Cracked & Crushed

by A. J. Downey

  “I know, Brother. I promise to be careful.”

  “You do that,” he sounded grave. I wondered if he would beat my ass if I broke her. I hoped so. Actually, I kind of hoped that he would do worse. I pulled my cut out of my saddle bags and shrugged into it smoothing down the switchblade patches which now numbered seven. Somehow I’d managed to keep the majority of Sparks’ blood on my hands and shorts, only a couple of small stains that could have been mud or coffee for all anyone knew, marred the SHMC rocker on the front. The rest had been wiped away with a clean damp cloth. Black leather hid a multitude of sins.

  I put my phone away and put on my helmet and glasses, kick started Baby and headed over to Hayden’s after pulling a double. Her neighborhood was quiet. Peaceful this time of night. It was every night I’d been here. I killed the motor about two blocks away from her place and walked the bike the rest of the way. I didn’t want to risk waking her. I did my check of the house, flicked open my best blade for B&E and let myself in her back slider off the kitchen. My tread was soft and as expected I found her in the midst of one of her restless sleeps.

  I took up my customary spot by the bed, settling my weight into the old wooden chair, only this time I stripped off my socks and my boots. I needed to see for myself if what her eyes had implied that afternoon was true. I already knew my girl was an exceptional liar. She’d really pulled it out with the cops last year when it came to Ashton’s ex. I knew Hayden was inventive and cleaver as fuck. I needed to know for sure. She hadn’t trusted me, and so no, I didn’t quite trust her right back. I aimed to fix that tonight.

  I stripped out of the rest of my clothing quietly and efficiently because I’d be lying to myself if I said I didn’t want her. Difference here between me and Sparks is if she wanted me to stop, she knew what to say and she knew that I would. I’d proven at least that much so far. I slid my favorite blade from my cut which I hung on the back of the chair and stepped up on the wooden stair. I drew back the blankets and sighed. At least her pajama preferences had gotten better. She wore a gray pair of cotton boy shorts and a black cami to bed. Well. Not for long. I got up into the bed with her and put my hand over her mouth.

  Her green eyes flared wide and she jerked and I put my face over hers so she could see me, she froze, going very still beneath my body, beneath my hand and waited. Her heart thrumming against the inside of her ribs faster than a hummingbird’s wings.

  “Do you trust me, Doll?” I asked softly and she went limp with relief. Tears sprang from her eyes and leaked into the hair at her temples and she drew in a shuddering breath through her nose. She nodded emphatically and I took my hand away from her mouth.

  “Yes!” she cried and reached for me. I went to her and crushed my mouth over hers and drank in her sadness and her pain, I wanted to take it all back, take it all away but I didn’t really know how.

  Her legs went around my hips pulling me tight against her sexy as hell body and I’m sorry, but her clothes, what little there were of them, had to go. I flicked open my blade and she jumped at the sound but didn’t stop kissing me, her hands in my hair, crushing my mouth to hers. I broke the kiss, savagely wrenching myself from her grasp so I could see what I was doing. I didn’t want to hurt her, I didn’t even want her fear, I just wanted her naked and writhing underneath me. I missed this. I missed her, and I didn’t know how the fuck we were going to fix this but this was at least a place to start.

  I cut some starts here and there and threw the knife onto the bedside table. It skittered across the wood surface and came to rest at the base of the lamp. I wrenched the cotton of her cami between my hands and it gave way with an angry peel of ripping fabric. I gasped when the coin winked up at me from the hollow of her throat. She hadn’t taken it off, I hadn’t taken mine off either. She lifted her hips when I tore at her boy shorts and she was bare to me. I covered her body with my own and gasped into her ear,

  “I’m sorry!” before taking her in one long violent thrust. She called out, her back arching and wiggled her hips to take me deeper and I lost it. I set a punishing rhythm that barely allowed her the time to draw breath before I was surging up into her again. We came together in one of the most passionate explosions of emotion I’ve ever been a part of and when we came I saw stars, and not just in Hayden’s eyes. I collapsed on top of her breathing hard, cradling her against my body and she held me right back.

  “I missed you,” she whispered against my shoulder and I kissed the side of her neck.

  “I’m so sorry I broke us,” I choked, and my shoulders shook and I finally let the dam break…

  “I’m here, I’m right here, I was always here… I just didn’t know how to handle it but I love you. More than anyone, more than anything in the world and I mean all of you. Not just the parts that make me laugh and smile, but the parts that scare the hell out of me and make me cry too. I love you Reaver and I don’t think I will ever be ready to let you go.” She clung to me and we both wept. I’m not ashamed to say it. She was my balance and holding her in my arms I finally felt fucking whole again.

  Chapter 30

  Hayden…

  “Where are we going?” I asked and Reaver smiled.

  “If I told you it wouldn’t be a surprise!” he declared. I crossed my arms defiantly which made his lips quirk in that sexy secret squirrel smile of his that always managed to drive me nuts. He was driving my Escalade and I was in the passenger seat. It had been another month since the night of our reconciliation, a little over two since the disaster Fourth of July weekend ‘Lake Run of Doom’ and now we were headed somewhere.

