Wanting More

by Jennifer Foor

  I didn’t know what to say. He’d been drinking and I didn’t want the old Rick to come back. Of course, once he woke up, I couldn’t hold in my anger. I brought him the pile of things I found in his truck and he went off on me. The first slap caught me off guard and sent me falling into a chair. As I held my hand over my stinging face, he came at me again, this time grabbing me by the wrist and throwing me down on the ground. The pain of him doing that couldn’t compare to the things he was saying. “Poor little Amy. What did you think? Did you think I was just going to turn down the pussy? Did you think that I was actually missing you when I was on the road for days at a time? Fuck you, you little worthless piece of trailer trash. Without me you have nothing.”

  He went on and on until I grabbed my keys and went running out of the house. He was right about one thing, I had nothing without him. Before meeting Rick, I’d run my credit through the mud and was left with not being able to finance anything. My company was in his name as well as my bank accounts. There was no way for me to get out from under him without sneaking around.

  My drive to Miranda’s seemed to take forever, but once I got there, I finally felt like I was safe. She met me at the door and wrapped her arms around me. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m better now.”

  She sat me down on the couch and got me some tissues. “You want to talk about it?”

  I noticed Ty and Bella were running around playing and had to smile at them. I’d wanted kids ever since I was little, but it never happened for Rick and I, even after years of trying. He never seemed to mind since he already had a daughter, but it never filled that void for me.

  Shelby was a cute girl, but she had little respect for adults. Miranda had let her babysit once and Bella had drawn all over their walls. I felt horrible over it. Much to my surprise, they laughed it off.

  They were good people like that. I admired their relationship so much. The love that Ty felt for Miranda was something I longed to feel. He did little things for her all of the time and always put her on a pedestal. Our town was small and everyone knew everyone, in fact, I’d been cutting Savanna’s and Ty’s mother’s hair since the salon opened. She’d told me all about the breakup and how her daughter had moved to Kentucky to marry Ty’s cousin. It sounded crazy until I met all of them. Those four were so close, it was almost unbelievable. They were a strong family with huge hearts and I admired them so much.

  Growing up, I had one brother and a sister. They were both more than five years older than me. My parents divorced when I turned thirteen and it led to a downward spiral. I started sneaking out and hanging out with the older crowds. I lost my virginity at fourteen to a guy that was twenty one. I’d put on makeup and lowered my shirt just enough to fool everyone into thinking I was eighteen. It was stupid and at first I regretted it, but as the time passed, I found that the parties kept my mind away from my shitty home life.

  My parents went from being madly in love, to hating each other. My mother turned around and got married one month after her divorce was finalized, while my father reverted to sleeping with girls that weren’t much older than me. Since he owned the local hardware store a town over, I knew I had to get the hell out of dodge if I ever wanted to feel free. When I turned seventeen, I ran off to Vegas with this guy I barely knew. He was twenty three and running from the law.

  I didn’t know it at the time, but he had been in a bar fight and was wanted for stabbing someone in the parking lot and robbing them. Once we were out of the state, I had no idea it ever happened until I came back.

  When we first got to Vegas it was amazing. We found a little motel to live out of and both of us found jobs. Since I was too young to gamble, I managed to save most of what I made, but my boyfriend, Chase, turned to spending his money on drugs and then finally hookers. I will never forget the night he brought one back to our hotel. He was stoned out of his mind and pulled a knife on me. I was so astonished that I couldn’t believe it was really happening.

  His breath smelled of liquor and vomit as he shoved his face against mine and told me I had to take my clothes off and be with the dirty half-dressed skank standing across from me. I did what I had to do to survive.

  That next morning, I was on a bus on my way home. Since I wasn’t in love with Chase, it really didn’t hurt me at all. I was more angry at myself than anything.

  My mother disowned me for what I’d done, but my father was more forgiving. In that year, he had settled down with a woman who was in her thirties and they were expecting a child together. He seemed happy and I just wanted something solid in my life, so it was easy to accept her.

  Unfortunately, after giving birth to their son, and being married for only two years, she died of breast cancer. My father told me she was one of those people that just refused to go to the doctors. By the time she found the lump, it had spread throughout her body.

  With a small boy to raise by himself, my father went looking for a new wife immediately. This time around, he settled for a woman from church that he’d already known for a while. She had a boy the same age and together they made things work. I’m still not really sure if they are actually in love with each other, but they make each other happy.

  Following my move home, my father made me work in the hardware store. He agreed to pay for cosmetology school if I promised to stick with it. I felt so bad for being irresponsible that I put all of my focus on getting my license. I’ll never forget the day I graduated. It was pouring down rain, like the kind of rain where you have to pull over your car because visibility is so bad. My hard headed father had insisted on keeping the store open until the last minute and then coming to my ceremony. He showed up a half hour after I got my certificate completely drenched and looking like a wet dog, with a hand full of flowers. My father was a hard man. He didn’t offer hugs or supportive talks, but I knew somewhere inside of that armor, he loved me very much.

