A Love Like Ours

by Micalea Smeltzer

  “Maybe so, but not in the form of your cheese fingers.”

  Ari shakes her head. “Grown ass men arguing about cheese fingerprints on a wall. Honestly, don’t they have anything better to gripe about?”

  “I heard that!” Ollie turns around to face us and walks backward. “And Cheetos are always a matter of utmost importance.” He turns back around and him and Liam resume their conversation.

  “Boys.” Ari sighs. “Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.”

  Liam suddenly veers left and we start down a hill. The street is closed in on both sides by three-story townhouses and small shops that boast apartments above. Straight ahead, I can see where the street opens up into a city center.

  Someone on a scooter rides by and Ollie calls back, “We need to get one of those!”

  “That can be arranged,” Liam says.

  I shake my head. Something tells me I don’t want to know how much this trip has cost him and it’s not even over yet. The funny part is, he probably hasn’t even noticed a dip in his bank account.

  “Hey! Look at that!” Ollie cries and then takes off running.

  I look at Ari and roll my eyes. “Meet Ollie, my five-year-old child.” Then to him, I yell, “Ollie! You can’t just run off!”

  Does he stop? Slow down? Turn around?

  No. Of course not.

  “Hurry up, slow pokes!” he calls instead.

  I pinch the bridge of my nose. “He’s exhausting.”

  Ari laughs and bumps her shoulder against mine. “You’re not much better. I can barely keep up with you.” I raise a brow. “Okay, so maybe you are more subdued than Ollie but compared to most people you’re just as wild and spontaneous. You guys are pretty incredible together. I’m envious of how effortless you guys are.”

  “Effortless?” I repeat.

  She shrugs as we stroll along at a leisurely place, knowing we’ll catch up to the guys eventually.

  “Yeah,” she says, her lips quirking up into a half-smile. “Effortless. You guys just work together perfectly. I can’t picture one of you without the other. You’re like peanut butter and jelly—you work fine on your own but you’re better together.”

  I bust out laughing. “Did you just compare us to food?”

  She blushes and mumbles a soft, “Yeah.” She shrugs and adds, “It was the best analogy I could come up with.”

  “We should put it on shirts,” I quip.

  We enter the city square then and join Liam and Ollie on a bridge overlooking the canal.

  I’m surprised by the almost teal color of the water. I’d expected it to be darker, more of a gray blue, so I’m pleasantly surprised.

  “Gondola’s this way,” Liam says, and motions toward the opposite side of the bridge.

  We follow the guys and end up on a platform where you wait. There are several other people ahead of us so I figure we’ll be waiting a while. The sun blazes down on us and I feel a sweat break out across my brow.

  “Man, it’s hot,” Ari comments, fanning her face with her hand.

  I nod my head in agreement.

  A gondola appears in the distance, and while I know one of the groups ahead of us will get it, it gives me hope that maybe the wait won’t be as long as I think.

  The gondola rows leisurely under the bridge and comes to a stop by the platform. The people on it hop off and the next group hops on after exchanging a few words with the gondolier.

  They head off and a few minutes later another gondola appears. There are even more on the other side of the canal, heading in the opposite direction.

  Two more gondolas pass us by before it’s our turn.

  My skin is slick with sweat by this point and I’m feeling slightly unsteady from the heat. I’ve always been unbothered by hot temperatures, so I’m worried over how I feel, but I don’t say anything to anyone. The last thing I want to do is worry them when we’re having fun.

  The gondola glides to a stop and the couple aboard hops off with a friendly smile. Their laughter and chatter carries behind them as they head off.

  “Ciao,” the gondolier speaks and motions us aboard.

  Liam says something to him in Italian.

  I glance at Ari in surprise. “Did you know he could speak Italian?”

  Her eyes widen and she shakes her head. “I had no idea.”

  He must’ve asked him how much for the ride because he pulls out his wallet and hands him money before motioning Ollie and me on first.

