A 3rd Time to Die

by George A Bernstein

  And only seven weeks after delivering Janine, Ashley was back at the stables, working Injun and herself back into shape. Craig was there, full of support, a rock for her continued sanity.

  Keith seemed more distant than ever.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  Another month passed before pain of cold rejection eventually fermented into heated anger, inciting her to finally question her husband about his late night whereabouts.

  "I told you, I'm working at the office," he said, when she finally braced him.

  "Until Eleven or Twelve? C'mon, Keith. Nobody works that late."

  "Well, I am! I've finally convinced the Board to consider a new factory in the South. I'm working on that, three or four nights a week."

  "And Saturdays, too?" Russet eyebrows arched.

  He shrugged. "Yeah, Saturdays, too. It's quiet, just like at night. I get more work done 'cause there's no one to disturb me."

  "What, exactly, are you doing that's so time consuming?" The whole thing was really hard to believe.

  "Evaluating the opportunities. We've gotten industrial inducement packages from over twenty communities throughout the South. I've developed a weighted rating program to evaluate them. It's very time consuming."

  "There’s no one to help you with this? You shouldn't have to do it alone, and at the expense of your family." Was she being selfish, wrong to have mistrusted him? He was obviously doing the best he could.

  "You know no one supported me on this. They think I'm nuts. I gotta do all the work myself."

  It ended there, leaving Ashley uneasy and filled with a full-blown case of burning curiosity. After stewing for a week over the injustice that kept her husband from his family and too exhausted to even make occasional love to his wife, she called her father-in-law to complain.

  "Hi, dad. It's Ashley."

  "Ah, what a pleasant surprise. How are you, my dear? And my lovely grand-children?"

  "Fine, I suppose. Janine’s growing fast and is eager to see her grand-parents again."

  "Wonderful. I'm glad you’re such a happy, growing family."

  She trapped her lower her lip between her teeth, fighting for courage, then forged ahead. "That's why I'm calling. You're working Keith too hard. Can't you give him some help on the new factory proposals?"

  "More help?" He sounded amused. "He's already got half Industrial Engineering on it, and committees from Sales, Purchasing and Production, each developing plans for their departments. Everything’s going ahead faster than I ever expected."

  "Oh?" Bands of steel ratcheted tightly around her, squeezing the breath from her lungs. It took a moment before she mustered enough air to speak.

  “I… I didn’t think the Board was behind Keith on this."

  "We weren't at first, but that husband of yours is very persuasive. He's got our full backing now. We’ve even finalized a site: Crowley, Louisiana. Everything seems even better than Keith predicted. Construction on the building will begin in less than two months, and it’s all being paid for by the community floating Revenue Bonds."

  "Oh, that's wonderful," she mumbled. "Keith never tells me anything. He's just so busy. Anyway, it was good talking with you, Dad. Give my love to Muffin." Keith's mother preferred her nickname, rather than "Mom."

  Ashley sat by the phone, staring vacantly into the back yard.

  This doesn’t make any sense. If this means he’s not working late, then where the Hell has he been every night? There must be a logical explanation. She shivered, suddenly chilled. Did she really want to know the truth? She could call Cynthia. Her husband, Howard Higgins, was Vice-president of Manufacturing, and one of Keith's closest friends.

  I’d seem such a fool if there’s nothing to worry about. I… I don’t want to sound like a ditsy wife, but it’s time to get some answers.

  After several false starts, she saddled up her courage and placed the call to her friend.

  There was a long pause, thick with indecision, after Ashley asked Cynthia if she knew anything about Keith's late hours.

  "I can't really say, Ashley," she finally said.

  "C'mon, Cyn. Keith and Howard are buddies. I'm sure you've heard things. Am I paranoid, or is there something going on? I've got to know!"

  "Oh, Ashley. It's not my place…"

  "Please, Cyn. We're friends. You'd want to know, if you were me, wouldn't you?" That’s what friends were for, and she wasn't going to let her wriggle free.

  "I… I suppose,” Cynthia said. “Would you really tell me, if it were… not good?"

  "Of course I would." Ashley hoped she sounded more positive than she felt. It wasn’t good, Cyn said. She trembled, despite the warmth of the room.

  "Well… I heard Howard talking with Keith several months ago. It seems Keith was seeing a… a professional woman."

  "A hooker?" Ashley shivered, suddenly glacially cold.

  "Yes. A very high-priced one, I understand. Kristen, I think. I asked him about it, and Howard says he's heard men actually fall in love with her, if you can believe that."

  "Keith's in love with a hooker?" Her brain stalled. Nothing made sense.

  "Uhh… not any more. I understand he's... uhh... stopped seeing her." Some gentle throat clearing punctuated another chilly pause. Was there more to this debacle? Ashley gritted her teeth, her voice a bare whisper.

  "So, he's not fooling around anymore? Is that right?" There was a soft moan before her friend finally answered, her words flowing like cold molasses.

  "Not exactly. I believe he’s taken a… mistress."

  "Oh, shit! The bastard. The fucking bastard!" Cold no longer, her hand shook, face flushed.

