Ursula K Le Guin

by Powers (2007) (lit)

  So the days passed. It was high summer, past the solstice. I didn't think about my need to leave the village. I had no needs. I was content.

  My aunt came to me, stalking around the fish-mat, glaring like an angry crow. Little children scattered in fear before her. "Gavir!" she said, "Gavir, I saw a man. A man pursuing you. A man who is your

  death."

  I stared at her.

  "You must go, sister's son!"

  PART FOUR

  ♦ 14 ♦

  My aunt told everyone I was obeying her vision and would leave the day after tomorrow. When I went next day to the fish-mat for the last time, Tisso's mother was waiting to offer me a blanket woven of reed treated so that the fibers were fuzzy and made a thick, soft texture, warm as wool. "My daughter wove it," Lali Betu said, and I said, "I thank her for it and will think of you both when the nights are cold." Tisso hung back and did not try to speak to me. I said goodbye to the women and spoke briefly with my aunt. She did not want to talk, she wanted me to be gone, to get across the second river and be safe.

  I left early the next morning before my uncle got up. The puppy was sleeping on his feet. Prut was curled, up on my old blanket. I whispered, "Go with Me," to them all and slipped out of the little house and away from my village. My heart was heavy in me.

  I went overland, eastward. My aunt would have disapproved, wanting me to hurry straight to the north. I refused to let her fear drive me. I had no boat, and heading north on foot, I'd have to take a maze of a way through the Marshes, endless days of walking. I had no money with me and no means of earning it while I traveled.

  But it was in my mind that I did have money. Blood money, guilt money, the payment for my sister's death. I had left it with Cuga, hidden in his cave. It would be enough to take me to Mesun, if I lived light,

  and I was used to living light. I knew the way that I'd walked with Chamry and Venne; I could keep east of the Heart of the Forest, so as not to run into Barna's guards, when I got that far north. The tricky part would be finding Cuga's cave, south of the Daneran Forest. I was sure my gift of memory would guide me when I came among the hills and valleys I had known that summer —if I could find them.

  I had a backpack stuffed with wayfarer's food, dried smoked fish, hard cheese, hard bread, dried fruit: the women at the fish-mat had offered me more food than I could ever use, the men of my village had come to Metter's hut to share with me their little hoards of travel supplies. I had no fear of going hungry for days to come. Besides the food and my new blanket, I carried as always my fishing gear, my knife, and the book, wrapped safe in waterproof reedcloth to protect it when I had to ford or swim. I was fit again, able to walk steadily all day and to enjoy it.

  Within two days I came out of the Marshes into a rising, thinly wooded country. I kept bearing east now; as well as I could judge, I was not far north of the city of Casicar. I saw a few farmsteads in the distance, desolate-looking places. Cattle and sheep were scattered out in the valleys, not many of them. I passed orchards that had been burned, a ruined farmhouse. Armies had come through here, looting and laying waste, the endlessly warring armies of the City States. . . . There were no roads, only tracks, and I saw no people but an occasional herdsman or shepherd. We spoke or waved, and I went on.

  The land continued to rise, and now I was in the hilly, broken, wild country I was looking for. The problem was finding the piece of it I wanted. I had no idea of the direction Cuga's cave lay from where I was now. The woods were thick enough that there was never an overview of the hills. All I could do was go forward, following my nose. As the sun began getting low and golden through the trees that day, I felt myself completely lost— walking at random. My plan was hopeless. I could

  wander in these hills till I became as weak and crazy as I had been when I first came into them. I sat down to eat a little and put some heart in myself, planning to go on as long as the light lasted before I found a sheltered place to sleep. As I sat down in a little clearing, my back against a young oak, I said with a sigh, "Oh, Ennu, guide me now."

  I split a lump of hard bread with my knife, laid a thin slice of smoked fish on it, and ate it slowly, tasting salt and smoke and thinking of my village. I looked up at some movement and saw a black lion come into the clearing about twenty feet from me. It was a lioness, pacing with her head and her long tail low. She stopped and looked straight at me. I said, with no voice, "Ennu-Amba," naming her. She gazed a moment longer and then walked on. She vanished almost at once in the thickets.

