Going into the office she found Jackie on the phone. Mia packed her bag as she waited for Jackie’s conversation to end.
Jackie hung up the phone and swiveled her chair around to face her. “Are you off to the hospital now?”
“Yes, if that’s all right?”
“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off, spend some time with your Mum?” Jackie suggested.
“I know you think I should be sitting by Mum’s bedside all day, being the dutiful daughter, but I can’t—it kills me to see her like that.”
“I’m not saying that at all. I’m not telling you what to do.”
“You tell me what to do all day long. You’re my boss after all.” Mia knew she was being unreasonable but felt compelled to carry on. “I’m not a child and sometimes I feel you treat me like one.”
Jackie’s eyes widened. She moved toward Mia, reaching out her hand. “Mia, please—”
“Don’t touch me. I don’t want your sympathy. Mum’s not dead, she will come through this.”
Nodding, Jackie dropped her hand. “I’m not expecting you back today, but obviously it’s up to you.” Jackie turned and left the office.
Mia sank into her chair and felt distraught. Quickly she picked up a piece of paper and scribbled the word ‘sorry’.
She placed it on Jackie’s desk and left.
~~~
The room felt eerie. Mia looked around and took in the sterile environment. It seemed wrong as her mother loved color, music, noise. She pulled the chair closer to the bed and peered at her mother, hoping to see movement.
This couldn’t be happening. Mia sighed and began to shake her head. There was so much she wanted to say. She reached out and gently moved her fingers over her mother’s arm. It seemed surreal, like a dream she wanted to wake up from.
A film of tears flooded her eyes, causing Mia to sniff. She should have spent more time with her, been less aggressive.
Mia looked at her mother’s Bible and considered her uncle’s request that she read from it each time she visited. Glancing at her mother she picked up the Bible as if it would burn her. Holding it tightly in her hands Mia looked at the worn cover.
Her mother had taught her about God, yet Mia couldn’t let herself believe all the hype about God loving you, and Jesus dying for you. No way could she believe this. When had God ever lifted a finger to help her? She remembered asking him to help her over and over again, yet he hadn’t cared.
Mia touched her mother’s face and the skin felt soft, relaxed. Her mother always said that God hears your prayers.
Where are you now, God? Can’t you see Mum lying here? Don’t you care? It’s because of me, isn’t it? If I’d been a better daughter—I need to tell Mum I love her—Is that too much to ask?
Why did she even try? Picking up her mother’s hand she lightly squeezed it.
“Mum, it’s Mia. I don’t know if you can hear me but Uncle Robert thinks you can.” Her mouth tightened and she moistened her lips with her tongue. “There’s so much I want to say to you. I miss you. I know you’ll be disappointed in me but I don’t think I can stay living with dad. I’m sorry—”
Mia exhaled and slumped forward. Her fingers ruffled the pages of the Bible. She looked at the words and cleared her throat. Mia knew her mother would love to hear her reading the Bible. Softly she started to read, each word lifted up as a love offering to her mother.
“Have faith in God,” Jesus answered. “Truly I tell you, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in their heart but believes that what they say will happen, it will be done for them. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”
~~~
Margaret’s eyes felt heavy, weighted down. She could hear Mia’s voice and tried to move. The pain was excruciating. She remembered the car and tried to grasp what had happened. A tear eased its way out of her eye.
She turned her head towards Mia and whispered her name.
Mia scrambled closer to the bed. “Mum, don’t move. I’ll get the doctor.”
“Don’t go.” Why was it hard to breathe? Her chest felt compressed by iron that tightened with each breath. Her head ached.
Mia leaned in.
Margaret closed her eyes. Lord, I need to tell Mia I love her, help me. She tried to smile as she opened her eyes and moved her fingers slightly.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too, Mum. Let me get a nurse. You’re awake now, which is a good sign.” Mia began to rise as she spoke, her eyes locked on her mother’s face.
“Wait, please.” Margaret became silent for a moment and her eyes drooped.
Moments passed and Mia shifted in her seat.
Forcing her eyes open Margaret blinked. It took a tremendous effort to stay awake.
“Mia, you changed my world when I held you in my arms.” Her mind flashed to images of Mia as a baby and she smiled.
“Mum?” Mia whispered.
“I’m sorry. I was remembering.” Margaret’s fingers tightened on Mia’s. “I let you down. I pretended things were okay and you got hurt.”
