by J. L. Beck
“You’re intoxicating.” I wanted to scream the words but couldn’t, my body refused to allow me, instead they came out like a whisper barely being heard over our pants. Grayson pulled away from me slowly, his eyes never leaving mine, a pure adulterated need that mirrored my own reflected back at me. I watched the desires of lust mingle and swirl with something else… something that I had never seen before. It was a cross between wanting something and the desire to actually keep it. It was as if he was used to never holding on long enough to something. He licked his lips, causing my stomach to flip.
“If I could keep one thing, keep one person in my life, even having just met you.” He paused, looking both ways down the alleyway… As if someone would pop out at any second and attack him.
“It would be you.” He finished. The look in his eyes told me his words couldn’t be any more true. I gripped his shoulders tighter, understanding his words and the meaning behind them. We clearly had met by coincidence, but still it felt like our circumstances had fated us. Pulling his face into my own, I carefully watched him. My hands gliding underneath his shirt, making a trail over his abs and chest. Every inch of him was ripped, warm, and smooth. Without thought I bit my lip wanting to sink my teeth into his skin.
“Fucker! I said to leave me alone. You ain’t got no shit on me.” A deep voice sounded down the alleyway. It was loud and full of anger. It sounded as if someone was having an altercation, and altercations to me meant being found. Instinctively Grayson pulled away from me, but his grip grew tighter as his breaths became heavy and even in the dim lighting I could see the darkening of his once blue eyes, mixing with a stormy grey within a matter of seconds. Fear started to form in my belly as a shiver ran down my back. I started to go back revert back into my own memories, but the voice on the other end of the alleyway pulled me out of my own mind.
“Once a hit is established we come to collect, and by collect I do mean take your dead body to those who have placed the hit.” A much deeper, menacing voice rang in my ears. I could sense the change in the air and in Grayson almost simultaneously.
He must’ve recognized the voice because he released me immediately as if he wasn't just about to rip my clothes off. He walked with a purpose in the direction of the two men. I stared in wonder for a moment, my body feeling as if it was on fire. Never in my entire life had someone sparked something in me like he did. Without another thought, I followed suit not wanting to be left behind, even if every fiber of who I was told me that I needed to run the opposite way.
“You expect me to believe that bullshit? Do you know who the fuck I am?” The voice grew louder as we approached. It was in the dim lighting that I saw a man in his late twenties standing against the wall of the business across the alley. He was dressed in a suit, his tie was red, and his hair was dark, slicked back in a way that said he felt highly of himself. One look at him and I could see he came from money and politics. A life I once knew all too well about. This was all too familiar for me, and I found myself being brought back to the past.
“Money cannot buy you happiness, Father!” I screamed the words at him. How was it that I understood this more than him? I knew what it was that he did, how he “helped” people win elections over and over again. He would never understand the meaning.
He smiled smugly, and my stomach jumped into my throat. “When you have it, it can buy you whatever you want. Just remember that…” My stomach churned knowing the dirty deeds he would have his men do.
I started to fall further into my own memories, but the voice on the other end of the alleyway pulled me from the past.
“Nice of you to show up, Grayson.” A large burly man who stood across from the other man spoke harshly, his tone implied he was annoyed. Grayson tipped his chin up, his fists clenched in anger as he came to a halt beside the beastly man. I stood very still wondering what would happen next. My mind reeled with a million thoughts as I ran over what they had previously been talking about while I was further down the alley.
“I’ll take it from here, Tuck,” Grayson said. I could feel the change in him taking over, the darkness settling into him. It caused a ripple of goosebumps to form against my skin. Grayson turned towards me just as his hand slithered under his jacket. Unsure of what it was that he was going to pull out, I instinctively took a step back. My blood began to move as if it had ice in it, panic almost seizing me as I saw the blade of a knife come into view.
“What about her?” Tuck gestured to me, his words smacking me right in the face. I hadn’t realized just how out of place I truly fucking was.
“What about her? Are you kidding me? You fuckers think you’ll get away with this? That the FBI and CIA won’t come after you? My family has money, lots of it. They’ll find you.” The man against the wall didn’t seem to be begging for his life, but more so threatening the man named Tuck and Grayson’s lives. One would think you would be begging for your life, but I guess when you felt you had the upper hand you didn’t really need to.
My life felt like it was hanging in the balance just like the man in the suit’s life was. I was starting to regret ever meeting Grayson.
“Don’t let her leave,” Grayson growled, his eyes refusing to meet mine as I saw the murderous rage in them form. The man that had possessed my body in ways that were unimaginable just moments ago with a single kiss was gone. In his place was something that I had grown up with for the better part of my life.
A Killer. A monster. A man who understood death.
“If you kill me, they’ll find you. They’ll kill you. All of you,” the man bellowed, puffs of his breath filled the air. Grayson seemed unfazed by his comments, taking another step forward. His boots were heavy, and even if I didn’t want to watch what was about to happen I knew I had to.
Why, Ellie?
Because it would be the only reason I had not to sleep with him. Not to give myself up to him.
