Too Much Love to Hide (Summer Lake Seasons Book 2)

by SJ McCoy

  Once Ben had gone, she smiled at him. “What does me bearing with you for a while look like? What do you need time for?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. I have … there’s some stuff going on…” What could he tell her? “I’m not in a position to ask you out yet, but I want to.”

  Her smile disappeared. “Why aren’t you in a position to ask me out?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  She frowned. “You’re not married, are you?”

  “No! Hell, no. It’s nothing like that. It’s just …” His mind was racing wondering what he could say. He couldn’t tell her the truth, but he didn’t want to lie to her. “I … You know I’m a very private person.”

  She nodded.

  “Well, I’m kind of hiding.”

  “Why? Who are you hiding from?”

  He shook his head. Why was he even trying to explain? It was better for her sake that she shouldn’t know anything. “I can’t tell you.”

  She blew out a sigh. “Okay.”

  “It’s not okay, though, is it?”

  She shrugged. “I guess it has to be.”

  “It’s best that way. For now, at least.”

  She met his gaze. Her eyes were beautiful, they held such depth, little gold flecks sparkled in the brown. “I trust you, Zack. I think you know that I’ve liked you for a long time. Sometimes, I’ve thought you liked me, too. Other times, I thought I’d just been fooling myself.”

  He wanted to reach across the table and take her hand again, but he shouldn’t have done it the first time. Instead, he smiled. “You weren’t fooling yourself, Maria. Not for one moment.”

  “But when you asked if I could bear with you for a while, what did you mean?”

  “I mean, I want you to know that I like you, but I hope you’ll understand that I can’t do anything about it yet.”

  She nodded slowly.

  “I’d like for us to keep being friends—with an understanding that I’m looking forward to the day when I can ask you out.”

  She nodded again.

  “Is that okay with you?”

  She smiled. “It is. I don’t understand what’s going on with you, but I do trust you. If I’m honest, I wish you were asking me out now. But this is better than nothing. At least, now I know you like me. I don’t need to keep tormenting myself with does he, doesn’t he?”

  He smiled. “No, you don’t ever have to wonder about that. I’m glad you’re so understanding.”

  She shrugged. “I always try to find the positive in every situation. Right now, I could be sad that today isn’t going the way I’d hoped.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “What were you hoping?”

  “That…” She looked away. “That maybe last night was the beginning of something.”

  “It was.” He didn’t want her to think that it wasn’t. “It was the beginning of me not being able to hide how I feel about you anymore.”

  She smiled at that. “So, you can’t hide it anymore, but you still can’t act on it?”

  “Not yet.”

  “And you can’t tell me why?”

  He shook his head. He knew this couldn’t look good to her. Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything at all.

  She shrugged and started to pick at her salad. “Okay, then.”

  “Okay?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay as in, you’re okay with it? You still want to be my friend—still want to hang out with me this afternoon?”

  She met his gaze and smiled. “Yes, to all of the above. If I look on the bright side, I’m one step farther along than I was this morning. I was wondering if you liked me and if anything was going to happen between us. Now the first of those questions has been answered.”

  He smiled back at her. “And the second one has, too. The only remaining question is when.”

  She nodded. “And why it can’t be yet—but I’m not going to get the answer to that one, am I?”

  “No. Not until it’s all over.”

  After they’d eaten, Zack paid, and they made their way out. He held the door for her and they both stopped dead when they saw the rain. It was pouring down.

  “Do you want to wait here, and I’ll go and get the truck and bring it around? There’s no point in us both getting soaked.”

  She grinned at him. “Nah. Let’s make a run for it. It’s only fair.” She surprised him by taking off at a sprint, laughing as she went.

  He struggled to catch up with her, digging his keys out of his pocket as he went. He only just managed to hit the key fob to unlock the door in time for when she grabbed the handle and hauled herself up inside. He ran around to the driver’s side and climbed in.

  They sat there, both out of breath and grinning at each other for a few moments. He was so tempted to reach across the console, draw her to him and kiss her. The rain had plastered her long, black hair down on her head. Little drops of water ran down her face, making him want to lick them away. She drew in a deep breath and then slowly blew it out. “Well. That was fun.”

  He laughed. “It was. But I think we should get you home and dried off before you catch a chill.”

  “I’m not a delicate little flower, you know.”

  He smiled. “You are to me.”

  ~ ~ ~

  When they got to Zack’s place, Maria wandered around the living room while he ran upstairs to get towels to dry them off. When she’d first met him, he’d lived in an apartment. She’d been there a couple of times. It had been nice, but nothing like this place. This was a big detached house, in the nicest neighborhood just on the edge of town.

  He came back downstairs and handed her a towel. She took it with a smile and started to dry herself off. She rubbed at her hair and then at her sweater which was now soaked and clinging to her. When she looked up, she found Zack watching her and had to smile. Apparently, the sweater did show a little too much cleavage.

  He dragged his gaze away from her breasts and gave her a guilty smile. “Sorry. You need to get out of that; it’s soaking.”

  She raised an eyebrow and he laughed.

  “Yes, of course, I’d like to get you out of your sweater, but what I mean is, I’ll go and get you one of my sweatshirts. You can hang that up to dry.”

  She nodded. She wouldn’t have refused if he’d tried to get her out of her sweater, but he’d made it plain that that wasn’t in the cards—yet. She was intrigued by what he had going on; why couldn’t—or wouldn’t—he tell her why he was so private and what he was so private about?

  He came back down the stairs a second time and handed her a sweatshirt and a pair of sweat pants.

  “We said we were going to veg out and watch movies this afternoon. You may as well be comfortable.”

  “Thanks.” She looked around, wondering where she should get changed.

  He smirked at her. “Sorry. The powder room is just down there; he pointed down the hallway. And don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of trying to open the door while you’re in there—I learned my lesson last night.”

  She laughed. “I must have scared the living daylights out of you.”

  “You did. I was worried when I heard you bang against the wall. I thought maybe you’d fallen—passed out or something. The last thing I expected was to find you ready to beat the crap out of me.”

  She hung her head but couldn’t help laughing. “Sorry.”

  He reached out and touched her cheek sending goose bumps racing down the backs of her arms. “Don’t be. You were amazing.”

  She gave him a rueful smile. “Amazingly idiotic.” She held up the clothes he’d given her. “I’ll be back.”

  She felt self-conscious when she came back out wearing his clothes. Of course, they were far too big; she’d had to turn up the bottoms of the sweatpants several times over, and the sleeves of the sweatshirt hung several inches past the tips of her fingers. She loved the feeling, though. All she could think of was the popular girls in high school—the cheerleaders who wore their boyfriends
’ football shirts or leather jackets. She’d never been one of the popular girls—and would never have dared being seen talking to a boy, let alone wearing his jacket.

  Zack came toward her. “Are they okay?”

  She nodded and looked up at him. “Thanks.”

  He held her gaze for a long moment.

  “What?” she asked.

  He shook his head. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

  She stepped back, feeling as though he’d physically pushed her away. “I can leave.” She didn’t want to stay here if he didn’t want her.

  He shook his head and came closer, putting his hands on her shoulders as he looked down into her eyes. “No. Please, don’t go? I’m only saying it’s a bad idea because I don’t want you to go. Now, that you’re here.” He looked her up and down. “And dressed like that. I’m going to find it even harder to let you go.”

  Her tummy flipped over as she searched his face. “But I thought … you can’t …”

  His hands slid up from her shoulders to cup the sides of her neck. “I can’t. We shouldn’t. He lowered his head and she lifted her lips to meet him. His lips were full and soft, so warm as they brushed over hers. It felt like fireworks were exploding in her chest again, and a wave of heat rushed through her, settling between her legs. She rested her hands on his chest and could feel his heart pounding through his shirt.

