Rivals in Practice

by Alison Roberts

  ‘You were going to be the third doctor here. Or have you forgotten?’

  ‘No, I hadn’t forgotten.’ Andrew had gone from looking frustrated to clearly angry. He took a deep breath. ‘It’s just that things have changed, Jen. There’s more to think about and I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.’

  ‘And you think that maybe you would like your old job back.’ Jennifer’s suggestion was calm but her heart was thumping erratically. ‘The one with all the money and prestige.’

  ‘No, it’s not like that. Can’t you see what’s being offered to us? Us—not just me.’

  ‘I’m not going to go and live in Boston, Andrew. I can’t.’

  ‘And I can’t stay here. Not yet, anyway.’

  Jennifer felt a chill. A sensation of dread combined with a feeling of inevitability. This had had to come. And here it was.

  ‘You want me to send the children back to their father and go to Boston with you.’

  ‘Don’t get me wrong here,’ Andrew said quietly. ‘I know how much you love these kids. I love them, too. But they’re not our children. They should be with their father.’

  ‘They will be. When he’s ready.’

  ‘You’re so prepared to sacrifice what you want or need for other people, Jen. What about me? What about you? Why can’t you do what you want?’

  ‘I am doing what I want.’

  ‘I thought you wanted to be with me. For the rest of your life.’

  ‘I do.’ Jennifer fought back tears. ‘I don’t believe this. You sound just like Hamish.’

  ‘Maybe he was right.’ Andrew was staring at Jennifer as though seeing her for the first time. He sounded impatient. ‘You’ve already sacrificed your ambitions once for the sake of your family. Don’t do it again.’ His tone mellowed. ‘Come with me, Jen. You could retrain and become a surgeon. Try the excitement of working in a huge American hospital. Dramatic life and death case load. Every day!’

  Jennifer shook her head sharply. ‘I don’t have those ambitions any more. I only had to live and work here for long enough to realise how empty they were. You said yourself that being a famous surgeon wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. That it wasn’t what you really wanted.’

  Andrew shrugged and looked away. ‘I was bitter about being forced out. Being blamed for something I didn’t do. And maybe I felt I deserved part of the blame. I could have stopped that operation. Or at least made a genuine protest by walking out. Maybe I would have saved that woman’s life.’

  ‘That woman! I’ll bet you can’t even remember her name.’ Jennifer’s scathing words tumbled out too quickly for Andrew to interrupt or contradict her. ‘And even if you can, you wouldn’t have a clue what her childhood illnesses were or what her family circumstances were really like.’ Jennifer snorted with contempt. ‘So much for your statement that practising medicine had more to offer than just rearranging unconscious people and sending them on their way. So much for wanting to be part of a community.’ Jennifer shook her head sadly. ‘I wonder how much else you said was simply hot air. Like how you felt about me.’

  ‘Are you saying you don’t trust me now?’

  Jennifer shrugged. ‘I believed what you told me. Maybe I got carried away by your rosy scenario of us working together as partners. Building up the hospital facilities and working as a team to provide this community with something to be proud of. Maybe I just wanted to believe it too much. It’s the kind of professional ambition I dream about these days. The only kind.’

  ‘I’m not saying it isn’t worthwhile. We wouldn’t have to forget about it. Just postpone it.’

  ‘Nice retirement job? Nothing too stressful or challenging…Or dynamic? Retire to the country and potter about, being a GP?’

  ‘No.’ Andrew was pacing now, clearly upset. He stopped and turned abruptly. ‘Look, all I’m saying is that if things had gone differently, it wouldn’t have been my first choice for a career.’

  ‘Of course not,’ Jennifer agreed. ‘You can’t know what you’re missing if you’ve never been exposed to it. You have to experience something to know it’s what you really want. Living and working here wasn’t my first choice either, but—’

  ‘Exactly,’ Andrew interrupted. ‘But you stayed because you loved it and because you didn’t have anything you’d left behind that really mattered. I left my reputation. My self-esteem. Sure, I could stay and be happy but I would always have that huge black blot on my copybook. The knowledge that people believed I wasn’t good enough. That I wasn’t worth supporting. Just the sort of emotional baggage my childhood left me with. I have to go back. To prove them wrong. To prove to myself that I can believe they really want me.’

