by Jerry Cole
Blaine leered at Taylor. “Look, Taylor,” he said, emphasizing his name. “I don’t know who you think you are, but this is none of your damn business.”
“It’s not?”
“It’s not,” Blaine said. “Really. This is between me and Jason.”
“Funny,” Taylor replied, taking a step forward. Before Jason could really understand what was happening, Taylor had pushed him back softly and he was standing between him and Blaine. He was a little taller than Jason, but he towered over Blaine. Jason noticed that, as Taylor took another step forward, Blaine didn’t move back. So they were both staring at each other, Blaine looking up and Taylor looking down, both looking as furious as the other.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” Blaine said to Taylor through gritted teeth, so quietly that Jason could hardly hear it.
“And you don’t get to be somewhere people don’t want you to be,” Taylor replied. “The only reason I haven’t knocked your teeth out is because I don’t want to upset Jason.”
“Why do you care?”
“Because he’s —” Taylor was about to finish his sentence when Jason wrapped his hand around Taylor’s arm, trying to drag him away.
Taylor looked at him, cocking his head as he did so.
“Don’t get in trouble because of me,” he said, with as much strength as he could. Having Blaine around wasn’t a good thing, but having Taylor resent him would be a million times worse.
“I won’t,” Taylor said quietly. “Because this asshole is about to leave. Aren’t you?”
“You did this,” Blaine said, moving to the side so he could look straight at Jason. “You could have stopped this but you didn’t! I just want you to know that!”
With that, he turned on his heels and walked down the street, presumably in the direction of a bus stop. They both watched him until he took a left and disappeared from view. That was when Taylor draped his arm around Jason and squeezed him close to him.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Taylor hadn’t intended to go out at all. Going out guns blazing had never even occurred to him. It was just that he could hear how heated the conversation was getting and he didn’t like the tone that the other guy was starting to take on. He had woken up pretty much the moment that Jason had, but he had soon remembered that this wasn’t his house, which meant that it was likely going to be weird if he was the one that was answering the door.
Not that he didn’t want to. He wanted to wrap his arms around Jason and pull him close to him, tell him to stay in bed and forget about the person at the door. But again, this wasn’t his house and it wasn’t his place to tell Jason what to do, no matter how much he wanted to. He had opened his eyes, one after the other, and he had watched Jason wrap a robe around his body. Then he had closed his eyes and heard him walk away, toward the door. He had fully intended on going back to sleep, or at least pretending to be asleep until Jason came back and he could claim his first kiss of the day, but things hadn’t worked out like that.
He couldn’t hear every part of the conversation, but he could hear just enough to know that it wasn’t good. And that Jason was upset.
He had just wanted to go up to the front door, open it, and ask if everything was okay. That was literally all that he wanted. Then he had heard Blaine blaming Jason for his actions and he hadn’t been able to stop himself. He hadn’t wanted to make Jason seem like he couldn’t defend himself, he just couldn’t bear not intervening into whatever that was.
Once Blaine had left and Taylor had put his arm around Jason, he felt a little bad. Jason seemed to have everything well enough in hand, even if he didn’t seem incredibly pleased. He leaned down to apologize into his ear, but Jason beat him to it by moving away from him and smiling.
“Thank you,” he said.
“What — what for?” Taylor replied.
“You didn’t have to do that, but you still did,” Jason said. “And I appreciated it.”
Taylor exhaled, wondering if the relief was evident on his face. “Oh thank God. I was so worried that you were going to tell me I was being a dick.”
“What? Why?”
“Because — because I didn’t mean to make it seem like you can’t handle things by yourself,” Taylor replied in a quiet voice. “Because it’s not really my right to come around here and pretend that I can just defend you whenever I want.”
Jason nodded. Taylor wasn’t sure, but it seemed to him like Jason was trying to hold back a smile. “And who do you think decides that?”
“Well, you,” Taylor replied, looking at the ground. At least his arm was still wrapped around Jason’s shoulder, even if Jason wouldn’t want him to keep it there for very long. “I mean, obviously you.”
“I know,” Jason said. “And that’s the thing. I liked it. I don’t — Taylor, I know you’re probably never going to believe this, but my life is super low-key. I work, I go to the gym, where I work out. Every now and then, I go clubbing. I like party cruises, but I haven’t been on one for a few years. And most of my down time, I spend it reading, or talking to my friends or looking at pictures of cats online.”
“Cats, huh?” Taylor said, smiling at him. He wasn’t sure yet, but it seemed to him that Jason wasn’t as annoyed with Taylor as Taylor had originally thought. “Sounds interesting.”
Jason laughed, throwing his head back. “That’s what I’m telling you,” Jason said. “I’m not very interesting. And this kind of thing, it’s not… typical. So if you stick around, there won’t be many things like that. Actually, there won’t be anything like that. Trust me, Blaine is an exception. He’s not what you’re getting.”
Taylor told himself not to audibly go aww at this point. It was hard for him to hold back, though, since Jason wasn’t even annoyed. He was worried, worried that Blaine and his antics were going to be the thing that drove him away. He kissed the top of Jason’s head and smiled.
