Run to Me: A Mountain Man Romance (Clarke Brothers Series Book 3)

by Lilian Monroe

  Audrey glances over at the other bed. “Is she asleep?”

  It’s hard to speak with the lump that’s formed in my throat, and I can see the wheels turning in Audrey’s head. She looks at me and then at her grandmother again, and her face scrunches in fear. Her eyes widen and my heart feels like it’s shattering all over again.

  “Will she wake up?” Her voice is a squeak, and mine is completely gone. All I can do is shake my head from side to side and hold my sobbing daughter to my chest. We cry together, and Audrey just keeps repeating I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

  I pull away from her and take her face in my hands. “This is not your fault, Audrey. Do you hear me? It was an accident. Your grandmother died to save your life, and I will forever be grateful.” My voice catches on the last word, and I take a deep breath. “It is not your fault.”

  “Of course it’s my fault,” Audrey says, and I see fear and sorrow in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Mom. You told me not to get too close to the water. I’m so sorry. Grandma…”

  “Shh, Audrey,” I say, holding her close to me. I try to comfort her but my voice is gone again, and all I can do is rock her gently back and forth.

  The next few days are a blur. Ethan takes me home with him, and somehow all my things appear in his house. Food appears in our fridge, and I vaguely realize that almost everyone in town brings us things we might need. We have frozen casseroles and dinners, flowers, drinks, teddy bears. Even Ethan’s house gets a spruce up from the endless stream of people coming to help us and give their condolences. Squeaky hinges are fixed, he gets a new dining table and a bed for Audrey’s room. The generosity is endless.

  I try to be grateful, but it’s exhausting. Somewhere, in the deep recesses of my heart, I realize that this community has accepted me as one of their own, but right now I’m just trying to keep breathing. Seconds tick by and the pain doesn’t go away.

  Audrey recovers from her physical injuries as only children can, but there’s a darkness in her eyes that wasn’t there before. Her voice is dampened, and I don’t see her jump and dance and laugh like she used to. Ethan sees me watching her and puts his hands on my shoulder.

  “She’ll recover,” he says softly into my ear, and I try to blink back the tears in my eyes. I nod vigorously, and try to force a smile.

  “I know,” I answer. I’m just not sure if I will.

  Two weeks after the accident, Audrey is recovered enough to go back to school, and I try to contain the heart-wrenching fear in my heart when I watch her leave. It’s hard to have her out of my sight, but Ethan squeezes my shoulder and kisses my temple and I let her go.

  “Come on,” he says after she’s gotten on the bus. “Let’s get some brunch at the hotel. My treat.”

  I watch the bus disappear around the bend and ignore the urge to run after it and drag my daughter back to my side. I look at the man who’s held me up these past few weeks and nod.

  “That sounds nice,” I respond, and he squeezes my shoulder again.

  “I love you, Zoe,” he says matter-of-factly.

  “I love you too.”

  And that’s that. We head towards the hotel for some breakfast.

  Chapter 32 - Ethan

  By the end of September, Zoe, Audrey and I have slipped into a new routine. Lang Creek townspeople start getting excited about the biggest event of the year: the Fall Festival. It seems like everyone is in town for it. I see people here all the way from Long Lake, and even Albany. Even Mickey, who owns the B&B that I like, is here.

  I walk hand-in-hand with Zoe, and Audrey skips beside us. Audrey is laughing more. Settling into a routine with school seems to have helped. Zoe still looks sad when she stares off into nothing, but she’s starting to laugh again too. We don’t talk about that day by the river too much, but it hangs over us like a dark cloud.

  Zoe leans into me as we walk, and I squeeze her hand. She’s wearing jeans and a tight top with a clingy cardigan, and she couldn’t look any better. We walk into the festival grounds, wandering through food stalls and a farmer’s market. We stop in front of some performers. One of them is juggling while the other is cracking jokes. Audrey glances up at the two of us with laughter in her eyes before turning back to the performers.

  Zoe turns to me and I touch my nose to hers.

  “Thank you,” she says as I kiss her forehead.