“It’s okay, Mum, you did the best you could and I’m fine. It’s okay,” Mia soothed.
“No. You’re not fine. I see the pain in your eyes and—I’m sorry.” Margaret started to gasp.
Mia leaped to her feet, bent over her mother and scrambled to press the call button.
Margaret’s vision blurred as she looked at Mia as if through a soft mist. “I love you, I should have—” Taking short quick breaths Margaret forced herself to continue. “I wish I’d been stronger. Should have protected you.”
Margaret sensed that time was short as the air in the room seemed to evaporate. Struggling to speak she rasped. “Jesus can help you, reach out to him. Forgive me, honey, forgive your father. Forgiveness will heal you, set you free.” She smiled and a faraway look came into her eyes.
Margaret knew the words didn’t explain all she felt but they would be enough. She relaxed and the sound of Mia crying slowly lessened as she closed her eyes and reached out her heart and soul into the arms of God.
“No.” Mia whimpered. “No, please—oh God no—” Mia lay her head on her mother’s shoulder and tears racked her body.
Being her mother’s daughter had been the only thing that had been important to her. It gave meaning to her life.
She felt herself slipping into darkness and welcomed it, wanted to embrace it. She wanted to die, to go with her mother, to escape the pain that was crushing in on her heart.
Chapter 10
Throwing the pencil down in disgust David rose to his feet. With budget cuts at every angle his original design had all but disappeared. At this rate the skyscraper would become another building lost in a grey concrete jungle. How could he make changes without insulting the lines of the building? He’d have to go to Sydney to sort this out.
Moving to the window, he stood with arms folded across his chest and sighed. His gaze followed the rays of sunlight as they poked through the clouds and journeyed their way down to the ocean waves like a ladder from heaven. Now that was beauty. He smiled. God was the master creator.
Lord, that’s spectacular, thank you. Give me your wisdom on how to pull this together without compromising my standards.
Peace replaced frustration. Blue Bay was good for him. He loved the salt air, the friendly people and the slower pace of life. It was so different from the life he’d lived in Sydney.
Bruno nudged David’s leg and he looked down, his hand idly scratched the big dog’s ear as his gaze returned to the window.
Bruno nudged him again.
His attention now fully on his dog, he squatted and placed both hands around Bruno’s head. “Okay, okay. What do you want?”
He saw the lead on the flo
or. “Arr – a walk is it? Sounds good to me, and maybe we’ll bump into the beautiful Mia.”
He felt better from the exercise and enjoyed Bruno’s frantic search for the Blue Tongue lizard that often sunned itself on the concrete step outside his house. Maybe he’d swing past Phil’s shop and pick up some cat food. He’d read somewhere that the large lizards would often steal food from the domestic animals.
David entered the store and saw Phil was in conversation with an elderly woman and it took David a minute to remember her name. He’d met Mrs. Spencer a few times now and she seemed like a nice woman.
He nodded to Phil and casually picked up a car magazine to leaf through while he waited. It was the sound of Mia’s name being mentioned that drew his attention to their conversation.
“Such a sad, sad day, poor Mia.” Mrs. Spencer touched a handkerchief to the corner of her eye.
“It still seems unbelievable that a thing like that can happen in Blue Bay.” Phil shook his head and David noticed Phil’s eyes had become watery.
“Yes I know. Never heard of a hit and run accident like that happening in these parts. Such a tragedy,” Phil added.
David’s face drained of color as he listened.
Mrs. Spencer turned and saw David. “I didn’t see you there, sorry if I’ve been holding you up.”
“I’m in no hurry, Mrs. Spencer. I heard you mention Mia’s name. Are you talking about Mia Dawson?” David’s heart raced into overdrive. Had he lost Mia before they’d even had a chance to become friends? That would explain why he hadn’t seen her around or why she hadn’t returned his calls.
“Yes, poor girl. Her mother was hit by a car and the driver didn’t even take the time to stop and see if she was okay. Margaret died yesterday.” Mrs. Spencer waved the floral handkerchief around expressively.
David lowered his head to give himself time to regain control and consider the grief Mia must been feeling. “Have the police found out what happened?”
Phil coughed and came into the conversation. “I was talking to Robert earlier today—.”
“David dear, Robert is Margaret’s brother,” