Hope's Last Chance

by Jennifer Foor

  The thought leaves me extremely and utterly emotional, so much that I need to leave the room to regain any amount of composure I’m able to conjure up for the benefit of our daughter.

  While in the small powder room located off the main hallway, I dab my eyes with tissues while noticing how terrible and puffy they look. Recent events have taken a toll on me, and I fear that when my father sees me in this condition he’ll pick a verbal fight with Chance. My only option is to get my family out of there and handle this amongst ourselves instead of involving them like we always seem to do.

  Nothing ever changes. Buffy eventually takes her brother’s side, while my father defends me. Then they get into it and all hell breaks loose. Last time none of us spoke for two weeks. It’s time I handled this without advice or guidance. This is my marriage, and my choice, even if I refuse to accept the result and what it means for our immediate and long-term future.

  Chapter 8

  I know she’s pissed at me. Her large discerning eyes say everything without a single word from her mouth. Maybe following her was a terrible idea. It’s not like I had to work hard at it. Hope only runs to one place when she’s fuming at me. She goes to her father, and does her best to pin my own sister against me in the process.

  Even though I’d like to make amends with my wife, I’m more concerned about making sure Buffy sticks by me. I can’t go at this alone. The news I received about my job is going to change everything, and in lieu of recent events, I’m fearful to share it with my wife. She already sees me as a failure. I refuse to make excuses to recover from my own weak actions.

  I should have waited for her to take me home, but I didn’t. In the back of my mind, though furious and in shock, I knew exactly what the consequences would be if I was discovered leaving the game with a couple of hot blondes.

  I had a momentary lapse. My career was crashing down on me. There wasn’t a single person who could rectify the situation, and the last damn thing I wanted was to be pitied.

  I can’t recall much of what transpired the night before, but I know I didn’t cheat on my wife, at least in my eyes. Truth be told, I may have gotten a little handsy a few times, but I didn’t go too far. I craved the attention of someone who wouldn’t judge me. As they both fought over which one was going to have their way with me, I sat back and appreciated the entertainment, because it distracted me from the cold hard truth.

  I was being sent down to the minors. The pay cut alone would change the way we had to live, and if things didn’t improve I’d be let go from playing professional baseball completely.

  In some ways I know it’s what Hope wants to hear. She’s always been supportive, but there’s a limit to what she can handle. My travel schedule sucks, and she hates that I’m always away from home during all of our daughter’s firsts. It pains me to admit that she’s right to feel this way. I’d always promised we’d be a team, and since our daughter has been born I’ve done nothing but become someone she hardly gets to spend time with. I hate myself for that, because I know I’ll never get that time back.

  But money talks.

  Even if I went back to college and somehow had the money to finish law school, there are no guarantees that I’d ever be good enough to make the kind of living I do while playing baseball. It would take years to establish a name for myself, and even longer to get hired at a firm for my accomplishments, if I would in fact be successful at all.

  I’m in a tough position.

  My family depends on me to make end’s meet. It’s my income that puts food on the table and allows my wife to drive a fancy car instead of some foreign little box with constant recalls. I don’t think Hope realizes the stress it puts on me to know our comfortable lifestyle could soon end. I’m terrified to tell her we’re going to have to move, possibly pretty far away, while my travel schedule will remain the same. She’ll be completely on her own to care for Faith. Eventually she’ll leave me, because she knows Faith would have a better life surrounded by the whole family. Then I’ll be the one all alone.

  When I was a kid dreaming of becoming a professional baseball player, I never considered having a family, or everything else involved in adulthood. It was about the love of the game and nothing else.

  Now my dreams have taken me in another direction. I no longer know what I want, but I do know my current situation isn’t working for us.

  Looking into her eyes now, I know she’s not ready to hear the real truth as to why I did what I did. She’ll say there was no excuse large enough for me to act that way. She’ll treat me like a child, and that’s one thing I won’t stand for.

  When the excitement of me being home wears off on Faith, I persuade her to go to my sister while I hunt down my wife.

  Hope is staring out of the large double French doors located off the kitchen. I can tell from her posture that she senses me approaching. “I can’t believe you followed me here. You literally drove all this way for what, to torture me more? Can’t you get the hint? Did I not make myself clear? I don’t want to be near you right now.”

  Her deadpan stare shows me what she’s trying desperately to hide. She’s dying inside because of my actions. I’ve hurt her and I can’t begin to come up with a good enough reason for it. I’d promised this would never happen; that I would never be caught accepting attention from another female. It’s been hard. Women throw themselves at baseball players. We travel from town to town. It gets lonely. A lot of guys hook up with women because frankly it’s better than being alone, depressed, or even stressed. Trust me, I’ve spent my fair share of nights wondering what it would be like to go against my vows and let it happen. Even though I haven’t done it, I find it difficult to not be curious.