  "Ashley! I'm so sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have…"

  "No, Cyn, no. You did the right thing. Who else would tell me? No one will ever learn where I heard it, don't worry."

  "I promised Howard. He’d be very angry if he knew....."

  "Cyn, no one will ever know. I'll say I hired a detective, if I ever face him with this."

  "You mean you aren't going to say anything to him?" Cynthia sounded surprised.

  "I don't know. I just don't know. I've gotta sort things out. Gotta think of our kids. Some of it must be my fault, somehow."

  "Your fault? Don't be ridiculous! He's cheating on you, for God’s sake! How can that be your fault?"

  "There's got to be a reason. If I were all he wanted, he'd have no cause to stray. Maybe I…"

  "Bullshit!” Her friend was no longer reticent, now that truth was in the open. “Is he everything you ever wanted? Was he ever? Be honest. No man is."

  "I don't know. We always seemed to have something special… something pulling us together. He was never perfect, I guess." She thought, fleetingly, of Craig Thornton. He seemed a lot more perfect than Keith, especially now.

  They said their good-byes, with Ashley again pledging to keep her friend out of it. She needed time to think. Some of this had to be her fault. The horse, all the attention she gave the children, the new baby he never wanted. He felt left out, not the focus of their attention anymore. He was used to being the main attraction, but she had allowed other things to compete.

  Yes, she was at least partly to blame. She could see that now. She wouldn’t say anything for the moment, and would try to fix the marriage, try to make him happier at home, the center of their world again.

  She would get professional help, if necessary. Make this marriage work. But underneath this bravado she sensed the hollowness of her determination.

  Did she want it to work anymore? Did she even care? Can something this broken ever be fixed? She recognized in her heart that his absence the day Janine arrived was a harbinger of their future.

  Her thoughts again drifted to Craig Thornton, wondering what marriage to a man like him would be like? She shivered, goose bumps ridging her spine, casting the thought away.

  Infidelity! Not something in her nature… however alluring… despite Keith’s apparent adventures in that realm.

  Yet Craig’s
face lingered in her mind.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  For two months Ashley battled growing uncertainty, laboring in a concentrated but futile effort to make things right. She struggled to draw Keith into family events and involve him in their children’s activities, but little changed. Keith made an occasional effort to get involved with his family.

  On the few nights he made it home early enough, he might help Ricky with homework or read to Beth at bed time. Both those were rarities. He studiously avoided caring for Janine at all. Mostly he remained distant, as cold as Chicagoland’s frozen, snow-covered tundra, coming home late and smelling of jasmine. He insisted everything was work related.

  Who the Hell smelled of jasmine at work? She could no longer repress her burgeoning anger.

  Innocent sounding phone calls to wives of several of his associates verified there were no weekly dinner meetings. The two "all male" continuing education workshops he attended, one in New York City and the other in Denver, proved well represented by wives. Calls to hotels to those cities verified his attendance with a very memorable, raven-haired "Mrs. Easton."

  Bulldog tenacity uncovered Nicole's identity, and Ashley was curious enough to attend one of her afternoon classes. What a brutal workout! She was frankly unprepared for how magnificent Ms. Phillips was, but after staggering through her class, she gained understanding of where that gorgeous body came from.

  Ashley stayed to shower after the class, observing Nicole nude in the next stall. Her naturally busty, narrow-waisted, long-legged young body was depressing. Ashley had never looked that good, even at twenty.

  Nobody did! It couldn’t all be from exercise.

  Ashley suspected Nicole knew exactly who she was, since Keith dutifully carried a family photo in his wallet. The raven-haired Amazon purposely paraded herself, clearly wanting Ashley to understand what she was up against.

  Not wanting to create a scene, Ashley dressed and left quickly. Driving home, her head was mired in a swamp of troubling ruminations.

  Their marriage was a failure. How much of that was her fault? Had she driven him to other women because of the numbing fear blanketing her whenever they had sex?

  Why was she looking for something dangerous to leap from the shadows? It was crazy.

  Well, for whatever reasons, any positives left in their marriage were being sucked into a morass of disillusionment. Maybe they should separate… take some time alone to sort things out.

  Time alone! Shit. All I’ve had is time alone. Maybe my panic attacks during sex are part of the problem. That certainly could be a turn-off.

  Once things settled down with the baby, she would see a therapist. Maybe some of her friends at the country club could recommend a good man. Not a Freudian. She didn’t have three or four years to figure things out.

  One final stab at fixing things before finally seeking an ending to this apparent charade called a marriage.

  CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

  “What?”

  She cantered up to the white wooden railing, a devilish grin splitting her face, her palms held up in an ageless gesture.

  “Don’t give me that.” He couldn’t restrain a laugh. “Just stay away from those big fences. Your legs aren’t ready for that yet.”

  “Not my fault. Injun wants to jump them.”

  “Of course he does. Just take it easy for now. It won’t be long before your strong enough again.”

  “Jeez, I’ve been back a month already. This seems such a long way from a Grand Prix. How’ll I ever be ready if I can’t work over the big jumps?”

  “Patience, madam. Good things come to those who wait. Seriously, we want to work on getting back your timing, and you’re just beginning to regain your leg strength. But we can think about technique now.”

