The Secret Story

by Cathy Hopkins

  I swear Rob blushed. ‘Early days. Didn’t want to push my luck.’

  ‘Rob, my man, there’s a time to be cool, there’s a time to step forward. Don’t delay the moment or else it might become awkward.’

  Rob nodded. ‘Yeah. I was going to do it. Then I wasn’t sure she wanted me to.’

  I sighed. You got to read the signals. Did she lean forward at any time?’

  Rob nodded.

  ‘Did she play with her hair, put her hand up to her throat?’ I acted out the motions I’d seen girls do a thousand times when they were being coy.

  ‘Yeah. Think so.’

  ‘She wanted you to snog her then,’ I said.

  ‘Yeah. I was going to ask her to make sure —’

  ‘Ask her? No. NOOO. Never ask a girl if you can kiss her. No. No. They want you to take command. They want you to be a gentleman but they also want you to take charge and, when it comes to kissing, it’s not the time to be polite. You have to make them feel like you’ve been overcome with passion. You can’t help yourself. You can’t resist.’

  Rob laughed. ‘What, like, over here, you saucy wench, pucker up.’

  I laughed. ‘Not exactly. I despair. Rob, you’re on your own from now on. And as for Hannah, well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that she takes pity on you.’

  Rob chucked the rest of his sarnie at me.

  Lucy’s diary

  7th October

  Can’t stop thinking about Tony and when he kissed me. Was so upset that he has a girlfriend but then Nesta says they rarely last long. Decided that when the going gets tough, the tough need an image overhaul. I’ve read it in so many mags – that a new image can boost your confidence. So I have decided to change my image and have booked to have my hair cut after school on Thursday.

  I am beginning to like Nesta. She’s a good laugh and I can see that she’s making a real effort to be mates with me as well as Izzie. Not sure whether I can totally trust her with my secret about Tony though. Anyway, I decided to be friendly and made her a halter top. It looks great on her and she was well chuffed.

  Things right with my life:

  Not a lot but gonna make some changes.

  Things wrong and need changing:

  I look twelve.

  I am a midget. Josie Riley was right.

  I am flat-chested but Iz says there are bras even for girls like me with pimples instead of nipples.

  I have never had a proper boyfriend and the only boy I like has a gorgeous girl.

  Everyone but me knows what they want to do later in life. I don’t know who I am, what I want to do or be when I leave school.

  Am going to be positive though. Make the changes. Watch out world.

  9th October

  Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. God, I am soooooooooooo unhappy. Life is so unfair. I am never ever going out again or at least not for another year at least. My haircut was a major, and I mean MAJOR, disaster. Some idiot botched my hair and my new image is now that of a bald chicken with a few wisps on top. Not a good look. All my family stared at me when I got home – even the dogs looked freaked when they saw me. Tony will never fancy me now. Nesta and Izzie took me shopping to get a Wonderbra after my haircut from hell. Not one fitted. Not even the tiniest. I looked like a five-year-old in her mum’s bra. I ran out of the mall and went home. Had a good cry for half an hour. And now I am going to cry again . . .

  Later

  Have done with crying for now because it was giving me a headache. But now I have a swollen face and red eyes as well. And I still have no boobs. Iz and Nesta barged round and gave me an inflatable bra to cheer me up. It was quite funny for a nano-second until I caught sight of my hair in the mirror. I will tell Mum and Dad that I have terrible stomach ache because I really can’t ever ever go out again. I have never been so miserable in my whole life.

  Still can’t stop thinking about Tony. I wonder if he might like a bald girlfriend, just for a change? I wonder if he ever thinks about me and that kiss? It was special, I’m sure it was. Surely he felt it? Although he may well have forgotten about me by the time I face the outside world again, because it will take about a million years to grow my hair back to a point that I can go out without scaring the neighbours.

  I am so ugly.

  On the way out of school on Friday night, my mobile bleeped that I had another text. I opened it up and glanced at the message. Why haven’t you called? Mssng U. It was the fifth from Jess that afternoon. All week she’d been calling or texting, asking what I was doing, where I was going, who I was with. Alarm bells were beginning to ring. I had intended to go and see a movie with her that evening but I was beginning to feel suffocated. I don’t like girls checking up on me. I headed home instead, thinking that maybe Nesta’s mates would be over and I could see if I could make the cute one blush again. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do, I thought. And sorry Jess, but you and I are history.