  What separates me from my peers is the fact that I married my wife because I knew she was the one for me. Hope was there for me when I was at my worst. She knows me, even the parts I’d never want anyone to see. She’s risked her relationship with her father to stay with me, not to mention given me the most beautiful gift she’s able to give me – my little girl.

  I reach for her, but don’t make a big deal when she backs away. “Don’t.”

  “Hope, I followed you because I was worried. You shouldn’t have driven in your state.”

  “In my state.” She offers a disgusted grimace. “You’re the reason I’m in this state, you lying son of a bitch.”

  “I haven’t lied to you.”

  “You aren’t being honest.”

  “I don’t remember much of last night.”

  I can tell this increases her stress, so I reiterate. “But I do know I didn’t screw around on you.”

  Her one eyebrow lifts, her inquisitive glare representing the fact that this interests her enough to listen.

  “I wouldn’t ruin what we have, especially for some easy ass, Hope. Think about it. I’ve been way more shitfaced and never let anything happen before. I needed a fast escape so I used them. That bitch from channel two was outside the gate waiting for me to exit, so I hightailed it out of there as soon as they offered.”

  I reach for her again, but she jerks away from me a second time. “What else did they offer you? What did you promise them?”

  “Nothing. I promised nothing.” I refuse to answer the first part of the question on account of it being another nail in my coffin. “Hope, I came home to you. I know I had too much to drink, and you think the drinking has gotten out of hand, but I swear on Faith’s life that I didn’t cheat on you. Since you know how much our daughter means to me you know I’d never say it if it wasn’t true.”

  “You still betrayed my trust, Chance. I was there waiting for you. I knew you were going to be in a bad mood, but I stayed there to support you anyway. That’s what a partner does. They stick by each other. When is the last time you were around for me when I needed you? When is the last time we had an actual conversation without arguing? We’re in two different places right now, and the longer I seem to deny it the worse it gets.”

  “Don’t say that, baby. It�
��s not true. I’m always here for you, even when I’m on the road. There’s not a place in the world that could keep me from being there when you need me. All you have to do is ask and I’ll come running.”

  She shakes her head and laughs as if I’m full of shit. Hope’s teeth grit as she speaks. “You need help. Everything you say is like salt to a wound. You say you’re here for me, but you really aren’t, not like I need you to be, Chance. I married you because I believed in you. I believed in us, but now I’m questioning whether you’re the man I fell in love with.”

  “Please don’t say that. I’m still that guy.”

  Her head moves from side to side. “No, you’re not. Until you figure out who you are now, I think it’s best if we spent time apart. I’ve never made choices for you in this relationship, but maybe it’s time I did. You have two choices. Lose the booze, or lose me.”

  She walks out of the room with a straight face, though I know she’s gone somewhere to break down. Hope isn’t going to change her mind this time. She’s given me an ultimatum, and it appears I have no other choice than abide by her wishes, at least until I can find another way back into her heart.

  Knowing I still have to give her the news about my job, I decide to give her some space. I’m hoping she’ll calm down and let me stay for a little while, but the ball is in her court now and there’s no telling how the rest of the day is going to go.

  Chapter 9

  It's been an hour since I asked my husband for some time to think. Buffy has been constantly going back and forth to make sure the both of us are doing okay, though we refuse to speak to each other. For the majority of the time, Chance has been sitting out back while Faith plays with some of her toys. She's into imaginary friends and dolls, so I can only imagine how entertained he is with her.

  Truth be told, it's taking everything in me not to walk outside and wrap my arms around him. I'm angry, but my love remains. It always will. My heart stays true to our family. We can get through this, but it won't happen overnight.

  While watching them from a window, I hear my father come in through the front door. He's calling out for all of us by our first names. Since Buffy and Chance are both outside, I rush in his direction. He immediately knows something is terribly wrong when he sees my face. "I guess you heard the news," he says while pulling me in his arms and continuing. "Triple A still pays good. It's just a shame you'll probably have to move, especially when you're doing so well in school."

  I pull away, not understanding what he's referring to. "What? I have no clue what you're talking about."

  “Honey,” he eases the sentence along. “Chance was sent down to the minors after the game yesterday. It’s all over the news this morning.”

  “I haven’t listened to the news. If you haven’t noticed, I’m a little sick of baseball news being on every television or radio station when Chance is home.” I shake my head. “This can’t be real. Are you sure it’s not a rumor? I mean, I know he’s been playing like crap, but this is terrible news.”

  “Hope, it’s not a rumor. I’m afraid it happened. I assumed that’s why you were fighting.”

  I turn to face another direction to elude my worried glare. I feel like my life is a strategically placed set of dominos. When one is knocked over they all come tumbling down until they eventually need to be reset completely.

  “Chance didn’t tell me. It explains why he was afraid to come home last night, and why he got so drunk.”

  “So he showed up drunk again?”

  Of course my father would take the overprotective route. I flash him an agitated glance. “I’ll handle it.”

