by Leigh Duncan
“Why not?”
She was still searching for a plausible excuse when LJ gave a healthy-sounding burp. The boy aimed a milky grin at her. His expression never changed, not even when what looked like a good portion of his last meal erupted from his mouth.
“Uh-oh,” she exclaimed.
“Oh crap, is more like it.” Foamy liquid flowed down the front of LJ’s outfit and coated the rancher’s sun-darkened hand. A look of pure consternation crossed Garrett’s face. A long-suffering sigh rose from deep in his chest. Tugging the flaps on the diaper bag, he struggled to hold on to LJ with one hand while, with the other, he plowed through diapers, toys and other paraphernalia.
“Here,” she said, seeing no way to avoid it. “Let me hold him while you get...whatever you need.”
At once, LJ’s tiny arms snaked around her neck. He nestled against her as if he’d known her all his life. His milky baby breath blew softly against her skin. Lisa blinked as the sweet scent of baby talc smothered the alarms going off in her head, the ones that warned not to get too close to Garrett. Or his son.
“Here we are,” Garrett said at last. His hand emerged from the bag holding a package of wet wipes and a new outfit.
Warmth spread through her chest as the rancher stepped closer. It sank to her midsection when he tenderly blotted drool from his son’s face. A deeper shift occurred in her heart as she watched him strip the dirtied clothes from the boy in quick, efficient movements. LJ laughed and kicked while Garrett worked the boy into a fresh one-piece. Quicker than she could sing a round of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat,” the rancher balled the soiled clothes into a plastic bag and stashed it out of sight. With LJ once more dressed and clean, he turned to her.
“LJ and I are headed to Nutmeg’s for ice cream next. It’s a pretty day out. Why don’t you come with us?”
“Why me?” she countered, struggling to maintain some distance. “Every single woman in town would jump at the chance to spend time with you.”
“That’s just what I’m afraid of.” Garrett toed her carpet. “Look, I’m a single man with a young child. The minute I start down the street with a local girl on my arm, the gossip mill will spit out news that I’m on the market. Single women all over town will start lining up at the Circle P with casseroles and parenting advice. But I’m not available. It’s too soon since my wife died, and I have to think of LJ. He has to come first. You understand that.”
“Won’t people jump to the same conclusion if they see us together?”
“Not necessarily. For one thing, most people around these parts know you’ve signed on to work the Circle P’s cattle drive. Unless we give ’em a reason to think otherwise, they’ll assume we’re takin’ care of business. And for another...” His dark eyes searched hers. His voice dropped to a bare whisper. “Since we’ve decided that nothing can happen between us, you’re the safe choice.”
Safe. The answer was one she hadn’t expected...and wasn’t sure she wanted. She certainly didn’t feel safe, not by a long shot. Still, she hesitated. Any man who could strip and change his infant son in less than five minutes didn’t really need her help, but she was beginning to think that there was a lot more to Garrett Judd than her first impression. The man was incredibly sexy, with dark good looks that made her toes curl. He knew his way around a guitar. She’d obviously misjudged his relationship with LJ. Curious to learn more about the man who sent her thoughts into turmoil, she finally reached a decision.
“I could use an ice cream,” she admitted, though she didn’t think something cold and sweet would feed the hunger that stirred in her whenever she came within ten yards of the handsome rancher. She brushed at the damp spot LJ had left on her shirt. “Just, um, give me a quick minute to change.”
She felt Garrett’s eyes slide over her body, caressing every curve. For half a sec, she thought something that went far beyond platonic flashed in his blue eyes, but his grin, when he found it, was all boyish charm. “You look fine just the way you are.”
“Uh, no. I don’t think so.” The T-shirt she wore had been through so many washings the cloth had grown thin. The milky white blotch below the neck only deepened its lack of appeal. If there was one thing she’d learned in her years as a performer, it was to maintain the image, and walking through town in worn and stained clothes wasn’t the one she needed to project as Okeechobee’s newest business owner. “It’ll just take me a minute.”