  After a while I finished my dinner. I wrapped up the fish and put it carefully away in my pack, I licked my greasy fingers and wiped them on the deer fern amidst which I sat. My mouth was dry, and I drank from the little bottle of lacquered reedcloth I had refilled at the last stream, I got up slowly It seemed to me that I had only one way to go: that was to follow the lion. It did not seem a wise thing to do, but I was in a place where wisdom, maybe, was no use. I followed the lion.

  Once I was through the thickets, the way she had gone appeared to be a faint path that went through open oak woods along the top of a long, winding hill, easy walking with fairly good visibility. I did not see the lion again. I went on steadily for a long time. The sun was striking level through the trees when I recognised where I was. Cuga had led me through this glade— past that enormous, ancient oak— when he took me to meet the Forest Brothers. We were in Cugamand, I thought, and then wondered why I had thought "we," not "I." All I had to do to reach the cave was turn off the lion's road and follow the way I knew, downward and to the right,

  I stopped and thanked Ennu, then turned to the right and went down through woods I knew with increasing familiarity, until I came to the home stream and crossed it and stood before the rockslide that held and concealed the door of the cave. Sunset light was bright on the tops of the trees.

  I started to say his name, but I knew with absolute certainty that he was not there. I said nothing. After a while I went in through the narrow entrance. My eyes found only darkness in the cave. The smell of smoke and badly cured fur, Cuga's reek, Cuga's stink, was there, but faint, a kind of echo of a smell. It was cold in that darkness. There was no light. I went back outside. The evening seemed marvelously bright and warm, and I remembered the blinding glory of daylight the first time I ever left the cave.

  I put my pack down by the cave door and took my water bottle to fill it at the stream. I drank, and filled the bottle, and squatted there for a while; and as I watched the flow and movement of the water in the gathering twilight, I saw him on the bank of the stream.

  Animals and the water and weather of a year or two years had not left very much of him: his skull, with the forehead broken in, and other bones, a couple of scraps of moldy fur clothing, and his leather belt.

  I touched the skull where it lay, and stroked it a little, talking to Cu-ga. The light was failing fast and I was very tired. I did not want to sleep in the cave. I rolled up in my reedcloth blanket in a grassy bay of the great rock formation and slept deep and long.

  In the morning I went into the cave, thinking to bury him there; but it was so cheerless that it seemed better to let him be where he was. I dug a small grave high enough above the stream to be out of the winter floods. I gathered his bones into it, and his belt, and one of his knives I found in the cave, and the metal box of salt that had been his greatest treasure. He'd kept it hidden all the time I was with him, and I was never to know where, for I found it lying out on the floor of the fire-

  place cave. There was still a little salt in the bottom of the box. In it also was one of his two prized knives, and the small, heavy bag of money that I had left with him and he had kept for me.

  It was a relief to my heart to know that he hadn't been killed for the sake of that money. From the fact that hed taken the things out and not put them away again, I imagined that maybe having been hurt or feeling ill, he'd wanted to look at his treasures. But when he knew he was dying, he left them and went to die outside, in the place he
liked to sit beside the stream.

  I covered the small grave over, smoothing the dirt with my hands, and asked Ennu to guide him. I put the bag of money in the bottom of my pack without opening it, I said farewell and set off, back up the way that led north and east to the hill where I had first met the Forest Brothers.

