by J. L. Beck
When the elevator dinged, I stepped inside casually and headed towards the top floor. I held my breath until we made it there, Ellie’s body still unmoving against my own.
“Fucking shit!” I about yelled as I stepped up to the door placing my key card inside to gain entry onto my floor. My head was a fucking mess. The second I stepped through the door, I placed Ellie on my bed and headed straight to the fucking shower. I couldn’t think straight with another man’s blood on my hands. That and Ellie was fucking with my head.
Emotions weren’t my thing. Yet, they were coming to life right before me.
My head felt heavy, my wrists ached, and my mouth seemed to be filled with cotton balls. I rolled to my side, my heavy eyes barely lifting open. I could feel softness beneath me, as if I was lying on a bed made of pillows. A faint smell entered my nostrils telling me I wasn’t in my own bed. Parting my lips ever so slightly, I could feel material making it impossible for me to open my mouth all the way. Immediately the haziness that had consumed me lifted as panic arose.
The memory of how I had gotten here and what had happened hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no forgetting the things that Grayson did.
That my father had done.
Stay in the present, Ellie. I reminded myself.
I focused on what I could see and hear. The sound of water could be heard off in the distance. I was lying in a bedroom slash living room. A large TV was in front of me as well as a wall lined with books. A couch and chair sat to the right, and on the left side was a kitchen. My head felt heavy as I tried to gain my bearings, taking notice of what lay straight in front of me. A door. An exit. It had to be, the only other door was where the sound of water was coming from.
Try as I may to make my legs move, they wouldn’t. They were like pools of jelly, and with my hands bound together there was no way for me to move them.
“Fucking Christ!!” I wanted to scream but instead I spoke the words softly. There was no point in drawing more attention to myself. I had met this man on a chance encounter. I knew it wasn’t meant to be, I could feel it my bones.
His lips though, the way his heart beat under his shirt as he touched my skin was real. Grayson was the first real thing I had ever felt in my life, even if he was the type of man I had spent the better part of my life running from.
“Why did I bring you back here? I’m sure that is the first question you’re asking yourself, and the second is why are you tied up?” Grayson’s deep voice caused my body to vibrate to life. I turned sharply forcing myself to fall back onto the sheets. My eyes zoned in on him, his shirtless chest and his dark blue jeans that hung low on his hips. His hair was still wet causing pieces of it to stick up in all directions.
“I know why you brought me here!” I shouted, even though my words were muffled by the object restricting my mouth, defying everything inside of me screaming at me to stay quiet.
When I went out last night, my plan was to try and be someone new if only for one night. To find a man who was warm, caring, and could show me what love really was, even if it was only through physical actions.
Grayson smirked, it wasn’t one that told me he thought I had said something funny, but more so one that had to do with being amused. He stood staring at me for a moment before crossing the room. Each step was fluent, it held authority, and it made my stomach erupt in fear. When he came to a standstill in front of me, he reached forward, causing me to flinch and untied the cloth from the back of my head, freeing my mouth from the intrusion.
“If I wanted to kill you, I would’ve done so already. You fail to see the difference between what I will do and what I can do.” I bent my head looking up at him as he towered over me. He had to be at the very least six feet two, weighing close to two hundred pounds. The muscles in his neck grew tight, and I could see his jaw line tighten as he waited to hear what I would say.
Was there really anything for me to say? I was now a hostage, once again taken by the evil in the world. The only difference was: could I escape this life as I did the last.
“I know all about men like you. I should’ve followed my instincts the moment you offered me that drink!” I growled. I didn’t want to look weak, I had done that my whole life.
I watched as a baffled look crossed his face and then he leaned into me, the smell of crisp water and soap invading my senses. “Your instincts were telling you to give in to me, your body knew what you wanted even if you were hesitant to whether I was deserving or not…” His fingertips dug into my jaw as he held me in place, his eyes staring intently into my own. Heat was coming off of him in waves, each one burning me as much as the last.
“There will be no if about when I take you, Ellie. It will simply be a when, because I didn’t risk my life, my brothers lives, and my reputation for nothing.” His words were a blood oath promise. One that scared the ever loving shit out me, but it also excited me in the most frightening ways.
Grayson was right. My body was betraying me. It didn’t matter how scared he made me. It didn’t matter how nervous I was to be alone with him now that I knew who he was and what he did. He already knew everything he needed to know about me. He knew my body lusted for him in ways it hadn’t done for anyone else.
“Then you’ll be taking me against my will…” I narrowed my eyes in anger. The outcome of all of this always ended the same. Death. If I had stayed with my father and his empire, then I would be dead. Being kept here like a pet would lead to the same outcome.
Grayson laughed, and I mean actually laughed. It was a deep, robust sound that caused my cheeks to grow pink. What had I said?
“Sweet Ellie…” He mocked me, his fingers tracing down the side of my face. I wanted to lean into his touch as if I had never felt another person’s skin but forced myself not too. With my hands still bound behind my back, I had no other option but to dig my nails into his bed sheets. He leaned into my face, his eyes going straight towards my lips.
