Shelter in the Dark

by Kathleen Hearn

  The hum of distant locusts filled the quiet room. The lantern light flickered beside us, casting dancing shadows on the ceiling. I lay cuddled up to Leah, feeling guilty for having erotic thoughts just a minute ago. Now, all I wanted was to hold her and comfort her, but I couldn’t find the right words to say. As I searched my mind, my thoughts drifted back to the day she explained why she developed a habit of taking photos of abandoned buildings. Her words had stuck with me.

  I peered up at her, my head resting on her chest. “When you take photos of abandoned buildings, you say it’s because you want to capture the eroding past. Is this why?”

  She nodded slowly. “I like to come here sometimes when I’m alone, just to remember the parts of my life that are gone. I know they don’t exist anymore, but I like to hear their echo.”

  I looked up at the ceiling. “I can’t imagine what that feels like. I’m so sorry that you had to go through all of that at a young age without anyone to talk to.”

  “Well, I’m talking to you now,” Leah replied.

  “Why haven’t you told me all of this sooner?” I asked after a thoughtful pause.

  Leah let out a long, labored sigh. “I don’t know, Dani. I guess deep down, I know that you have better things to do than be burdened by my fucked-up life.” Leah hugged her knees tightly. “You don’t need to be bothered with someone like me. Sometimes I wonder if our relationship has gone too far. Maybe you’d be better off if—”

  I lightly pressed my index finger to her lips to silence her. “What? Do you really believe such a ridiculous thing?”

  “You have a lot going for you,” Leah said. “You’re going places, moving far in life, and I’m…”

  I finished the sentence for her. “Beautiful inside and out.”

  “But—”

  “No,” I said firmly. “No. You are nothing but beautiful in every way that beautiful exists. Everything about you.” I found myself becoming outraged. The volume of my voice rose. “Do you think I’m better than you? You think that because my parents have money, that somehow places me at a different standard?” Realizing my sudden outburst, I exhaled and lowered my voice. “Leah, I love you, and I want a future with you. All I ask is that you open yourself up to me more so that we can make our way through life together.”

  Leah’s sullen expression brightened ever so slightly. “I love you too,” she replied. Butterflies migrated to my chest, spurring a rush of tingles there. “Good. Because you’ll

  be hearing that a lot from me when the two of us are living on the road together.”

  She eyed me with amusement, laying down with her head flat on the quilt. “Is that so?”

  “Oh, yes,” I said with a smile. “Mark my words. I’m going to be a traveling reporter, and you’re going to be the photographer that captures every beautiful moment we can find on every corner of the world! I know that’s what you’ve always wanted. That fancy camera of yours has been tucked into the bottom of your satchel for too long. It’s time to pull it out and share your art with the world.”

  Despite the wetness that lingered in Leah’s eyes, her head snapped back in laughter. “Okay. Just finish college first, then we’ll have a conversation about that.”

  “And you’ll keep saving money from your bartending job,” I said. “Right? You can keep some money for yourself and set it aside. Promise me you will.”

  Leah sat up and cradled my chin with her fingertips. “Under one condition.”

  All the erotic sensations that had left me now came swelling back. My heart thudded. Leah’s lips were centimeters from my own.

  “Promise you won’t give up on us,” she whispered.

  Without the slightest hesitation, I replied, “I promise with all of my heart.”

  A smirk crept across Leah’s face. “Good. Working hard and saving money shouldn’t be a challenge for me. I like working with my hands, anyway.”

  Her hand slid warmly under my shirt. Leah guided me into a lying position. A desperate moan escaped me. I’d never felt so eager to be touched in my entire life. I wanted Leah to touch me inside and out. I wanted her to whisk me away from everything I knew and open me up to places I didn’t know existed.

  When she began caressing me in between my legs, my hips buckled under her. I whimpered against her neck, then planted a trail of kisses along her collarbone. She lifted my shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor beside me, revealing the pale skin underneath. I let her hands wander over my breast. I surrendered myself to her, allowing access to explore every inch of me.

  Cradling her hips, I breathed, “You can have me all to yourself.” I looked into her eyes, which were alive with arousal just for me. “For the rest of our lives.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  When Leah opened her eyes, she couldn’t tell if it was night or day. She looked at the white ceiling through blurred vision, feeling like she was submerged under water. All her senses were dulled, like her ears had been stuffed with cotton, and she couldn’t ignore the stabbing pain on the back of her head. She attempted to roll over on the cold hard floor, but a sudden pain in her hip rendered her motionless. Sharp wires prickled at the skin around her wrists, which were tied together in front of her.

  A swell of panic spiraled through her. Her heart raced so manically that it became difficult to breathe. Each inhale was shallow, sharp, and frantic. She darted her eyes around the room in an attempt to gather her surroundings, but she could barely see straight. She lacked control over her body, not just because her hands were tied in front of her, but because her muscles refused to work. Weakness, fatigue, and dizziness took over her. There was a small rectangular window to her right. As she fixed her eyes on it, she noticed a buzzing, red neon sign flickering on and off. She closed her eyes again when her vision started to double.

