by B. N. Toler
“It explains a lot about her. She’s always so energetic. I can’t believe it didn’t occur to me.”
“Her presence is very addictive.”
“Is it?” Where was he going with this? Jealousy swelled within me once more.
“Yeah, I mean, all of that energy. What healer wouldn’t want to be around that all the time?”
“Probably doesn’t hurt she’s drop dead gorgeous either.” I immediately regretted my words; they screamed jealousy. My inner self smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand.
Thomas’s mouth twisted slightly, as if humored by my words. “Eh, she’s not my type.” He looked directly at me, and my cheeks flamed with heat. Our eyes locked momentarily before he tore his away and cleared his throat. “You have to admit. This is pretty amazing.” He squinted his eyes from the sun.
I waved my hand and made the sun fall behind the tree line, covering us in shade.
He looked around and laughed.
“What?” I asked.
“This. Us. Right now. I am in your dreams and you are in control. It’s amazing,” he paused. “Do you ever make a world in the future?”
“The future?”
“Like create a house you might live in one day, a husband, kids, that kind of thing.”
I thought about it a moment. “No.” I shrugged.
“Really?”
“No, I don’t think I want kids.” I reeled in my fishing line once more.
“You don’t want kids?” His tone made it sound as if I had just said I abhorred the idea of children altogether.
“Why would I?”
“I don’t know. I guess I just thought you would be a good mother.”
It wasn’t like I hated kids or anything; I just didn’t feel like it was fair. Our life had been hard and scary. I wouldn’t want to do that to another human being. Aside from that, look at how raising us had ruled Lucy’s life. She hadn’t had a life. She had never even been in love. “Do you want kids?”
He stared out over the lake; a thoughtful expression beset his face. “Maybe one day.” He cleared his throat.
The image of Thomas holding the baby from my dream the day I met him flashed through my mind. Could Thomas have a child? He never talked about his past. The only family he ever mentioned was his brother Lucas which was only once or twice when prompted.
“How come you never bring your brother over, Thomas?”
“He’s complicated.” He reached his hands for the sky stretching.
“How so?”
“He’s kind of a loner.”
“You’re welcome to bring him over for dinner anytime.”
“Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” He offered me his hand to help me up. When I touched it, energy tingled on my skin.
He quickly pulled his hand away, and his eyes peered out over the lake.
I followed his gaze. “It’s time for you to go.” I sighed.
“Really?” His eyebrows raised in surprise.
“Yes. I want to take a swim.”
“So swim.” He shrugged.
“Thomas, I would like to swim alone.”
“Are you going skinny dipping?” His eyes widened.
“Maybe,” I answered shyly. “Then I am going to go blank and sleep deep. Don’t you need to sleep?”
“I don’t have school in the morning,” he teased.
“Yeah, but don’t you have some kind of senior citizen meeting or something?”
“Harde-har-har.” He twisted his mouth and cocked one eye closed.
“Are you a pirate now?” I asked dryly, fighting the urge to laugh tooth and nail. Thomas could always do the dumbest things that would send me into fits of laughter.
“Don’t be a hater, Aldo, just because I can sleep in and you can’t.”
“Oh man, I can’t wait for summer,” I groaned. “I’ll sleep in every day. Then, when I go to college, all late classes.” I laughed.
“College?” He asked surprised. “Did you get accepted somewhere?”
“Oh, yeah. We just got our acceptance letters yesterday. I’m sorry; I forgot to tell you. We got accepted to Virginia Tech.”
“Virginia? Wow.” His brow furrowed as if the news disappointed him. It had occurred to me the moment I opened my letter that going to college may mean leaving Thomas, but I refused to let that thought ruin it for me. I knew I couldn’t change what we were, but I could at least enjoy going to college.
“What?”
“I just didn’t know.” He shook his head and quickly shifted his reaction to one of excitement. “That’s great.” He smiled and hugged me. He pulled me back and held me at arm’s length. “You guys are so grown up.”
“Shut up.” I knocked his arms off of me.
“What will Lucy do without you?” he teased.
“You really think she would let us go without her? She’s moving too.” I rolled my eyes.
“Wow. I guess that’s not surprising,” he laughed. “So all four of you will be moving?”
“Yeah. Whit and Hudson can’t separate, and I—”
“Don’t want to be alone?” Thomas questioned.
“Yeah,” I admitted. I had always been with my brothers so leaving them wasn’t an option. Whit and Hudson couldn’t separate even if they wanted to because of their gift. Whit and Hudson are identical twins and their gift differs from mine. The best way I can explain their gift of healing is that it is split between them. They’re like a magnet. One is the positive and one is the negative. They can only heal with each other and if they separate for a short amount of time, just a few days, Hudson could die. He needs Whit because Hudson’s natural biological disposition is to push energy. He can’t help it. Other healers have the ability to shut off the flow, but he can’t. If Whit isn’t there to pull energy to keep Hudson energized, Hudson against his will, will push his own energy into anything. His energy spatters like REMS from an x-ray machine. No control. The only difference is that his energy isn’t harmful like radiation. My brother’s gift is what Lucy called a fluke. She had never heard or seen of a set of twins where one had to pull energy for the other. The fact they can’t be separated is an even greater phenomenon.
