Alaska

by Cate Ashwood

  Hard to be objective when you’re getting nightly blowjobs.

  But Logan didn’t have any reason to bullshit me about this. He had nothing invested other than the possibility of a lighter workload, and so when he told me he thought this was a sure thing, I was apt to believe him.

  A spark of excitement lit at the thought of it. Sawyer’s Ferry Regional Hospital wasn’t the cutting-edge research facility I was used to, but this would be the first time I’d ever gotten anywhere without my father’s intervention. It was exciting and terrifying all at once.

  If I fell on my face at this… there was a part of me that would always wonder if I would have made it through school, internship, residency, anything without my father greasing palms and paving the way for me.

  But here, this was all me. I’d been offered the job based on my skills in the OR, something I’d kind of taken for granted.

  “You think Dr. Alston will be back on her feet and ready to get back to work soon?” My contract was for three months, but if Alston was back before then, who knew if they’d want to keep me on. I didn’t imagine the hospital had a very big budget.

  “I don’t know, to be honest. Two months ago, I would’ve told you she’d be operating forever, but now I’m not entirely sure.”

  “Oh?”

  “There’s a chance the position will open up for something more permanent. I’m not sure if that’s something you’d be interested in.” There was a tentativeness to the way he said it, like I might turn him down on the spot, but I was still having a hard time processing the implications of what a permanent position would mean.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I mean, I hadn’t considered staying. I always intended to return to New York at some point.”

  Logan shot me a crooked grin. “Alaska isn’t for everyone. Sawyer’s Ferry definitely isn’t for everyone.”

  “It’s been… an adjustment.”

  “That’s putting it lightly,” he chuckled. “If I’m going to be perfectly honest with you, I was shocked you actually accepted the offer.”

  “I wasn’t sure I was going to either. There were a lot of reasons for me to go, and not a lot for me to stay.”

  “Gage figure into any of that?”

  And there it was. I’d been waiting for this turn in the conversation since we’d first sat down. The best friend, swooping in to figure out what was going on in the outsider’s head. For some reason, it didn’t feel meddlesome coming from Logan.

  “Yes? No? Kind of?”

  “Thanks for clearing that up,” he said with a trace of sarcasm in his voice.

  I sighed. “Maybe it’s you who should be clearing things up for me.”

  “Not sure if I can, but shoot.”

  “I’ve only known the guy a little over a week. I still haven’t figured him out.”

  “Oh, you poor misguided fool. I’ve known him almost twenty years and I still don’t have that man pinned down.”

  “That doesn’t help me much.”

  “I dunno what to tell you. Gage is a good man. The best I know, actually. He has a good heart and is more generous and unselfish than anyone you’ll ever meet. But he doesn’t do all that well with deviating from his intended path. He likes predictability. Routine. Not the most spontaneous guy I know.”

  “I kinda figured. I’m still trying to figure out what it is we’re doing here. He went from hating me to beating down my hotel room door to dragging me back to his place, and now here I am living with him and I have no idea if he even likes me all that much.” I was saying too much, spilling my guts right across the table, but I couldn’t seem to force my own mouth shut. “I don’t know where that leaves us. Or if we’re anywhere at all. I’m leaving in three months, so maybe I should keep it light, and when my time here is up, leave it at that.”

  “I think he probably likes you more than he lets on,” Logan assured me. “He has a short temper, and even less patience sometimes, but you wouldn’t be in his home if he didn’t like you. You’re a challenge for him, and you came at him out of the blue and kind of smacked him right in the head. You’re a Prescott, and with that comes immediate distrust. Your dad did a number on him.”

  “My dad’s an asshole.”

  “That we can agree on.”

  “I’m not him, though.”

  Logan nodded. “Something else we can agree on.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  The envelope was sitting on the table in the staff room, practically mocking me. Holden’s name was printed on the front in bold, black letters. Christ, I wanted to open it. The weight of not knowing what that letter contained was heavier than I’d thought possible.

