Mutual Release

by Liz Crowe

  Then one day she looked up and realized another December twenty-third had materialized, complete with nonstop background holiday music, cheery admonitions to shop and be merry, to gather ’round a happy family table and exchange gaily-wrapped packages. She got up, walked to her window, and stared at the snow that had started falling the day before. This time last year she’d been so ecstatic about the company’s sales numbers, she’d celebrated by going to a bar, pretending to let some guy pick her up, then escaping to a cab, and finally falling asleep on her couch. Christmases were like Thanksgiving – another day on the calendar she stayed at home, ate Chinese food, and waited until she could go to work again.

  She dropped back into her seat, hit the private browser button on her laptop, and pulled up the sites she’d been studying. The serious ones explaining the real psychology and purpose of a Dom/sub relationship she’d spent several hours contemplating. She was learning a lot. And the more she read, the more she realized Evan was right about a lot of things. She did need him as badly as he needed her. And the sort of “play” they might engage in would only serve to enhance and strengthen their connection. Some of the pictures made her positively squirmy, horny, and breathless with want. Sick, truly, but somehow… compelling.

  She checked her private email and noted that her building’s doorman had sent a message she’d been waiting for. She checked her watch, picked up her phone, and composed a text.

  Evan: I need to talk with you about something. Can you come by my place tomorrow? If you have family plans with your mom, I understand but it won’t take too long. I promise. Let me know and I’ll send you the address.

  She hit send before she chickened out.

  It was nearly three hours before she got a reply: Ok. What time, and I need the address.

  She quickly sent him the info and put a hand to her chest to calm the pounding of her heart.

  The doorbell buzzed right on time. Julie stood, pressed the button to confirm the doorman was sending him up. It might have taken her thirty years, but she had discovered something she wanted and was willing to press all her personal comfort boundaries and zones to have it. She adjusted the belt of the Burberry raincoat, rolled her neck around, and counted to twenty before answering the door. When she opened it, the sight of his tall, handsome self, eyes twinkling with happiness to see her, long legs clad in dress slacks, perfect torso covered with a soft blue dress shirt, made her want to burst into tears. She tucked her hands in the coat pockets instead, and invited him in.

  He shot her an odd look but walked into the giant main room of her loft. “Nice place.” His voice had been in her dreams for weeks. Actually hearing it made her wobbly.

  “Thanks. So I’ve been thinking, about us” she said, taking a seat in her living room but not inviting him to do the same. He stood, crossed his arms, and seemed to actually grow a few inches as if sensing the vibe she was sending him. She smiled, amazed now that she grasped the strength of their bond. “And I need to know something.”

  He lifted his chin but stayed silent.

  “I need to know if you’re still interested in me.”

  She untied the belt, opened the coat to reveal a leather bra, panties, garter belt, silk hose. He sucked in a breath but his face betrayed nothing.

  “Because I miss you so much it hurts, Evan. And I realized I’m afraid, but not of you – of being without you. Can we try this? Will you teach me how?” She rose to her feet, leaving the coat behind on the chair. She stayed put, needing him to take his cue. But he blew out a breath and turned away, making her heart sink to her feet. “I need you, Evan. Show me how a man treats a woman. I’m a virgin still, in so many ways. Please… show me.” She gulped, willed herself not to cry. She got on her knees and put her hands in her lap. “I want to trust you. S-s-s-sir. Please show me how.”

  He made a low sound, near animal-like, as he yanked her to her feet so fast she yelped in surprise. “Don’t do that,” he growled.

  “Do what?” She resisted the natural urge to pull her arm out of his grasp. “I’m trying here, you know? I don’t know…”

  Her words were silenced when he slanted his mouth over hers, shoved his tongue between her lips, and buried his hands in her hair. The kiss was crucial, important, and Julie let herself sink into it, into him, as he backed her up against the wall so fast she got dizzy, then red-hot from her scalp to her toes. She wrapped herself – body and soul – around him, needing to feel him everywhere. She had never in her entire life felt such a strong urge to connect, to be possessed, by anyone.

