Witch Is When Stuff Got Serious (A Witch P.I. Mystery Book 11)

by Adele Abbott

  ***

  I could hear voices as I made my way up the stairs to the office. Someone was talking to Mrs V. As far as I was aware, I wasn’t expecting anyone.

  It was Armi. He had pulled up a chair next to Mrs V’s desk, and she was wrapping wool around his outstretched hands. As soon as he saw me, he flinched.

  “Hello there.” I tried to sound friendly.

  “It’s all right, Armi,” Mrs V said. “Jill isn’t going to attack or insult you today. Are you, Jill?”

  “No, of course not. Do I call you Joseph or Armi?”

  “Everyone calls me Armi.”

  “Okay, Armi. Look, I’m really sorry about the other day. Mrs V has probably already told you that I’d been taking hay fever medication that didn’t agree with me. I went a little doolally for a while there. I can’t even remember what I said to you.”

  “You called me a goblin.”

  I very nearly laughed, but that would have been a big mistake because Mrs V had two knitting needles on the desk in front of her.

  “A goblin? Did I really say that? That just shows I must have been out of it. I would never call anyone a goblin. Many other things perhaps, but never a goblin. Goodness knows, I’ve called your brother much worse things.”

  “He probably deserved it.” Armi looked a little less worried now. “I’ve told Gordon he shouldn’t put pressure on you to leave these premises. You were here first, after all.”

  “I doubt Gordon cares about that.” I was slowly warming to Armi.

  “No. He’s got a bee in his bonnet. Gordon is used to getting his own way.”

  “I can imagine.” I glanced at Armi’s hands. “I see Mrs V has got you earning your keep?”

  “He volunteered,” Mrs V said. “He has just the right size hands for it, don’t you, Armi?”

  He blushed.

  “So, are you two like, an item?”

  “Jill!” Mrs V gave me a look.

  “Sorry. None of my business. I suppose I should be going through to my office?”

  “Yes, I think you’d better.”

  Chapter 22

  The last thing I felt like doing was wandering around the streets putting up posters of Bella, but what choice did I have? Bonnie and Clive were obviously devastated by the loss of their feline supermodel, and were under the impression that I’d volunteered to do the job. It had taken me almost an hour and a half to create the posters. Normally, I would have asked Mrs V to help, but she was otherwise occupied with Armi and a ball of wool.

  “That’s a very attractive cat,” a man with more than his fair share of facial hair said.

  That was typical of the comments I’d received. What a contrast to the time when I’d put up posters of Winky. Back then, I’d been accused of trying to scare young children.

  “What a gorgeous cat. What do you call her?”

  “She’s not actually my cat. Her name’s Bella.”

  “She looks like she should be on a catwalk.”

  “Have you seen her?”

  “No, sorry.”

  “If you do, will you ring the number on the poster?”

  “Is there a reward?”

  Sheesh. What was wrong with people?

  I covered a two-mile radius of the apartment, putting up the posters wherever I could. I’d had to put my phone number on them because I didn’t know Bonnie and Clive’s. By the time I’d finished, I was absolutely shattered. Still, it was all in a good cause. Winky would be grateful, and of course, Bonnie and Clive would be over the moon if Bella was found as a result.

  When I got back to the office, Armi had gone. Mrs V was so engrossed in her Crochet Creations magazine that she barely noticed me. Winky was busy on my computer; at least he wasn’t brooding over Bella.

  “Guess what I’ve been doing?” I said.

  “Sorting rubber bands? Making chains out of paper clips?”

  “I’ve been putting up posters of your girlfriend all around the area.”

  “You needn’t have bothered.”

  “Is that all the thanks I get? Do you know how long it took me?”

  “Bella and I are finished.”

  “I thought you wanted me to find her.”

  “No need. I know where she is.”

  “You know? Then why did you let me put up all of those posters?”

  “How was I supposed to know that’s what you were doing?”

  “Where is she? Is she back with Bonnie and Clive?”

  “Who?”

  “Her owners.”

  “Bonnie and Clive? I love it.”

  “Never mind that. Where is she?”

  “Look.” He held out his phone.

  “What’s that?”

  “It’s Instagram.”

  “What’s Instagram?”

  “Wow! What planet have you been on? Just look at the photo.”

  “Is that Socks with her?”

  “Yes. Apparently, my darling brother called in on Bella after I threw him out. He asked her to run away with him, and she agreed. Just like that! Can you believe it? Why would anyone in their right mind choose Socks over me?”

  “It’s hard to believe. I’m really sorry, Winky. I know how much Bella meant to you.”

  “Who? I’ve forgotten her already.”

  It was good to see him putting on such a brave face. I wasn’t sure Bonnie and Clive would take it so well.

  “What are you up to on my computer, anyway?”

  “I’m setting up my profile.”

  “On what?”

  “Perfect Match.”

  “What’s that?”

  “A dating site for felines.”

  “Oh? You mean Purr-fect. I get it. I take it you’re looking for a new girlfriend then? What about Cindy?”