  “Dani?” she called in a weak, thin voice. The last thing she could remember was sitting on the sofa at Dani’s party. Dani had stood in front of her, anger flashing across her face. But laced within that anger was a visible tone of heartache. Dani had been trying to talk to her all night, but Leah was too hurt and numb to give the relationship any more effort. Their final conversation replayed before her eyes like a film reel: Dani’s stern, frustrated gaze and Leah’s stinging words.

  “It’s over,” Leah had said. “I’m not your girlfriend anymore, so it’s not your business who takes me home.”

  For a fraction of a second, pain and shock had softened Dani’s expression. Then, her gaze had grown sharp again. “Fine,” she had snapped before storming away.

  Leah had spent the next two hours trying to find a way home. She didn’t like any of Dani’s friends, and she couldn’t tolerate watching Rosie whisper in Dani’s ear and cling to her possessively, the way she often did. Leah had grown so desperate that she even sent a text to her mom, but the woman had recently changed her phone number. Eventually, that boy Rob, who Dani had always said she didn’t like, came strutting over to her. Leah couldn’t remember what he said. She dug deep into her memory, straining as hard as she could despite the splitting pain on the back of her skull.

  The floor creaked below her, breaking her concentration. Quick, heavy footsteps advanced closer, becoming louder and more urgent with each step. A narrow wooden door opened across from her, sending piercing light blaring into the dark room. Leah squinted, her eyes puffy and swollen.

  Terror sliced through her, cutting off her ability to think clearly. A man entered the room. He was tall and thin, dressed in a gray hoodie. His blue eyes glared at Leah through the black ski mask he was wearing, which was cut with tiny holes for his eyes and mouth.

  “Who are you?” Leah cried, gasping for air.

  Through the hole in the man’s ski mask, his lips sunk to a frown. “Be still, Leah.”

  “Where am I?” her voice trembled.

  The man didn’t answer. He crouched beside her, reached into his pocket, and pulled out a needle. Leah kicked her legs frantically, screaming until the veins in her neck bul
ged.

  “It’s time to go back to sleep now,” the man said in a flat, almost professional voice. His eyes bore no hint of emotion. He stared at her blankly, like he was a doctor performing a routine procedure.

  Despite Leah’s resistance, he pressed the needle into the side of her neck. She felt a stinging pain, and then her vision darkened. The man’s face went blurry.

  As Leah’s eyelids drooped, she whispered Dani’s name. The last thing she saw was an image of Dani’s face materializing in her mind.

  Then, everything went black.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Iawoke with a pounding headache and a mouth as dry as sandpaper. I turned over in bed, reaching for Leah. But instead of sliding my hand around the curve of her hip, my hand made contact with the soft fur of her cat, who I’d scooped from her apartment last week. In the dim light of my bedroom, he purred gently. It was the only comfort I’d felt in a long time.

  “Sorry, buddy. You’re stuck with me now,” I said. He responded by licking my nose with his sticky tongue.

  Standing on my nightstand was the tall bottle of Kasser’s vodka that I had purchased earlier. I had already made a considerable dent in the bottle. I drank all afternoon, until my eyelids began to feel heavy and my body begged for sleep. I fell asleep at some point, wasting the day away in rock solid slumber. It was past six o’clock now. Deep orange sunlight crept through the blinds, projecting lined shadows on the wall opposite the window.

  I sat up in bed and took a swig of vodka, which slid down my throat like a soothing waterfall. Through the thin walls of the apartment, soft, romantic music emanated from Rosie’s bedroom. Since it was a weeknight, I assumed she was either studying, preparing to go out to the bar, or exploring the naked physique of a male partner in her bed. I was amazed at how Rosie managed to earn a 4.0 GPA every semester, despite being constantly enthralled in activity. While I’d spent the last week hidden away in my room with headphones shoved into my ears, my blinds shut, and my door locked, Rosie’s life continued to explode with vibrancy, noise, and color. I wondered if the girl was ever alone with her thoughts, even for a second.

  But despite her constant yearning to be surrounded by noise and people, Rosie and I had barely talked. Granted, I had been hidden away in my room most of the time. I only ever left to use the bathroom or stumble into the kitchen, pull a microwavable meal out of the fridge, and carry the steaming, plastic-covered entree into my bedroom. Anxiety and dread weighed down on me so heavily that I lacked the energy to do much else. Rosie carried on as usual, inviting friends over, having loud, ear-piercing sex in her bedroom, and going to nightclubs on occasion. All things considered, it wasn’t that hard to believe that we were able to avoid each other, despite being just a thin wall away.

  With a nurturing hand, I caressed Fred’s soft ears. “Hungry?” I asked.

  He purred in response.

  I rose from bed and stumbled through the hall toward the kitchen. Fred scurried behind me. I filled a glass bowl with cat food I had bought yesterday. As I lowered it to the floor, I waited for Fred to eat up. But instead of devouring his meal, his eyes trailed toward one of the windows in the living room. His golden, calculated eyes focused hard on whatever movement he detected outside.

  “What is it?” I asked the cat, then rolled my eyes at myself. Not only had I become a drunk over the last week, now, I was talking to a cat.