  ‘And are they the people that really matter?’

  ‘Of course not. You’re the person that really matters. That’s why you have to come with me. I can show you what I’m really capable of achieving.’

  ‘I know what you’re capable of. I’ve seen you work. I believed in you with no other evidence than your word. I don’t need to go to the States. You don’t have to prove anything except…’ Jennifer stopped suddenly as a new thought intruded. A horrible thought.

  ‘Except what?’ Andrew asked coldly.

  ‘You came here in the wake of a professional disaster. You’ve already admitted that working here wouldn’t have been your first choice. It was available and you thought you could make the best of it and be reasonably happy.’ Jennifer took a deep, slow breath. ‘You also came here in the wake of a personal disaster. This trip was supposed to be your honeymoon, for heaven’s sake. Maybe I was just available as well and you thought you should make the best of a limited choice.’

  ‘You don’t believe that.’

  ‘I don’t know what to believe any more, Andrew. As far as I can see, this is history repeating itself. My relationship with Hamish broke up because of my commitment to my family.’

  ‘You didn’t love Hamish. Not enough to want to make it work, anyway. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe you don’t love me enough either.’

  ‘My ties here are part of who I am. If I’m only acceptable without them then I’m not really wanted for myself. And that’s not good enough.’

  ‘What are you trying to say here, Jennifer?’

  Jennifer’s heart was breaking. ‘I’m saying that I don’t think this is the right place for you. And I’m not the right woman. You have to know what you want and you have to be sure. Being here isn’t your first choice—you said so yourself. And it’s not enough to compete with a better offer. I think that speaks for itself.’

  ‘It doesn’t have to compete. I’m trying to find a compromise here. A relationship isn’t going to work if one person makes the rules and refuses to try and understand what the other person needs.’

  ‘Exactly.’ Jennifer was keeping her self-control with difficulty. ‘And ours isn’t going to work. I can’t leave.’

  ‘And I can’t stay.’

  ‘Then go,’ Jennifer said tightly. ‘And go now. I don’t think you have any idea the effect you’re having on this family right now. The children don’t know which way the wind is blowing and I’m not going to have them upset any more. And I’m not going to let this happen again. Not ever.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘I mean that if you go, that’s it. You will have made your choice.’

  ‘You’re issuing an ultimatum. You’re being selfish.’

  ‘I’m protecting what I care about. Yes, I’m protecting myself as well.’

  ‘So that’s it? You’re prepared to just let me walk away? I thought you loved me.’

  ‘I did. I do. It’s you that’s doing the walking.’

  ‘I have to.’ Andrew’s words were cold. Final.

  ‘Fine.’ Jennifer turned her back and headed for the door. ‘Just don’t come back.’

  CHAPTER NINE

  THE weeds in Brian’s vegetable garden had already won the war.

  Even last season’s silverbeet clumps were barely dis
tinguishable. The older doctor shook his head with resignation. Maybe in a few months’ time he would be able to fork it over and start again, but there weren’t going to be any fresh peas for Christmas dinner this year. His frustration was edged with a fear that he didn’t want to confront. The distraction of a car pulling up at the front gate was welcome. The delight with which Brian greeted his visitors was genuine.

  ‘Philip! It’s about time you came to see us. You’ve been back for a week now, haven’t you?’

  Jennifer’s brother-in-law shook Brian’s hand warmly. ‘I’m sorry, Brian. It’s been hectic.’

  Brian’s wife, Pat, came bustling down the pathway, her apron flapping. She kissed Philip and welcomed him home, but her attention was quickly drawn to the small boy climbing out of the car.

  ‘Angus! I’m making biscuits, my love. Do you want to come and help? Then we can find some flowers to pick in the garden for your aunty Jen.’

  ‘They’ll be lucky to find any flowers under those weeds,’ Brian muttered as the men were left by the gate. ‘The garden’s a mess and I’m in no shape to do anything much about it.’