  His hands were all over her, down her back, clutching her ass. He shoved his leg between hers, giving her some contact, and she shocked herself by moving her hips and rubbing against his thigh. His lips, tongue, and teeth worked down her neck. She held on tight, groaning when he bit down, grabbed her hands and pinned them over her head.

  “God damn, Julie, I want to be inside you so badly right now,” he groaned against her skin. She tried to tug her hands free to get at his zipper. But he pressed on her wrists, bringing an edge of pain to the pleasure coursing through her. Which nearly sent her right over the edge. “But,” he let go, leaving her gasping, and stepped back, hand on the pleasant bulge he’d been pressing into her, “I hear you loud and clear. Now,” he ripped his belt off, the light in his eyes sending a shot of white-hot desire down her spine, “back on your knees.” He popped the leather in her direction, making her flinch. But it was just noise. Nothing touched her. She got back down on the floor. He backed away, still whipping the belt in the air. “Crawl towards me, hands and knees.”

  She did it, practically panting with need to get at him, have her hands and lips on his fantastic cock. He dropped into a large leather chair. She stopped at his feet, keeping her eyes down. He let her sit about five minutes in complete silence, the only sound their breathing that got louder and more ragged as the minutes went on.

  Finally he tilted her face up, ran a thumb over her lips, making her shudder. “I’m still afraid,” she whispered.

  “I know. I can tell. And I’m going to fix that.” He got to his feet, putting his zipper right at her eye level. But he wouldn’t let her stare very long. “Get up,” he said. “You need a lesson.”

  She rose, and he took her hand and guided her down to the chair he’d just abandoned.

  “Don’t wear these.” He dropped to his knees and ripped the thin fabric of her panties with one twist of his fingers. “Ever again. Do you understand? I want to call you on a random Tuesday morning and know you are bare under your skirt. And when I tell you to, you’ll touch this sweet pussy for me while I talk to you. We clear? ‘Save money; go commando’ is your new motto.”

  He put his thumb against her clit, gently, not committing to it, just teasing and making her squirm and whimper.

  “Shh. You don’t make noise unless I tell you to. And you do not come. Not once, not until I say so. That is a hard and fast rule. Mmm… very, very nice.” He slid a finger inside her as he spoke, then leaned in to capture her lips, but again just to tease, to lick and nibble. He sat back up, put the finger he’d had inside her to his lips, sucking it. She could smell herself, but the nearly visible cloud of red lust that surrounded him… her man… made her smile.

  He crouched down, took a leather-shoe-clad foot and licked his way up her leg, ending at her now aching clit, latching on and sucking so hard she yelped and dug her fingers in his hair. The room narrowed, her body quivered.

  Then he stood, leaving her pulsing and near tears. “Did I say you could come, Julie?”

  She shook her head. The leather belt bit into her thigh, just enough to draw a scream from her lips, but also make her entire body flush and bring a strange, heavy, engorged sensation to her entire sex. She gripped the chair arms. He smiled.

  “That’s right. We are not gonna half-ass this thing. You will come, but like a woman, with all the energy you have. Ready?”

  She nodded, her mouth too dry to form words. She was on the verge
of something huge, mind-blowing, and while part of her was ready to leap up and run from it, the rest of her quivered in anticipation. The leather hit her other thigh. She groaned and stretched her legs out, spreading them slightly. Then it hit her bare stomach. Not hard, more like a quick flick of a snake’s tongue, leaving behind a red mark and a sweet kiss of pain that made her sigh with pleasure. What the hell? She was ready to beg him to do it again.

  “Open your eyes. Look at me and use words when I ask you a question.”

  She wet her lips, tried to make her voice box work. “Yes, I’m ready. Please…” Jumping when she got one more flick of the belt, she felt moisture forming between her legs. “Oh, please… Evan.”

  “Don’t use my name,” he said, firm and low. He walked around behind her, disappearing completely for what felt like ten minutes. Then one hand was in her hair, pulling so hard her vision blurred, yanking back so he could lean and bite down on her neck again.

  Her feet scrabbled against the wood floor. “I’m going to come. I can’t stop…” She reached down to touch herself for some relief to the agony. He let go of her hair. When she opened the eyes she didn’t realize she’d closed, she met his intense stare.