  One hand came up to cup the back of her head and his other arm slid around her waist, holding her against him. Her knees started to buckle as he kissed her. What had started out as lips tentatively brushing soon turned into a deep, passionate kiss. She clung to him as his mouth ravaged hers, his tongue exploring her mouth while he held her tight against his hard body.

  Eventually, he lifted his head. “I’m sorry.”

  She let out a little laugh. “I’m not. That was amazing.”

  He shook his head with a small smile. “I won’t argue with you on that.”

  “So, what are you sorry for?”

  “That we haven’t kissed sooner. That I shouldn’t have kissed you now. That I don’t know when we can or if we should do it again.”

  Maria pursed her lips. “I can answer the last part for you. Of course we should do it again—and we should do it right now. She looped her arms up around his neck and crushed her breasts against his chest. If he was going to weird out on her because of some mysterious reason that they couldn’t start seeing each other, then she’d be damned if she wasn’t going to make the most of this afternoon.

  He hesitated. She could tell he thought he should resist, but she pressed herself against him and let out a little moan as she kissed his chin. “Kiss me, Zack.”

  He lowered his head and did as she commanded. He was defenseless against her. She felt a little dizzy knowing she had that much power over him. He wanted her that much. She wanted him, too. She kissed him back, knowing that if she asked him to take her to bed right now, he would. It was tempting, but he had his reasons for trying to hold back. She should try to find out what they were before she allowed the passion between the two of them to blaze out of control.

  Chapter Five

  The sound of Maria’s phone ringing made Zack start. He sat up feeling guilty. They’d been lying on the sofa watching a movie. He’d managed to block out the voice of reason that was screaming inside his head that he shouldn’t be allowing himself to do this. The phone brought him back to reality with a jolt.

  She smiled at him. “I should see who it is.” She leaned over the arm of the sofa and fished her phone out of her purse. Even now, he couldn’t help admiring the way her rounded ass filled out his sweatpants so nicely. “It’s Angel. I should take it.”

  Zack nodded. “I’ll go fix us a drink.”

  He went into the kitchen and stood there for a moment, gripping the edge of the island with both hands, letting his head hang down. What was he playing at? Why had he allowed himself to weaken? He’d managed to keep his attraction to her under wraps for over a year. So, why had his self-control crumbled in less than twenty-four hours? Only last night, he’d told Luke that he couldn’t allow himself to get close to her. This afternoon, here he was lying on the sofa with her—within a hair’s breadth of taking her upstairs to his bed.

  He poured them each a soda and listened to the sound of her voice. She had such a sweet voice. He shook his head. He wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on her conversation. He should occupy himself with something else so that he didn’t listen in. He checked his own phone. There was a text from Luke, asking if he was coming to the Boathouse tonight. He’d forgotten about that. Kenzie had asked at lunch if he was going to bring Maria. She’d said yes. Right now, he had no desire to go and hang out with everyone. He’d much prefer to stay right here to lie back down on the sofa with her, curl his arm around her and … His cock stood to attention at what his imagination conjured up could happen next. It couldn’t happen though. He blew out a sigh. Talk about a rock and hard place. He didn’t want to take her out because he didn’t want it to become public knowledge that they were together—and they weren’t—not really, not yet. At the same time, he couldn’t afford to stay in with her because he was fairly certain what would end up happening, and how could he go there when he wasn’t prepared to be seen out with her?

  He scrolled through his texts. He’d chatted with his dad earlier in the week. He was hopeful that they were getting close—that, if things went well, it would all be over soon. Zack could only hope. He felt like that whole situation had stolen too many years of his life already. He couldn’t allow it to steal his chance at getting to know Maria—of having a relationship with her.

  “I’m done,” she called.

  He picked up the sodas and took them through to the living room where she was sitting cross-legged on the sofa.

  She smiled. “Sorry about that. I’d told Angel to call me about tonight.”

  “Do you want to go?”

  She held her hands up. “Do you?”