  “How? It’s gotten out of hand, Hope.”

  My heart hurts for my husband, but not because of the things I said before I knew the full truth which led to his actions, but more because this was absolutely devastating to him. I knew it was important to give him encouragement, even when I'm still stewing over his latest bouts with the opposite sex. If I wanted my husband back to the way he was when we first married, then I was going to have to put on a brave face and bite the bullet. He needed positivity if he was going to kick a habit he seems to depend on to get through tough times.

  "Dad, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to track down Chance and talk to him privately."

  "If you don't, I'm going to."

  I give him a dirty look. "Please leave your two cents at the door. I can handle this."

  After pushing back the flashes of him being escorted by the two bimbos last night, I locate my husband and his sister in the backyard. Buffy smiles when she sees me, though Chance does nothing but stare with a seemingly lost and desperate face. "Can you give us a minute?" I ask Buffy.

  She nods and hurries over to grab Faith. "Come on, stinker. Let's have another go at the potty." Buffy is a natural caregiver. She adores Faith, but I know she wants a baby, and since my father had a vasectomy, their chances of ever making it happen are impossible. She's mentioned he wants to have it reversed, but the procedure is difficult and my dad is a pussy when it comes to pain.

  Chance adjusts his posture as I take the spot across from him at the patio table. He peers down, playing with a bottle of sunblock his sister keeps outside. "I don't want to lose you, baby."

  I don't offer my hand, a smile, or anything positive. "I heard about the demotion."

  He flashes me an sorrowful frown. "I wanted to tell you, but you were so damn mad already. I didn't want to add fuel to the fire."

  "When did you find out?" This question is important. I want to know if his actions were directly affected by this news, or if the alcoholism fully contributed on its own.

  "A few days ago I heard talk in the locker room. Alvarez came to me and said he heard the coaches talking about it. I wasn't sure when it was going to happen until last nights game. I fucked up, Hope. I thought we were set, and now we're going to have to make major changes to our life. I'm so sorry. I know I've disappointed you. You didn't sign on for this."

  I am upset, yet it's not the kind of anger that will ruin my life. "How long do we have?"

  "For what?"

  He shrugs. "I'm supposed to go into the office this afternoon to find out."

  "So the minors, like Rochester or Norfolk."

  "Yeah. It could be either."

  I try to remain collected as I reply. "We knew we wouldn't be here forever, Chance."

  "I signed a four year deal. I figured we'd at least have that long."

  "Things happen. It's part of the job, right?"

  Chance offers a deliberately hateful look. "Don't act calm for my benefit, Hope. I know what you're thinking."

  "I doubt it," I counter.

  "I failed us. You're mad. You think my drinking caused this. Now you have to start school somewhere else again."

  "Most of my courses are online anyway. I'll be fine."

  "Stop sugar coating the obvious. You don't want this anymore."

  His frustrations are evident as he speaks what's on his mind. "You hate that I drink. You can't stand that I'm never home. You think I'm an absent father."

  "You are," I admit. “I thought we'd do this together, but you're never here."

  "I can't help that."

  "I know, but that doesn't mean I have to like it."

  We sit silent for a few moments. My aching heart wants to assure him we will be fine, but I have major concerns. "You have an addiction that needs to be addressed immediately. That's my main focus here, Chance. I'd rather you be sober and unemployed then allow more bimbos to show up at our front door carrying my belligerent husband. I want you to look into a program."

  "We can't afford it."

  "We have insurance."

  "The organization will find out. If they get wind I have a problem it could void my contract."

  "I don't care."

  "We will lose everything."

  He's wrong. "We will still have each other and our beautiful little girl. That's all I care about. Don't you understand? Can't you see how material things me
an little to me, or has this lifestyle made you so shallow you can't recall how easy life was before baseball?"

  While he ponders on the facts, I stand up and place my hands on my hips. I’m tired of sitting back and watching him destroy himself. “If you want to have the life we once dreamed of, get some help. I’m not going to sit here and let you argue with me about it either. Go to a facility or I’ll file for divorce.”

  It’s a terrible ultimatum that I didn’t want to use, but I know it’s necessary to scare the shit out of him to make him want to change. All I can hope is that he still cares enough to see it through.

  Chapter 10

  Hope and Faith stayed for a few more hours, and in that time I sat down and started looking for facilities that were local and could take me as soon as possible. It’s one thing to admit I have become an alcoholic, but another to take the steps to ensure I’ll never take another drink again for the rest of my life.

  It’s my comfort, my go-to. Without it, I’m just a man who can’t seem to catch a break. Enlisting my sister to make some calls, we get in touch with a program catered to alcoholism. Since I still had to meet with human resources regarding my new position and the location I’ll be playing out of, I showered and borrowed something appropriate from Mark’s lavish closet of dress attire.

  Everyone thinks a baseball player spends all of his time on the field, and for the most part we do, but there are certain times we have to work the business end of things.