“I know,” Taylor said. “And even if there were a million of him, even if you were the most high-maintenance man in the world, you’d still be worth it.”
“You think so?” Jason replied, looking at him wide-eyed.
“Yes, absolutely,” Taylor said. “And after last night, I don’t see how you wouldn’t see that, either.”
“No, I — I see it,” Jason said, looking at the ground. “It’s just that, I don’t know, I didn’t think you would.”
“Of course I do,” Taylor said, tilting up Jason’s chin and kissing him quickly on the mouth. “Why don’t we go inside?”
Jason smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah, okay. That sounds good.”
***
Taylor didn’t want to go home, but he had to. He needed to brush his teeth and change into his clothes, among other things. Monday was going to start his training again. He made Jason promise that he would see him again that Friday and kissed him on the mouth until Jason told him that he should just stay. He almost said that he would, but he needed to clear his head. The night before had been mind-boggling, in the best of ways. It had solidified everything that Taylor had a suspicion about.
But it also changed things, and Taylor wasn’t quite sure how to deal with that.
Taylor knew, of course, that Elliot knew about his feelings. But he also knew that there was very little chance that Elliot would have told the rest of the team. Elliot wasn’t closeted — not as far as Taylor could tell, anyway. But his sexual orientation was something that he didn’t discuss with the people around him until it became relevant, as evidenced by how Elliot had come out to him. That meant that he was unlikely to be out to the rest of the team, or that he was only out on a case-by-case basis. It would make no sense for Elliot to ‘out’ him. Not that there was anything to out. Though he guessed there was, now. He didn’t expect that anyone would be anything less than supportive, but it wasn’t as though he was incredibly excited to tell the rest of the team. He was still trying to wrap his head around it, and he didn’t want everyone’s over-the-top support.
Ne
xt thing he knew, they would be painting his place in rainbow colors and trying to get him to be the president of all the LGBTQ+ straight alliance club at school. He had expected Elliot to be a little more supportive than he was. But Elliot had his reasons, Taylor supposed. Still, he needed to have an uncomfortable conversation with him. At the same, Taylor knew that Elliot’s feelings had been hurt. And that was the last thing that he had wanted to do. Elliot was still his friend, even if he had been a bit shitty about the advice that he had decided to give Taylor.
He thought about that as he stepped out of the shower and got dressed in sweats and a sleeveless t-shirt with the gator mascot on it.
He walked out to the living room to find that Elliot had returned from either the gym or a jog. He was wearing nothing but his shorts and his skin was glistening with sweat.
“Intense workout?”
“Sun,” Elliot said. “I don’t know if being out in the sun makes you burn more calories, but I know it makes you sweat more.”
“Then why don’t you go jogging more?” Taylor said, stretching out on the sofa. The conversation was so regular, so mundane, he wondered when Elliot would bring up the night before, if he would at all.
Elliot smiled at him. “Because there’s only so much I can take. I’m not superhuman.”
“Yeah, obviously,” Taylor said. “Are you hitting the shower?”
“Yeah, but — but I need to talk to you,” Elliot said. “Will you be around later?”
Taylor nodded, slowly. “Sure, but if you —”
“I won’t, don’t worry. I understand that I was a huge dick to you, and I want to — I need to talk to you about it,” Elliot said. “Please.”
Taylor shrugged. “Fine,” he said. “That’s okay, I guess.”
“Alright,” Elliot replied, running a hand through his sweaty hair. “Cool.”
Chapter Thirty
Taylor couldn’t really concentrate on the TV show that he had on in the background. He kind of knew what was going to happen the moment that Elliot emerged from the shower and he wasn’t looking forward to it. It wasn’t as though he could move out. His scholarship covered his housing, which was one of the most expensive things about living on campus. That, and the dining room hall pass, would have been enough to ensure that he would never been able to go to an out-of-state school. Luckily, the fact that he was on the football team seemed to make up for that and more. Still, the way that the school had things set up was strict, probably for good reason. He couldn’t just go to his adviser and tell her to place him somewhere else. If he wanted to live rent-free, he was going to have to live with Elliot for the rest of the year. As if he didn’t have enough to worry about already with his stupid arm.
“Hey,” Elliot said, sitting down next to him. He was wearing the same kind of outfit as Taylor was, which meant that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. “Do you have time now?”
Taylor looked at him and nodded slowly
“You stayed out last night,” Elliot said quietly. “And, um, it was after your date.”
Taylor nodded again. “You don’t need to tell me how my own night went, Elliot.”
“I know, I’m just kind of trying to gather up my courage over here, so it would be nice if you could give me a break,” Elliot said. Taylor felt a little bad. He hadn’t meant to upset Elliot, things had just happened. That wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t Elliot’s fault, either, though.
“Sorry,” Taylor said, clearing his throat. “Do you want a beer?”
“It’s Sunday morning,” Elliot said, laughing and shaking his head.
“I know, I know,” Taylor replied. “But this seems like the kind of conversation you have with a beer in your hand.”