  “There’s nothing to thank me for,” I answer. She smiles and shakes her head, and I see a lightness in her face that I haven’t seen in a long, long time. Maybe it’s all the people, maybe it’s Audrey laughing and skipping in front of us, maybe it’s the crisp autumn air. Whatever it is, Zoe looks how she did before the accident. It’s been a few weeks now, and the shock of the incident seems to have worn off.

  Audrey is doing well at school, and we’ve settled into a new normal life. I never thought I would say this, but things are good.

  I kiss Zoe’s forehead, thankful that she seems to be coming back to me after the trauma of losing her mother and almost losing Audrey.

  “I want to go on the pony!” Audrey says, pointing to a sign for pony rides. There’s a large enclosure at the other end of the fair grounds. Zoe nods and smiles, and the three of us set off in the direction of the pony rides.

  We’re only about halfway there when Margaret McCoy steps out in front of us. I freeze, and Zoe does the same. Audrey smiles at Margaret.

  “Hi, Mrs. McCoy!” She calls out.

  Zoe bristles, and I wonder if, like me, she resents Margaret and the stick boats that started the horrible chain of events near the river.

  “Hi there, Audrey. How are you?”

  “I’m fine,” she says cheerily, oblivious to our discomfort. “I’m going on a pony ride!”

  “Isn’t that nice,” Margaret says, not looking at Audrey. Her eyes are trained on me, and a chill goes down my spine. I stand up straighter.

  “Why are you still here, Margaret?” I ask. “Life was better when you weren’t in town.”

  “Was it, now?” She asks slowly, glancing from me to Zoe and back. Zoe squeezes my hand as if to say, don’t make a scene. She turns to Zoe. “I’m sorry to hear about your mother. She seemed like a lovely woman.”

  Zoe tenses. “She was,” she answers through gritted teeth.

  Margaret smiles, but her eyes remain dull. “Glad you’ve found a bit of happiness,” she says, nodding to me. “Although a Clarke wouldn’t be my first choice.”

  “Oh fuck off, Margaret,” I explode. “All you’ve done here is cause trouble since the day you stepped foot in town. Do you thrive off people feeling uncomfortable?”

  Her face turns dark. “This is my town as much as it is yours! I’m sick of you and your brothers parading around town like you own the place. How dare you speak to me like that!”

  “How dare I?” I repeat, incredulous. “How dare I?!”

  The anger is rising inside me. Zoe squeezes my hand again but it’s like I have tunnel vision. All I can see is Margaret McCoy, and the anger of the last decade starts to flood my veins. I’m vaguely aware that I’m shaking. It takes all my concentration to keep myself in one piece when my body feels like it’s about to explode.

  She has the nerve to be mad at me, when Margaret McCoy is the reason that Audrey was playing near the water. Margaret is the reason that Bernie died. Margaret is the reason that Dominic almost lost Mara last year, and the reason that my brothers and I lost our father’s business. She is the reason that the past ten years have been spent in a dark hole of depression and misery and scraping by and wondering why life is so difficult when your last name is ‘Clarke’.

  I slip my hand out of Zoe’s, and ball my hands into fists. My nails dig into my palms and the pain of it eases the fury in me long enough to notice Dominic at the edge of my vision. People are pausing near us, glancing at us curiously and waiting to see what happens. Their shameless curiosity only angers me more.

  I shake my head. “You’re evil, Margaret McCoy. Pure evil. You don’t car
e about anyone but yourself. I don’t know why you’re here, but I know you’re up to no good.”

  “Well at least I’m not an arsonist,” she spits. Zoe tenses beside me but I don’t have the energy to look at her. All my focus is on McCoy. I see my brothers moving towards me from the corner of my eye, but the words are already leaving my mouth.

  “I’m glad I burned that fucking thing down,” I spit. “That hotel was just a testament to your greed. You don’t care about this town or these mountains. All you care about is yourself. You’re probably here to remind everyone that you’ve ruined at least two families with your spite.” I spit the words out. I’m shaking, the heat rising to my ears as I try to contain my anger. I take a step towards her and shake my head. “I’d burn down that fucking hotel a hundred times if it meant you left town and never came back.”