“Okay, well I’m out, literally,” Thomas joked.
“Very funny, nerd.”
“See you tomorrow night for dinner?”
“The guys will be here, but Lucy and I are going shopping.”
“For new clothes, I assume?”
“Actually, for a prom dress. You know that dance they have for us young’ns in high school? I think they say it’s like a rite of passage or something.”
“Prom, huh? Got a hot date?” He crossed his arms.
“As a matter of fact, I do.” I raised my eyes to meet his.
Thomas paused. “Who’s the lucky fellow?” His voice seemed to lose a bit of the mocking tone.
“Wyatt.”
“Pretty boy?” Thomas almost laughed.
“Is that what you call him?” Wyatt was a great looking guy, almost too good looking. Agreeing to go to prom with him had been a hard decision for me because I was afraid he would outshine me. No girl wants that.
“Wyatt, huh? Lila’s cousin.” He nodded with a thoughtful expression. “Are you guys dating?”
“No, I mean, I don’t know. We’re just friends.” I honestly wasn’t sure what we were. I saw him as just a friend. I thought Thomas looked like he might be getting uncomfortable, but maybe I wanted to read it that way. He continued to stand with his arms crossed, and his expression unreadable. My intention was not to make him jealous, but if he were, I would enjoy it.
“I think he likes you.”
“Really?” I never got that vibe from Wyatt.
“Well, good for you. Lucky guy to get a date with Aldo Lawson.” He smiled.
“Yes. well, it was a hard decision. I mean, with all of the suitors after me, picking one was down-right exhausting.” I tried to lighten the mood.
“I bet.”
“We
’ll see how it goes.” I paused. “What about you?” I pulled my hair to the side.
“What about me?”
“I mean are you trying to date anyone?”
This question made him uncomfortable. One thing about Thomas I had picked up was he always stuck his hands in his pockets when he was uncomfortable talking about something. I was on pins and needles waiting for his response. I had always wanted to ask him if he was dating or whom he had dated, but I didn’t think it was appropriate.
“I’m waiting for the right one to come along.” Our eyes locked and I wondered if there was a deeper meaning to his words.
“Well, she will be very lucky as well. Just don’t let her keep you from us. You’re like a brother to us now.” The words hurt as they poured out of my mouth. Actually, I don’t know what hurt worse, saying them or having to look and sound like I meant them. Brother. That was all he would ever be. I loved him with every fiber of my being, but he would never be mine. I told myself maybe somewhere deep within him he wanted me, loved me, but it would never be more than this; my friend and I fishing by a lake, talking about my silly youthful events.
“No, I’ll always be here for you guys.” He smiled softly and walked by me. “Enjoy your swim and the shopping tomorrow.”
“Thomas?” I called, as he walked away. His eyes caught the light of the sun that beamed between the trees for just a moment as he turned back. His eyes creased slightly when he squinted. That look always made me weak in the knees.
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad we met.”
“Me too.” His sad tone didn’t match his smile.
“You’re a good friend. My best friend.”
“I know, Aldo. I always will be.” With that, he walked away.
I turned around and closed my eyes, letting the light breeze kiss my face. I removed my cotton skirt and tank top, threw my bra and panties on the ground, and then slowly walked to the shore. I stepped one foot into the warm water. My long hair swished against my bare back as I walked deeper into the lake. At waist deep, I ran my fingers along the surface, then I plunged myself under the water. I came up, slicking my hair back with my hands. So relaxing. Like the water carried all of my troubles away and left me floating and weightless.
As I basked in the moment, something cracked, like the sound a stick makes when someone steps on it. I jerked around to look back at the shore.
Thomas stood on the shore, staring directly at me with an expression of shock.
Was he really there or was he my own creation? It had to be my subconscious this time. Thomas would never have intruded.
Our eyes locked, and he stood still as stone as I slowly waded through the water towards him. My heart beat like a drum. My body tingled with emotions and sensations I had never experienced before. If my mind placed him here, which I was certain it had, I would enjoy every minute of it. If this was the only way I would or could ever be with him, then I wanted to dream this every night for the rest of my life.
As I emerged from the water completely naked, he continued to stare into my eyes. He didn’t move or flinch as I walked up to him and stood about six inches away.
“Look at me,” I demanded softly.
His dark eyes did not move nor did his body. His eyes remained fixed on mine.
“Thomas, look at me. It’s okay.” I smiled slightly trying to reassure him.
Still he did not budge.
“I’m not a child,” I pleaded, but he still gave no response. “Look at me,” I yelled.
In my desperation, I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest, just above my naked breast. “Touch me,” I begged again.
He remained still as stone.
“Look at me!” I cried.
His eyes slowly moved down and found his hand. His breathing became heavy, and his chest heaved up and down. He slid his hand down my wet skin, over my breast, to my side. Finally, he looked at my naked body. He closed his eyes, but his hand remained. He bit his lip and the tremble in his hand told me closing his eyes took all of the strength he had. But his will failed him, when it came to removing his hand from my side.