  ‘Jen told me,’ Philip said sympathetically. ‘I’m sorry to hear about the problems you’re having, Brian. She seems confident that the surgery will be a success, though. You’re due to go into hospital later this month, aren’t you?’

  Brian nodded. ‘Triple bypass. I’ll be out of action for a while. I just hope we get some response to our advertisement for another doctor or Jennifer will have a lot to cope with.’ He paused and frowned. ‘How does she seem to you at the moment?’

  ‘Quiet,’ Philip said promptly. ‘In fact, that’s one of the reasons I came by this morning. I’m a bit worried about her.’

  By tacit consent, the two men moved towards a garden bench. Warm sunshine and the subtle perfume from a mass of nearby daffodils enveloped them as they sat down.

  ‘Gorgeous day,’ Philip commented. ‘But it’s funny—this place doesn’t feel like home any more. I just love the Gold Coast in Australia.’

  ‘How are things going?’

  ‘Brilliantly. The business has taken off and I’ve bought a house.’ Philip’s glance at his former GP was almost shy. ‘I’ve met someone as well. I’m not rushing anything but she’s a bit special.’

  ‘I’m so pleased to hear that, Philip.’ He eyed the younger man cautiously. ‘Sounds like you’re planning to make your move permanent.’

  Philip nodded. ‘I haven’t told Jen yet but I’m ready to take the kids home. They’re already dead keen to visit the Gold Coast since I told them about all the amusement parks.’

  ‘It would be a big change for them.’

  ‘I know. But this week has been brilliant, Brian. I hadn’t realised just how much I’ve missed them all. The twins say they’re never going to let me disappear again. It’s been a real job getting them to go off to school in the mornings. I’m getting to know Angus properly for the first time as well. It’s not a good thing to have a son you haven’t watched grow from a baby into a boy.’

  ‘Could you cope with them all on your own? Looking after four children and running a business won’t be easy.’

  ‘I’ll have help. Anne can’t wait to meet them. She can’t have her own children because of a hysterectomy years ago after a disastrous pregnancy. I think the kids will love her but, as I say, I’m not rushing things. That’s why I came on my own this time. I was going to leave suggesting that they come to live with me until my next visit at Christmas, but I don’t want to wait any more and I can’t just leave the kids again. I’m worried about how Jen might take it, though.’

  ‘It will certainly change her life. The house will be very empty.’

  ‘I was really hoping that something had developed with that chap she had staying. When I rang a few weeks ago it sounded like she’d found the man of her dreams. Even the kids couldn’t stop telling me how wonderful Drew was. I felt quite jealous. But there’s no sign of him now and Jennifer won’t talk about him. Do you know what happened?’

  ‘He left rather suddenly. He had to go back to the States for some unfinished business.’

  ‘Was there anything serious going on between him and Jennifer?’

  Brian smiled sadly. ‘Oh, yes. You couldn’t miss the atmosphere. They must have had a major falling out, I’d say. Jennifer looked dreadful for about a week after he left but, then, she was having some hassles finding child care and so forth. Drew had been looking after things since Saskia went home.’

  ‘Maybe she’ll be relieved when I take the children. It will make her life a lot less complicated. She might be able to sort things out with this Drew and make a new start for herself.’

  ‘Maybe.’ Brian looked unconvinced. ‘When I tried to talk to her about him she clammed up. Said it was over. She’d made her choice and so had he.’

  ‘I don’t think she’s very happy. Maybe she made the wrong choice.’

  ‘Maybe,’ Brian conceded. ‘But that’s something she’ll have to work out for herself. She’s as stubborn as her mother ever was and won’t admit to anything in a hurry. The more miserable she is, the more determined she becomes to cope. By herself. Come on.’ Brian eased himself to his feet. ‘Let’s go and see what those biscuits Pat and Angus are making taste like.’

  Jennifer could cope. She was coping and she was quite confident that nobody knew how miserable she was. Having total chaos around her both at home and at the hospital was a definite bonus. If she seemed a little distracted or short-tempered at times, there were any number of extraneous circumstances to attribute a cause to.