  He sat down on the sofa beside her and put his arm around her shoulders. “I’d rather stay here with you.” She smiled up at him, but he shook his head. “That’s what I’d like to do, but I’m not sure it’s what we should do.”

  She nodded. “I had a feeling you were going to say that, but what I don’t understand is why.”

  “Because it wouldn’t be right to … to do what we could do here, when I can’t take you out in public.” He shook his head. “That seems wrong to me. You deserve more than that.”

  She gave him a rueful smile. “I appreciate that, but I’m not sure I agree.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She chewed on her bottom lip for a moment, making him want to chew it for her. “I mean, you’re a very private person. For some reason, which you can’t explain, you don’t want anyone to know that we’re seeing each other. You’re too much of a gentleman to think that you could, that we should … you know … without us being a bona fide couple first.” She gave him a wicked smile. “If we were talking about someone else’s situation, then I’d probably agree with you. But we’re not. I get to have a say about what I want here, don’t I?”

  Zack nodded.

  “Well, I think I want the private side of a relationship, even before we can have the public side.”

  His heart thundered in his chest. Was she saying what he thought she was?

  She looked a little shamefaced. “Is that too brazen of me?”

  “No! I don’t think so.” He gave her a half smile. “Come on, I’m the guy here. I’m trying to think of what’s best for you.”

  She smiled. “I think I know what’s best for me. You don’t want people to know we’re together—they don’t have to know. But we can still be together, behind closed doors.”

  He cocked his head to one side. He would never have made her a proposition like that, but now she was suggesting it—how could he say no?

  She leaned her head on his shoulder and looked up into his eyes. “Unless you don’t want to?”

&n
bsp; He ran his hand down her throat and trailed his fingers between her breasts. He’d love to show her how much he wanted to—right here and now. “I want to,” he breathed.

  “Then let’s.” She smiled and sat up. “But you’re going to have to tell me how it has to work when we’re out with our friends.”

  Zack pulled himself together. She was right. They should go out tonight, hang out with the gang like they would normally. How hard was that going to be after this afternoon? How hard would he be, knowing the whole time that he was going to take her home afterward and … not just drop her off and say goodnight? “If we do this, we have to be the same as we’ve always been around our friends. To anyone else, it needs to look like we’re just friends.”

  She nodded. “Okay. I can do that. I’m glad you’re not the flirty kind. I don’t think I could watch you chat up other women, but you don’t usually do that, anyway.”

  He dropped a kiss on her plump, soft lips. “And now you know why.”

  A big smile spread across her face. “No. I don’t. Tell me why?”

  “I don’t flirt with other women, because the woman I’ve wanted since I first came here is always right there. I don’t flirt, because I’m only interested in one woman, and I haven’t been able to flirt with you.”

  She smiled. “You can now.”

  “No. I can’t. I … I don’t want to draw any attention to you as being someone that I care about.”

  She frowned. “Can you at least give me some kind of clue what’s going on with you?”

  “Yeah.” It was only fair. They were at the beginning of something—hopefully something very special. He wanted her to have an idea of what he was dealing with; he just didn’t want her to know anything specific—the less she knew, the better, for her own sake. “I … I managed to make an enemy a few years ago. That’s why I’ve lived around so much. It’s why I didn’t think I’d stay at Summer Lake too long. That enemy swore to track me down. He managed it a few times, early on. But I’ve moved three times since he last found me. I’d like to think the threat is over, but it won’t ever really be over until … until he’s dealt with. I don’t usually stay anywhere too long so that he can’t find me. And I don’t get close to people so that he can’t threaten to hurt them to get to me. That’s why I can’t—won’t—ask you to go out with me and start up a normal relationship in a normal way. If we did that, and he found me, then he’d no doubt find you, too. And I won’t take that risk.” When he finished speaking, he took hold of her hand and looked into her eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have told you all of that from the very beginning, before we even got as far as we have. I don’t want to put you at risk—and you might think it’s not worth taking the chance. If you want to walk away right now, I’ll understand.”