  Ever since I left East Lake I had felt very lonely. Solitude had always been a pleasure to me, but it had been a rare and relative solitude— almost always there had been others nearby, in reach. This was different, this aloneness. To have once again walked away from my own people, from all I knew— to know that wherever I went I would always be among strangers— no matter how I tried to tell myself it was freedom, it felt like desolation. That day I left Cugamand was the hardest of all. I plodded on and plodded on, finding the way without thinking about it. When I got to the top of the hill where Cuga had left me, it was time to stop. I stopped, I made no fire, for I didn't want to bring the Forest Brothers or anybody else. I had to go alone, and I would. But I lay there that night and grieved. I grieved for myself, and for Cuga. And I grieved for my people in East Lake, Tisso and Gegemer and my kind, lazy uncle— all of them. And for Chamry Bern, and Venne, and Diero, and even Barna, for I had loved Barna. And for my people of Ar-camand, Sotur, Tib and Ris and little Oco, Astano, Yaven, my teacher Everra, and Sallo, my Sallo, lost— all of them lost to me. I was heavy

  with tears I could not cry and my head ached. The great stars of summer slid slowly to the west. I slept at last.

  I woke with dawn, the sky a transparent pink hill of light over the dark hill of earth. I was hungry and thirsty. I got up and made up my pack and went on down the hillside, and at the creek in the hollow, where Brigin had not let me drink my fill, I drank my fill. I was alone— so, then, I'd go alone, and live my life as I saw fit. I'd drink where I wanted to drink. I'd go to Mesun, where all men were free men, and where the University taught wisdom, and the poet Caspro lived.

  I tried to sing his hymn to Liberty as I strode along, but I never could sing, and my voice in the silence and birdsong of the woods sounded like a young crow squawking. Instead, I let the words of his poems come into my head and come with me on my way, making a quieter music to keep me company.

  Things change fast in a forest, trees fall, young trees shoot up, brambles grow across the path, but the way was always clear enough when I looked for it and let my memory tell me where I'd gone. I came to the clearing where we'd picked up the venison, and ate my midday dinner there, I wished I had some of that venison. My pack was getting all too light. I wondered if I should begin to veer eastward again, to come out of the Daneran Forest and try my luck at buying food in a village or a town. But I didn't want to do that yet. I'd stay in the forest, making a wide pass around Brigin's camp, if it was still there, taking the way Chamry had taken us till I got to a safe distance from Barna's city. Then I'd head northeast to find one of the villages outside the forest, on the Somulane, the first of the two great rivers I was to cross.

  My plan went well until I was more or less east of Barna's city, following the Somulane as it took a northerly bend through the forested hills. I was pretty hungry, and there were backwaters of the river in which I could see trout swimming as plain as pigeons flying in the sky. It was too much for me. I stopped at a lovely pool, put my rod together,

  baited my hook with a caddis fly, and caught a good fish in no time. And a second one in not much more than no time. I was just casting my line again when somebody said, "Gav?"

  I jumped, lost my bait, grabbed for my knife, and stared at the man who stood behind me. For a moment

  I didn't know him, then I recognised Ater— one of the raiders who had caught Irad and Melle — they'd told the story in the beer house — he'd said he liked his women soft. . . A big, heavy man he had been then, but he was a big, gaunt man now, I stared at him in terror, but there was no threat in his gaze. He looked dully surprised.

  "How'd you get here, Gav?" he said. "I thought you drowned, or went off. Before."

  "Went off," I said.

  "You coming back, then?" I shook my head.

  "Nothing much to come back to," he said. He looked at my two fish. I knew how hunger looks at food.

  "What do you mean, Ater?" I said when I began to realise what he'd said.

  He turned his hands out in a helpless gesture. "Well," he said. "You know." I stared at him. He stared at me. "It's all burned down," he said.

  "The city? The Heart of the Forest? Burned down?"

  It was hard for him to understand that I didn't know about the event that loomed so immense in his life. It took me a while to get much sense out of him.

  My first concern was that other men would be following him, that Barna's guards would be on me, take me captive, but he just kept saying, "No. Nobody's coming. They're all gone. Nobody's coming." He said, "I came over to that village we used to go to, see if there was some food there, but they burned it too."

  "Who?"

  "The soldiers."

  "Casicar?" "I guess so."

  Getting information out of him was going to be a slow business. I said, "Is it safe to make a fire?" He nodded.

