Love Undone

by Diana Nixon

  “A part of me died with him,” she said in a whisper. “Will I ever love again? I don’t know. I don’t even know if I remember how to love.” There was a short pause, after which she wiped away her tears, and rose to her feet saying, “Want more wine? ‘Cause I do.”

  I nodded giving her my glass, and she went to the kitchen to bring what turned out to be our third bottle of Merlot. It was one of those moments that people preferred to drown their sorrows in a drink, because losing themselves in a stupor was much easier than dealing with the things that made their hearts bleed. In our case, there were two bleeding hearts and one couch, where we passed out fifteen minutes after the third bottle of wine was emptied.

  ***

  I never thought that the sound of a doorbell could sound so awful, but the moment it woke me up the next morning, I desperately want to kill whoever was standing behind the damn door. I looked at the clock that showed 7:00 in the morning and dragged myself to the hall.

  “Coming!” I shouted irritably to the impatient knocking. My unexpected visitor was obviously out of his mind to come so early.

  “What the hell happened to you?” Daniel growled, bursting through the door.

  “Morning to you, too,” I said, not even bothering to answer his question. Even suffering from a hangover, I noticed how damn good he looked in a pair of low-rise jeans, black leather jacket and a matching shirt, with a few upper buttons undone.

  “Bro? Is that you?” Emily asked from the living room.

  “What were you… Uh, an all-girl party? Seriously?”

  “Pipe down!” she hissed, hiding her face under the pillow.

  “I almost had a heart attack because of you two,” Daniel said angrily, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Do you even know how worried I was?”

  “Why would you worry?” I asked, yawning. “We were fine.”

  “Fine? Do you know that phones were invented to make our lives easier?”

  “It’s not the best time for your smart-ass comments. What’s your problem anyway?”

  “I tried calling you dozens of times, and neither you nor my sister blessed me with an answer! What was I supposed to think?”

  “That we didn’t want to talk to you?” Emily said.

  I giggled at her comment.

  “I can’t believe I’m actually trying to straighten up two dead-drunk girls.” Daniel sighed, leaning against the back of the couch.

  “Sorry, we thought you were too busy to join our party,” I said.

  “You could have at least let me know that you were okay.”

  “Look who’s talking!” Emily said from under the blanket. “Mr. Its-none-of-your-fucking-business-where-the-hell-I-am.”

  “She needs more sleep,” I said quietly. “Why don’t you give me a few minutes to take a shower, and then I will make us something to eat?”

  “Sounds good, considering that I haven’t eaten since yesterday afternoon.”

  “Why not?”

  “Problems at work.”

  “I hope everything is all right now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right back,” I said, heading for the bathroom.

  Taking showers was one of those things that significantly complicated my life now. I wasn’t allowed to get the bandages wet; that’s why every time I needed a shower I had to be thankful for small mercies.

  “I can do this,” I said encouragingly to my reflection in the mirror. I only managed to take off my shirt when someone knocked.

  “Kassie? Do you need help?” Daniel asked from behind the closed door.

  I wouldn’t mind having help, but Daniel’s?

  “I’m almost done here,” I lied, hoping he wouldn’t ask any more questions.

  “You sure?”

  I was just about to say ‘yes’ when a new wave of pain pierced through my upper body, and I groaned, leaning over the sink.

  The door flew open and Daniel put his arms around my waist. “I got you,” he said, lifting me up.

  He carried me to my bed, found the medicines prescribed by the doctor and brought me some water to wash them down.

  “Thanks,” I said, sinking back against the pillows. “I shouldn’t have drunk so much last night.”

  Daniel shook his head, smirking. “Next time you will think twice before doing that again.”

  “Have I ever drunk that much before?”

  “I don’t think so. Do you want more water?”

  I nodded, forcing a smile. “Looks like no amount of liquid will be enough to make me feel better today.” My head was spinning badly, confirming my every word.

  Daniel sighed. “No wonder you didn’t hear my calls. What made you empty three bottles of wine?”