  A dozen crates littered the farmhouse, being packed with clothes, games, books and toys. The children were so excited about going to live with their father in Australia. Even Angus, who didn’t understand any of the confusion and barely knew his father, was happiest when he was close to Philip. Michael seemed to have grown inches taller overnight. His dad was very impressed by the treehouse and the project on pollution and what Michael seemed to know about computers. They were going to buy a computer of his own, duty free, on their way out of the country.

  Passports had to be rushed through for the children and arrangements made for Zippy to travel with them. He was Michael’s dog now after all, and couldn’t be left behind. Philip was even prepared to pay for the black kitten to move as well, after the twins had insisted she was part of the family. Jennifer would still have Tigger and Elvis, wouldn’t she? That would be enough. Philip drew the line at exporting Button, the pony, however. They didn’t have space at the new house. They would come back often to visit and the children could ride Button then. The next visit was only as far away as Christmas and they could count that in a matter of weeks. The compromise was only reached after much argument by the twins but the lure of being with their father permanently was enough to win the day.

  ‘You’ll look after Button, won’t you, Jen? He won’t forget us, will he?’

  Jennifer had tried to smile and sound reassuring. She was trying to share the children’s happiness and not feel as though she was about to be abandoned, having served her purpose as a temporary parent. Trying not to feel jealous of the woman Philip couldn’t help talking about. The ‘Anne’ that this group of affectionate children would probably accept and love in no time flat. Trying not to think that she might have lost her only chance at what Philip had to look forward to. A future with his own children and a partner.

  There was no real relief from an atmosphere of excited anticipation at work either. Liam was being transferred from Christchurch hospital to recuperate at Akaroa hospital before returning home. A group of locals had decided to welcome him in style and a party was being prepared, along with the best room the hospital had to offer. Ruby was reigning supreme in the kitchens, organising an afternoon tea for an expected crowd of fifty people. Balloons and flowers were being arranged in Liam’s room and his father was up a ladder by the front door attaching the ‘Welcome Home’ banner that Liam’s siblings had painted. />
  Jennifer was managing to work through all this. She was coping perfectly well. Maybe it helped that she wasn’t touched by the excitement of any of it. She could concentrate on the practical and get everything that needed to be done sorted out without being distracted by endless reminiscences about the past or hopeful discussions of the joys the future promised.

  She’d had more than her share of dreams recently. Dreams that had come crashing down around her ears and left her this huge emptiness inside. A void that was going to have to be filled with whatever Jennifer could find to throw in. It wasn’t going to be hard to find enough to work on. While it would never be possible to fill that void completely, if she worked hard enough she could build a wall around it and then a lid. She could cover it over and forget about it and simply get on with the rest of her life.

  What made it more difficult, almost unbearable, was that no matter what Jennifer did she found reminders of Andrew. How had he managed to infiltrate every aspect of her life to such an extent in such a short time? Even what should have been a minor emergency case arriving at the hospital that morning had eventually drawn Jennifer’s thoughts towards Andrew. The unexpected appointment had proved frustrating and Jennifer had excused herself from the consulting room in the hope that Brian might be able to offer guidance. Brian was in the office, attending to the mail. Wendy was also there, having just delivered morning tea to the senior doctor.

  ‘I’ve got Freda Scott in the consulting room,’ Jennifer told them. ‘She tripped over in the garden yesterday and her right wrist is painful and swollen with restricted movement. There’s no obvious fracture but I’ve told her she needs to go to Christchurch for an X-ray. She’s flatly refused. She says if she can’t walk, she’s not going anywhere.’

  Brian was clearly not surprised. ‘I don’t think Freda’s been in a vehicle for ten years.’

  Wendy’s head was tilted thoughtfully. ‘Doesn’t Freda live in that tiny cottage on Rue Balguerie? With about twelve cats? I’ve heard she’s a little odd.’

  Brian smiled tolerantly. ‘Freda moved here about thirty years ago and ran a small drapery shop. She’s always been on her own and very independent. She never goes near a doctor by choice. I’ve only ever seen her once as a patient and that was after a car accident nearly twenty years ago. She knocked over young Stewart Maloney when he ran out in front of her car.’