  Ollie and I take the back two seats, with Ari and Liam in front of us, which leaves two empty spots in front of them since the gondola can hold six people.

  The gondola begins to move and my stomach rolls with it.

  “Oh,” I say, grabbing onto Ollie’s leg to ground myself.

  His large hand settles on my back, rubbing. “Tal?”

  I breathe in through my mouth and out through my nose. I have no idea if that’s the proper way to do it, but it seems to be helping so I’m going to go with it.

  “Talia?” He says my name again and I lift my head to meet his worried gaze. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I say quickly. “The heat’s just getting to me.”

  He looks at me dubiously. He knows the heat has never gotten to me before.

  “I really think you should see a doctor.”

  I roll my eyes and groan. “Not this again.”

  “A doctor?” Liam says, turning around. “Are you sick?”

  Ollie opens his mouth to respond but I beat him to it.

  “No,” I say, clearly annoyed. “He’s overreacting.”

  “Talia,” he growls my name, and I can tell he’s irritated. “Stop lying to me. You can’t lie to me. I know you better than I know myself.”

  I look at him as innocently as I can. “I’m fine. Really.” I glance up at the gondolier. “Do you sing?”

  At this point, I’m desperate to distract Ollie, and maybe if we happened upon a singing gondolier that would do the trick.

  The man looks down at me with a raised brow. His dark hair waves over his forehead and he has a slight bit of stubble on his cheeks.

  “Scusami?”

  I groan.

  Liam rattles off something in Italian and the man says, “Ah. No.”

  I groan. It figures, but it was worth a shot.

  Ollie’s hand skims my knee and I look over at him. I feel a pang deep inside my chest at worry in his eyes. He’s worried about me far too much for the last ten months.

  “Talk to me,” he pleads.

  I open my mouth to speak and promptly slam my hand over my mouth. I hurriedly turn to the side of the boat and throw up overboard.

  Ollie’s fingers graze my neck as he pulls my hair back away from my face. My whole body heaves as I empty my stomach.

  “Whoa,” Liam cries. “I swear, I cooked everything fine.”

  I don’t have the words to tell him that this isn’t food poisoning. That whatever this is has been coming on for days. I’ve probably been bitten by a mosquito and picked up some strange disease in Costa Rica—since that’s where my symptoms first began.

  I sit back up as the gondolier and Liam speak in Italian.

  “You’re going to a hospital and you’re going to see a doctor,” he tells me, his tone of voice leaving no room for argument.

  I nod once, resigned to my fate.

  He wraps his arms around me and his lips brush the top of my head.

  It’s then that I notice that he’s shaking and I squeeze my eyes shut, upset with myself for putting him through this.

  He’s been through enough.

  We both have.

  Our gondola ride ended after only a few minutes and I hate that I was the cause of it. We should be out, having fun, running through the streets of Venice.

  Instead, the four of us sit in an Italian hospital, waiting to hear what’s wrong with me.

  I sit sideways in the middle of the plain-white hospital bed. Ollie sits on one side and Ari on the o
ther. Each of them holds one of my hands. Liam leans against the wall across from me.

  I can tell he feels super awkward and out of place, but he had to stay with us since he’s the only one that can speak Italian and there’s not a translator available.

  “What if it’s really bad?” I whisper. I’m not normally a pessimistic person but we’ve been here for nearly two hours already and they’ve done all kinds of tests. I’ve been poked with at least five needles and had all kinds of devices held to my body. Surely by now they have to have some idea what’s wrong with me.

  Liam grunts and pushes away from the wall. “I’m going to go see if I can find a doctor,” he mutters, and opens the thick wood door that leads into the hospital.

  “It’s going to be fine,” Ollie assures me, rubbing his hand up and down my back in smooth circles.

  My lower lip trembles and I dam the tears back. “What if it’s not?”

  I can’t think of anything serious that could be wrong with me, based on my symptoms, but that doesn’t mean anything.