  “Memories,” I said, meeting his compassionate stare.

  “Did you remember anything else?”

  “No, but I made Emily remember a lot of things that I’m sure she didn’t want to talk about.”

  “Adrian?”

  I nodded.

  “I see. Well, is there anything else I can do for you today?”

  “Don’t you need to go to work?”

  “I’m all yours for the rest of the day.”

  The words sounded like pure symphony to my blurred mind. Damn Merlot… I don’t know what pushed me to ask Daniel to lie down with me, but right there and then I hardly cared. His dark-blue eyes were so mesmerizing, I didn’t want anything but to feel his arms around me again.

  “My goodness, you are slurring and this smile on your face looks really scary,” he commented on my ambiguous offer.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t bite you,” I said, laughing. Not that I didn’t want to…

  He shook his head slightly, took off his jacket and shoes and got under the blanket that I willingly shared with him.

  “Men, you always think that you are better than we are,” I said, feeling my eyes closing. “But drinking is not an advanced mathematics. We can do it too, you know?”

  “Arguing with you now is a lost cause.”

  “See? Even now you think that you are smarter or whatever you would call it,” I said, as I put my head on Daniel’s shoulder. He didn’t seem to mind me doing that.

  “There’s a huge difference that you don’t seem to be able to understand,” he replied, embracing me with one arm.

  “What difference are you talking about?”

  “When a man drinks it’s called relaxation. When a woman drinks it’s called a disaster.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, smart ass.”

  “It’s the best I can do for now.”

  I smiled and embraced him in return. Something at the back of my mind didn’t want me to do that, but I ignored the feeling that was overshadowed by the smell of Daniel’s cologne and the feeling of his heart beating steadily under my palm.

  I fell asleep in seconds, and when I opened my eyes again, I was still lying in Daniel’s embrace, with our fingers laced.

  I looked at his face and my heart missed a beat at the powerful things I felt for him. My inner world fluttered. I smiled and kissed his chin, making him smile in return.

  “You were supposed to be resting,” he said, tightening the embrace.

  “Apparently, I can’t do that when you are so close.”

  He moved his face a little, his lips brushed mine. When our gazes locked, there was no way I would be able to ignore the unspoken message his eyes were sending. I leaned forward and our lips met in a kiss. It was sweet and tempting, sensual and daring.

  I reached for the edge of his shirt and pushed it up, enjoying the way his skin burned my palm. After the shirt was removed, I bent and placed a few kisses on his bare chest, making him moan softly in response. Slowly, I started unfastening his belt and the zipper of his jeans. When I looked up at his face again, his eyes darkened; the game I started was dangerous, but I couldn’t resist the powers luring me to him.

  “Come here,” Daniel said, pulling me closer.

  His palms trailed down my sides and s
topped at my hips, squeezing them slightly. No words were needed to feel the waves of heat and desire coming from his body, and making my blood boil under my skin. A pleasant ache formed in my belly. Daniel undid the buttons of my shirt and took it off, kissing my shoulders, as his palms made their way to my breasts that he cupped tenderly, making me want so much more than that…

  And then… Well, I opened my eyes and gasped, realizing that whatever just happened was nothing but a dream. What a shame…

  “Are you okay?” Daniel asked, lifting my chin up with his fingertips.

  My heart was being wildly. I swallowed hard trying to get rid of the visions flying behind my eyes and the feeling of stupid butterflies dancing in my belly. God, it was hard to deny it, I badly wanted my visions to be real.

  “I need to go the bathroom,” I said, turning away from Daniel’s watchful eyes. There was no way I could tell him about my dream.

  I closed the door behind me and slid down to the floor, hiding my face in my hands. I was definitely out of my mind. It was just a dream, wasn’t it? But, the mere thought of making love with Daniel took my breath away, making my pulse accelerate.

  “No, no, no. I don’t want it!” I kept saying in a whisper.