  The fur on Fred’s back stood up. With his head low and his eyes fixed with determination, he slowly crept toward the window. He hissed, showing his fangs.

  I followed his gaze toward the window, and a rush of fear swiveled through me. I tiptoed to the window and pulled the curtain, fixing my eyes on the street below. A man was approaching the building, the soles of his sneakers skidding on the pavement. He was wearing a green beanie and a grey hoodie. My chest tightened and my heart skipped a beat. Not again, I thought with a surge of dread.

  I immediately spun on my heels and sprinted toward the kitchen. There had to be a knife somewhere, or something I could use to fight him off if he threatened me again. His last words cut like a blade in my memory: Do you want this crowbar jammed into your head? he’d spat at me with a snarl.

  Shivering, I darted my gaze around the kitchen in search of something sharp. Before I could find anything, there came a hard knock on the door. The sound rattled me. I reached my arm through the tight nook behind the fridge and pulled out a broom.

  I tightened my fists around the wooden handle and held it like a baseball bat.

  The man slammed on the door with his fist again, filling the apartment with a loud BOOM. To my bewilderment, he pushed the door open.

  I clutched the broom, prepared to take a swing if needed.

  The man stepped through the doorway, and when his gaze found me, he shouted, “What the fuck?” He shielded himself with his hands. “Are you crazy?!”

  “Who invited you here?” I snapped, still holding the broom behind my head like I was waiting for a swinging pitch.

  “I’m just looking for Rosie,” the man said, cowering in defense. “I’m Brian…her boyfriend.”

  “What?” I paused and focused my eyes on the man. He appeared much younger than the man who had attacked me last week, no older than twenty. Unlike my attacker, this boy’s eyes were brown. They were not the crisp, startling blue that had burned into me with violent intentions.

  I lowered the broom and released a labored sigh.

  “Is Rosie home?” he asked. “I noticed her car in the parking lot out front. She hasn’t been answering my texts.”

  “I don’t think she invited you here,” I said.

  Down the hall behind me, I heard Rosie’s bedroom door click open. I turned my attention toward the sound. Rosie emerged and crept down the hall, her back pressed to the wall so that Brian wouldn’t see her. She held my gaze and pressed her index finger to her lips.

  “Shh,” she mouthed. “Pretend I’m not here.”

  I turned toward Brian again. “Um. Rosie isn’t home,” I said.

  “No? I swear I saw her car. Where is she?”

  “She’s in…” I hesitated. “She’s in Iceland.”

  Brian stared at me. “Iceland?”

  “Studying abroad. You wouldn’t get it. It’s a journalism thing. Off with you, then.” I shuffled my broom at him and swept dust in his direction, which prompted a hoarse laugh from Rosie. I glanced over my shoulder at her. She covered her mouth to stifle her laughter.

  I wasn’t particularly amused. I’d just feared my life, thinking that I was about to be attacked with a crowbar. The last thing I needed was another one of Rosie’s love-struck admirers invading my privacy. I’d nearly had a heart attack, and if Rosie had remembered to lock the front door to prevent intruders, we wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

  Brian hovered by the door. “Will you let her know I was asking for her?”

  “Tell her yourself,” I said. “And please don’t walk in here without permission again.”

  I sent him a sharp glare. He apologized half-heartedly, then exited.

  I locked the door behind him and watched him through the window. I waited until he was out of sight before I swiveled back around. Rosie stood facing me with a rueful half grin.

  “Thanks for that,” she said.

  “Yeah. Sure.” I gazed at her awkwardly, still clutching the broom in my hands. This was the first time Rosie and I had even looked at each other since last week, when her friends had gathered in the living room. As they had sipped wine and relaxed on our fluffy couches, their gossip was directed toward me. I’d heard all of it, and Rosie knew. The elephant in the room hung between us like a thick, transparent curtain.

  Rosie crossed her arms and shifted from toe to toe, apparently feeling just as uncomfortable as me. Silence carried on for a beat.

  Eventually, Rosie spoke up. “Hey, I’m sorry about what Jenna and the other girls were saying last week. I know it isn’t true. Not a word of it.”

 
“It isn’t,” I replied, my voice icier than I had intended.

  “No one actually believes that you had anything to do with Leah vanishing. Girls just like to talk and gossip. They don’t have a clue what actually went on that night. No one does.”

  “Well, thanks for defending me,” I replied.

  Rosie’s half grin prompted a breath of relief from me. “Don’t mention it.” Her gaze dropped toward the floor, then lifted to my eyes again. “Are you holding up okay? I’m sorry we haven’t talked all week. I’m an amateur at this.” She twiddled with the ends of her auburn hair. “I’m used to seeing the fun side of you… The Dani that is always excited for the next weekend adventure. But when you lock yourself in your room all day, shutting me out, I don’t know what to do. You’re not always that easy to communicate with.”

  I wanted to point out that Rosie hadn’t made a single attempt to talk to me over the last week. All she had to do was knock on my door and check on me, just once, but she didn’t. I wouldn’t dare speak my mind about this, though. I knew she’d snap at me in an instant, so instead, I bit my tongue. All I managed to say was, “I understand. We’re graduating in a few weeks. You’ve been busy.”