  “So help me, Julie, if you touch your own pussy right now I will tie you to this chair and leave for three hours at least.”

  She moaned and put her hand back on the chair arm. A quick flair of anger flashed across her brain.

  “Better.” Dropping to his knees, he shoved her legs apart, leaned over her and ripped the front of her bra so hard she jerked and gasped. “You are not allowed to touch me. If you do, I’ll find something to bind those wrists with. Understand?” His gazed hypnotized her.

  She nodded, gulped. “Yes. I understand.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “I understand you. Sir.”

  He dropped to one breast, bit her nipple once, then sucked it with a tender gentleness that made her body flush red, while his hand cupped the other, kneading and caressing. Her back arched. Both legs wrapped around him. He looked up, his lips swollen, eyes darker than she’d ever seen them. “No touching.”

  She sighed and dropped her legs back to the floor. He lowered his face to her breasts once more, licking, sucking, biting. She could smell him, knew that he had only a tiny bit of control over himself. And that fact was so sexy she truly had to bite her tongue to distract herself from climaxing without so much as a single direct contact to her sex. His lips moved down, he nibbled her torso, nuzzled the thin strip of hair, then lapped at her swollen clit, and then her entire sex, making her thrust her hips up and cry out, needing more – way more. But he worked his way back up, repeating the sexy and excruciating process, ending at her lips. The rich, salty taste, the press of his still-clothed body, was perfect. He bit her lip as she writhed under him.

  “Julie,” he whispered, nuzzling her ear.

  “Huh?” she muttered, closing her eyes.

  “Daredevil,” he said, dropping down to tease her nipples.

  “What?” She glanced down at him, confused and about to be really pissed. Then he dropped down and flicked his tongue over her clit, sucked it into his mouth. And still she had never felt so… empty. But he kept his fingers to himself. He released her, sat back on his heels and looked down. She bit her lip, watching him rein himself in. He stood, pulled her up with him, kissing her as he lifted her into his arms. She sighed.

  “Put your arms around me, Julie,” he muttered against her lips.

  She obeyed. He tasted like her, but his rich, spicy scent filled her nose. She loved it.

  “Now tell me where the hell is the fucking bed.”

  She squealed when he tossed her onto it. “Sir, please may I undress you?” She looked up at him from under her hair that had fallen over her face.

  “Yes, you may,” he said, even as she ripped the shirt off him, sending buttons clattering to the floor. She got to her knees on the bed, lifted his white t-shirt over his head and ran eager hands across his bare torso. Smiling, putting her lips right over his, she popped his trouser button, and the sound of the zipper echoed in her brain. A bizarre disconnected feeling came over her. A panicky, sickly sensation gripped her.

  His words made her shiver. “Open your eyes.”

  She did, not realizing she’d closed them, and sank back to the bed, trembling all over. She didn’t know what her problem was, but all of a sudden terror overwhelmed her.

  “Stay with me,” he said, gathering her up and laying her back, kissing every square inch of her. “I want to have this moment with you. I want you to come while I’m inside you and no other way, not for our first time. I want that…” He worked his way back down her body again, making her arch up, bend her knees, grip the cover.

  “I’m… I can’t… stop. I’m too… holy fuck…” His fingers teased her, bringing her every nerve to attention again. “Yes…” she hissed. “Oh…”

  He stopped then. “Julie, you need to understand something.” He was breathing hard, crouched between her legs. He flopped onto his back, pulling her with him.

  She grabbed one of the condoms she’d bought and put on the bedside table, made him groan as she slid the thin latex down over his shaft, making a mental note to get him tested as soon as possible so they could skip this step. She shifted her hips, settling herself along his length. He yanked her down to meet his lips, threaded hands in her hair and pulled, forcing her lips open, sweeping into her mouth with his tongue. The moment froze, its raw perfection imprinted on her psyche.

  He ripped his lips from hers, held her face as she angled her hips, wanting nothing more than this connection. It hurt some, made her wince. But he kept whispering, kissing her, making her dizzy with lust and forcing the fear up and out of the room.