  “Are we going to the club house?” I asked frowning. It was mid-morning on a Saturday and we’d skipped the party the night before in favor of staying in at my place. Reaver’s lips curved even more and I frowned. Sure enough he pulled up into the gravel drive of the club and killed the engine. He turned to me, an enigmatic look on his face. It was still summer-like outside. An Indian summer, they called it, the forecasters saying it would likely be the end of September before the fall weather started showing up.

  Reaver reached out and ran a delicate fingertip along the edge of the coin riding at the hollow of my throat. I reached out and plucked at his in the nest of necklaces and charms at the center of his chest. He took a breath and then closed his mouth. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion.

  “Reaver what’s wrong? Why are you nervous?” I asked.

  “Just let me get your door,” he said in a hushed tone and scooted out of the car. He came around and lifted me down, his hands lingering on my waist.

  “Come on,” he held out his hand and I took it, swallowing hard as he led me around the back of the club to the large open back yard. I gasped.

  It was set up for a wedding.

  “Oh my God! Reaver! Who’s getting married!?” I turned back to him and blinked. He was on his knee.

  “I don’t want to wait,” he said gently, taking me by the hands. “Hayden, I love you and I don’t want to wait a minute more to show the world. I don’t want to propose to you and spend a year waiting to make you mine, so…” he swallowed hard and I looked back at the chairs and aisle, the archway and now all of our friends coming out of the woodwork… “Marry me. Here, now, today. Make me whole? I’m begging you.” I stared stunned at the MC and Old Ladies, at my best friend Ashton, and at Trigger behind her, hands kneading her shoulders my eyes picking out familiar face after familiar…

  “Daddy?” I whispered as some of the happiest tears I had ever experienced spilled free. Reaver groaned and I looked back at him, heat and love and adoration radiating from him.

  “You’re so fucking pretty when you cry,” he breathed for my ears alone. I looked at my dad who was smiling and I flung myself into Reaver’s arms and breathed ‘yes’ into his ear. He crushed me to his chest and buried his face between my shoulder and my neck and lifted me, spinning me in a circle and whoops and cheers went up around us. I laughed and he set me down and I was suddenly swamped by Ashton, Everett, Mand
y and Chandra and ushered into the clubhouse and I think Dray’s room which was awfully black.

  The girls did my nails and hair and put me into a white baby doll dress and thrust a bouquet of white orchids with purple centers in my hands, another of the blossoms rode behind one of my ears.

  Everett and Ashton each wore purple Havana dresses and clutched purple orchids in their hands. Chandra turned me and sat me into a chair and I looked up bewildered at Shelly who wore another purple Havana dress and held a makeup kit in her hands. She chewed her bottom lip nervously and my eyes welled up.

  “If you cry I can’t do your make up,” she sniffed and tears welled up in her eyes too.

  “You’re going to make yours run,” I told her and then we were reaching for each other and bawling.

  “I’m so sorry for what I said to you!” she cried.

  “It’s okay, really! It’s okay I understand!” I cried back.

  “You two need to stop!” Everett said with a smile, tears welling in her own eyes.

  “There’s a whole crowd of people out there waiting on a wedding to happen!” Ashton cried and sniffed back some of her own.

  Shelly did my makeup and fixed her own while Ashton and Everett touched up theirs. Finally I went out and joined my father.

  “Are you okay with this?” I asked him as we waited to go down the aisle.

  “Well, when Reaver called me and told me what he had planned, he did something Andy never did. He asked me for your hand and swore he’d do everything in his power to protect my little girl. He said there was no guarantee that you’d say yes to all of this, but he also reminded me that you’re an indomitable spirit Baby, and that you were going to do whatever it was you decided regardless on if I were ‘on board’ as he put it and he’s right. It is one of the things that makes me so very proud of you” he kissed the top of my head and I smiled, all out of tears for today.

  Music started and Trigger and Ashton went down the aisle, then Everett and Dray, then Shelly who Reaver had partnered with Cutter who looked only slightly uncomfortable in a shirt and tie. He’d come all the way up from Florida, just to see us married, which touched me deeply. The men wore their cuts over their white dress shirts and long, narrow, silvery ties. The sleeves of their shirts rolled back smartly over their forearms. They were striking in their own way, and so perfectly Reaver that I adored the look.

  My father and I stepped outside and I lost my breath at the sight of my man, dressed in silvery gray slacks and wingtip shoes, his white dress shirt gleaming in the sun, a narrow blue tie the color of his eyes resting along his chest between narrow gray suspenders, our coin gleaming on its front. His gaze raked over me and a gentle smile curved his lips. He reached out and took me from my daddy and held my hands in his. His shirtsleeves rolled back to his elbows, I smiled at his stiletto tattoos. Dragon cleared his throat, and I smiled at him. He looked regal in all black and his motorcycle’s vest as he stood with open book in hand.