  To do list:

  Make Tony fall in love with me.

  Grow a foot taller.

  Redecorate bedroom.

  Get hair fixed.

  To do list:

  Clean football boots.

  Do science homework.

  Tease Nesta’s mates.

  I closed my eyes and prayed that it would be OK as Betty snipped at my hair. I was over at Nesta’s.

  ‘Don’t worry, Lucy,’ said Izzie. ‘Least she can’t make it worse.’

  ‘Understatement,’ I muttered. Please don’t let Tony walk in while I’m having my hair cut, I added to my prayer. Nesta insisted that I come over when she saw how upset I was about my hair and had talked me into letting Betty, their family hairdresser, try and fix it. I agreed in the end because I knew I couldn’t go around looking like a mad person and Mum and Dad hadn’t bought the ‘I have a terrible stomach ache and can’t go out ever again’ excuse for a second.

  Betty snipped away and the girls made various encouraging noises but I kept my eyes tight shut until it was all over, cut and blow dried.

  ‘Open your eyes now,’ said Nesta.

  I finally did.

  ‘Wow,’ I said. It looked fanbloomintastic. Even I had to admit it. Spiky and short at the front, and she’d even run some white blond highlights through the top. It really suited me.

  ‘You look gorgeous,’ said Izzie. ‘It shows off your cheekbones.’

  I changed my prayer to, Please God, let Tony walk in now and see me looking so good. God wasn’t listening however because he didn’t show. Or maybe he was listening and had answered my first prayer to keep Tony away and maybe you only get one prayer answered a day.

  For the rest of the evening, we did each other’s nails and then flicked through Nesta’s mum’s interior magazines. I felt so great about everything. I had a new look and soon I’d have a new room to match. And Nesta had been so fab, I was beginning to think that we really could be friends after all and that three wasn’t a crowd – three was one more person to share the good times with.

  ‘Nesta,’ I asked.

  ‘Yeah . . .’

  ‘Um, you know Tony?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Why doesn’t he live with his mum?’

  Nesta went quiet. ‘She died,’ she said after a few moments. ‘A road accident when Tony was six months old. A year later, his dad met my mum and so my mum’s the only one he’s ever really known.’

  ‘Where is he tonight?’

  ‘Some class after school, I expect,’ said Nesta.

  I shot a look at Izzie. It seemed so obvious to me that Tony was the boy I’d seen and I was amazed that she hadn’t put two and two together yet.

  She must have finally read my mind because suddenly she clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Ohmigod,’ she said. ‘OhmiGOD!’

  ‘What?’ chorused Nesta and I.

  ‘Tony,’ said Izzie. ‘Tony.’

  She knew. I knew she knew. I went scarlet. She clocked my blushing cheeks and then I knew that she definitely knew.

  ‘What?’ asked Nesta.

 
; Izzie looked at me as if to say it’s your call. I decided that I would take a risk and trust Nesta.

  ‘Tony,’ I said.

  ‘I know,’ she said. ‘What about him?’

  I nodded at Izzie as if to say ‘Feel free to say what you want’. We sometimes had a telepathic thing and she got what I wasn’t saying immediately.

  ‘A boy that we didn’t see in Highgate because he stays late for classes after school?’ said Izzie as she waited for the penny to drop.

  Nesta thumped her forehead. ‘Oh. Ohhhh! Except we did see him! Obvious! Tony is the MC!’

  I nodded.

  Nesta did a small shriek.

  ‘And he made you kiss him,’ giggled Izzie.

  ‘I really didn’t mind,’ I said.

  ‘And I told him to stay away from you,’ said Nesta. ‘You must have hated me.’

  ‘Not as much as I hated that red-haired girl. Jezebel.’

  ‘Why didn’t you say Lucy?’ asked Nesta.

  ‘I was afraid you’d tell him and I’d look like such a saddo.’

  At that second, we heard someone in the hall. Moments later, Tony appeared.