  “I dumped her. She was too clingy.”

  “Can I help?”

  “You? Help with dating advice?” He began to roll around the desk, laughing.

  ***

  I didn’t know what to do about Bonnie and Clive. I could hardly tell them that I’d seen an Instagram of their beloved cat with her new microlight flying boyfriend. I decided against telling them; sometimes ignorance was bliss. Hopefully, time would heal and they’d get over the loss of their beloved Bella.

  With Bella accounted for, there was nothing for me to do in Washbridge, so I magicked myself to Cuppy C. The twins were, once again, beside themselves with excitement. This was becoming exhausting.

  “We’ve got big news, Jill,” Amber shouted.

  “Yeah, just wait until you hear our news,” Pearl said.

  “Another conveyor belt? Oh, wait. I know. You’re going to have a giant crane installed so customers can grab their food like in those arcade games.”

  “There’s no need for sarcasm.” Amber pouted.

  “How about drones to deliver cake to the tables?”

  “Now you’re just being silly,” Pearl said.

  “Go on, then. What is it?”

  “We’ve set a date for the wedding.” Amber beamed.

  “What? You and William?”

  “No, we have set a date,” Pearl said.

  “You and Alan?”

  They both laughed. “No. We as in me and Pearl.”

  “You’re both getting married? That’s great.” I guess. “Who’s tying the knot first?”

  “Me,” Amber said.

  “And me,” Pearl said, and they both giggled.

  “Both of us. It’s a double wedding.”

  Oh no!

  “Huh? I thought you both said you’d rather die than have a double wedding?”

  “We never said that!” Pearl objected.

  “We would never say that!” Amber backed up her sister.

  I was undecided which was worse: when the twins were at each other’s throat or when they were being all buddy, buddy.

  “I must have imagined it.” Not!

  “It’ll be the biggest wedding event in Candlefield for years, and we want you to be the Maid of Honour.”r />
  Yippee!

  “No, you don’t. You must have lots of friends who would be better qualified to do it. What about—err—Daze?”

  They looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

  “Okay. Maybe not Daze, but there must be someone else.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want to do it?” Amber looked like I’d just kicked her puppy.

  “No. Of course not. It’s just—”

  “So, you’ll do it?” Pearl said.

  “Err—I.” Oh bum! “Sure. I’d love to.”

  “Yay, we’ve got so much to plan,” Amber said.

  “Don’t forget,” I interrupted. “Aunt Lucy and Lester are getting married too.”

  “Pah! Their wedding will be nothing compared to ours.”

  “We want you to be our wedding planner too.”

  “Wedding planner? Me? What do I know about weddings?”

  “You’re smart and you’re well-organised,” Amber said.

  That much was true.

  “So, will you do it?” Pearl gave me those big eyes again.

  “I suppose so.”

  “Yay!”

  What could possibly go wrong?

  ***

  I was still shell-shocked from the twin’s double wedding bombshell when a young witch scurried into Cuppy C.

  “Are you Jill Gooder?”

  “Yes.”

  “This is for you.” She handed me an orange envelope.

  “What is it?”

  But I was too late—she was already on her way out of the shop.

  Inside the orange envelope was a single sheet of orange paper. It requested my presence at an Extraordinary General Meeting of the Level Six Witch Council. Today! In fact, the meeting was scheduled for one hour’s time. Great! Thanks for the notice, guys! Why hadn’t Grandma warned me about this? What could they possibly want me there for? I wasn’t a level six witch.

  Maybe the twins would have some idea what it was about.

  “Hey, you two. Look what I’ve just received.” I put the note on the counter, and they both read it. I didn’t like the expressions on their faces one little bit.

  “When did you get this?”

  “Just now. Someone came into the shop, and handed it to me.”

  “This doesn’t sound good,” Amber said.

  “They hardly ever call an Extraordinary General Meeting unless it’s an emergency.” Pearl looked concerned. “What have you done, Jill?”

  “I haven’t done anything.”

  And then, it clicked. This could only be about one thing: The Wand of Magna. Had word got out that I’d got inside the sealed room? I didn’t see how because Grandma and me were the only people who knew.

  “Are you sure?” Amber pressed.

  “I haven’t done anything.”

  “Are you going to go to the EGM?” Pearl said.

  “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

  My nerves were jangling by the time I arrived at the Town Hall.

  “Jill Gooder?” Someone shouted. I recognised her; she’d sat near to Grandma and me at the AGM.

  Speaking of Grandma, where was she? Why wasn’t she here to support me?

  “Yeah, I’m Jill Gooder.”

  “You can come through now. We’re ready for you.”

  Ready for me? What did that mean?

  I followed her into the hall; it was full of witches—all of them level six. I glanced around the room, desperately hoping to spot Grandma, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  “Please come up here, Miss Gooder,” one of the women on the stage shouted. She had a face like thunder. “We have a few questions we’d like to ask you.”

  Once I was on the stage, I got in first. “What’s this all about? Why have you called me here at such short notice?”