  It’s not until Dominic puts a hand on my chest and makes me step back that I realize how badly I’m trembling. I look up and see a ring of people around us, and Margaret McCoy looking at me with a triumphant look on her face. Dominic sighs, pushing me back gently another step.

  “Ethan,” he says, and shakes his head.

  I turn around and my heart drops.

  Zoe’s face has a thousand emotions written across it. I can see the pain and betrayal of my words. The lie I told her, all those weeks ago, to protect my brothers and my town is coming back to haunt me. Margaret is gloating behind me and Zoe’s bottom lip is trembling. The pain in her eyes is indescribable, and my heart rips in half. It feels like two hands are pulling my chest apart, and my insides are spilling onto the ground in front of me.

  Zoe doesn’t say a word. She looks at me for another second, and then takes Audrey’s hand and walks away.

  “Zoe, wait!” I call out. I break free from Dominic’s grip and run after her. “Wait!”

  She stops and glances around at the dozens of people watching us. Fucking Fall Festival, I think as I see the mortification in her eyes. Finally, she drags her eyes back up to mine and it feels like a dagger has been plunged right into my heart.

  “You lied to me,” she says, her voice low and pregnant with emotion. “All this time, you’ve been lying.”

  “Zoe, I…”

  She holds up a hand and I stop talking. Her eyes shine with unsaid words, and she turns around again, walking away from me.

  I want to run after her. I want to drop to my knees in front of her and beg her to forgive me. I want to explain that I lied because I didn’t know her. I lied to protect my brother and the Sheriff, to protect my town. I lied to protect myself.

  I want to tell her that everything is different now, that I don’t want to protect myself from her because I love her. I love her more than I’ve loved anyone before.

  But I can’t say anything. I watch her walk away, hand-in-hand with her daughter, and my feet turn concrete. I stay rooted in place as my heart breaks over and over with every step that she takes. It’s not until Dominic puts a hand on my shoulder that I tear my eyes away from Zoe.

  “I’ve lost her,” I say. My voice is flat, and my whole body feels grey. I’m empty.

  “Come on,” my brother says. “Let’s get out of here.”

  Numb, I follow him in the opposite direction, glancing one last time in the direction that Zoe left.

  Chapter 33 - Zoe

  Audrey’s voice sounds like it’s a thousand miles away. It’s like she’s speaking to me from under water. I’m standing outside the festival grounds, looking down the road.

  “Mom?” She says gently.

  I’m pulled out of my stupor and look at my young daughter. Her face is drawn, with her eyebrows pulled together and her eyes full of concern.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Of course, Audrey,” I lie. “I’m fine.”

  Where will we go?

  Stupidly, I’ve moved all my things to Ethan’s house. I’ve moved all Audrey’s things there, too! I’ve moved her all the way from her home to come to this godforsaken place! A place full of lies and deceit and decades of animosity. Why would I willingly come to a place like this? Tears cloud my eyes as I curse myself.

  Audrey tugs at my arm and nods towards the McCoy hotel. “Let’s go see Katie,” she says, and I follow my daughter numbly.

  I should be the responsible one right now. I should be the mom. I should be the one telling her where we’ll go and what we’ll do. But all I can do is follow her lead and let my feet take me down Main Street towards the largest building in town. I stumble on the pavement, and Audrey squeezes my hand. Her lips are set in a thin line, and she keeps her eyes trained on the hotel. She looks much, much older than eight years old.

  Guilt floods through me and swirls in my stomach with the pain of Ethan’s betrayal. If it were just me that was hurt, I could deal with it. But now I’ve dragged my family along, for what? My mother has died and now Audrey has to deal with her pain and mine.

  I’m a horrible mother. Selfish, short-sighted, and careless. Tears well up in my eyes and I try to blink them away. Audrey stomps beside me, all but pulling me towards the McCoy hotel.

  When we get there, she pushes the door open and guides me to a couch in the lobby. She sits down beside me and lays her head on my shoulder. I lift my arm and snuggle her into my side, squeezing her and kissing the top of her head. I inhale the scent of her hair and my heart squeezes again.

