Cracked & Crushed

by A. J. Downey

  “Icarus, I say Icarus if I want you to stop…” but I didn’t want him to stop, not if it meant having to say goodbye permanently. I prayed silently that this would be something I could do, that it would be something I could deal with.

  The blade snicked free of its handle and I jumped, fear crushing my throat closed. I prayed harder than I ever have in my life before, one thought turning over and over in my head.

  Oh my God, what is he going to do?

  Chapter 13

  Reaver…

  I didn’t want to break her but she needed to know and I needed this, I so needed this. I depressed the little button on the handle of my knife and the blade flicked free. She jumped, visibly fucking jumped, the fear sliding through her pale green eyes, perfuming the air subtly around her. She stood stalk still and I closed the gap between us in a rush, she gasped but held her ground, she didn’t run. I was right up in her personal space, the point of my blade against the jumping pulse point in her neck. I looked down into her timid green gaze, she didn’t have any idea what I would do, her fear was of me, the unknown, and I loved it, reveled in it and cherished the trust she put in me.

  “You know what would happen if I pressed just a little bit harder?” I asked her.

  “No,” she said, voice high and breathy with fear.

  “It takes very little pressure to pierce the skin, piercing it here wouldn’t be so bad on the surface but once I start cutting I have a hard time stopping.” I trailed the point of my knife slowly from her throat down the inside of her button down blouse over the swell of her breast. Her eyes slipped shut and she shuddered against me.

  “Like that?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Would you like it if I cut you, spill some of that rich warm red across your lovely skin?” I gauged her reaction and it was priceless. My cock grew stiff in my shorts as her eyes grew wide.

  “Please don’t…” she moaned.

  “Please don’t what?”

  “Please don’t cut me.”

  “Baby I’m going to cut you if I want to.” I slipped the sharp blade between the button holding her oxford closed and the thread holding it on and flicked it, the button fell to the carpet between us and the shirt gaped a little more. She shuddered.

  “Do you trust me Hayden?” I asked her again.

  “I’m still here aren’t I?” she asked some of her old fire peeking through.

  “I’m going to cut these buttons off one by one and you’re going to let me do it aren’t you?” I asked.

  “If it’s what you want,” she said, swallowing convulsively.

  “Mmm.” I flicked my knife severing another button, and another. I had her backed up against the neatly made bed, pinning her with my body, a knee between her thighs. I cut every one of the buttons holding her shirt free and slipped it back off of one shoulder. I lowered my mouth to her skin and pressed a kiss there as a reward for her trust and straightened.

  “Now what are you going to do?” she asked and she seemed calmer. I couldn’t have that. I put my lips against her ear and whispered harshly,

  “Whatever the fuck I wanna do, you’re my Doll.” She gasped and I swallowed it, crushing my mouth over hers, forcing my tongue past her teeth and claiming her mouth for mine. Her hands came up and pressed against my chest, pushing but I’d told her the rules; she knew she had an out if she needed it. She struggled against me and I held the knife carefully out and away from her. I only needed her afraid, I didn’t want her damaged.

  She leaned back and I moved with her, she thought she’d be cleaver and scooted up on the bed. I pinned her hips with mine and she gasped when she could feel the hot hard press of me through our clothes. I pulled my mouth from hers and growled.

  “Stop struggling or I’m going to hurt you for real.” She instantly stilled, green eyes wide and frightened.

  “You wouldn’t…” she said, certain, then more uncertainly, “Would you?” I had her right where I wanted her and felt the slow cold grin take over my lips. Tears sprang to her eyes and I brought the knife around cleanly slicing through her swimsuit top beneath the shirt which was pinned beneath her ass, her arms bound to her sides where the shirt had slipped from her shoulders and rode around her elbows. Her lip trembled and the tears poured faster.