  As I put my key in the front door and went into the hall, I could hear that Nesta’s mates were round again. I followed the voices into our living room where they were lounging about on the sofas. The little one, Lucy, looked as if she’d had her hair cut. She looked good, like a cheeky cherub. She blushed when she saw me.

  ‘Hi everyone,’ I said and turned to Lucy. ‘You look great.’ I went and sat next to her. ‘Want another kissing lesson?’

  Lucy looked at the floor and then at Nesta and then at Izzie.

  Nesta looked at Izzie.

  Izzie looked at me.

  Nesta looked at me.

  Lucy looked up at the girls, glanced at me, looked at the floor again. They all looked very shifty, like I’d caught them doing something that they shouldn’t be doing. And Nesta wasn’t hauling me away from her mate as I expected. She and Izzie were staring at me like I had egg on my face. I checked my flies. No, they were done up, so what was going on?

  ‘What?’ I asked. ‘Why are you staring?’

  Lucy starting giggling and soon Izzie joined in and then Nesta. Maybe I had a chocolate moustache from the cappuccino I had on the way home in Costa. Jeez, that would be embarrassing. Better go and check in the mirror, I told myself. I got up to go into the hall. The girls were near to hysterical, shoulders shaking, Nesta even had tears of laughter in her eyes. Whatever they were laughing at, I couldn’t see it, and I think it’s mean to exclude people when you’re having a good joke.

  ‘Girls,’ I said. ‘Sometimes you can be really juvenile.’

  ‘I thought you liked girls with a sense of humour,’ Lucy was saying as I shut the door behind me.

  Hmm, she’s not as shy as I thought she was, I told myself.

  ‘Not when it’s directed at him,’ I heard Nesta say. I put my ear to the door. ‘And I won’t say anything about, you know,’ I strained to hear, ‘about him being the MC, if you don’t want.’

  MC. MC? What did she mean? I wondered. Then I twigged. MC. Mystery Contestant. That’s what they called the boy Lucy fancies. Hey! Wait a minute. So that was it! Blimey. I am the boy she fancies. It’s me. I put my ear back to the door. Pff. I should have realised. It was obvious really. Best-looking boy in the school. That’s me, and not because I’m vain – loads of girls have said I am.

  ‘Thanks,’ Lucy said behind the door. ‘I don’t want.’

  Well, well! I thought. Don’t worry, Lucy, your secret is safe with me. Hah! No wonder she had that naughty look on her face after I’d kissed her. She was probably thinking she was the only one who knew her secret. Well, she was then. But now we all know. Except . . . yeah, no one knows that I know. No one knows that it’s my secret too. Hah! That will be my secret.

  ‘Anyway,’ said Izzie. ‘I reckon you could get anyone you want looking the way you do now. Play the field for a while.’

  ‘Ah, but I have been kissed by the Master,’ said Lucy, giggling again.

  Yeah, you have, my little munchkin, I thought. And don’t you forget it. So I am the MC. I swear to myself that I will never let on that I know the secret but . . . that doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun with it. I went to my room to call Jess and think over this latest round of developments. As Rob would say, another one bites the dust.

  ‘I love your outfit,’ said Nesta when we met up outside the hall ready to go into the Clothes Show Live.

  ‘Thanks,’ I said. We had all agreed to make an effort for the event and I was pleased with what I was wearing because I had made it myself. A grey crepe wrap-over skirt and a halter-neck made from pale blue sari material left over from my room redecoration. Nesta was wearing black leather trousers, the red halter-top I had made her and a little jacket, and Izzie had on a hippie dippie outfit in purple with some great amethyst jewellery. I reckoned we looked the business.

  Inside, the hall was heaving and, after we’d paid our entrance fee, we launched ourselves straight in and had a fab time cruising around the stalls, trying clothes on, and Nesta was even stopped by a model scout who gave her a card and asked her to get in touch.

  As we left one stall, I noticed a group of girls from our school surrounding a boy. I could see that he was lapping up the attention and for a moment, I felt a stab of jealousy. It was Tony. Worse still, one of the girls was Josie Riley. She was flicking her hair, looking deeply into his eyes, doing all the flirty-gerty stuff. Nesta must have noticed my face fall. She linked arms.

