying to sort out the words.

  “I know,” he replied. “I feel the same way. When I’m with you, I forget all of the excellent reasons to keep things—” he shrugged “—kosher, I guess.”

  “We know there’s an attraction between us,” she said. “I thought that just admitting it would help, but—”

  “Yeah, it didn’t do much, did it?” His gaze was warm, safe. But she wouldn’t be pulled in. She had to keep her head on straight, and Danny had always been able to turn her upside down with his lopsided smile.

  “So we should be more careful,” she said.

  “Yeah...”

  “I’m pregnant because I did something stupid without thinking,” she said earnestly. “I’m not going to make a mistake like this again.”

  “I know. I wasn’t—” Danny looked away, his gaze moving over the icy streets. “We both have kids to put first now.”

  That covered it. They weren’t free to follow their impulses anymore. There were more hearts in the balance than just their own. And it wasn’t fair to drag children through an emotional mess just because two adults thought it might be worth some risk. Beth would be careful with her little girl. She wouldn’t bring just anyone into her life, and she would make sure that Riley knew that she came first every step of the way.

  “So what’s the plan?” Danny asked.

  Beth sighed. “The plan was to come home and raise my daughter. I want her to have a life here with her grandpa and extended family. North Fork is a beautiful place to grow up—I want her to have this.” She eyed him for a moment, then smiled ruefully. “You being here complicates that, though.”

  “Yeah?” He didn’t look daunted. “This town isn’t big enough for the both of us?”

  “It’ll have to be, won’t it?”

  “I’ll behave,” he said with a small smile.

  “So you keep saying.” She chuckled. “We’ll figure it out, I’m sure.”

  “But what about a job?” he asked. “Any thoughts there?”

  “Once my maternity leave is up, I was thinking it would be nice to get back into caring for the elderly. In fact, I could apply to be a caregiver for Granny through the government support channels. She’ll need a caregiver soon, and I’d rather it be me than anyone else.”

  “So you really do have plans. Here.”

  Was that uncertainty she heard in his voice? Was her presence here cramping his style? They’d have to sort out their ill-fated chemistry some way or other, because this was her home, just as much as it was his. She’d been born and raised here.

  “This is where I want to raise Riley,” she said, then shook her head. “And I’m not making my plans because of what might be fun—I’m looking at what’s best for my daughter and my family. That’s one mistake I won’t be making.”

  She picked up the sandwich and pulled back the paper. Her stomach rumbled in response.

  “Thank you for this,” she added. “I appreciate it.”

  * * *

  DAN WATCHED AS Beth took a jaw-cracking bite of the sandwich. Crumbs of the crusty bun littered the table in front of her. She was hungry—he could tell by the way she devoured her food. His anxiety mounted as he considered her words: she was staying in town. It wasn’t that he wanted her to go, because he seemed to be wanting a whole lot more from her lately, but it might be good for him if she did. He’d find his balance again, at least. With her here...

  His mind went back to that kiss the night before. There had to be some middle ground—making peace with her without crossing those lines. They’d be living in the same town, after all, and running into each other from time to time. They couldn’t just become strangers again and erase their past, either. Besides... Looking at her, his heart softened. She needed someone looking out for her. She was having a baby and resolutely charging forward as she did with everything, but she wasn’t as invulnerable as she thought.

  All he knew was that Beth didn’t have a partner at her side to help her over puddles or catch her if she fell. Beth acted like she had everything under control, and he knew she’d never admit to needing a hand, but pregnancy wasn’t easy, and neither was being a single mom to a newborn. He’d messed up with Lana, but back then he’d still had a lot of growing up to do. He was more mature now, and he wouldn’t let Beth struggle on her own.

  Danny finished his doughnut just as Beth polished off her sandwich. He pushed the second doughnut toward her with a small smile.

  “That’s for you,” he said.

  “No, really—”

  She wanted it, though. He could tell by the way she eyed it.

  “I bought the second one for you,” he reassured her. “You’re eating for two.”

  Beth grinned and accepted his gift. “Thanks.” She heaved a happy sigh and took a nibble from one side.

  “So what’s happening between your dad and Linda?” he asked.

  “Your guess is as good as mine.” She licked her finger. “She came by the other day to give him half of their investments, which was really decent of her. But I thought she’d gone back to Edmonton. I had no idea she was still in town.”

  Danny nodded. It wasn’t his business, but he was curious. “They say breakups are complicated.”

  Or maybe it wasn’t the breaking up that was complicated, but the seeing each other again afterward. Feelings didn’t just disappear when a relationship ended. They bled and ached and healed over somewhat, and given half a chance, they kept trying to go back to what they used to be. Even if that wasn’t possible. Even if neither person wanted to go back.

  “They do say that...” Her tone softened, and she sighed.

  “Maybe it’s just like us,” Dan said. “They have history, and maybe some chemistry still.
Maybe they’ll remain friends.”

  “Friends?” She looked up dubiously.

  “You don’t think that’s possible?” he asked, and he felt that old ache in his heart again.

  “I think it’s possible, but looking back on everything they’ve put each other through, I’m not sure it’s likely.”

  Yeah, he was afraid of that. After the way Beth left him, maybe it was unrealistic of him to want to keep something with her, too. He’d protect his son at all costs, but was he wrong to want something with her anyway? Not romance—he knew better than that—but not a complete goodbye, either. Beth’s gaze flickered up to his face, then down to the last of the doughnut in her hand.

  “Dad loves her, Danny.”

  “Yeah.” Dan had seen that, too. He could sympathize. He’d been in love with a woman who couldn’t take on someone else’s child. It changed what was possible between the two of them, but it didn’t erase their feelings. Not all of them.

  “And she’s in love with him, too—” Beth popped the last of the doughnut into her mouth and chewed thoughtfully. “If it weren’t for me, they’d have been a good match.”

  Dan sighed. “I doubt they see it that way.”

  Beth shrugged. “They might. Even so, I’m an adult now. If they want to try their marriage again, I’m not a kid anymore. He has to live his life.”

  “Do you think that’s what this is?” Dan asked cautiously.

  “No... I don’t know. Maybe?” Beth shook her head. “Honestly, at this point, I might be able to appreciate what Linda could offer.”

  “Yeah?” Dan eyed her in surprise.

  “She might be stiff and overly polite, but she does know a lot about social niceties, she gives a thoughtful gift card and she seemed to make my dad happy.” Her eyes misted at those last words. “And he’s so lonely, Danny...”

  Lonely. Yes, Dan supposed that Rick was. Dan was, too, for that matter. He hadn’t realized how much he missed sharing his life with someone until Beth had come back to town and awakened something inside him. But he missed her. He’d thought that being a dad would be enough—at least for a few years—but Rick proved a powerful point. Parenthood couldn’t fill that void, even if exhaustion might make it easier to ignore. If Beth wasn’t the woman for him, then maybe it was time to start looking around for someone else who could be. But with her in town, every other woman seemed to pale in comparison. When she’d walked out on him, they were five days away from their wedding, and in his heart, he’d already taken those vows. For some blasted reason, they’d stuck.