  I gave a contented sigh, I needed to pull her back from the brink; she was too close to breaking, thinking I’d actually hurt her, damage her. I knew what would do it, so I asked her, “You still trust me Baby?” Her breath stilled, confusion clouded her pretty little face, not trusting her voice she nodded carefully. I trailed my blade in a barely there touch down her ribs, using the cool metal pommel rather than the edge, giving her the sensation of cold steel without the sharp cutting edge. Her eyes, locked on mine, grew wide and wider still. I smiled and pulled it away, doing the same up her leg until I reached her shorts where I switched to the blade, slipping it between her skin and the cloth, carefully cutting up the leg of the short shorts, the material parting like water.

  Her breath came in short little pants as if she were afraid to draw a full one and I liked that, I liked that a lot. I cut her clothes from her body slowly and deliberately, keeping eye contact the whole time, drinking in her fear and uncertainty like fine wine paired with a delicate cheese. She was everything I wanted, everything I needed and craved in those moments and when I roughly pulled her shredded shorts and bikini bottoms out from under her and let them fall to the floor I was pleased to see her wet and glistening. Ready for me. I smiled cruelly and shrugged out of my cut. I folded the blade of my knife away and set it aside, within reach. I ground my lower body into hers, holding her deftly while I stripped my shirt off over my head and worked my belt and shorts off.

  I put a hand to her lovely throat, not squeezing, not choking, just holding her there and didn’t even ask. I didn’t care. She knew she could stop this at any time. I roughly pulled her to the edge of the bed and fit myself inside of her. I wasn’t gentle. Her eyes dilated, a heady mixture of fear and passion as I seated myself deep inside her body. God she felt amazing skin on skin! So hot and wet and perfect around my shaft.

  “Wrap your legs around me,” I ordered and she complied I smiled a slow curl of lips and set a punishing rhythm, a rough fuck that had her crying out, her head tipped back the most feral and lovely sounds pouring from her throat, spilling from her mouth. I lifted her from the bed and turned sitting on the edge so that she rode me, sitting in my lap.

  “Feel good?” I asked her, she nodded a helpless inarticulate sound escaping her. She was slick with her arousal, her eyes hooded with it as she looked at me. I smiled a much less wicked smile and kissed her throat, the side of her neck; laving my tongue over the fluttering pulse point there. The shirt that had been binding her arms whispered over my knees and shins as it went to the floor and her slender arms twined around my shoulders. She held herself to me and I rocked up into her awkwardly due to the angle.

  She leaned back so she could look me in the eyes while I fucked her. I liked that, too. I fished beside me for the folded knife and the blade snicked free. Hayden gasped and her pussy constricted around me. Oh that was nice, that was really nice, I held the blade where she could see it, glittering razor sharp in the overhead light.

  “I wanna see you bleed a little baby, can I have that?” I asked her. She nodded, eyes welling a bit and I smiled, a wicked cruel curve of lips. She thought I was going to cut her bad. No. Not my thing. I thrust up into her until her eyes slipped shut and her head dipped back. I placed the very point of my blade against the front of her left shoulder beside her collarbone and moved my hips searching for that wonderful place of hers inside. I felt a surge of triumph when I found it and Hayden gave this little broken moan and I struck, nicking her shoulder in a barely there cut about half as wide as her little fingernail. Tiny. Almost not even there.

  I let the knife clatter to the bedside table and watched the tiny cut well, ruby red against her peaches and cream skin. I continued to fuck h
er, my body almost on autopilot, hips surging as I watched the crimson bead slide down her skin. With a groan I covered the tiny cut with my mouth, sweet copper pennies exploding across my tongue. Hayden cried out and spasmed around me. The monster went back into its box. It usually did when it was sated, when the thrill was gone. Hayden’s eyes had become glassy, and I was flying high, drunk off her submission. Now it was time to make it up to her, to reward her for giving me what I wanted, what I needed. Now it was time to give her what she needed.

  “Hold onto me, Baby,” I crooned in her ear and I stood up, awkwardly walking us up onto the bed on my knees. I slipped from her and cursed that, before laying her gently into softness of the bed. I found purchase, slipping back into her and with more freedom of movement than I had before I started doing her gently.

  “Look at me Hayden?” I asked and she squeezed her eyes shut tighter and shook her head.