Elliot looked up at the ceiling, obviously considering Taylor’s offer. Then he shook his head. “No,” he said. “I want to tell you this while I’m clear-headed. Because if I don’t, if I say something wrong, then…”
Taylor raised his eyebrows. “What’s going to happen if you say something wrong?”
“That’s it,” Elliot said, swallowing. “I don’t know and I don’t really want to find out.”
“Okay,” Taylor replied. “Then tell me what’s going on. If you tell me, maybe you’ll feel better.”
Elliot looked away. “Or maybe it could change everything between us for the rest of our lives,” he said. “Look, you’re my friend, and to be honest, that’s not something that I want to lose. But at the same time, I feel like, this thing choking me, making me act in a way that I wouldn’t around anyone else. I would never, ever give anyone else advice that I thought was wrong. Never on purpose.”
“Except you did,” Taylor said. “That’s exactly what you did to me.”
“I know,” Elliot replied, looking away. “And I’m pretty ashamed of it. I was — I was trying to tell you about it. I kept trying to tell you about it and then you wouldn’t stop talking about this guy and this, kind of, primal part of me I guess, stopped me from telling you anything. And I wish I hadn’t, because you deserved to know the truth.”
Taylor swallowed. He thought that he knew what Elliot was talking about, but he wasn’t going to be completely sure until he heard the words coming out of Elliot’s mouth. “And what is the truth?”
“You’re going to make me say it,” Elliot said, his voice breaking. “Aren’t you?”
Taylor just looked at him. He had been on the receiving end of a few unrequited crushes, but these had all been girls, and none of whom he considered particularly close. But with Elliot, it was different. Because Elliot was one of his closest friends at school, and he had to live with him, but also because he was a guy. And it made sense that Elliot wouldn’t confess his feelings to him before, when he had thought — when even Taylor had thought — that he was straight. Things had changed the moment that Taylor had walked into Jason’s Salsex class.
“I just — I need to hear it, I think,” Taylor said. He mostly needed to hear it because he needed to find a way to let Elliot down that didn’t make him feel worse or more insecure about it, and because he needed to come up with some sort of plan. Right now, his plan mostly consisted on getting through the week, just so that he could see Jason again. So that he could hold him again, kiss him again, do things to him that he never knew he wanted to do to any man. To any person.
He looked right at Elliot.
He really needed to focus on his roommate, as much as he wanted to be focusing on his boyf — well, on the guy that he was seeing, at least.
“Okay,” Elliot finally said, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “So — I mean, you probably know where I’m going with this.”
“Yeah,” Taylor replied, nodding his head. “When did you realize?”
“For the first time, a few weeks after we moved in together,” Elliot said, looking away. “You’re — you’re a catch, by anyone’s standard.”
Taylor chuckled. “That’s nice.”
“No, it’s just true,” Elliot said. “You’re incredibly handsome, you’re hardworking and you’re really, really driven. I’ve never met anyone more willing to go the extra mile for other people than you. I think it was when we were playing this game and the guy in the marching band got hurt, do you remember that?”
“Carl?”
“You even remember his name! Of course you remember that. Anyway, when you went out there as he kind of stumbled over with this huge instrument, was it a tuba? And it looked like the rest of the band was about to run a stampede over him, you just kind of swept in and took him aside. Which must have taken a hell of a lot of effort, considering that you practically jumped from the bench to the middle of the field. I’ve never seen you run so fast.”
Taylor shook his head, smiling at the memory. “I’m glad Carl is okay, but seriously, it wasn’t that big of a deal. He was going to get hurt.”
“That’s my point,” Elliot said. “You don’t think about you. You could have gotten hurt, too, but the priority was saving Carl. Which you did. And
I’m glad you did.”
“Me, too,” Taylor replied. “Really, really glad.”
“I know,” Elliot said. “But that was when I first realized just how amazing you were. And then it was just like, little things you did around the house. You were always helping me with my shit, even though you didn’t have to. You’re such a nice guy. And then there’s the way you talk about people.”
“The way that I — the way that I talk about people?”
“I’ve never heard you talk poorly about anyone,” Elliot said. “Not even people that I know that you hate. The only way that I know that you dislike somebody is because you literally tell me. But it’s not like you ever talk smack about them or whatever.”
Taylor was starting to feel a little uncomfortable. He had just wanted Elliot to tell him when he had started feeling these things, not give him a list of all the things that he liked about Taylor, as much as they were helping to boost his ego.
“Okay,” Taylor said. “Thank you so much for the compliments. I appreciate them. But you know that that’s not what I meant, right?”
“Yeah, sorry, I got a little carried away,” Elliot said. “It’s just kind of hard not to when it comes to you.”
“Look,” Taylor said, waving his hand in front of his face. “I know that this is probably hard for you, but things haven’t changed for me.”
Elliot nodded, looking at Taylor for the first time in what Taylor thought could be minutes. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m serious about… I’m serious about this,” he said. “I’m serious about Jason.”
“I know,” Elliot replied. “That’s what makes this so hard.”
Taylor shook his head. “But why? I mean, I get it. I’ve had crushes on my friends before, but it’s never — I mean, we just spent a little less time together, and then I got over it eventually. You know, it’s a pretty natural thing. It can happen to anyone.”