Grayson lifted the blade of his knife without a care. His movements were fast and precise, giving the man little chance to react. There was no confrontation, no screaming, just the silent gurgling of blood as it filled the man’s throat, suffocating him.
My hands went straight to my mouth. I wouldn’t scream, I never did. Not even when I watched my father kill my own mother. Instinct told me I needed to run.
A wave of nausea hit me, acid filling my throat as I watched the man slump over and eventually hit the ground. His body fell with a thud, echoing in the dark night. Grayson stood over the man for a short moment.
Tuck’s eyes were on me, and I knew what he was doing. He was waiting, watching for the moment that I would run.
“What were the instructions?” Grayson’s voice rattled in my ears. He sounded so uncaring, as if he hadn’t just ripped life from someone. My body began to shake. After all I had done to remove myself from this type of life: the running, the hiding, the events and moments in my life I had missed because I was on the run. It all seemed to be following me, creeping it’s way back in little by little.
“Pieces,” Tuck answered, his eyes icing over as they met my own. The air around me grew heavy at the one word that left his mouth. Pieces? I knew what that meant even if I didn’t want to think about it.
I clenched my fists together as tightly as I possibly could, attempting to stop the shaking that was racking my body. I channeled that little girl I had been all my life, and just as I saw Grayson slam the knife into the man's chest I knew that was my cue. I wanted Grayson, but I wanted my freedom from this life so much more.
Without a thought of what could go wrong, I did exactly what they expected of me. I ran. Every breath that fell from my lips was a pant, my legs burned from overuse as my feet pounded against the ground, and I ran with all my might down the alleyway towards the only exit. Panic seized me as my body pushed through the pain. I could hear the loud thud of boots and voices behind me, but I refused to stop, I couldn’t because stopping meant death.
“Stop or I’ll shoot you.” I heard Tuck yell in my di
rection, but I continued running. He could shoot me. I had been shot before, it wasn’t a big deal to me. I just wanted to escape, to run, and never look back on this moment again.
When I didn’t hear the sound of a bullet being shot I was relieved, but that relief only lasted for a minute. Just as I reached the end of the alleyway, a heavy body landed against mine forcing me to the ground and all the air from my chest. My knees scraped against the unforgiving concrete, and the sound of fabric ripping filled the air.
“Running just gets you killed, didn’t I tell you I was one of the most dangerous men in New York.” Grayson’s voice was filled with anger, the weight of his body against mine almost suffocating.
Just like that I knew I had been caught, like an animal in a snare I had become the prey once again. Before I could even muster up a response to what he had said, an arm was being wrapped around my throat. Panic took over as it tightened, the muscles in my body filling with fire as I tried to fight the inevitable.
“Don’t fight me, Ellie.” His tone was a demand as his muscles grew tighter around my airway. Trying to swallow, my throat felt dry and my tongue was heavy as I fought against his weight knowing my time was ticking away. Yet, as my body scraped against the rocks and a sheen of sweat formed on my body, I knew that I had all but lost the battle. Air refused to enter my lungs no matter how hard I fought against his hold.
“If you keep fighting me I will just kill you, and I don’t want to have to kill you…” His word lingered, “…yet.” I could barely make out what it was that he was saying. My eyes continued to grow heavy, and my heartbeat pounded in my ears. As much as I didn’t want to give in to the blackness, I knew there was no other option. At least in the darkness I was safe.
Right?
Frustration poured from me as I made my way to our blacked out SUV. Ellie’s breaths were heavy in my ears as I rolled her body into the back of the truck. I had no other option but to take her, and honestly I didn't want one.
While I tackled Ellie to the ground Tuck had finished the job, doing all the dirty work. I wanted nothing more than to get laid tonight but had somehow ended up getting my hands dirty, collecting a debt, and having to kidnap a woman because they were now a witness to a fucking murder.
“If you had just killed her, then you wouldn’t have a reason to be frustrated, now would you?” Tuck’s annoying voice was getting on my last fucking nerve.
“Funny. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one,” I said, irritated beyond disbelief while Tuck’s laughter filled the SUV. After I secured her in the back of the truck by tying her hands and feet together and gagging her, I went back to help him load the pieces into a bag. We placed the body bag in the back seat and jumped into the truck, taking off.
I had just managed to get into the driver's seat once again after dropping the bag off at the location that was stated on the statement. As I slid the key into the ignition, my eyes caught on my hands. They were still coated in dry blood.
“Where are we going now? I’m not sure that we can take her back to the house,” Tuck added, pulling me from my thoughts. I knew he was right. Bringing her back to the house would cause more trouble and eventually would lead to her death. The other men didn’t have women there. There was no reason to. That’s what cheap hotels and clubs like the one we had been at were for.
“I don’t fucking know, Tuck. This is about as far as I got with my thinking,” I admitted out loud, beating my hand against the steering wheel as if a better answer would pop into my head from the act of rage.
You shouldn’t have fucking ran after her. You should’ve let Tuck shoot her. Kill her in cold blood.
