A Boy's Christmas Wish

by Patricia Johns

  “What are you naming her?” the nurse asked.

  Beth had been planning on giving Riley Granny’s name as a middle, but looking down at her, she knew better. Beth ran a finger down her daughter’s hand. “Her name is Riley Anne Thomas.”

  “Anne, after your mom,” her father said, a smile in his voice.

  Beth nodded. It only seemed right to honor her mother in some way. She’d have wanted to be here for this—her granddaughter’s birth.

  “I think it’s perfect,” Rick said, and she heard the emotion catch in his voice, but Beth’s eyes were still fixed on her baby. She wanted to memorize every detail of her face, her hands and feet. She’d felt this little girl moving around on the inside for months now, and every time, she’d wondered what she’d look like. Now that she knew, it seemed almost surreal.

  “Dad—” Beth looked over to her father. “I’m going to find my own place as soon as I can.”

  “Beth...” Rick shook his head. “Look, you don’t need to do that.”

  “Yes, I do,” she said. “I’m a grown woman now, and I think you and I both need our space.”

  “You might be grown, but you’re still my daughter.” Her father eased into the chair next to her bed. “I know you want to do this on your own, but you don’t have to. I’m not going to stop being your dad or this little one’s grandfather. And you don’t have to worry about anything. Linda brought me my half of those investments, and I’m going to find a job to keep some money coming in—” He shook his head as Beth opened her mouth. “I’m serious, Beth. You’re not alone in this. Riley will have a grandpa who’ll be wrapped right around her finger. That’s that.”

  There was time to hash out the details, and Beth turned her attention back to her baby. How many years had she longed to hear that kind of devotion in her father’s voice when he spoke to her? How long had she wished that her dad would unconditionally choose her? Today, on the day he became a grandfather for the first time, he had.

  “I’m a mother...” Beth murmured, in awe.

  “And I’m a grandpa.” Her father chuckled. “I should probably make some calls. I’ll be back in a few minutes, okay?”

  “Okay...”

  Her father left the room, and Beth pressed her lips against her daughter’s soft forehead. She’d choose Riley first, every time. She’d put her daughter’s needs ahead of her own. She’d protect her baby with every breath, and she’d never let her child doubt her love—not for a single second. Riley was going to be her top priority for the rest of Beth’s days.

  For the next hour, Beth had time alone with her daughter. She’d meant to stare into her little girl’s face the entire time, but her energy was spent, and she fell into an exhausted slumber. A while later, the hospital room door opened once more, and Rick poked his head in.

  “Beth, there are some people here to see you. You up to it?”

  “Sure,” Beth said, and the door opened farther to reveal Granny. The old woman’s face erupted into a wreath of smiles, and she was followed by Danny and Luke. Luke hung back, and Danny stood by the door, letting Granny go first. Beth’s gaze moved back to Danny—standing there with his eyes locked on her tenderly, as if she were the one who’d just been born. And perhaps she had been—a newborn mother.

  Granny tutted and oohed and aahed over Riley, then straightened and shot Danny a severe look.

  “Daniel,” she said reprovingly. “Come over here and meet your daughter.”

  Danny paled first, then he smiled uncomfortably. Granny was settled in the past, it seemed, and Beth had to laugh. It was ridiculous, this balance of caring for Granny’s dementia, and sometimes there was no other reaction.

  “It’s okay,” Beth said. “Come see her.”

  “Why don’t I take Luke and Granny down to the cafeteria for a few minutes?” Rick suggested, and Beth nodded. It might be easier that way... She was still tired, and it would be easier if they weren’t all playing along with Granny’s version of reality. Right now, Beth needed the real world.

  Granny pottered toward the door, but when she got to Danny, she took his hand in hers and looked up into his eyes.

  “Daniel,” she said firmly, “that wedding needs to happen pronto. Ticktock.”

  * * *

  DAN MET GRANNY’S GAZE, and he could have sworn she was lucid. She looked like she was in the here and now, but he knew she had to be stuck in the past. He licked his lips.