  Who the hell are you trying to fool? My mind asked.

  “Shut up,” I muttered through clenched teeth.

  Right, as if it would help you stop thinking about rushing back to the bed and tearing his damned clothes off.

  Ugh, I was so ashamed of my thoughts that facing Daniel now was the last thing I wanted to do. But he was still in my bedroom, and I couldn’t spend the rest of my messed-up life in the bathroom. So I rose to my feet, washed my face, took a deep breath and went back to the room.

  “I need coffee,” I said, trying not to look at Daniel.

  “Don’t you want to get dressed first?”

  Shoot! I looked down at the huge bandage that was the only thing covering my upper body.

  I smiled nervously. “Right.”

  Daniel found my shirt and helped me put it on. After that, I rushed to the kitchen, trying not to think about the spicy images overwhelming my thoughts, so when Emily called my name I almost jumped out of my shoes.

  “Jeez, you are really jumpy today,” she said, pouring herself some water. “What were you guys doing in your bedroom?”

  It was the last thing I wanted to talk about now, but I knew what my friend’s imagination was capable of.

  “I wanted to take a shower but failed, as my ribs still hurt like hell,” I said, looking frantically for a clean cup. “And Daniel… He helped me find the pills.”

  “Did he need two hours to find them?”

  “What?” I looked puzzled at Emily.

  She smirked and nodded to the clock on the wall.

  “Oh… I forgot where I put the first aid kit, so yes, it took him two hours to find it.” Thank God, Daniel couldn’t hear me now.

  Emily tried to hide her grin, but I knew she didn’t buy my lies. “Apparently, my brother is really bad at finding things,” she said, pretending to be reading the morning newspaper.

  “He is,” I muttered, trying not to spill the hot water. I sure as hell didn’t need a scald to add to my numerous injuries.

  Chapter 5

  I tried my best to avoid encounters with Daniel. Every time he called and asked if I needed anything, I told him I didn’t, even though I knew I would need him to take me to Adrian’s. Somehow, going there alone didn’t feel right.

  But, there was one place that I could and badly wanted to visit. My café. That’s why I called Leslie and asked if she could let the rest of the personnel know about my arrival. Not that I was afraid of going there, but I knew there would be things that I wouldn’t be able to remember.

  My brother opened The Sweets when I was fifteen. Who would have thought that one day it would be mine? Back then, it was his kingdom and his heaven. I used to laugh at him, saying that cooking was a woman’s job. He always said that only men could become the best cooks and confectioners. Even today, I remember how badly I wanted to prove that he was wrong. The day he said that he loved my Tiramisu, I knew I had won. And, not because it was so important to know that, deep down in my heart I simply wanted to be praised by him. Because for me, he had always been the God of cooking.

  I swallowed a lump that formed in my throat. I didn’t remember the day I said my final goodbye to him. It was probably the only thing that I didn’t want to remember, ever. I knew I would have to deal with the pain of the loss again when my memories were back, but for now, I preferred a part of them to stay lost.

  ***

  “I’m so glad to see you here!” Leslie said, hugging me tightly. “We have been waiting for your return for what feels like forever!” She took my coat and led me to the main hall that, to my pleasure was full of visitors, laughing and enjoying their meals.

  The moment I entered the kitchen, I was surrounded by two dozen people who couldn’t stop hugging me, and saying how much they’d missed me and wanted me back.

  “Easy, guys,” Leslie said. “You are going to break the rest of her healthy ribs!”

  “We’ve been so worried about you!” one of the cooks said. She was wearing an apron and a high white hat with the name of the cafe on it. “I’m Anna, by the way,” she said.

  “I think I will need more time to remember your names, guys. And you are… Jake, right?” I pointed to the guy, standing a few feet away from me.

  “Yes! You remember me? Cool!”

  “You used to be my assistant, didn’t you?”

  “Used to be? Which means I’m not anymore?” he said, a little nervous.

  “Oh, no, it’s not what I meant.”