“I don’t have to worry about you not wanting it. In fact, I’ll get you to a place where you’ll be begging for it. You agreed once, and I’m sure getting you to agree will be so much easier the second time around.” The smugness of what he had said infuriated me. I wanted to gash his eyes out, bite his lip, and draw his blood.
“See…” His sweet breath casted over my lips. “I know what I’m doing.”
“Is that so? Then what do you plan to do with me when you’re done? Huh? You act like I don’t know, like I have never experienced something like this.” I blurted out without realizing I was giving him a little bit too much of an insight into who I really was. But I hated him for how weak he made me feel, and throwing in his face that this was nothing new somehow made me feel stronger.
Silence surrounded us, he seemed off track for a moment, as if I had hit him below the belt with my words.
“If you have been in this position before, then you know once you have fulfilled your duties that your time comes to an end.” He didn’t say the word death, but I knew what he meant. Death was the only meaning to an end when it came to men like my father and Grayson. I didn’t know much about him, but from what I had gathered in those short minutes where he was mine, I saw a man who wanted to be loved, just as I did. A person looking for someone to love them and all the demons they housed behind closed doors.
“Kill me then. In fact, do it now. I would rather die than be forced to do something as degrading as fuck you. When I made the decision to go with you earlier, I didn’t think you were a psychotic killer. Clearly I was wrong…” I had barely finished my sentence when I was yanked from the bed. My legs were like a pool of jelly causing the lower half of my body to dangle on the floor as Grayson held the rest of my body off the ground.
“You’ll die when I see fit. Do you understand me?” he growled, angry that I had told him to kill me now. His anger only fueled mine, therefore I countered back.
“I’ll die when I see fit.” I could see the rage boiling as the hold on my arm grew tighter until I knew
there would be a giant bruise.
“Defy me all you want. Push the boundary as much as you would like. Push me as hard as you would like, but don’t be surprised when I push back.” He smiled and released me, which in turn caused me to hit the floor with a hard thud. Then he walked away as if he didn’t just ruin my life.
“I hate you,” I whispered under my breath feeling tears behind my eyes, but I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t allow that emotion to form.
“No you don’t… but you will once I’m done with you.” I heard his voice and without realizing it I looked up at him with tears in my eyes. And even though tears meant emotion, and emotions meant death, I no longer cared. At least not now.
It was far too late to not be seen as weak.
I watched as a fresh tear fell from her dark blue eyes. In them I saw the kind of fear I tried to hide from for the better part of my life. See a man who’s as bad as me, a man who’s done as much wrong as me has had his own fair share of thing’s he’s afraid of in life.
Watching those tears she shed, not even knowing her story or what she had went through in life made me want to pick her up off the ground and cradle her. I wanted to tell her everything would be okay. That I had lied, and that I was going to do everything I could to save her from the evilness that was me, but even I knew that was lie.
You couldn’t put someone like her in front of me and not expect me to consume her. To suck every ounce of good out of her. Once I was done I would spit her back out into the world, a darker, grittier version of herself.
“Save the tears for someone else,” I growled, angrier at myself than I was at her. She looked defeated, like a dog that had begged for attention over and over again and in turn still remained neglected.
“You’re heartless!!” She screamed at me, and I knew what she was saying was true. There was no truer statement than that one, and even though I didn’t want to continue to break her down I had an image to uphold. I had to make sure she understood where her place was with me.
“You knew that the moment I killed that man right in front of you. Don’t act like you didn’t,” I responded, now agitated and uncaring to her emotions. I needed a drink. A loud sob escaped her lips, and it took everything in me not to turn around and say something to make it better. Grabbing the whiskey off the dresser, I went back over to the bed and stepped right over her sobbing frame. Twisting the cap off the bottle, I allowed the aroma of the whiskey to take over my body.
This was the closest to warming my heart that I could get.
“I’ve been through this once in my life. Don’t make me do it again.” Her voice was a plea that resonated deep within me. Old wounds were being torn open. The very wounds that made me start this job.
“That’s what life is all about…” I wasn’t even sure what I was trying to say. Instead I poured some whiskey into my mouth, allowing the burning feeling to enter my throat, invading my senses. As soon as the liquid hit my belly, I felt the warmth cascade through me.
“What do you know about life, Grayson? You kill people for a living. You rip life from people. You know nothing… You think you're better than me? Than them? You're not better than anyone. If anything this only proves that you are less.” My mind was a mess as I listened to her words rip me apart, yet the one thing that stuck out to me most was the fact that she had said them.
“Them?” I couldn’t hide the irritation from my words. I felt like she was hiding something from me, which given that we didn’t know one another meant it could be anything.
She wiped the tear streaks from the apple of her cheeks with her nose wrinkled up at me. “That’s the thing about you and me. I’m running from my past, and you’re living in it.” Her words didn’t make much, if not any sense to me, so I took another swig of whiskey and blocked the last comment from her mouth out of my head.
“I’m going to pretend that I didn’t just hear you talk to me like you know one motherfucking thing about me!” My emotions were on edge, one moment I felt secure, and the next I felt like a grenade that had just been sent into the air.
It’s her. My mind was caught in a place between Ellie and my sister. One I could still save, and the other I couldn’t.