I pushed up on my toes, grabbed his face gently, and pulled it into mine. My wet, naked body pressed into his, moistening his cotton shirt.
As our lips touched, current flowed between us. I wasn’t sure what kissing should feel like, but my mind decided it should feel like electric current. We were connected, and it was all I ever wanted.
He grabbed my face and pressed his into mine. I pressed back, and as I did I tripped forward into empty space.
He had vanished.
I looked around, but there was no sign of him. He was gone, but I could still feel the tingle of his kiss on my lips.
.
eight
Present
The douche bag who was rude to me left, and Rick told the bouncers he was banned from the club. Alina and the other girls split up the remainder of my dances because I was too unglued to dance. Of course, they thought it was because a guy acted like an asshole to me, but it was so much more than that.
Alina insisted I come home with her until I felt myself again. I was hesitant to do so, but she insisted, assuring me her husband had a ton of guns and was well trained in using them. Of course, I knew it would take more than guns to stop what I had encountered, but I went because she wouldn’t take no for an answer.
When we got to Alina’s house, she quickly changed into a flannel pajama top, and brought me a pair of sweat pants and a Richard Petty t-shirt.
As I dress, she pours me a glass of wine and I chug it without thinking. Just what my underdeveloped palate needs—cheap wine. Her house is small, but very clean and organized. She doesn’t have a lot of décor or fancy furnishings, but it’s way nicer than any house I lived in growing up. We don’t really talk, I think in part because her family is asleep, and maybe she can see I’m lost in thought from the events of the evening.
I stretch out on her black leather sofa, while she flips through television channels. Eventually, I fall asleep, my subconscious beckoning.
Past
The next day, Lucy and I went shopping and found my dress. It was pink and very pretty. Most girls were trying to find dresses that exuded sexiness, but my Aunt Lucy would’ve put a chastity belt on me had they been available. So needless to say, to avoid a lecture and/or argument, I picked a dress that looked like something a six year old would wear. It was anti-sex. Not that I was planning on having sex with Wyatt.
I thought maybe Thomas would be at our house hanging out with my brothers when we got back, but he wasn’t. They hadn’t heard from him.
I grabbed the cordless phone from the kitchen, went to my room, and shut the door. I placed my dress on the bed beside me and dialed Thomas’s cell phone number. After five rings I got his voice mail. My heart sank to my stomach like a hundred pound brick.
I heard the beep and hesitated. Should I leave a message? “Um, hi.” I paused.
My inner self cut me a look saying, smooth, real smooth.
“I was just seeing what you’re up to. Call me back.” I hung up quickly and flopped back on my bed. Don’t panic. He’s probably busy.
I stood up and hung my dress still covered in a Macy’s dress bag in my closet. Everything will be alright. I told myself this over and over.
Boy, how wrong was I.
Thomas did not enter my dreams nor did he come to see us for a week. It was the longest week of my life.
My dream haunted me for days. I felt crazy for creating that scene. I lost control. I called him, but he wouldn’t answer or return my calls. I reasoned with myself that I had created that dream, and Thomas was not there, but then I worried, what if he was? The very thing I worried about happening might have actually happened; that I would not be able to tell the real Thomas, from my dream Thomas. Of course, it made sense why he was avoiding me—I threw myself at him.
I cried every night because I knew I had ruined everything. I had to apologize, so
I decided to skip my first period class and go to his house. I would at least apologize and if he didn’t accept it, I would beg him to forget about it, and let things go back to the way they were.
I left the house before Whit and Hudson that morning, telling them I had to meet Lila for breakfast. Lucy had to believe it, so I had to lie to them. I had never been to Thomas’s house because he had never invited me, but he told me he lived on Lake Ave. and he had mentioned his red door once. I hoped there would only be one house with a red door, but if there were more, I would look for his truck or go door to door until I found his house.
Yes. I was that desperate.
I was relieved to find only one house with a red door on his street. I dressed nice that day, wearing my favorite pink sundress. My hair was down and I wore light makeup, just in case I ended up crying. I stood on his porch for at least two minutes, trying to gain the courage to knock.
Suddenly, the front door flew open.
I jumped, surprised by the suddenness of the door opening and nearly fell backwards off of the porch, but managed to catch myself on the hand railing.
A man in his boxer shorts squinted from the sunlight behind me.
“Uh…hi,” I smiled nervously.
He leaned against the door frame, extending his long lean body. He was very good looking, but looked like he was a bit messy; like one of those guys who pick his clothes up off the floor and puts them on. His hair was shaggy, hanging down to his cheek bones and his face was covered in stubble. I recognized him from the image I saw of him in my dreams. Although different, there was a strong resemblance between him and Thomas.
“Lucas, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Hi, I’m Aldo.” I paused, but couldn’t tell if he recognized my name.
He straightened and ran his eyes up and down my body. I couldn’t tell if he was impressed or disgusted.
“Nice to meet you,” he said slowly.
I felt awkward as he perused my body once more. “Is Thomas here by any chance?”
“Eh, let me check. Come on in.” He walked into the house, leaving the door open.