  The contents would dictate whether or not Holden stayed in Sawyer’s Ferry. I’d told myself a hundred times it didn’t matter either way and that even if he stayed, the contract was only three months. After that, he’d be gone. And I’d be okay with that, because this thing Holden and I were doing, this wasn’t like my past relationships. This wasn’t a relationship at all.

  So really, it didn’t matter what was in the envelope.

  I picked it up, feeling how light it was. With a sinking feeling in my stomach, I tossed it back on the table. An hour until the end of my shift, twenty minutes home, and then I’d know for sure when Holden opened it.

  “Just call him.” I looked up to see Logan walk in. “I’m sure he’d be fine with you opening it. He wants to know as desperately as you do.”

  “There’s nothing desperate about me.”

  He scoffed. “Oh, please. You reek of desperation. I could see you salivating over that fucking envelope from across the room.”

  “I was not,” I said, indignantly.

  “There’s nothing wrong with hoping he’ll stay. I’m hoping he’ll stay.” Logan grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and cracked it open.

  “Would be nice to have an extra set of hands around here.”

  “Uh-huh. Yeah. That’s why you’re praying that’s his license and not a rejection letter. For the extra help.” He rolled his eyes at me before taking a sip of water. “God, you’re impossible sometimes. I don’t know how Holden puts up with you.”

  I was becoming more incensed by the second. “He doesn’t ‘put up with me.’ I put up with him. Do you have any idea how irritatin—”

  “Can it, Gage. I know you a lot better than that, so you can stop right there. Admit you like the guy, that you like having him around, and move on.” I knew he was teasing. His tone was light, and he’d harassed me far worse than this before, but his words burrowed under my skin.

  “Of course I like him. He’s a nice enough guy, a good surgeon apparently, amazing in bed… What’s not to like, other than his assfuck of a father?”

  “Yes, what’s not to like?” Logan beamed as he walked out of the room.

  When I got home, I looked for Holden the second I stepped through the door. After taking off my boots, I didn’t bother with my jacket before hurrying inside. I found him in the living room, reading one of my books, curled up in the chair. He glanced up and smiled at me as I entered.

  I held up the envelope. “It came this morning.”

  He launched himself out of the chair and snatched it from my hand. “And you didn’t call me? You had this all day and you didn’t open it?”

  Logan had been right. I should have opened it. I couldn’t help but hold my breath as Holden eagerly tore into it. He pulled out the paper inside, and I felt like time stopped as I waited for him to tell me what it said.

  “Hope you didn’t like having me around—”

  I grabbed the paper from him. “They rejected your application? What the—oh.” I stared at him.

  “You gotta stop interrupting me. I was going to say because I’m gonna be here a lot less now that I’m working at the hospital.” His serious expression melted into a gleeful one in the span of a single second, and my heart tripped over it.

  I wanted to pull him into my arms, to hug him hard enough that he couldn’t bre
athe, but I was stuck on the feeling of overwhelming disappointment I’d experienced when I thought he was leaving. I’d known there was a slim chance the board would reject his application, but I hadn’t known how intense my regret would be at the thought of him leaving prematurely.

  But he’d be leaving sometime. There was no way living in Sawyer’s Ferry would make him happy, and so I’d need to come to terms with it at some point. In the meantime, I could be grateful the board had issued his license.

  He was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. Finally, I said, “We should celebrate.”

  “Yes! Let’s celebrate. Call Logan. Maybe he can meet us somewhere close to the hospital. I know he’s on call, but he can slip away for a few minutes, right?”

  “Right. Logan. I’ll shoot him a text.”

  I should have been happy that Holden wanted to invite Logan out. He was my best friend and just as invested in Holden coming to work with us as I was. But I didn’t want to go out. I didn’t want to get drinks. I’d thought I was losing him, and now all I wanted to do was to strip Holden naked and bury myself in his body and make him come until he was too tired to move. I didn’t want to share, not even with Logan.