  Unfortunately, his attitude toward me after I got my license to cut hair never changed. I’d gotten a job at a hair salon outside of town right away, but wasn’t making very much money. When I got home at night, he would expect me to still help out. I didn’t like answering to his new wife and helping watch my little half-brother or her son. I should have just listened and did my share, but I was rebellious and wouldn’t let either of them get the final word in. I started going out after work and only going home once I knew he was in bed.

  My little plan worked for a while, except after time, I began to party a bit too much. Several times I woke up and didn’t know how I got where I was, or even where I was at all. That’s when I met Rick. He was older by six years, but didn’t look it. I think I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. He had blonde hair and blue eyes, was around six foot three and had huge muscular arms.

  We met at a bar that was doing line dancing. He watched me from across the room for over an hour before speaking to me, and when he finally did, I couldn’t control my lust for him. For someone that was trying to be responsible, I’d done the opposite and ended up sleeping with him in the back of his truck outside of the bar.

  We were hot and heavy for the next six months until my furious father demanded that I be more responsible. He hated Rick and begged me to stay away from him.

  That just pushed me right into his arms faster. Without my father’s blessing, I ran off and married Rick the next week.

  After that my father disowned me.

  So here I was, sitting on Miranda and Ty’s couch, with bruises all over my body, just hoping they didn’t notice. After begging me to tell her what happened and feeling like I wanted to just walk out the door, in comes the hottest thing I had ever seen in my entire life. The man that walked in was wearing a backwards hat with a freaking tractor on it, no shirt and a dirty pair of jeans. A six pack wouldn’t have even begun to describe this man’s chiseled body. It was more like a twelve pack that I couldn’t help but want to touch. His skin was tan with random tattoos all over it, and as he got closer, I saw the most beautiful ligh
t colored eyes I’d ever seen. I knew who this guy was. She’d talked about him from the first day I’d met her, but I had no idea he looked the way he did. I had to focus to try not to let him see me drooling over him.

  With a straw half chewed hanging out of his mouth, he approached us. Miranda cleared her throat and looked worried, but smiled anyway. “Oh, this is him now. Conner, this is my boss and my friend Amy.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Oh my God!

  It was hard to not hyperventilate. I felt like I was meeting a celebrity instead of a normal person. His southern drawl made me want to scream like a girl seeing a boy band. “Love the accent. Your sister tells me you’re like a real cowboy.”

  He cocked his eyebrow and looked at Miranda then finally back to me. “Let me know if you ever wanna ride.”

  I just sat there stunned that he’d said something like that to me. He had to know I was married. Who says something like that when you first meet someone?

  Miranda started screaming at her brother, enough for him to leave the room. I left a short while afterwards for several reasons. The first being that I thought her brother was the biggest asshole I had ever met in my life and also because I was worried Rick would come looking for me. I knew they offered to hide my car, but I was still too scared to involve them.

  Going home was a mistake. He didn’t hit me again, but I was called every name in the book before he finally fell asleep on the couch. His daughter, Shelby, left to stay with a friend as I laid in my room balling. Sometime in the middle of the night, I felt arms wrapping around me and bad breath kissing all over my face. I was afraid that if I fought him, he would hurt me, so I let him have his way with me. It felt like it took forever and when it was finally over, I went in the bathroom and cried some more.

  He left that next day and when he came home after his run, everything calmed down again. Weeks passed and nothing bad happened. Just to be safe, I started hiding money, setting myself up for some kind of escape plan in case it did happen again.

  A while later, I came home from work and he was there waiting for me. He came at me, accusing me of cheating on him. I knew it was ridiculous, but it didn’t matter. He got three good swings in before his daughter walked into the room. He stopped when he saw her and I took it as a way to get out of the house. We went grocery shopping and when I got back to the house, he was passed out.

  My step daughter went to her friends, while I drove as fast as I could to Miranda’s house. There was no way I was going to be alone all night with him. I was starting to be afraid for my life and I didn’t have enough money to disappear.

  Since it was already dark, Ty and Miranda were getting settled in for the evening. I was a wreck and Miranda did her best to comfort me, but I knew she was tired. When her brother came in looking like death, I refused to look at him at first, but as the time passed, I pulled Miranda to the side. Her brother needed someone to keep him straight and I needed something to keep my mind off of Rick. “I will stay up with him.”

  “I can’t ask you to do that. He is a mess.”

  I insisted. “It’s fine.”

  “I know you think he’s an ass.” She was right, I did.

  “It doesn’t matter. You’re my best friend. I love you and I will help your brother. The worst he can do is hit on me and I have no interest in someone like him. Just go get some rest.”

  I watched her walk into her bedroom and shut the door before I turned around and saw Conner staring at me on the couch.

  Chapter 3

  Conner

  I shouldn’t have let someone like Brina talk me into taking another pill, because I had to go through the withdrawals all over again. To make matters worse, Miranda’s friend was over and appeared to be staying the night. I tried to go into my room and stay out of their way, but I started feeling so bad that I needed to be around someone.