  “Like what, boss?” This friendly banter had never existed with Keith. But then, her husband never liked horses, and didn’t discuss family matters. He always told her to do whatever she thought was best, never making a decision affecting anyone other than himself. Why had it taken so many years to realize that?

  “For one thing,” Craig said, pulling her back to the moment, “you need more control of your route to the fences.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Injun is so fast and eager, he can get to jumps before you’re ready. I’ve noticed when you circle into a fence, you often end up taking it at an angle. That effectively makes the jump bigger, especially the wide ones, like walls and oxers.”

  “Yeah.” She had dismounted and was rubbing the horse’s velvety muzzle. “I see what you’re driving at. The damn things are big enough.”

  If he only knew what they really looked like to me!

  “Right. So you have to make a slightly bigger circle to get properly squared up to the bars. A little thing to make life easier.”

  They began moving toward the stately old stable, Injun following like a well-trained dog. So easy to talk about things they both loved. How he had grown on her! She watched him from the corner of her eye, bathed in the gentle glow of their familiarity.

  It was the gentle, sensitive, compassionate man inside, not his looks that made Craig such a special friend. She never felt so much trust in anyone. Certainly never Keith, even in the beginning. In the less than a year she’d known him, Craig had become the most important person in her life, next to her children. Time spent was always easy and comfortable with him.

  A groom took Injun to cool him down before putting him away. She sighed softly. Even the sweet-acrid smells of damp hay and manure were a pleasant familiarity. They stood together, watching the big red horse disappear around the corner.

  A covert glance at Craig brought a strange stirring, a trembling of her heart. She was momentarily suspended in a surreal world, grasping for images she couldn’t quite see, something she didn’t understand.

  Something different.

  Something special.

  Something that made this more than just friendship.

  C’est bon.

  She blinked.

  Quit it!

  French again. Seemed it pops up mostly around Craig.

  Dwelling there will only make life more difficult. Things were confusing enough at the moment. Like Scarlett, she would think more about it tomorrow. She turned to her new best friend, her confident smile belying the turmoil within.

  “Wanna grab a bite?” he asked.

  “Read my mind. I’m starving. The grub any good in the grill room here?”

  “Not bad. They make a really tasty grilled chicken Caesar salad, if you’re in the mood for something light.”

  “Sounds good. Lead the way.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

  Craig pushed the large, bowel-shaped plate away and sighed.

  “Yum. Just right after a hard morning’s work on the jumps.”

  “We didn’t work that hard. I need some time on bigger fences, if I’m ever going to try Grand Prix.”

  “We’ve been over this. You need some easier competition over smaller courses, until you get your legs and timing back. There’s a show in Elgin next week-end. Let’s enter that and see how things go. We’ve gotta work up to this slowly. Don’t be so impatient.”

  “I know. I know. I’m just antsy. How about a fox hunt. You got one scheduled soon? I really want to ride a fox hunt!”

  “Yeah. In two weeks, if the dogs get back from Wisconsin in time.”

  “Wisconsin?”

  “My cousin’s running a hunt out of Menomonee early that week. Should be plenty of time to get the hounds back to Barrington.”

  “Good. Count me in. I can hardly wait.” She fidgeted restlessly in her chair.

  “Jeez, Ashley. I’ve never seen you look so wired. What’s bugging you?”

  “Nothing’s bugging me. Anyhow, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “So that’s it? You don’t want to talk about what’s not bugging you?”

  Her laugh had a nervous edge.

  “Trapped myself, huh?”
/>   “Look, it’s okay. But if you need to unburden yourself, I’m here.”

  “Oh, shit, I don’t know. My life’s not working out like I expected. I never planned on a cheat.”

  “Keith?”

  “Yeah. The bastard was seeing a hooker. Very exclusive and very expensive. But it seems he’s dumped her for a full-time mistress. He’s never home, either out with his bimbo, or in Louisiana, building the new factory. He didn’t even call for two days after Janine was born.

  “What’s scary is, I don’t even miss him, but the kids need a father. I’m not ready to give up, but he’s gonna have to toe the line from now on.”

  “And if he doesn’t? What then?”

  “I… I don’t know. I can’t picture myself divorced. Just not in my nature to quit. But I can only take so much crap. It’s gonna be up to him.”

  She didn’t tell him she had an appointment with a highly regarded psychiatrist to try to work things out. She needed to understand her role in their failing marriage, sure a lot of it must be her fault. Especially that strange fear… The Terror… swamping her those infrequent times last year when they did make love.

  That hadn’t happened since those happy few days in her fourth month carrying Janine. Freezing up in panic certainly didn’t help. If she can figure out why she’s searching the shadows for monsters, maybe they could become lovers again. That might even bring them back together. Provided the mistress was just a diversion, and not something serious.

  Either way, she’d have to figure it out. She hoped this doctor was as good as his reputation.

  CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

  Heading home down Skokie Highway, Craig’s mind was centered on things other than his driving. Luckily, traffic was light.

  Ashley was in a tough spot, not so different than his. Strange that he and this great gal, now his closest friend, were both facing decisions about cheating spouses.