  “Relax, boss. I’m just kidding!” Jake laughed.

  I liked him. He seemed to be really nice and funny.

  “So, what are the most popular desserts for today?” I asked, coming to the counter with the list of orders. “Can anyone give me an apron? I think I want to cook something special for our guests.”

  “Yay! The boss lady’s back!” Jack said excitedly. “Now, get back to your work, people. We do want her to like what we do, don’t we?”

  And so, what was supposed to be a short visit, turned into six hours of cooking that I enjoyed a lot. I even forgot about the bandages and a broken hand. Daniel and Leslie were right, I had a great team, and ten minutes of working side by side with them was more than enough to see that my café was in good hands.

  I didn’t notice how fast midnight came. I was a little tired, but happy to know that I could still make the best honey sauce ever. The moment I started cooking I forgot about everything, but the ingredients of the dessert I was making. Finding dishes wasn’t a problem; my body still remembered where to turn to get a pan or a knife. Everything felt so natural. No wonder Adrian wanted me to own the café. He knew it would be the best present ever.

  “You always were the last person to leave the kitchen.”

  I looked up and saw Daniel, leaning against the door frame. Our eyes met across the room and I knew I was screwed. God, nothing changed since the last time I saw him. My knees still trembled at the mere sound of his sweet voice echoing in the empty kitchen.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, a little nervous.

  Three days…

  We hadn’t seen each other for three days, and no matter how many times I told myself that I didn’t miss him, the excitement I felt the moment I saw him crossed out all of the above. Shit…

  “I called you, but you didn’t pick up the phone. I went to your place, but the clerk said you left hours ago. And, then I realized there was only one place I could find you this time of the day.”

  “I wasn’t going to stay here for long, but-”

  “You couldn’t stop working once you started,” Daniel said.

  “Exactly.”

  “So, what have you been working on?” he asked, taking off his jacket. “I want to try it.” He pushed the sleeves of his shirt up, went to
one of the cupboards, took a spoon and a plate and came to my table.

  “You seem to know the surroundings very well,” I said, watching him.

  “Of course. I used to spend days and nights here with you. I mean… Days mostly.” He lowered his eyes, and stared at the counter.

  “Then you should know that I hate people walking around my kitchen without an apron.”

  “You always made an exception for me,” he said, dipping a spoon into the sauce.

  “Liar. I’m sure I would never make an exception for anyone.”

  “Kassie?” Leslie called, entering the kitchen. “I wanted to let you know that I’m leaving.” She smiled at Daniel. “Do you want me to close the main doors?”

  “I can do that,” he said, heading for the exit. “I’ll be right back.”

  I looked at the pudding I was trying to finish before Daniel came, added some chocolate and mint to it, and put it on the plate that he found.

  His words about the nights spent here were still ringing in my head. Was it just a mistake, or did he actually mean it?

  “My goodness, it’s delicious!” Daniel said, tasting the pudding. “I’ve always been a huge fan of your desserts, but this one is simply breathtaking.” He closed his eyes briefly, licking the corners of his lips, and I felt my cheeks flushing at the thought of what I would like to do with those inviting lips of his.

  “I’m glad you like it.” I put the plates into the dishwasher, cleaned the rest of the mess left in the kitchen and made two cups of tea.

  “So, you said you used to spend a lot of time here. How often did you come to the café?” I leaned across one of the tables, watching Daniel.

  He washed his hands and shrugged, saying, “I don’t remember. Two or three times a week. Why?”

  “No reason. Just trying to figure something out.”

  “And, what’s that?” He came closer and stopped right in front of me, making my tension grow.

  That was the reason I avoided seeing him. Since the day I had that weird dream about the two of us kissing, my heart started beating faster at the mere thought of Daniel and me being so close. He obviously knew how to shatter the defense wall that I tried to build between us. It came crashing down like a house of cards in the wind, making me weak and so freaking stupid! Jeez, I was in a whole mess of trouble…