I didn’t need my mind to tell me that. I knew it. I could feel the shift in the air that she had caused. I needed to end this and end it now.
“How rich, yet you can pretend to know me…” She seemed determined to have me kill her as if it was on top of her bucket list or something. I needed to find a way to shut her up, just so I could get my mind back to a place that I could handle. An unstable Grayson had the power to bring everyone in this city down.
Without hesitation, I placed the bottle on the ground. She was still bound which meant this would make the struggle all the more less.
I took a step towards her, with her hands and feet bound she was unable to move away from me. The fear in her eyes spiked, causing my insides to roll. Oh how I wanted to take that fear and crush it into a million little pieces.
“I need you to shut up. I need to get you out of my head, and because of that I’m sorry.” I could see the confusion forming in her eyes as I dropped down to my knees, my hands going straight to her throat. I needed to cut off her air supply. I needed to shut her the fuck up, and the only way I knew how was to put her out. As soon as she realized what was taking place she gasped, a breathy no falling from her plump lips.
“It's better this way.” I tightened my hold, her eyes filling with tears as I applied more pressure waiting for her eyes to drift closed. There was no struggle. It was simply as if she was giving herself over to me. As if she had finally come to the fact that there was no getting out of this alive. With her eyes closed, I released her; not wanting to kill her, but simply wanting to sedate her.
My heart was beating out of my chest as I shuffled away from her body. I didn’t stop until my back hit the edge of my bed, and then I found the bottle of whiskey I had placed on the floor.
I drank it, gulp by gulp. Not caring that I would have a raging hangover tomorrow. No, nothing mattered. Not as much as finding that warmth and losing myself in it.
I might not know Ellie that well, but I knew something about both of us. We were yearning for the one thing neither of us could possibly have.
Warmth.
Compassion.
Love.
“Ellie, sweet little Ellie.” My breaths were heavy as I ran down the hall. Each step seemed to sound louder than the next. I could hear his footsteps matching the beat of my own. I had known him for a few years now, and the way he looked at me made me feel sick with each linger of his eyes across my flesh.
“Come out wherever you are…” His voice dripped with venom. I continued down the hall, coming to the stairs to the top floor of the mansion. I knew if I went up there, there would be no escaping his wrath. Instead, I opened the small crawl space door below the stairs. Fear coursed through my veins, my hands shaking as I placed the small door back in place. I situated myself in a small ball, looking through the tiny slits in the wood. I knew I needed to calm my breathing or I would be found, but my heart wouldn’t stop beating out of my chest.
“Ellie, it's not very nice to hide from someone who just wants to offer you a hug…” A shiver ran down my spine. It was never a hug. It was never ever a hug. I wrapped my arms around my center tightly as his words roared through me.
“Where oh where could she be?” He sounded amused as he knocked on the wall right outside of where I was hiding. I could see the small wood piece in front of me vibrate. I was shaking, tears threatening to fall from my eyes.
“Is she here?” he screamed, beating against the wall across from me. I bit my lip, forcing myself not to scream out in fear. A scream would definitely get me discovered, and then I would have to face him.
“What about here?!” He slammed his entire body against the wall where I was hiding as if he knew I had been here all along. My nails sank into my flesh as the wooden door keeping him out started to move, comin
g undone. I said a small prayer as his body ran into the side of the wall once again.
He knew where I was, and there was nothing I could do to prove him differently.
“Ellie…” He whispered my name just as his body landed one last time, the wooden door falling away completely. It fell to the gold carpeted floor with a thud, the same thud my heart made as I looked deep into the eyes of the man that would someday be my husband.
“Never run from me, Ellie. NEVER!” He growled with anger, gripping me by the hair with an evil smile on his face.
A thin layer of sweat covered my body from head to toe. The nightmare had felt so real, even though I knew it wasn’t. Blinking my eyes open I took a deep breath, pushing the memory of the dream from my mind.
Days seemed to have passed, but couldn’t have been more than a day or two. I swallowed slowly, mouth dry, wondering when the last time I had a drink of water or eaten as my stomach began to grumble.
Feeling as if I could move my fingers again, I wiggled my arms seeing if they were finally free and was pleasantly surprised to find both arms and both feet had been freed.
The faint smell of whiskey surrounded me, and slowly the memory of Grayson squeezing the life from me came back. I clenched my fists, wanting to punch the piece of shit in the face, yet looking around the room and finding not one sign of him. I sat on the bed for a few more minutes, waiting to see if he would jump out from somewhere and attack me. My hands drifted up to my throat. There was no real pain, just a little tenderness as I pressed my hand against it. Looking around the room, I could see there was no presence of Grayson physically here right now.
Once the coast was clear, I managed to get up from the bed cautiously, praying that my legs would have enough strength in them to hold my weight. I needed to find some food, go to the bathroom, and see if I could escape through one of the windows before Grayson got back.
As soon as I got my legs to hold my weight I was running to the bathroom, not even stopping to take in any of the sights of where I was currently being held. The moment I finished I began looking for the kitchen, which to my surprise I discovered it was in the same place just on the other side. Everything seemed open, each space flowing into the other.