  ‘Don’t worry, Lucy. He may be a flirt but he’s not stupid.’

  I wasn’t so sure. He’d said that he liked confident girls and Josie was certainly that. But watching him made me think. He must have girls swarming around him like that all the time. Well, I’m not going to be one of them. Watching him lapping up the attention gave me a big lesson in love. I am not going to fall at his feet like the others, I decided. I may still love him but I am going to play it oh so cool.

  Suddenly Josie spotted us and gave us a false smile and a wave.

  ‘Want to go over?’ asked Nesta.

  I darted behind a clothes rail. ‘No way,’ I said. ‘I couldn’t bear it if he likes her.’

  ‘OK,’ said Nesta. ‘And don’t worry, he hasn’t seen us.’

  The hours flew by as we tried on more clothes and sampled every beauty product on offer. Izzie went off to buy a toe ring and Nesta and I decided to go and watch a catwalk show. We set off in the direction of the show, turned a corner and I walked smack into Josie.

  ‘Ah, the midget,’ she said and then looked at my halter-top. ‘And what have you got on? The Eastern look was out years ago.’

  Her friends started laughing behind her.

  ‘She made those clothes herself and I think she looks fantastic,’ said Nesta. ‘I don’t suppose someone with your IQ could even sew on a button.’

  It was awful. I hate it when people argue. It was good of Nesta to come to my defence but the two of them were squaring up like ready for a fight. And then Josie purposely stood on Nesta’s foot. I saw Nesta wince. Josie was wearing spiky heels.

  ‘Oi,’ I started.

  ‘Oh sorry,’ said Josie insincerely. ‘Did that hurt, Nesta?’

  ‘Need a hand?’ asked a male voice.

  We all turned. It was Tony.

  ‘No, I’m fine,’ said Josie going girlie and coy.

  He brushed her aside. ‘Not you,’ he said and put his arm around Nesta. ‘You OK?’

  Josie looked shocked. ‘We were just admiring Lucy’s outfit,’ she said and her friends started sniggering behind her.

  Tony turned to me. ‘Yeah. Me too,’ he said and he sounded like he meant it. ‘Looking good, kiddo. Come on, girls, I’ll buy you a cappuccino.’

  Josie clearly thought he meant her too and trooped along behind us.

  Tony put one arm around Nesta and the other around me and marched us away. Ha ha. That showed her, I thought
as she sloped off.

  ‘I thought you liked girls who were confident,’ I said.

  ‘Do me a favour,’ he said. ‘I like the music turned up but not that loud, if you get my meaning.’ And then he looked deeply into my eyes and I swear I heard the sound of violins fill the hall.

  Hold on, there actually were violins. . .

  The catwalk show had started at the other end of the hall – laser lights were flashing and the models began to strut their stuff down the catwalk.

  ‘I need a drink,’ said Nesta. ‘Can we see the show later?’

  I nodded.

  Tony looked torn between staying with us and going to watch the show.

  ‘Oh go and watch the girls. That’s what you came here for,’ said Nesta. ‘We’ll catch you later.’

  Tony grinned, gave us the thumbs up and set off towards the back of the hall while Nesta and I made our way over to the nearest coffee stall and took our places in the queue. She looked shaken and leaned against a wall.

  ‘You OK?’ I asked.

  She reached down and rubbed her foot. ‘That really hurt,’ she said. ‘I didn’t want to say how much. Tony can be very protective of me – if he knew that she was the girl who made my life so miserable when I first arrived at school, he might have really given her a hard time.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.

  ‘Oh, she pushed me about one day in the cloakrooms, called me names, poured water on my books.’ Nesta shrugged one shoulder as if to say it didn’t matter, but I could see that just the memory of it made her eyes glisten.

  I linked my arm through hers. ‘Well, Josie has always been mean. I wouldn’t take it personally. She’s horrible to me too. Remember she calls me a midget all the time.’

  Nesta nodded. ‘You may be small but you’re perfectly formed.’

  ‘Exactly,’ I said. ‘And anyway, Nesta, you’ve got me and Izzie now. We’ll look after you.’

  Nesta’s eyes filled up even more. ‘Have I? Really? Because I thought you didn’t like me at first.’