  “With me, Julie,” he said, his voice low and firm. “You are safe now.” They stared into each other’s eyes, and she started rolling her hips, groaning as the most amazing sensation filled her, a tightening along her spine, a brightness in her brain, and a loud buzzing in her ears all made her gasp as he thrust up, deep. “This is not how we will normally do this. But I… oh… Jesus, I’m gonna come. Oh hell.”

  She arched up and he grabbed a nipple in his lips, sucked so hard she cried out and came, really and truly had a bone-shattering orgasm as he rolled them over, drawing the orgasm out, pressing his pubic bone against her clit, using small thrusts of his hips. The room went blindingly bright as she wrapped arms and legs around him.

  “Coming now, Julie,” he groaned, then shuddered and cried out her name, which made tears spring to her eyes. “My love…” He sighed as he fell down over her.

  She cradled him to her breasts, keeping their bodies connected. He took a breath and looked up at her, an utterly adorable look on his face. “You are some kind of kinky, Country Club,” she said, brushing hair off his forehead. “I like it,” she whispered, kissing him once before he groaned and rolled onto his back.

  “C’mere, Daredevil.” He gathered her close, after pulling the condom off and dropping it onto the floor. “Don’t even think about getting up and throwing it away,” he said, making her smile and shove the compulsion to do just that out of her head. “I’m gonna cure you of some of your vices, like the obsessive cleaning.” He sighed, holding her close. “It’s not going anywhere.”

  She snuggled into his side, draped her leg over his as he pulled a blanket up over them.

  “Did you like the belt?” he asked, just as she was dropping off to sleep.

  She leaned up and bit his nipple, making him shiver. “Yes, Sir, I did.”

  “Excellent. You’re gonna love what we do next. Now lie down and be still, because I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep since we came back from New York.”

  She sighed and drifted off, cradled in Evan’s arms. The nightmare returned, but when she woke, gasping with fear, he held her, kissed her, and all truly was well.

  Chapter Eight

  “Good morning.” Evan smiled when Julie walked in
to her kitchen, rubbing her eyes and looking edible in a pair of flannel shorts and a ratty t-shirt. “Caffeine?”

  She nodded, sat, and accepted the cup of coffee. He’d been up for hours, staring at the incredible view from her condo windows. The sun broke through some clouds, turning the inside of her kitchen pink and orange. He stretched, relishing the nearly forgotten sensation of a nervous system not jangling from lack of sex. He’d been denying himself for so long, sensing he would have to channel that energy with her. And while part of him felt like a failure on a superficial level, since he’d stopped the learning session for her a little early in his extreme haste to be inside her, the rest of him fairly glowed with his victory. She had come to him, had asked him, invited him into her life, finally. And he felt fantastic all over in a way he’d be hard pressed to remember ever experiencing.

  She sat, bleary-eyed and quiet. He watched her, suddenly upset with himself for not making her first experience with him as her Dom more meaningful. But he had lost it, simply could not hold back. “Sorry. You did a great job setting the stage last night. I sort of couldn’t finish for you.”

  “If you consider that ‘failing,’ then I can’t wait to have a successful session with you,” she said, then rose and walked around the table to stand next to him, close enough to touch but without reaching out. He could feel her serenity; the calm fairly oozed out of her pores.

  Grinning, he put a hand on her bare thigh, slid it up. “Good. I’m glad you enjoyed it,” he said, responding to her unspoken words. She put her hands in his hair, ran them down his neck and shoulders and making him rock-hard all over again. “You are the sexiest goddamn thing…,” he muttered, lifting her shirt and pressing his lips to her belly. “Do you remember what I told you last night about panties?” He slid his hand up until he was palming her still-warm sex.

  “Yes,” she whispered as he slid a finger inside, biting back a groan. He reached high, watching her face. “I remember, Sir.”

  “Good. I’m not kidding about that. I want to think about you at work, in your skirt, doing your boss lady thing and bare underneath, as you ponder what I am doing to you right now.” He was a little unsure, considering her traumatic experience with this move, but he kept talking, and changed his hand’s angle so he could reach even higher, until she shuddered and he knew he’d found the magic bundle of nerves right behind her pubic bone. “Oh, baby. I love that. Don’t you? Don’t you love it when I touch right here?”