In her bedroom, she shimmied out of her cut-offs and into a pair of lightweight capris. Though she told herself to grab the first top she found in her closet, she couldn’t help spending extra time choosing a sleeveless tank that floated breezily over her chest to skim her hips. A pair of sparkly flip-flops completed the look, and she was ready. She glanced in the mirror, wondering if she should bother with makeup. Deciding it would just melt in the heat, she settled for two swipes of lip gloss. Her hair was another matter, and she smoothed it into a long ponytail.
The change took longer than promised, but the appreciative gleam in Garrett’s eyes told her he didn’t mind the wait. She shrugged his glance aside with a reminder that they’d opted for friendship. Spending a couple of hours with him and his son was just one friend doing another a favor. No more. No less.
Yeah, you keep telling yourself that. Maybe one day, you’ll believe it.
At the base of the stairs, Garrett settled LJ into a stroller. From the diaper bag, he pulled out a baggie filled with cereal. “It keeps him busy.” The pieces he scattered across the tray chipped away another chunk of his reluctant-father image.
A short walk brought them to a small sandwich shop across from the town square. Lisa chose chocolate from several containers of house-churned ice cream while Garrett opted for two vanilla cones. Their purchases nestled in a cardboard tray, he pushed the stroller across the street to the green space that ran down the center of town. In the shade of the bandstand, they settled on a bench.
Lisa grinned when Garrett tugged LJ’s shirt off before he held the baby’s cone within licking distance. She giggled when a pair of blue eyes so much like his dad’s crinkled at the first taste of the cold treat. In minutes, the boy had more on him than in him, while she and Garrett raced to eat their ice cream before it melted.
“Hold on a sec,” Garrett said after running a washcloth over his son and slipping the boy’s shirt back on. “LJ’s not the only one who needs a wipe.”
Garrett’s fingers barely brushed her skin as he dabbed at a sticky spot on her cheek. He paused, his hand cupping her chin. This time, she was sure a decidedly more-than-friendly gleam flashed in his blue eyes. But he only took another swipe at the smudge before he slipped the damp cloth into a plastic bag.
“Now that Mom knows LJ can survive my care, I imagine she’ll expect me to watch the little tyrant every Sunday.” Crossing his booted feet at the ankles, Garrett stretched one arm along the top of the bench. His lips slanted to one side, his eyes warming. “I was thinking I’d take him on a picnic next week. I know a pretty spot not far from the Circle P. Why don’t you join us?”
Lisa stopped playing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” with LJ. Withdrawing her hand, she curled her fingers inward. An impromptu trip down the street for ice cream was one thing. Regular outings with the rancher and his son, something else entirely. Hanging out with Garrett and his son was just asking for trouble. She shook her head. “No,” she said. “I’m afraid I can’t.”
“Oh?” Garrett’s arm tensed on the seat back behind her. Something that looked a lot like hurt flashed in his eyes. He blinked, and it faded. “You have other plans?”
“No other plans.” In the weeks they’d known one another, she hadn’t lied to him. She wasn’t about to start now. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea. That’s all.”
Lisa glanced down at LJ, who eyed her sleepily. The urge to cuddle the baby against her chest was so strong, it actually hurt. Garrett had chosen to spend time with her because he considered her to be a safe choice. But there was nothing safe about g
etting involved with Garrett, or his son. At least not for her.
“I can’t, Garrett. It’s not you. It’s...” She took a breath. “It’s LJ. I can’t be around him.”
* * *
GARRETT REMOVED HIS arm from its comfortable position along the back of the bench. He resettled his Stetson on his head and stared at the boy who grinned up sleepily. Sure, the kid had his moments. In all likelihood, he’d grow up to be too much like his dad. But, just like he did, the boy wore his heart on his sleeve. He had no doubt LJ was smitten with Lisa. She cared for the boy, too. He saw it in the way she spooned ice cream into the baby’s mouth like a mother bird feeding a chick. Whether she realized it or not, she’d already developed a special tone she used only when she was talking about the boy. The squirmy little munchkin fit handily in her arms. She hadn’t even cried foul when the kid had used her T-shirt as his own personal bib.
So, what was the problem?
