by Brinda Berry
Ryder takes hesitant steps. “Come see.” He holds out a small hand to me.
I get off my knees and envelope his hand in mine. “What is it?”
Ryder pulls me along. He grins up at me several times and instead of warming me, his joy scares me. I am jealous of whatever happiness he’s found here. The realization makes me sick. I am better than that.
“I had one of the guest bedrooms done by a professional decorator.” Jared joins us in the hallway, seeming like a shadow as he lingers a couple of steps behind. “We’ll talk more about this man in your life later,” he mutters to my back.
Ryder releases my hand and bounds into the room at our right. Jared reaches over and flips on the light.
Planets glow along the walls and a giant sun twirls like a disco ball in the center of the room. A bed, created to look like some sort of moon rover, stands in one corner.
A station of monitors and play control boards line a wall. It’s like NASA, shoved into a kid’s room. Ryder peers over his shoulder at me. “Play, Mommy,” he demands.
“A few toys,” I whisper under my breath and watch Ryder push buttons on a panel.
“It’s not a big deal.” Jared leans his head over to look into my face. “I’m not trying to take him from you. The kid needs a fun bedroom at my house, so he feels like it’s his home, too. He deserves it.”
My heart pounds in my head. Ryder is my entire life. Jared will let Ryder learn to depend on him and then he’ll disappear on tour again.
“I want to see him more. Maybe even fifty-fifty. You know…shared custody.”
Blood rushes to my ears. What does this mean to my life? Is Jared trying to take Ryder away from me? But that’s silly. Jared will go back on the road and he can’t drag a little boy with him.
“We’ll see. One day at a time. OK?” I fight a wave of panic.
“We can work this out. I know we can. You, me, and Ryder. That ring on your finger doesn’t mean anything to me. I wasn’t around and now I’m back.”
“I have someone in my life,” I say, setting my mouth in a firm line.
Am I a bad person for lying to protect me and Ryder? Jared didn’t believe Ryder was even his until my little guy turned out to look like a clone of his daddy. Jared plays games and this one is too important to lose.
Ryder bolts toward me suddenly, his small arms circling my legs. “I go too, Mommy.”
I run my hand over his soft curls. “Yeah, baby. Time to go.”
“Later,” I say to Jared.
“Later,” he responds. “I’m going to fix everything that went wrong—things are going to be better between me and Ryder. Between me and you.”
With those words lingering like a dark promise, I take Ryder into my arms and leave.
Ryder and I are happy. Fixing implies things are broken. I don’t want his sort of repairs.
Chapter Six
Not Little Man
Aiden
I’m at Evolutions, but not on the clock yet. Gunner, a good friend and workout partner, spots me in a press.
“You’re in a good mood today. You get lucky last night?” he asks.
“I have to get laid to be happy?”
“It doesn’t hurt.” He smirks.
“Speaking of… How’s it going with you and Kiley? Anything new going on?” I push the bar up from my chest.
Gunner sets the bar on the cradle and squints at me. “You guys are a bunch of gossipy women. Have you been talking to Dane or Leo?”
“Only Dane,” I say. “I worked at Dastardly’s the other night. He said you put a ring on her finger.”
“That’s right. Why did you ask me if you already knew?” He adds weight to each side of the bar.
I shrug, then brace my arms in position. He curls his fingers underneath the bar to ensure I’m steady with the extra weight.
Lifting the weight bar, I grunt as I push it to the top of the rep. “You and Kiley fit together. She’s a great girl. I’m happy for you, man. Really, really happy.”
Gunner nods and a corner of his mouth quirks. “You’re not going to start hugging me or some shit, are you?”
“Can’t reach you from here,” I say and complete another press. Sweat beads on my forehead. He really weighted my bar. I guess he’s hoping it will shut me up.
“What about you? You seeing anyone?” he asks.
I exhale and lift the weight. “You sound like my grandmother. The woman is on a mission to see me married.”