  “I understand, Granny,” he said seriously.

  “Good.” She patted his hand, then turned to Luke. “Let’s get you fed, young man.”

  In the present or the past, Granny could be counted on to feed whoever was near her. Luke looked at Dan questioningly. Dan hadn’t planned what he’d say, exactly, but he knew he wanted a few minutes alone with Beth. But then, that’s all he seemed to want lately, whether it was good for them or not.

  “Go on down with Mr. Thomas,” Dan said, digging in his pocket for some money. He pulled it out and handed it over to his son. “Get some fries or something. I’ll just be a few minutes, okay?”

  Luke nodded, significantly cheered up by the sight of a twenty.

  “Okay,” he said. “’Bye, Dad.”

  Rick, Granny and Luke stepped into the hallway, and Dan watched them head toward the elevator before he went all the way into Beth’s room and let the door swing shut behind him. The nurses had gone for the time being, and Dan stood there, his mouth dry as he stared at Beth.

  Her golden hair fell in loose curls around her shoulders. Her exhaustion was clear, but her eyes sparkled with a deeper emotion than he’d ever seen. This was it—he was witnessing her life change forever. Beth Thomas was officially a mother now.

  “Hi,” he said quietly, and Beth smiled.

  “Do you want to come see her?” she asked. “Meet my little girl.”

  Dan crossed the room then sank onto the bed next to Beth, peering into the sleeping face of the newborn. Was this what it had been like when Luke came into the world? He wished with all his heart he hadn’t missed that day. The birth of a child was a milestone, an event that changed a person into a parent.

  “She’s beautiful,” Dan said with a slow smile. “Just like her mom.”

  “You have to say that,” Beth said with a chuckle. “And she is beautiful, but I’m a wreck.”

  “You’re a warrior,” he countered. “You just had a baby, Beth.”

  “Can you believe that?” She smoothed a hand over her daughter’s hair. “I already can’t remember what it was like without her...”

  Dan nodded. “I’ve never seen a baby this new before... I wish I had, though.”

  Beth didn’t answer, not that he’d expected her to. It wasn’t up to her to let him off the hook for his past mistakes. He’d have to live with having turned his back on his pregnant girlfriend, whether she’d wanted him involved or not. He should have been there for his son from the very start.

  Beth looked up at Dan uncertainly. “Do you want to hold her?”

  Dan froze for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah. Can I?”

  “Sure.”

  Dan gingerly took the baby from her and stared down at the tiny person, the slight weight of her in his arms. As he looked down into the wee face, the baby opened her eyes and blinked at him a couple of times.

  “Hi there...” he whispered.

  The baby shut her eyes again, and Dan felt a lump rise in his throat. She was so perfect.

  “I can’t believe how small she is,” he breathed.

  Beth nodded. “I know. They say it doesn’t last long, though.”

  “Yeah...” Dan felt his eyes mist, and he blinked it back. This moment right here with a woman he’d never stopped loving and the baby she’d just delivered—this was what it was all about. The surge of emotion he felt toward her, the protecti
veness he felt toward this brand-new baby... It didn’t matter who had fathered this child. She was here, and her arrival had thrown off all the veils and masks and shown him exactly what he wanted.

  “I want this, Beth,” he said quietly as he handed the baby back to her. He met her gaze, then shrugged helplessly.

  “You mean you wish you’d had it with Luke...” Beth’s clear blue eyes clouded slightly, then she looked down at her daughter again.

  “No,” he admitted. “I mean, yes, I do wish I’d been there for Luke’s birth, but I mean I want this...with you.”

  Beth stared at him. “What?”

  “I’m serious, Beth.” Dan swallowed. “Granny lectured me earlier today when I stayed with her while you were here, and...” Dan rested his hand on her leg over the covers. “She said that for our wedding, we needed to use the old-fashioned vows. She said there was a reason that people vowed for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health.”