  At first my sister wanted to stay up with me, but for some reason, her friend, that I was a total ass to, insisted that she would stay up with me. I had nothing to say to the woman, but there she was, just trying to be nice, even though her life was obviously a mess.

  With the television on, it was easy to avoid conversation at first. Miranda had gotten us both a cup of hot tea before she headed off to bed. We talked about what we were watching, but never about each other and I just wasn’t in the mood to be my normal cocky self. Between the jitters and the feeling like I could vomit at any second, I was just trying to keep my composure.

  As the night progressed and television got raunchier, Amy seemed anxious. She got up to go to the bathroom and when she came back she sat further away from me. Some romance show was on and to be honest I wasn’t paying it any mind. Her sudden movement caught me off guard. I’d like to say that it was me being irritable, but she really just rubbed me the wrong way all together. “I won’t bite you know.”

  She turned to face me and smiled without showing her teeth. “I find that hard to believe.”

  I leaned over and grabbed a blanket, tossing her an end. “It gets chilly in this room at night. Hope you don’t mind sharin’.”

  Amy refused to cover even her feet up. “I’m fine, thanks anyway.” She stared at the television instead of making eye contact with me.

  “Suit yourself! So, I reckon you had another fight with the hubby?” I needed to get my mind off of wanting to take a damn pill. I was prepared to talk about flowers and rainbows if it helped me stay grounded.

  “That’s none of your business.” She looked at me for only a moment and when she did, I couldn’t help but smile at her again. She was a beautiful girl.

  “You don’t have to get all snappy. I was just tryin’ to be nice and talk to ya.”

  She put her head down and shook her head. “Sorry, you’re right. I just don’t even know what is going on right now. My life is a train wreck.”

  “Lady, my life is the train wreck.”

  She turned her body while still at the opposite side of the couch, so that she was facing me. “I know you’re having a rough time. I’ve been around people trying to get clean. How long since you took a pill?

  I could have been a real dick and walked back in my room. Miranda shouldn’t have told this woman my business. “Talk about somethin’ else. No disrespect, but I can’t talk about it right now.”

  She pulled her legs up to her chest and I could see the bruises on her arms. “Sorry.”

  I pointed to her arms. “He give you those?”

  She took her shirt and covered up the marks. “Maybe we shouldn’t talk about that either.”

  I tried to smile, but ended up squinting up my face. “Yeah, you really don’t want my opinion on that.”

  “Well since I don’t want to talk about my marriage and you don’t want to talk about your problem and neither one of us wants to go to sleep, what would you like to talk about?” She hugged her knees and finally looked my way again.

  “Do you have any family?” It was a simple question that I felt was pretty safe to ask.

  She put her head down again. “I have family but not really anyone I can turn to. My mother disowned me out of high school and my father did the same once Rick came into the picture. He’s remarried and raising a son, so he doesn’t have time for my bullshit. He lives a couple towns over and runs a hardware store. To be honest, he hasn’t made an attempt to contact me in a few years now. To say I disappointed him would be an understatement. My older brother and sister live out of state with their families. They are both in the military and move from place to place. I haven’t seen them in years. I don’t even know their phone numbers.”

  Obviously I sucked at asking questions. “Sorry to hear that. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without my family. It isn’t huge, but we’re all very close. Holidays are always a real big deal. I’m surprised Miranda hasn’t invited you to Kentucky before.”

  She shrugged her shoulders and looked sad again. “Saying this out loud is going to sound worse than it is, but I don’t think Rick would let me go.”r />
  I leaned into her and rested my elbows on my knees. “Look, I don’t know nothin’ about bein’ married, but I do know that you’re your own person and that shit ain’t right. If you want to see the world, well your pretty little self should be able to.”

  She became defensive and I knew it was because she knew I was right. “He has a daughter that I take care of.”

  “How old is this daughter?”

  “Seventeen.”

  I stood up to grab something to drink out of the kitchen. “She’s plenty old enough to take care of herself.” I turned around to ask if she wanted something and she was standing behind me, bumping into me. My hands grabbed her elbows and steadied her back. “Do you need somethin’?”

  She stared right at me for a second and then finally pulled away from my fingertips. “Sorry, I was thirsty.”

  I took another step toward her and pushed the hair away from her cheek. “Is that all you want?”

  She backed away from my hand and sat down on the other side of the breakfast bar. “Yes, just the drink.”

  I handed her an ice tea and leaned across from her. “I don’t bite, well only if I’m asked to and I can assure you, it would be something you couldn’t get enough of.”

  She turned around, jumping off the stool and walked back into the living room without saying anything. I took my time going back, in order for my words to sink in. The woman wouldn’t stop staring at me; I could tell she was attracted to me. She clearly needed a good fucking and I’d give it to her, if she’d just ask. I plopped down beside her, but kept enough distance to make her look over. I noticed she was rubbing her feet and I looked down at them. Her little white socks made her feet look even smaller than they were. Without her permission, I grabbed one of them. She pulled back at first. I reached over and grabbed it again. “It’s just a foot, woman. If I was tryin’ to seduce you, you’d know it. I can promise you that.”

  “I don’t like to be touched.”