  "Make one, then, and put the fish on a stick and toast them. I've got a little bread here." I succeeded in landing another big trout while he made the fire. He could hardly wait to char the fish over the fire. He ate with desperate haste, cramming the hard bread into his mouth and chewing it painfully. "Ah," he said, "ah, that's good, thanks, Gav. Thanks."

  I went back to fishing after we ate; when the trout jump at an empty hook it's a sin not to let them do it. While I fished he sat on the bank and told me what had happened to the Heart of the Forest. Much of the story I had to guess from his incoherent telling.

  Etra and Casicar were allies now, in a Northern League against Vo-tus, Morva, and smaller cities south of the Morr. A lot of farm slaves had been killed during the wars between Etra and Casicar, or had run away, and had to be replaced or recaptured. Towns all round the Dane-ran Forest had long been full of rumors of the great camp or city of runaway slaves, and the new allies decided to go in and find out what was there. They sent an army, a legion from each city, on a rapid march up between Daneran and the Marshes. Barna's people knew nothing about the attack until outpost guards came running into the city shouting the warning.

  Barna gathered all the men who would stand with him to defend the Heart of the Forest. He ordered the women and children to scatter out in the woods. Many of the men ran with them. Any who hesitated or stayed to fight were soon trapped: the soldiers surrounded the walls and methodically set them afire, and then the whole city, hurling torches onto the roofs of the wooden buildings. Barna's men made a sortie against them but were outnumbered, cut down, slaughtered. The

  soldiers ringed the burning town and caught all who fled the holocaust, then ranged out and rounded up people hiding or trying to escape in the woods. They spent a couple of nights waiting till the fires burnt out so they could loot what was left. They found the treasury and divided that. They divided the prisoners, half for Etra, half for Casicar, and then marched back, driving the chained, slaves along with the cattle and sheep.

  There were tears on Ater's cheeks as he told me the story, but his voice remained dull and even. He'd been out with a raiding party when they saw the smoke of the burning city from miles away in the north. They had crept back a couple of days after the soldiers left.

  "Barna. . .," I said, and Ater said, "They said the soldiers cut off his head and kicked it around like a ball."

  It was very hard to ask about any of the others. When I did, Ater had no answers; often he seemed not even to know who I was talking about. Chamry? He shrugged. Venne? He didn't know. Diero? He didn't know. But evidently a number of people had escaped one way or another, and many of them had regathered in the ruined city, not knowing where else to go. Some of the grain supplies had remained hidden and untouched, and they had lived off them and what was left of the gardens. For how long? Again Ater was
vague. I guessed that the raid and fire had been about half a year ago, perhaps in early winter.

  "You're going back there now?" I asked him, and he nodded. "It's safer there," he said. "The soldiers been raiding everywhere. Taking slaves. I was at Ebbera, over there. Near as bad off as we are. No slaves left to work the fields."

  "I'll come with you," I said. I had to know what had become of my friends.

  I'd caught five more good-sized fish. I packed them up in leaves and we set off. We came to the Heart of the Forest in the late afternoon.

  The city I had last seen silver-blue in moonlight was a waste of charred beams, shapeless mounds, ashfields. At one edge, near the gardens, people had made huts and shelters with salvaged lumber, much of it half burned. An old woman was weeding in the garden, bowed back, averted face. A couple of men sat in the doorways of their huts, their hands hanging between their knees. A dog barked at us, then whined and cowered away, A child sat on the dirt gazing listlessly at Ater and me. As we came near, it too cowered away from us.

  I had come in order to ask about my friends, but I could not ask. I could only see Diero trapped in Barna's house as it burned, Chamry's corpse dumped in a common grave, Venne driven down the road in chains. I said to Ater, "I can't stay here." I gave him the packet of fish. "Share it with somebody," I said.

  "Where you going then?" he asked in his blank way. "North."

  "Look out for slave takers," Ater said.

  I was about to turn back the way we'd come, when something grabbed both my legs so hard and suddenly that I nearly lost my balance. It was a child, the child who'd stared and shrunk from us. "Beaky, Beaky, Beaky," she cried in a high thin voice like a bird. "Oh Beaky, oh