  “Yeah, you text him. I’ll go get changed.” He ran from the room only to appear a moment later. “So, uh, this one’ll have to be on you. But I’ll pay you back next week.”

  I laughed. “Go get dressed. We’re leaving in twenty.”

  He disappeared again, and I pulled out my phone to send a message to Logan.

  Holden’s in. Going to J’s to celebrate. Meet us there in thirty.

  The surgical schedule for the evening had been completely clear, so I was pretty certain he’d be free to meet us. I tried to tuck away the little flare of jealousy, but it couldn’t seem to shake it. My phone chimed.

  See you there.

  I could hear Holden walking upstairs, and I could imagine him stripping down. I was halfway up the stairs by the time I had my next message typed out.

  Make it an hour.

  I hit Send and shoved my phone in my pocket, taking the remaining steps two at a time.

  I knocked on the guest room door, and as I heard Holden say “yeah,” I pushed it open. He was standing over his suitcase, wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. I grabbed him, shoving him up against the closet door.

  “What are you—?”

  “Getting the celebration started early.”

  I slanted my mouth over his and kissed him hard. He groaned, and I could feel how quickly he got hard. I thrust my hands into his hair, holding him still as I deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue against his and pressing my hips into him. He grabbed at me, his hands fisting in my shirt and holding me close.

  I needed to get him all the way naked.

  Now.

  Pulling him back from the door, I shoved him onto the bed, dropping to my knees to get at his pants. It took seconds to tug them off, taking his underwear with them, and Holden propped himself up on his elbows to watch. He was gorgeous, relaxed and desperate for me at the same time, his cock leaking against his stomach, his chest rising and falling quickly as he breathed just a little too fast.

  I slid my hands along the inside of his thighs, pushing them farther apart. I drank in the sight of him, my mouth going dry.

  “Gage…”

  I loved the way my name sounded coming out of his mouth, but when he said it like that, like he was begging me, it was so fucking sexy.

  Massaging my thumbs over the ridges of his hips, I leaned forward, kissing the sensitive skin of his thighs. He trembled, and I couldn’t help but smile. I loved seeing him like this, making him needy and compliant. His hands went to my hair, but he didn’t push, just grabbed ahold like he needed something to anchor him.

  He sucked in a breath as I licked along his shaft, tracing the veins with my tongue before pulling the tip into my mouth. I slid my tongue along his slit, smearing the single salty drop of liquid over it and closing my lips around him.

  Relaxing my throat, I took him all the way down. He cried out, his hips coming off the bed. I moved with him, taking what he gave me. The feeling of his cock sliding against the back of my throat as he fucked my mouth was so goddamn good, my own dick was almost pulsing hard enough to hurt. Holden was so hot like this, wanton and unrestrained in his desire.

  His grip tightened in my hair, his gasps turning to moans as I slid him all the way back to the root. I held him down, my hands on his hips, and swallowed around him. A sharp cry tore from his throat, and I tasted the first splash of come as I pulled back. I sucked him, gentling my mouth, squeezing the last of his orgasm from him.

  He yanked me to him and slammed his mouth down on mine, sucking my tongue into his mouth. I knew he could taste his own come, knew his head was swimming as hard as mine was, and I kissed him back, furiously and full of need. I couldn’t say with words how much I’d wanted him to stay, so I tried to show him instead.

  I rolled him under me, smoothing his hair off his face, making out like we were back in high school. I couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t get close enough to him. The way he tasted, the sounds he made, the way he moved under me… I was bordering on obsessive.

  Eventually, the fevered frenzy slowed a little and I broke the kiss. Logan would be waiting for us, and as much as I wanted to shove my pants down my hips and bury my dick inside him, we’d already long exceeded our time limit.

  I pulled myself to standing and grabbed Holden’s hands to help him up. “C’mon. Get up. We gotta go.”