“How is she? Still in the hospital?”
“If all goes well, she’ll be released tomorrow.” I hold the bar steady and look at Gunner and his thoughtful expression. “What? What’s going on in that head of yours?”
He cocks an eyebrow. “I can ask Kiley if she knows anyone you can go out with. She’s good at matching people.”
“Uh…didn’t she try to match you with another woman?”
He rolls his eyes. “She wasn’t trying hard. She obviously wanted me for herself. So, want me to ask her to set you up?”
“No. Actually, I met somebody the other night.” I deep-breathe and increase the volume of air on my next set. “I’m going out this afternoon with her and her son.”
“She has a kid?”
It’s not his question as much as his tone. He’s surprised and reluctant to say what he thinks. I grunt as I complete the next set. He removes the bar and racks the weights when I’m done.
“I’m trying to figure out where to take them. Any ideas? Some place kid friendly?” I ask.
“MMA fights?”
“No.”
“Kiley goes to these Wine and Paint parties. Kids like painting.”
“Are you crazy? Do you plan on having children?” I widen my eyes. “I obviously asked the wrong person. He’s three. And I’m not painting, even if wine is involved.”
“Well, you never said how old he is.” Gunner puts his hands on his hips. “You can bring him out to show him my newest horse. All kids love horses.”
I study him to determine if he’s serious. “It’s not a bad idea. You sure?”
“Yeah. Of course. And Kiley’s coming by tonight, so she’d love to see you.”
“OK, then.” I smile to myself, imagining how excited a kid would be to see a horse.
We finish up our workout and I check my schedule. It’s after the holidays and Evolutions is busy with people working off their winter weight. Even though it’s a Saturday, I have two clients to work with before I head home and clean up for this afternoon.
I whistle to myself as I look over my client notes. It’s going to be a great night.
Some people would call me a selfish SOB. Although I am now dating Makenna so Nonna will be satisfied and therefore on her way to healing, there’s another reason. A less altruistic reason. I’m crazy about Makenna already.
Without Nonna’s misunderstanding, I’m not so sure Makenna would go out with me. This more selfish reason leads me to do something I’ve never done before on a first date.
I stop at the nearest florist on the way to her house.
When Makenna answers the door, a worry line springs up on her forehead. “What are those?” she asks.
I hold up the flowers in my right hand—a half dozen peach roses in green cellophane that I purchased on my way home from work. “A little gift.”
I should’ve focused on getting to know her better. Maybe she’s allergic to flowers or thinks I’m trying to buy my way into her life. “You’re doing something nice for me. You deserve something special, right?”
Makenna doesn’t lose her surprised expression. If anything, the lines in her forehead deepen. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.” I smile and inhale, feeling a distinct awkwardness descend on the beginning of our night. “Can I come in?”
“Oh, sorry.” She backs up so I can enter. “It’s just that…I don’t even have a vase. I mean, no one’s ever given me flowers.”
No one?
“You have a heavy glas
s or a pitcher? That’ll work.”
“Um…kitchen. I’ll hunt for something.” She takes the roses and places her nose over the top. Closing her eyes, she inhales. “They smell beautiful. It’s nice. I bet the girls love you.”
My gaze roams over her. Her red hair is loose, and her cream sweater molds sweetly to her body. She’s more vulnerable than before, when she wore jeans, Ts, and a whoop-ass expression.
She looks like someone who deserves flowers every day of her life. “You look great,” I finally say.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” She hurries away to put the flowers up and I wait in the entry.
“Who are you?” The boy peers at me from ten feet away as if I might be a dangerous animal. He’s dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, like a miniature adult.
“I’m Aiden. You must be Ryder.”
He nods and stares, suspicious daggers shooting from his eyes.
I go forward to meet him, but he backs away so I stop in mid-step.
“Mommy,” he yells, his kid voice high in a stranger-danger pitch. The sound causes me to draw my shoulders up. Wow. The boy has a set of lungs on him.