Briefly he considered giving in to her demands, whether they made sense or not. Something in his heart made him reconsider.
“Hold on a sec,” he said, placing one hand on her knee. He leaned forward, pulling a couple of bottles of water from the diaper bag. He handed one to her.
“What’s going on?” he asked. When Lisa gave him an innocent look, he refused to back down. “Really going on?”
Her dark eyes clouded over. She took a breath that seemed to shudder through her chest. “Being around LJ is a constant reminder that I can’t have children of my own.”
“And you think the best way to solve the problem is to avoid it?” He shook his head. Lisa had been giving him advice ever since the day they met, but he’d tried the same tactics and knew they wouldn’t work. He leaned a bit closer.
“Don’t fool yourself. As a guy who recently hung up his track shoes, I can tell you that running away won’t help. When Arlene died, I thought my life was over. I couldn’t even stand to look at LJ because, every time I did, it only reminded me that she was gone.” His voice thinned and he cleared his throat. “It took a while, but I finally realized that ignoring our son wouldn’t bring his mother back. My attitude was only hurting the both of us.”
He could practically see the wheels turning as Lisa stared at LJ. Her mouth gaped open. She closed it. When her lips parted again, he had to lean in to hear the barely whispered words.
“I know my way isn’t the best. But I don’t know what else to do.”
Garrett gave her shoulder a squeeze. “You don’t strike me as the kind of person who’d spend the rest of her life feeling sorry for herself. Look at what you did after you found out about Brad and Jessie. You could’ve let them walk all over you. But you didn’t. You changed things up, moved on. You struck out on your own. Opened the music store here in town. You can do the same thing with this, too. Find a solution that works for you.”
The tears that welled in Lisa’s eyes stirred a need to wrap his arm around her. She pulled on her hair, her voice shaky. “My whole life, I’ve had only two dreams. To play music and have a family of my own. When the doctors told me I had to give up performing in order to have a baby, quitting the band was the hardest decision I ever made. But the joke was on me. Jessie was the one who got pregnant.” She took a shuddery breath and straightened.
“Don’t forget,” Garrett reminded, “you found a way to make music work for you. You write songs, perform. You might not be onstage at the Grand Ole Opry, but your music, it makes you happy. It makes the people around you happy. You’ll do the same thing where children are concerned.” He paused, thinking. “You don’t have to have a baby of your own to have a child. You could adopt. Become a foster parent.”
“You’ve been reading my mind again, haven’t you.”
The smile that teased at the corners of her eyes let him know he was on the right track. Beneath his hand, her shoulder relaxed.
“Once the shock of finding out I couldn’t ever have a baby wore off, I started thinking about adoption. I even looked at a couple of websites, but the whole process... There’s a lot to take in.”
“Don’t make the same mistake I did by trying to tackle everything at once. That’s what I did today and nearly got myself and LJ into big trouble. Luckily I found someone to help out. You.” He stroked the smooth skin of her upper arm. “As for adoption, I don’t have any answers for you, but I know someone who might. Talk to Sarah. Before she and Ty got married, she was a social worker. Chris and Tim are their foster children. She says there are a lot of kids out there who need homes.”
Lisa shrugged. “I guess talking couldn’t hurt.”
“That’s my girl.” When it came to music, Lisa refused to move on to the next song until he played it perfectly. It was his turn to return the favor. He stretched. “On the ranch, sometimes a cow will birth a weakling. One that can’t even suck from the teat. We don’t let that calf die. If we have to, we bottle-feed it. But every day, we try to get it to nurse from its mama. Little by little, the calf gets stronger, nurses longer. Maybe you should do that. Build up your baby muscles. So to speak.” The sparkle that came into Lisa’s eyes made him grin.
“Baby muscles, huh?” She touched her fist to his arm. “Crazy as it sounds, it might actually work.”
“We can start small,” Garrett said agreeably. “Not with a picnic. That might be too much for the first time.” He pretended to give the matter some thought. “I’d planned to take LJ for his first horseback ride soon. I know. We’ll do it in two weeks. You can come and watch.” When her brow furrowed, he held his breath, not sure he wanted to know why her answer mattered so much.