  Liam enters the room again a few minutes later. “A doctor’s coming soon,” he announces and crosses his arms over his chest, returning to his position leaned against the wall.

  I look at the clock on the wall.

  I watch the tick tick tick of the second hand and count eight full minutes before the door opens again.

  The doctor enters. He’s dressed much like one in America would be which instantly makes me feel better for some stupid reason.

  The man smiles and pushes his glasses up his nose.

  He holds a chart in his hand and reads my name off. I nod in confirmation before he launches into a big spiel in Italian. I listen carefully, hoping I can pick out a single word and understand it before Liam translates, but it all sounds like gibberish.

  The doctor smiles and taps his fingers against my knee like he’s trying to reassure me it’s okay and then he’s gone again.

  I look to Liam and the look on his face tells me whatever it is, it’s bad.

  He looks pale and his lips are parted in surprise like he can’t make sense of what the doctors are saying.

  “Liam?” Ari prompts. “What is it? You’re scaring her,” she hisses and her hold on my hand tightens.

  Liam shakes his head like he’s shaking free his thoughts. “Um …”

  Ollie growls. “What the fuck, Liam? Just tell us. Is it that bad?”

  I can feel the stiffness in Ollie’s body beside me as he braces himself for whatever Liam’s about to say. I lean against him and he wraps his arms around me. I used to think anything was bearable as long as Ollie was holding me, but I’m not sure that’s true anymore.

  Liam rubs his jaw and clears his throat. “He … um … says you’re …”

  “I’m what?” I snap, because he’s really pissing me off that he won’t get to the point.

  “Pregnant. You’re pregnant.”

  And then I faint.

  “Talia? Tal? Wake up, baby. Please, wake up.”

  I slowly blink my eyes open and find myself staring up at the ceiling in the hospital. I’ve somehow ended up lying in the bed, whereas I’d previous been sitting.

  “How long was I out?” I ask, rubbing my head—expecting it to be sore since I should’ve fallen off the bed and onto the hard floor, but it feels fine.

  “Forever,” Ollie replies.

  “Only a minute,” Ari answers, glaring at Ollie for being dramatic.

  I inhale a shaky breath and look at Liam. “I’m pregnant?” I ask him.

  He nods, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Yeah—I’m not sure how far along; he didn’t say.”

  Tears pool in my eyes and I’m not sure if they’re happy tears or sad tears, but something tells me they’re probably a mix of both. Happy because I’m having a baby, and sad because I can’t help but think of the one I lost.

  Ollie grabs my hand and smiles. “We’re having a baby, Tal.”

  “We’re having a baby,” I repeat, and let the tears fall this time.

  I feel terrified to have a baby instead of complete elation like the last time. I know it’s stupid because I lost the baby for reasons completely out of my control, but I can’t help feeling scared that I might lose this baby too. The doctors assured me after what happened that I was fine and would be able to carry a baby again when I was ready but I can’t get rid of that nagging voice of doubt in my head that says it’s going to happen again. That I’m not meant to be a mom. That I don’t get to be happy.

  It’s a ridiculous notion, this I know, but that doesn’t stop it.

  It’s just like Ari and the way she feels about what went down. I think it’s human nature to try to find a reason why something happens a certain way. We want to place blame somewhere.

  Ollie’s arms wrap around me and he hugs me to his chest. “I’m scared,” I whisper into the fabric of his shirt.

  He pulls back and takes my face between his hands. “Don’t be. We’ve got this.”

  I smile up at him through my tears. “Me and you against the world, right?”

  He grins. “Me and you against the world,” he echoes.

  He presses his lips to mine, stealing my breath, and when he pulls away he places his hand on my stomach.

  It hits me then.

  There’s a baby in there.

  Our baby.

  I place my hand over his and when he looks up at me, I see it all.

  I see our future.

  I see our child born screaming into this world.

  I see our child in his arms.

  I see our child learning to ride a bike while Ollie runs beside.

  I see our child learning to surf while Ollie and I argue over the best technique.