  “All in good time. Please have a seat, Miss Gooder.”

  I was becoming more and more angry. Who did they think they were, ordering me about?

  “It’s come to our attention that someone has entered the sealed room at the museum.”

  I shrugged.

  “And we believe that someone removed something from the room. Do you know anything about that?”

  I wasn’t sure what to do for the best. They clearly already knew I’d been in the sealed room, but should I admit it?

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  A gasp went around the hall.

  “Surely you’re not denying that it was you who entered the sealed room, and took a book from inside there?”

  “What book?”

  “The book which belonged to Magna Mondale.”

  “I still have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s pointless to continue with these lies. We know you have the book, and unless you hand it over, we’ll have no choice but to expel you from Candlefield.”

  “You can’t do that!”

  “We can expel any witch who breaks the witch code of conduct.”

  “What code of conduct? And what exactly does it have to say about some imaginary book?”

  “I will ask you this only once. Where is the book?”

  Before I could answer, the doors at the back of the hall crashed open.

  “What’s going on here?” Grandma shouted.

  I could see her wart glowing red even from that distance.

  “What’s this all about?” she demanded, as she walked down the central aisle.

  Every witch in the room suddenly found something interesting on her lap—no one dared to make eye contact with her.

  Moments later, Grandma was on stage—nose to nose with my interrogator.

  “What’s going on here, Juniper?”

  “You know full well, Mirabel. Someone has taken Magna’s book.”

  “And you know that, how?”

  “Well—” she stuttered.

  “Have you been inside the room?”

  “Well—err—no. It’s sealed.”

  “Then how can you possibly know that anyone has been inside it? Let alone what they may or may not have taken?”

  “But—”

  “But nothing. Until you have proof that someone has been inside the sealed room, I suggest you keep your accusations to yourself.” She turned on the audience. “And the rest of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Isn’t it bad enough that we used to be persecuted by witchfinders in the human world? We can’t allow that to happen here in Candlefield.” She turned to me. “You, come with me.”

  Grandma grabbed me by the hand, and before I could say anything, she dragged me off the stage and out of the building.

  “How did they find out, Grandma?” I said, once we were outside.

  “I have no idea. But I intend to find out. Someone is going to suffer for this.”

  Chapter 23

  Grandma had done her usual disappearing act after we left the EGM. I didn’t want to hang around in case any of the other level six witches decided to have another go at me, so I magicked myself back to my flat in Washbridge.

  I was still trying to work out what had happened. How had news of Magna’s book got out? There had only been me and Grandma in the basement at the time. And, what was so urgent that it warranted calling an EGM? Magna’s book was obviously a big deal, but why were they so keen for me to hand it over? Were they worried I might use it for evil? Didn’t they trust me? As a ‘latecomer’ to witch society, I’d always felt something of an outsider, but never more so than right then.

  There was a knock on the door.

  I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone. I just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts. It was probably Betty, in trouble with the police again, or Mr Ivers with his latest piece of movie news.

  “Jill! Open up!”

  It was Grandma.

  “Where did you go, Grandma? I was looking for you.”

  “Never mind that. Where’s Magna’s book?” Her eyes darted left and right, trying to spot it.

  “It’s in my wardrobe.”

&nbs
p; “We need to get it out of here, right now.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s too dangerous for you to hold on to it. I thought we’d have more time before anyone realised it was out of the room, but word got out somehow.”

  “How though?”

  “I don’t know, and there isn’t time to worry about that now. There are all kinds of rumours circulating around Candlefield. It’s almost certain that TDO will have heard by now.”

  “What’s it got to do with him?”

  “Jill. You can be awfully naive sometimes. TDO became what he is by absorbing power from the most powerful sups around him. He tried to do that with your mother, but she managed to escape in time. Her power passed to you, which is why he’s pursued you so relentlessly. The information in Magna’s book provides a whole new level of power. Of course he wants it, and he’ll do whatever he has to do, to get it.”

  “Where can we hide the book so that he won’t find it?”

  “Have you read it? Have you memorised it?”

  “I’ve read it a number of times. I think I’ve digested it all.”

  “Let’s hope so because there’s no more time. We have to get rid of it permanently. It’s the only way.”

  “I could take it into the garden and burn it?”

  “Fire won’t work. Nothing in nature will be able to touch the book.”

  “What then?”

  “You need to throw it into the Dark Well.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Do you know the Black Woods?”

  “Yes. I went there once when I was searching for a young girl who had supposedly gone missing.”

  “The Dark Well is on the north side of the Black Woods. Just follow the line of trees north; you can’t miss it.”

  “What exactly is it?”

  “It looks just like any other well, but essentially, it’s the opening to a black hole. Anything that ends up in the well, disappears forever. Once the book is in there, no one will be able to get to it.”

  “Okay. Should we go now?”

  “You’ll have to do this alone.”

  “Why can’t you come with me?”

  “I have urgent matters to attend to.”

  “What could be more urgent than this?”