  “I never liked the obedience part,” Beth said with a small smile.

  “Me, neither.” He smiled, then licked his lips. “But she was obviously stuck in the past again, and she wanted me to promise her that no matter what happened with you—sickness, poverty, anything—that I’d love you and never stop. And I can promise that.” He looked at Beth, silently begging her to understand. “I didn’t have to try or vow or—” He shook his head, searching for the words. “Beth, I never stopped loving you.”

  Love—yes, that was it. He hadn’t fully realized it until the words came out, but he still loved her, and he probably hadn’t stopped. He’d been angry and betrayed and had desperately wanted to move on, but there had always been an ember in his heart that was just for her.

  “I should have stopped,” he said, his voice shaking. “Five years—I should have brushed you off after you left and gotten over you. I should have.”

  “Yes,” she agreed, but her voice wavered, too. “And you still should.”

  If only it were that easy—a choice, a decision. A vow, even! It wasn’t about choosing her or wanting her—it went deeper, down to his bones.

  “I can’t,” he admitted. “I’ve tried so hard to just stamp it out, but I loved you when I was a newbie millwright who wanted to marry you, and I loved you when you walked away. I was angry and hurt, and you have no idea how hard I worked to cover it up, to stop feeling anything when I thought about you... So when you showed up again, it was all still there, waiting.”

  Dan rubbed his hands over his face. “Granny said we needed to make those old-fashioned vows because life could be hard, and we needed to remember what we were promising. But, Beth, I didn’t need vows with you to make that a reality. You owe me nothing, and I still can’t stop loving you!”

  A tear escaped and he wiped it away with the heel of his hand. If only life could be governed by vows and decisions, he’d be able to get his heart back under control. Dan reached across the bed, and she reached back, twining her fingers with his.

  He moved closer, then tipped his head down to touch hers.

  “I love you, too,” she whispered, and that was all it took. He covered her lips with his and kissed her long and slow. When he finally pulled back, her eyes were still shut and a tear slipped down her cheek.

  “But we can’t...” Beth’s eyes fluttered open, and she met his gaze with agonizing directness. “Danny, it isn’t Luke, because I could embrace him. He’s a sweet boy who needs love. It’s us—no matter how nice it would be to give our kids a family, that family would be built on our relationship. We’d have to trust each other, and I don’t think we do.”

  “You still don’t trust me?” he asked in disbelief. “I’ve grown a lot over the past few years, Beth.”

  “Your first instinct back then was to hide Luke from me...” She sighed. “I’ve been in a home where the blending didn’t work well, Danny. And we can argue about who was to blame for that, but it was miserable. If you and I weren’t connected on the deepest level, it wouldn’t work. You guard your turf, Danny. As you should, I suppose, but five years ago, you hid a child’s existence from me, and ever since I got back into town, you’ve been staking your territory, so to speak. Luke is yours—and I need to know my place.”

  “Beth, I’m a dad...that doesn’t mean it couldn’t change—”

  “Linda wasn’t the monster I thought she was,” Beth interrupted. “And I can see how easy it might be to slide down into bitterness, and the kids need better than that. Your son deserves to come first. So does Riley.”

  “And they will,” Dan countered.

  “Danny, I can’t do it.” She shook her head. “Back when Luke first arrived, I said that asking me to marry you was one proposal, but asking me to be a stepmother was a completely different one. The thing is, starting out on our own—no kids, no complications—seemed easier. But to do this, to blend together a family, it takes more than emotion or hopes for the future. It takes some concrete relationship skills. I’d need to know that you’d come to me with anything and everything, and while you might be able to make a promise like that now, it isn’t natural for you. And in the thick of things, we go back to our habits.”

  “Yeah...” He sighed. “You don’t trust me enough for this.”

  Her answer was in her silence. “Maybe you’re right. We had our chance five years ago, and we made our choices. I messed up and hid Luke from you, and you made your choice. Time might have passed, but it hasn’t changed the basics, has it?”