“Yes?” Makenna answers from the kitchen.
“Hey,” I say. “Your mom knows I’m here. She’ll be right back.”
Ryder shakes his head. “No.”
“Oh yes, she will.”
“No.” His head barely turns and he peers over his shoulder to see if she’s coming. “Mommy,” he yells again. “Mommy!”
It occurs to me that Ryder may decide he doesn’t like me. But that’s crazy, because kids like everyone.
Makenna finally returns and I try not to show my relief. We were a minute away from him calling 911.
I smile at Ryder. “See?”
Makenna places her hand on Ryder’s head. “Did you try to stop this stranger?”
Ryder nods, putting a lot of effort into an enthusiastic movement. He points at me. “Man.”
“Good. You’re supposed to scream if a strange man comes in our house. But I know him. He’s Aiden.” She grabs a small coat from a rack in one corner.
“Hi,” I say and squat down to my haunches. “It’s nice to meet you.”
He still eyes me without moving.
Makenna grins at me and then him. “Give him a minute to get used to you.” She looks down at him. “Say hi to Aiden. He’s going to take us to have fun. Give me your arm.”
He immediately sticks his arms inside the sleeves of his coat as she dresses him. “No.”
This isn’t as easy as I imagined. My cousin on my mom’s side has kids, but he lives in Rhode Island, and I only see them at Christmas. “Yeah, Ry. I have a surprise for you.”
“Ry-der,” he corrects me.
I give myself a pep talk and nod at him. “Yeah, little man. Ryder.”
“Not little man.” He then moves behind Makenna so he won’t have to look at me…or maybe so I can’t see him. Either way, I’m sinking faster than the Titanic.
Makenna gently pulls him from behind her. “Do you want Aiden to show you the fun thing or not? I’m going. If you don’t want to have fun, I’ll take you to Grammy’s.”
He thinks for what seems like a full minute, then slowly nods his head. His tiny brow bunches and he actually squints his eyes at me like I’m green beans on his dinner plate.
He possessively links an arm around Makenna’s leg while she gets into her coat.
“Sorry. He’ll get used to you. He stays next door with my mom any time I need a sitter and he doesn’t really get to be around a lot of people.” She gives me the brightest smile I’ve seen from her.
“It’s OK. We’re going to be friends. It’s cool.” I don’t look at him when I say it in case he’s still glaring. There’s nothing like a three-year-old knowing he has you afraid. “You guys ready?”
“Yes.” Makenna grabs her bag and we head outside.
I drive an SUV, but Makenna suggests we take her vehicle so we don’t have to move the car seat. She lets me drive and we leave the downtown area and head toward Gunner’s place.
He’s outside the city where he inherited some acreage. I haven’t been to visit him in a while, but it’s a great place with a man-made lake and room for his horses. Makenna turns up the music and country songs play. She bobs her head and turns around to see if Ryder is OK.
In the rearview mirror, I see him bobbing his head like his mom. Still looking at the mirror, I smile at him when we make eye contact.
He immediately stops any movement and glares. You’d think I’m on this kid’s enemy number one list. But that’s crazy talk since he doesn’t even know me.
I turn down the radio. “Aren’t you curious about where we’re going?”
“Sure.” Makenna turns to check on Ryder, then returns her attention to me. “Are you going to tell me if I ask?”
“I wanted to surprise you. Do you trust me?” I reach over and place my hand on top of hers, rubbing my thumb against the side of her hand. Her soft skin feels good against mine.
“Should I?”
I slow down to take a look in my mirror. Ryder’s head cocks to the side and his eyes are closed.
“Yes. You should. We’re going to my friend Gunner’s house.” I release her hand. “We’re almost there.”
“OK.”
“Ryder will like it. You’ll see.”