  Holden looked up at me, his eyes barely focusing, then reached for me. He pulled me back down on top of him, shivering as the fabric of my jeans grazed his oversensitized cock. “Not yet. We’ve got time. I wanna make you come.”

  I kissed him and he moaned softly, his hand going to the back of my head, holding me to him. It was slow and languid and so fucking hard to quit. Reluctantly, I pulled back.

  “We’ll finish this later. I promise.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  It wasn’t until I was standing there, that torn envelope in one hand, that I realized how hard I was falling for Gage. It was in that moment, the moment I felt the happiest at the prospect of staying, that I grasped just how crushed I was going to be when it came time to leave.

  Logan had been at J’s when we’d shown up and managed to spend the whole evening with us. The hospital had thankfully been quiet. The night had passed in a blur, and I’d gone home with Gage, a little drunk and very happy. He’d been off for the next couple of days, and we’d barely left his bed. It was the perfect way to spend the time before I was set to start work.

  Monday morning rolled around, and my alarm went off, way too loud in the quiet of Gage’s bedroom. What had been an early bedtime the night before had turned into marathon sex, as though neither of us was ready for the next day and the changes it would bring.

  Gage rolled over and fumbled with my phone until it went silent, then grabbed me and pulled me against him.

  “Morning.” He nuzzled against my neck, his scruff making me shiver.

  I sighed, the gravel in his first-thing-in-the-morning voice doing things to me no man’s voice should. “Morning,” I replied, relaxing into him. I’d set the alarm a few minutes early, just in case. We’d been living together for a couple of weeks, but this morning felt different, like it was somehow more real. Maybe because there was that added level of domesticity—getting up for work—or maybe it was the leftover afterglow from our middle-of-the-night sex. Whatever it was, I couldn’t stop smiling.

  “You ready for today?”

  “Yep. Born ready,” I told him.

  “Good.” He kissed my forehead and rolled off the mattress. “Let’s get a move on. Don’t wanna be late for your first day.”

  “Let’s? As in the English contraction for the phrase ‘let us’?”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Yeah. I’m coming in with you.”

  “You think I need a babysitter?”

 
“It’s your first day,” he said, like that explained everything. Before I could read too far into things, he shoved me out of the bed and guided me to the bathroom. Once the water was warm, he pulled me into the shower with him.

  It wasn’t nearly as thorough as I would have liked, but we didn’t have time for thorough, not when I was expected to arrive before six. When we were done, Gage pulled on some jeans and a hoodie and left me to get dressed in my fresh set of scrubs.

  It felt good to put them on, like I had direction again. It wasn’t something I thought I’d find so quickly after being fired, but I was grateful for it. I thought back to my first day at Westbridge. I’d been terrified and overwhelmed, and all of my excitement had been overshadowed by self-doubt. I’d dreaded running into my father, though I knew him well enough to guess that he’d be standing in the OR the moment I arrived.

  This first day felt nothing like that. The job was different, but it was one I was wildly qualified for. It was one I was excited to step into. I couldn’t wait to get to the hospital and get my bearings. I checked myself in the mirror one last time, and when I was satisfied, I went downstairs to find Gage waiting with bagels and coffee.

  He dropped a kiss on my head as he handed me the travel mug. “We gotta get a move on, or you’re gonna be late.”

  It was so dark it might as well have been midnight, and the hospital parking lot was almost abandoned when we pulled in. Excitement welled in my chest as we climbed out of the truck and walked into the hospital.

  The ER was strangely quiet, the nurses all sitting behind the desk and talking quietly.

  “Morning, guys,” Gage said as we approached. “You all remember Dr. Prescott.”

  “The med seeker,” said the blonde in the aqua scrubs.

  “Excuse me?”

  “Holden, meet Dawn. She was your nurse that day you pretended to be a patient.” Gage laughed. “You came in with abdo pain, and she knew you were full of shit. She had no idea you were stalking me, so she assumed you were looking for narcotics.”