“Yeah,” she whispered at last. “I can do that.”
She looked so vulnerable, so uncertain that he wanted to give her something she could hold on to until then. Angling for a kiss, he leaned closer. Lisa’s hand on his chest warmed him, but stopped him all the same.
“Hold it right there, cowboy,” she said, tipping her head up to face him. “Unless you want women with casseroles lined up at the Circle P by the time you get home, you might want to think about what you’re doing out here—” she gestured to the traffic that crept along on either side of the park “—where everyone can see.”
She was right. Kissing her in the middle of town would put them on the radar of every biddy on the grapevine. In fact, kissing her at all ranked pretty low on the list of things he should be doing. Not with LJ sleeping in the stroller at their feet. Not as long as she insisted they stay friends. Only friends. Not as long as she could pull up stakes and move on. Reluctantly, he stood. “I need to get to the ranch. LJ’s gonna need his dinner and a bath before bedtime. Plus, I want to clean up the mess he and I made before Mom and the rest of the gang get back.”
“Time for me to get going, too. I have a few things to finish before I open the shop tomorrow. See you for practice tomorrow night? And at the jam on Tuesday?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.” To give his fingers something to do besides reach for her, he grabbed the stroller handle and pushed LJ toward his truck. Buckling his son into the car seat a few minutes later, Garrett allowed himself a single glance at the woman who climbed the stairs to her apartment.
He probably should have told her he was sorry as hell she couldn’t have a baby of her own. But he hadn’t. Because that would have been a lie, and he didn’t want to lie to her. Truth was, if there was even a chance Lisa could get pregnant, he’d head in the opposite direction so fast she’d only see his tracks in the dust.
Chapter Seven
Two weeks later, Lisa poured a generous dollop of cream into her cup. She stirred a spoon through the milky mixture and inhaled the scent of fresh-brewed coffee. Her tummy wobbled the tiniest bit, and she lowered the cup as her desire for a hot drink on an equally hot afternoon waned.
“So, Garrett tells me you might be interested in becoming a foster parent.” Apparently unfazed by the heat, Sarah downed a healthy swig from her own mug. Wrapping her fingers around her cup, the redhead leaned forward, her expression earn
est. “There are far more kids who need placement than there are homes. My old supervisor will jump at the chance to sign you on.”
“Hold up, now.” Lisa shifted, uncomfortable on the leather sofa in the Circle P’s great room. Giving up on the coffee, she slid her cup onto a nearby table. Instead, she chose a plain shortbread from the tray of elaborate treats Sarah had placed between them. “I never said I wanted to become a foster parent.”
“Oh?” Sarah frowned, her disappointment evident. “I must have misunderstood.”
“I told Garrett I wanted to look into adoption.” A fact the rancher must have failed to mention when he set up this meeting. Lisa glanced at her watch and relaxed the tiniest bit. LJ would sleep for at least another hour. Plenty of time to learn the ins and outs of working with the Department of Children and Families before the boy’s first horseback ride. She propped one elbow on her knee, eager to take the first step in starting her own family.
“Why, that’s even better,” Sarah exclaimed. “Imagine taking children who’ve bounced from one home to another for years and giving them a sense of permanence, of belonging. It’s so rewarding. For you, and for them.” Her voice dropped into a conspiratorial whisper. “You’d never know it to see them now, but Chris and Tim were headed for serious trouble before we took them in. Why, they were so wild, they practically burned the Circle P to the ground when they first got here. Once they understood that we’d love and support them, no matter what, they turned a corner. My sister-in-law, Emma, is a professional chef. The boys are training with her and going to night school. By the time they’re ready to strike out on their own, they’ll have the skills and education to earn a good living. Most kids in the foster care system never get that chance.”
Lisa’s stomach sank with the realization that her hostess had overlooked a few critical details. She lowered the uneaten cookie to the center of her napkin. “I think you’ve gotten the wrong idea. My ex and I tried everything to get pregnant. Nothing worked. At least, nothing worked for me. Now that he and his girlfriend are expecting, it’s pretty obvious that he’s not the one with the problem.”