I was fighting against my inner demons, the part of me that wanted to kill her and throw her body in the Manhattan River. Yet, here she sat in the back of my fucking SUV, bound and gagged, still breathing, still living.
“Please tell me…” Tuck’s breath filtered in through his nose. I could see his hamster wheel moving, the pieces being put together. “What in the actual fuck are you thinking?” That was just the fuck of it. I wasn’t. Hell I still wasn’t.
“No. I don’t know what the fuck happened. I just know that I can’t kill her. At least not yet.” There was a piece of me that didn’t want to think about her blood being spilled, one being that I had yet to know her, and two, she seemed too innocent for something like that to take place. I knew I was a bad man, a person with a less than stellar track record; but I couldn’t hurt her.
The silence was unsettling between us as Tuck ran a hand over his bald head. It was a habit he had from back when he had hair. Now he just shaved it, making it easier for cleanup.
“Your option is to take her. Keep her in your suite and not allow the other men to know.” Tuck sounded as shocked as I looked at the idea of keeping her a secret. Yet, it was the one and only idea that currently made any sense, but it was also the most dangerous.
“Fuck!” I cursed. I knew there was no going back now. I had already made the decision to keep her alive. Now I had to follow through with it. Turning the engine over, I threw the vehicle in drive, and headed towards the house. How could I be nervous over something as small as the woman in the back of my SUV?
“She’s going to get you killed,” Tuck reminded me.
“As if I already didn’t know that, but so is anything and everything else I do!” I exclaimed, turning onto one of the side streets. Tonight wasn’t about killing, it was about getting pussy. But somehow I was getting far more than I bargained for.
“You know she has to die no matter what. Putting it off won’t make it any easier or worse…” Tuck tried to sound sincere, but I realized in his words just how much of a pussy I had to look like.
“I’m aware she has to die. She watched us murder someone, that’s besides the point. I’m going to get what I want from her, take it if I have to. Then and only then will I watch her bleed out.” The words rolling off my tongue disgusted me, but so did the fact that it bothered me to think of killing her. Tuck must’ve seen the anger in my eyes because he seemed to pull away a bit.
“I’m just trying to remind you man. I don’t want you becoming attached if you know what I mean.” He winked as if he was trying to attempt a joke, but I found it completely humorless. I knew what he meant, so did the other men we lived with and worked with. One had become attached to another female not that long ago, almost going as far as wanting to quit the syndicate, and go out and live a normal life. We couldn’t allow that to happen, so we did away with her.
Turns out it made him into an even more ruthless killer. I didn’t ever want to find myself in a situation like that, so I would keep Ellie at a distance. It was the only thing I could do.
“Attached would mean I would have to like her, feel some type of emotion for her, and we both know that emotion isn’t really my cup of tea.” I turned off onto another side street. We were less than five blocks from the house, and my adrenaline was starting to pump, my heart pounding loudly in my ears.
“Emotions don’t always have to be present at first. You should know that, fucker,” Tuck shot back at me, but I was too caught up in my own head to respond. Instead, I headed down the alleyway behind our house, pushing the button on the garage door opener. The garage opened revealing that only one of the other three men was currently home. Relief coated my insides immediately.
Why was I scared? Nervous even? These weren’t emotions that I knew how to handle.
“Take her straight upstairs. I’ll distract whomever is here,” Tuck said, jumping from the car the second I put it in park. He didn’t seem to care that he had to keep a secret, then again I had seen Tuck do a lot of shit and never said anything.
I nodded my head yes without a word said and opened the door. My steps were heavy as I headed to the back of the SUV, pushing the trunk button on the key fob. As the door swung open, my eyes landed on her lifeless body. Yes, her chest was moving at a slow rate, but everything else on her made her seem lifeless. Her makeup was smudged, h
er dress ripped from the struggle she had with me.
No emotions. Turn them off.
The man underneath all of this, deep in my skin, in my heart told me to let her go. If she could just run fast enough, escape fast enough then she would be free of any chance of death. She would get a chance to live.
But the other part of me, the man that I was right at this moment told me it could ruin everything. Not only my reputation, but it could very well be my life in place of hers.
“Coast is clear,” Tuck yelled into the garage, startling me to the point where I almost drew my gun.
“Fuck! I need to get out of my head,” I whispered to myself as I grabbed Ellie underneath her arms and hauled her up. Her feet dangled over my shoulder and down past my stomach.
She seemed to weigh nothing, her height was barely above five foot, and the most dangerous thing about her at the moment was the fact that she was still breathing. With a slam of the trunk, I headed towards the door into the house.
There’s no going back now, Grayson.
I hurried up the stairs and into the foyer. The whole place was designed like a bachelor pad, my room being on the top floor. We had big screen TVs and a kitchen that was made for the wildest parties, but we also had our own spaces with our own private bathrooms, personal kitchens, and living spaces within rooms. Really there was no reason for us to venture outside of our floor if we didn't want to. We had everything we needed within a few feet.
Scurrying towards the elevator, I walked through the living room, my head twisting in every direction. I pushed the up key as many times as I possibly could. I knew if I got caught with her, my death and hers would be dooming.