  “Please Baby, I’m back, I promise, just look at me,” I whispered and it was suddenly very important that she look, that she see me. She shivered beneath me and opened her eyes. I smiled down at her tenderly and moved gently inside her. She gasped, a little broken sob welling from her chest, her hands cupped my face and she shuddered in relief beneath me. I felt a pang of fear and loss in my chest and stilled my movements, resting my forehead on hers.

  “Please don’t stop,” she begged, her voice small and I drew back and searched her face.

  “I didn’t break you?” I asked half afraid.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Tell me what you’re feeling Doll,” I ordered but with none of the harshness of before.

  “I don’t want to feel anything but you right now Reaver, just hold me and love me,” she said and I complied. Who the fuck was I to argue over such a request?

  Chapter 14

  Hayden…

  That hadn’t been so bad. Truth be told, I hadn’t known what to expect, I didn’t enjoy the cold and vacant predator’s look coming from Reaver’s face, I hadn’t known what to expect when the knife came out and it scared the ever living shit out of me not having any say or control… but I wasn’t sure that was a bad thing. When Reaver had let himself go, I had too in a way. All my jumbled thoughts, all my cares, all my worries and constant over thinking things had spiraled down to nothing in the face of that cold and calculating part of him and all that had remained was the flick of the knife against my clothes, and the fear my skin would be next.

  He’d been so rough when he’d taken me and I was acutely aware we used no protection but I didn’t want to. I was on birth control and I knew I could have stopped him with one little uttered word but I didn’t want him to stop. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to be for him what he had been for me these last several days. I wanted to give him what he needed and I wanted desperately to be able to embrace every part of Reaver.

  He’d asked me if he’d broken me and I marveled at the question. If anything Reaver had picked up the broken pieces and glued them back together! His darker side wasn’t as bad as I’d thought it would be in the bedroom, and I wasn’t sure what that said about me and truthfully, right now I didn’t care. Right now the tender side of Reaver was back, he moved inside me slowly and gently and looked at me with such sweet tenderness that fresh tears, happy tears slipped into my hair.

  “Tell me what you’re feeling Doll,” his voice was soft, and held none of the sharpness of before. He’d found that place deep inside me and stroked over it, coaxing my body to life and so I asked him for what I needed and didn’t feel a bit of shame doing it.

  “I don’t want to feel anything but you right now Reaver, just hold me and love me.” He smiled beatifically and his eyes went from the cold of winter to the color of warm spring skies. I felt an answering smile of my own paint my lips and he bent, I cupped his face in my hands and we kissed, carefully, sweetly as if either of us were made of thin glass and apt to break with too much force.

  “You’re so fucking perfect,” he whispered and my breath caught in my throat. He thought I was perfect?

  He came down over the top of me, engulfing me in his warmth and I couldn’t be sure but I think we stayed like that for hours. There was nothing rushed about this time, there was no immediate need to climax or even a desire to. He just felt so good, in me, on me, around me, that I just drifted in a state of euphoria for the longest time… like I was drunk or drugged. When I did finally come it was a gentle thing, sweeping through my body, from head to toe and back again. It seemingly went on forever. I shivered beneath Reaver and felt my body gently pulse around him in time with my languid heartbeat.

  “Oh God, Hayden,” he gasped and bowed his head, gently kissing the side of my neck. I shivered again and wrapped my legs around him as he shuddered once, violently. He pulled himself from my body and his orgasm spilled up over my hip hot and wet and I closed my eyes and moaned. Finding the sensation completely erotic.

  Reaver kissed me once, then twice and searched my face. I lay placid beneath him, safe and secure within the cage of his muscular body. He smiled serenely, an expression likely mirrored by my own.

  “You look high Baby Doll,” he murmured.

  “High off you.” I quirked a smile.

  “How do you feel?” he asked and I had to work to pull any coherent thought together.

  “Warm, safe, like I’m floating or falling…” I frowned slightly. How could you feel like you were falling but feel safe at the same time? That didn’t make sense. Reaver chuckled and it was a rich sound that coated the senses like warm chocolate. Thick and decadent.