  “Now y’all know I’ve never done this before,” he said and there were chuckles from the audience. Trigger winked at me from behind Reaver.

  “Just be you Prez,” Reaver said gently.

  “That I can do,” he said under his breath. “Reaver and Hayden want to get married. I went on the internet and filled out some damned thing that says I’m a pastor and can officiate. I’m honored but there isn’t a damn thing I can think of to say, so Reaver, you go first Boy.” There were some cheers and clapping and a whistle or two.

  “Hayden,” I looked up into Reaver’s clear blue eyes and held my breath, “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. Your smile, your laugh, they were a lot like that light house we went to… My beacon home, leading me to solid ground which I don’t think I’ve ever had to stand on. You’re my light in the dark, and I love you. You don’t know how much you balance my scales, and I don’t want to ever have to imagine a life without you by my side.” He swallowed hard and I let my gaze roam his face.

  “I think it’s your turn Sweetheart,” Dragon said kindly and there was some laughter.

  “Reaver, I took you for granted in so many ways over this last year and I never want to be that person ever again. By your side and in your arms has been the safest I’ve ever been. When I’m with you, all the noise and the crazy and the busy just goes quiet and it’s like I can finally breathe. If I balance you then you, you, do the same for me. I love you too but more importantly, I trust you. You taught me what real trust is, the true meaning of the word and I can honestly say I trust you with everything that I am.” His eyes softened and he pulled me to him and we kissed. Our friends and family went crazy with cheering, whistling and applause and we broke apart. Dragon cleared his throat and people settled down.

  “You know you were supposed to wait for me to tell you to do that,” He grunted. There was laughter. “Hell, you two are gonna do whatever you’re gonna do whenever you’re gonna do it!” there was uproarious cheering and whistling. “Rings!” he shouted and Connor came up and handed his dad a wedding set.

  Reaver looked at me and slid the simple white gold band crusted with diamonds onto my finger, then he slipped a vintage engagement ring on after it. A matching set and by the looks of it, antique as well as unique. The large center stone of the engagement ring a blue diamond, the exact match for the color of Reaver’s eyes. It was perfect and I blinked, momentarily stunned.

  Connor nudged me and I startled. People laughed. I took the ring he handed me. It too was white gold but set with a light emerald, I think to represent the color of my eyes. I stared at it for a long moment and slipped it onto Reaver’s finger and he smiled at me.

  “Congratulations!” Dragon roared. “Yer married!”

  Reaver picked me up and kissed me soundly once more and we were surrounded by applause and laughter and cheering. I laughed against his mouth.

  “Ask me,” I heard Ashton say as she leaned back into Trigger’s chest, he smiled broadly, but I didn’t even have a moment to shoot her a questioning look. Flower petals were raining down on us from where our guests threw them. Reaver pulled on my hand and we dashed down the aisle under the soft rain and went over to where we were being beckoned, a marriage certificate waiting.

  “How did you..?” I asked, eyes wide.

  “That was me,” my dad said smiling. “I pulled a few strings.” I hugged him. Reaver picked up the pen and I considered him.

  “Wait!” I said before he could touch pen to paper. He stopped and looked at me, searching my face.

  “Having second thoughts?” he asked and I could see it pained him to do so.

  “No!” I was horrified he would think so... “We get a free name change don’t you know?” he frowned and I smiled.

  “Yeah…” he said but I could see he wasn’t getting where I was going.

  “We haven’t done any of this in order why should we start now? Take my last name,” I said gently and his eyes they sparkled as his lips curved into a slow grin. He laughed.

  “Can I get rid of the whole thing?” he asked.

  “Oh come on! It can’t be that bad!” Ashton looked like she was dying to know.

  “Rhett Kinnicutt Butler,” he finally confessed. I swear to God Ashton’s eyes crossed as she processed what he’d said.

  “You’re right! Change it! Reaver Michaels sounds much better,” Trig exclaimed.

  “Dad, don’t you need a middle name?” Connor asked and Reaver smiled.

  “Yeah Bud. Can I have yours?” Conner lit up and he nodded enthusiastically.

  And so Reaver changed his name to ‘Reaver Connor Michaels’, kissing me soundly once more before passing me the pen. I smiled against his mouth and signed my name.

  “I love you Mr. Michaels,” I said against his mouth and the answering smile I felt against my own made all the bad that’d happened incredibly worth it to have even a fraction of the good.

  “I trust you Mrs. Michaels,” He said against my mouth and the whole world fell into place for me and for us. I f
inally had everything I had ever been wanting, just slightly out of order!

  About the Author

  A.J. Downey has been a resident of Seattle, WA her entire life, that being said she has lived in many different places and many different worlds through her imagination. She enjoys music, coffee, writing (obviously) and a bunch of other boring things that you probably don’t really care about. She is ever so grateful that you either picked up her writing or that you continue to read her stuff!

  You can find her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/authorajdowney