  She puts her arm on my leg and takes a long, shuddering breath. After a moment, she looks up at me.

  “Mom, what happened with the fire?”

  My chest squeezes and I shake my head. “Don’t worry about that, Audrey. It was before I got here.”

  “Tell me,” she says, and the maturity in her voice surprises and saddens me. “I want to know what happened.”

  I take a deep breath and glance at her before shaking my head. “I’m not sure, baby.”

  “I’m not a baby,” she says automatically, and I smile. It feels like my face is cracking from the effort, but the weight on my heart lifts just a little.

  “No, you’re not.” I answer, almost to myself. “Well, all I know is that there was a big hotel being built, and people were worried that it would bring lots of people to the area that wouldn’t care about the mountains. So some naughty people burned it down.”

  “Was Ethan one of those naughty people?”

  My heart breaks all over again and I try to swallow past the lump in my throat. Finally, I nod. “Yeah. He was.”

  Audrey is silent for a while. We both turn towards the sound of footsteps and I hurriedly brush the tears from my eyes. I breathe a sigh of relief when Katie appears. Her face is drawn and she rushes towards the two of us.

  “I heard what happened,” she breathes. “Are you okay?”

  “How did you hear what happened already?” I ask, frowning. “We only left a few minutes ago.”

  Katie looks at me and cocks her head to the side. She grins and shakes her head. “It’s Lang Creek, Zoe,” she chuckles. “News travels fast.”

  Her eyes turn to Audrey and she kneels in front of us. She pulls out an envelope from her bag and holds it out towards Audrey. “Can you find Mara and give her this?” She asks in a somber voice. “It’s very important. She’s in the office”

  Audrey is still for a second and then tentatively takes the envelope. She nods once, and then turns to lay a kiss on my cheek. I try to smile at her, and inhale deeply as she walks down the hallway towards the office.

  Katie slides on the sofa beside me and takes a deep breath.

  “Katie, what am I going to do?” I hate how whiney I sound. I hate how small and thin my voice is, and how painful it is to say those words. Katie turns towards me and puts her hand on my forearm.

  “You’re going to breathe. Right now you’re just going to breathe. Then you’re going to go to work. You’ll do your job, and you’re going to be there for your daughter. Do not for a second think that you’re going to run away from this. You’ve seen how Audrey has brightened since she moved here.
You told me she was being bullied back in Seattle, and even after the accident she seems happy here. Plus, you said yourself that this job is a huge step for you.”

  “Yeah, but…”

  Katie shakes her head. “The Clarkes are sexy, irresistible men,” she starts. She looks at me and grins. “Trust me, I know. I’m a little jealous that Ethan is so in love with you.”

  “He’s not–”

  “Please, Zoe,” Katie grins. She shakes her head. “He’s in love with you. But all three of them have a wildness to them that no one can tame.”

  “He’s an arsonist.”

  “He did what he thought was right. Most people here agreed with him, for what it’s worth.”

  My heart shears again and I shake my head. “I can’t approve of something like that. He lied to me about it.”

  Katie is quiet for a while. She pats my arm and takes a deep breath.

  “Yeah,” she finally says. “He did.”

  I look at my friend and the pain in my chest is almost unbearable. I finally felt like I’d found a place for my daughter and me to be happy. I’d moved up in my career. I’d found a man that I cared about. I thought he cared about me. But do I even know him? He committed a felony, and most importantly, he lied to me. To my face! I asked him a direct question and he didn’t even have the guts to be honest.

  “I’m just not sure if I can get over that,” I finally say.

  Katie takes a deep breath and nods. “That’s understandable.”

  I brush hot tears off my cheeks and shake my head. My thoughts are muddled and I feel like a failure and a fool. I feel like a bad mother and an even worse daughter. I thought my life was going to get better by moving here, but it’s only gotten worse.

  “What do you want to do?” Katie asks. I look at her, and see real concern in her eyes. I see friendship in them, too. I haven’t had a real friend in so many years that the look in her eyes shocks me.