  “Enjoy it Hayden, stop over thinking it,” he murmured and to make his point he kissed me and took his time doing it until I sighed and relaxed that much more beneath him. He withdrew from the kiss slowly and got up off of me.

  “Where are you going?” I didn’t want him to go anywhere.

  “This is a little beyond a wet washcloth Babe, I’m going to start the shower, be back in a flash.” He disappeared into the bathroom and the shower started and as promised he returned. I sat up carefully and Reaver chuckled.

  “Still a little disconnected?” he asked me.

  “Yeah.” I smiled and he lifted me in his arms. I let him, not quite trusting my legs yet. I felt drunk or drugged and I wasn’t sure how it was possible. “Am I okay?” I asked him and he laughed a little.

  “Baby you’re more than okay. I’m beginning to think I’m the only man to ever love you right.” He set me on my feet and opened the shower door for me. I stepped in and he followed close behind. It was a tight fit for the both of us but I didn’t mind, I don’t think he did either. He turned me into the warm shower spray and I tipped my head back and closed my eyes, letting the water sluice across my skin. He washed me, his touch careful and gentle. I flinched a little when he washed me between my legs.

  “Sore?” he had a pinched look on his face and I nodded reluctantly. I was really sore.

  “I guess you can have too much of a good thing,” I said and giggled. He smiled and huffed a short laugh.

  “You okay?” he looked like he was afraid of the answer. I placed my hands on his shoulders and tugged insistently. He bent so I could wend my arms around his neck. He put his arms around me and pulled me in against him and I smiled against his shoulder.

  “Whenever you do this, it seems like everything is okay. Even when the rafters are dripping from the shit that hit the fan.” He laughed and hugged me tighter.

  “God you’re such a delicate fucking flower! I love it!” he laughed so wild and free and it made my heart so glad to hear it. He finished washing me and wouldn’t let me wash him, stating gravely that this was his time to take care of me. He dried us briskly and pulled back the covers on the bed, I crawled up into the fluffy cloud and his cellphone rang. He retrieved it from his cut and hung the vest from the bedpost, answering the phone as he got into bed with me.

  “Hello?” he raised an arm and let me settle against his chest. I sighed out and closed my eyes.

/>   “Yeah?” he listened for a long time and though he was incredibly warm where I touched his skin, he grew coldly still beneath me. Had I looked, I was sure his eyes had grown distant and icy.

  “No. I’ll take care of it. Gibson Drywall is the name of the company. Tell them Reaver sent you, they’ll give you a fair price. The rest I’ll try to handle when I get back.” He sounded irritated. I looked up at him and he was looking down at me, a glint of something undefinable under his carefully schooled blank veneer.

  “Yeah, we’re headed back tomorrow.” A long pause as whoever on the other end said something. “Probably sometime after breakfast, it’ll take us about nine hours, probably more with stops.” He smoothed a hand up and down my nude back and I hummed with contentment.

  “I’ll take her to Ashton’s.” he said and I frowned. Why did I need to go to Ashton’s? He sighed a harsh exhalation of breath.

  “I’ll just bet he does,” he muttered. I pushed myself up and looked at him.

  “What did he do?” I asked in a harsh half whisper. I wasn’t stupid. That comment coupled with my apparent need to go to Ashton’s rather than home equaled one thing and one thing only. Andy had done something to my home…

  “Call you in the morning, Sir,” he said and with a quick goodbye hung up the phone.

  “You gonna torture yourself all night and get no sleep if I tell you?” he asked.

  “Probably.” I said, then, “Tell me anyways.”

  “Promise me something first.” He leveled me with a serious look.

  “Depends on what it is,” I ventured cautiously. He grinned ruefully.

  “Promise me you’ll let me take care of it. You’re going to have enough on your plate with getting back to work and things,” he searched my face and my heart sank a little, the easy euphoria of our lovemaking quickly seeping from my body as my muscles tensed in preparation for the bad news.

  “What did Andy do?” I asked hollowly.