  I see our child.

  I see our child.

  And it’s the most beautiful thing.

  We leave the hospital and head back to the townhouse. I insist that I feel well enough for us to continue our exploration of Venice, but no one will listen to me.

  I change into a pair of loose gray jogging pants and a baggy t-shirt that falls over one shoulder. I figure if I’m going to be lounging around the house I might as well be comfortable.

  The guys are out back so I settle onto the couch beside Ari. She smiles at me and I lean my head on her shoulder. I feel her breathe out an audible sigh of relief. It’s nice not to have the awkward tension in the air between us anymore.

  After a moment, she says, “You’re having a baby, Talia.”

  “It’s crazy,” I whisper.

  I try to push all my fears and worries down and focus on the fact that I’m having a baby. This is a moment in my life that should be happy and I don’t want my nagging doubts to ruin it.

  “Were you guys trying?” she asks, laying the magazine in her lap aside.

  I sit up straight and tuck my legs under me. “Yes and no.” I shrug. “I decided not to go back on birth control and we used condoms sometimes but not every time.” I brush my hair over my shoulder and bite my lip. “I know it’s stupid, but I’m scared,” I admit, my lower lip trembling with the threat of tears. “I like to think I’m a pretty strong person but I can only handle so much, and I don’t know if I could make it if I lost this baby too.”

  The tears I tried so hard to dam back break free at that moment and drench my cheeks.

  “Oh, Talia,” she breathes.

  I can’t see her through my tears but I feel her arms wrap around my body.

  I hug her back, both of us shaking from the force of my sobs.

  Her hand rubs up and down my back. “Everything’s going to be fine. What happened before was a freak thing.”

  “Maybe it was a sign, though,” I ramble. “That I’m not supposed to be a mom.”

  Ari pulls away then, tears coating her lashes. “Don’t say that. I don’t know anyone on the planet better equipped to be a mom than you. You are the kindest, bubbliest, sweetest person I’ve ever met and you’ll be the best mom. And Ollie?” She l
aughs, shaking her head. “I’m looking forward to seeing that goofball go ga-ga over that baby.”

  I smile through my tears and wipe them away with the backs of my hands. “Yeah, he’ll be pretty great, huh?”

  She grabs my hand and squeezes it. “The best. You both will be.”

  “A baby,” I breathe. “It doesn’t seem real.”

  “Any guesses on how far along you are?”

  I shake my head. “No clue, but I’d guess around six weeks.” I pick a piece of lint off my pants and ask, “Do you want kids?”

  She grows quiet, and I can tell she’s thinking seriously about her answer. “Yes,” she finally says. “I do. But not for a while. I need to get myself in order before I think about kids. And I’d preferably like to be married for a few years before that happens.”

  “To Liam?”

  She laughs and nods. “Yes, to Liam. He’s it for me. I know it.”

  “You’re good for him,” I tell her.

  She frowns. “Lately, I feel like I’m only dragging him down.”

  I shake my head. “No, trust me on this, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to you. He loves you like crazy.”

  “Yeah?” Her eyes light up.

  “Yeah,” I repeat.

  “I love him like crazy too,” she breathes, looking toward the door that leads outside where the guys are. “I never thought I’d love someone the way I love him. I thought I was broken beyond repair. But Liam took all my shattered pieces and put them back together into something that actually resembles a heart.”

  I smile in fondness at a memory that surfaces. “It’s funny you say that, because I said the same thing about Ollie once.”

  He fitted his fingers between mine and looked at our joined hands.

  “They’re going to transfer me to another foster home,” he whispered into the darkened room.

  My whole body stiffened all over. “No,” I gasped.

  My life had sucked before Ollie came along. I was so full of hate and focused on all the bad things that had ever happened to me—thinking they gave me an excuse to be hateful and spiteful. But Ollie showed me that happiness is the best weapon in the world. Happiness cuts other people in a way that anger and sadness only serves to fuel their fire.