  Five years hadn’t changed Beth’s decision, either. She was right, of course, that the kids needed to come first. He could wrap his heart around her little girl, but if Beth couldn’t trust what they were together, there was no point. She was the stronger one right now—facing the reality of their miserable situation. She couldn’t trust him...and he was pushing aside his own issues, too. A vow in a ceremony wasn’t magical—it was simply supposed to state what was already between them.

  Beth looked up at him again, and he saw the agony in her eyes—the depth of what she was giving up for the greater good. How he loved her...why couldn’t love be enough? But it never had been, especially not between them.

  Dan got up. He couldn’t stay here—he had to get out, get some space. His chest ached, and he suspected that he’d just have to get used to that feeling, because he wasn’t going to stop loving Beth.

  “I’m going to go find Luke,” Dan said gruffly.

  “Okay,” Beth agreed. “Danny, you’re a good father.”

  And she would make an excellent mother, and an amazing wife to someone someday—just not him. He crossed the room and opened the door.

  Beth had become a mother today, and her life would never be the same. Neither would his. He’d just realized that all the vows in the world couldn’t save him from a lifetime of loving the wrong woman.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  BETH BROUGHT HER daughter home on Christmas Eve. She buckled her into the car seat for the very first time and sat next to her baby in the back seat while her father drove them home. She just couldn’t take her eyes off her daughter—she was too amazing, too perfect... She was here now, and Beth felt the weight of her new responsibilities.

  That evening, she held her baby girl in her arms, looking at the Christmas tree. Riley snuggled close, one hand poking out of the blanket. She was a quiet baby so far—completely content as long as she was in her mother’s arms, not that Beth minded. Being together seemed just about perfect to her.

  Granny puttered in the kitchen—she was making Christmas cookies, and Beth was looking forward to having some of those. She might not be pregnant anymore, but she was still hungry. She was feeding a baby now, and that seemed to use up almost as much of her energy.

  Beth looked over the familiar decorations on the Christmas tree—the shiny bulbs, the golden bells, a little glass angel that they’d
put there in honor of her mother the Christmas after she passed away...but there was a new decoration now, and seeing it brought a smile to Beth’s face.

  “Baby’s first Christmas!” Beth turned to her father and grinned. “When did you get this?”

  “A few days ago.” Her father shrugged. “It was just in case.”

  She could tell he was pleased she’d finally spotted it, though. The ornament hung next to another ornament that Linda had bought a few years ago—two moose with Santa hats and noses touching. Beth exhaled slowly. Her father had put that one on the tree, too. Were his thoughts still with his ex-wife?

  Her father’s phone blipped, and he turned off the sound.

  “Who was that?” Beth asked.

  “No one.”

  “It was Linda, wasn’t it?” She turned, and her father’s cheeks reddened. She was right. It was Christmas, and the two of them were missing each other. Almost sixty years old, and they weren’t that different from Beth and Danny. They loved each other, even if they couldn’t seem to make it work.

  “It’s okay, kiddo,” her father said.

  “You should call her back,” Beth said.

  “Why do you say that?” Rick glanced down at his phone, though.

  “Because I’m not a child anymore, Dad.” She patted Riley’s rump. “And while Linda and I didn’t connect terribly well, she made you happy. And I want you to be happy.”

  “You didn’t cause the split,” he said. “Maybe I should have reassured you of that before.”

  “I know. I’d been gone for ages by then. It was the store.” Beth smiled when her father shot her a look of surprise. “Granny told me.”

  “Ah.” Rick smiled wanly, then he nodded. “We just couldn’t make it work.”

  She had no idea about the tensions in her father’s marriage, but she did know how it felt to have her heart broken. She’d cried all that night in her hospital room, sobbed out her grief at making Danny walk away, but she couldn’t in good conscience be with him. She’d cried until she had no more tears, and then she’d slept, only to be wakened by her hungry little girl.