She nods and returns her gaze to the window. “I grew up in the country. Loved it.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes.” She turns to look at me. “We lived over in Rural Hill. Until I was maybe thirteen or so. After my dad left us, Mom couldn’t pay the mortgage. That was that.”
“Bad deal for a kid.”
“Long time ago. And life is good now, so I try not to dwell on the past.” She turns up the radio and twists a strand of hair around her finger. I’m pleased when I hear her singing along.
“She likes picnics in the moonlight,
Skinny-dipping, cow tipping, song mixing.
She pretends like she’s not uptight,
While she’s guitar picking, two-stepping, reminiscing
Because she’s in his arms tonight.
She acts like everything’s all right.”
I reach over touch her arm. “You know the words to every song?”
She gives me a smirk. “This is my song.”
“You wrote this?”
“All mine. Well, until I gave it to Missy Lancaster.” She waits a beat. “Maybe gave isn’t the right word. She paid me enough for it.”
“Damn,” I say, then happen to glance in the rearview mirror.
A very awake Ryder studies me. Hope the kid doesn’t quote me. Another lesson for the night—clean up the language. “Dang,” I say, emphasizing my word and allowing my gaze to meet his. “You’re really good.”
“Thanks,” she says, oblivious to the silent standoff in the mirror since Ryder won’t quit eyeing me. “I’m really lucky to be able to support me and Ryder with my songs.”
We reach the turn into Gunner’s drive. “Ryder,” I say, because I’m determined to forge a bond with this kid. “My friend has a horse. We’re going to feed it carrots. What do you think about that?”
And for the first time, he smiles.
Chapter Seven
Calling Dibs
Aiden
Gunner and his fiancée, Kiley, greet us like we’re their favorite people on the planet. After the introductions, Makenna and Kiley walk ahead of us on the stone path that winds beside Gunner’s cabin. Ryder rabbit hops every third step as he walks between them, holding one hand from each girl.
The cool air feels great on my face after the car ride. It’s sunny enough that light streams through the leaves of huge oak trees lining the path.
The weathered gray wood of the barn looks straight out of a magazine. I pull out my phone and take a picturesque shot of the girls and Ryder walking ahead. A calico barn cat runs across the path in front of them. Ryder releases their hands to make a grab for
it, and he squeals with excitement. The horse will definitely be a hit.
“Cute kid,” Gunner says.
“Uh huh.” I keep my tone as even as I possibly can.
“You said that funny.”
“No, I didn’t.”
“I heard it. I’ve known you all my life. I know the difference between ‘uh huh’ and ‘uh huh.’”
“Those were the same.” I fake-smile and stick my phone back in my jeans pocket.
“Tell Gunner what’s wrong.” He slows his steps so we don’t catch up to the girls.
“I will if you don’t refer to yourself in third person.”
He chuckles under his breath. “Man, you’re crabby. You are not going to be a fun date for them.”
“I’m trying. It’s just…I’m at a loss. Ryder already dislikes me, and I don’t know why. He’s given me dirty looks from the minute I met him.”
“Hell. He’s a kid. He probably skipped his nap today.”
“No,” I say as I smile at the girls and Ryder standing in front of the barn door. “It’s like I’ve done something to him, but I can’t figure out what.”
“Maybe he doesn’t like men. If he’s been alone with his mama for his entire life… Wait a minute. I know what it is.” Gunner comes to a stop.
“Hurry up,” Kiley yells.
“Coming,” Gunner yells back to her but continues to look at me. “You know what’s happened, don’t you?”
“No. But I suppose you, man with no children, have it figured out.”
“You’re stealing his woman.”
I shake my head, amused. “He’s three. Three.”
“Those breasts were probably all his, in the not-so-distant past.”
“Don’t talk about her breasts. I’ll be the only one doing that.”
“See. You’re already calling dibs on them. He senses it. Relax and don’t let the kid scare you. By the end of the night, he’ll change his mind. You’re a nice guy. You’ll figure out how to talk with him.”
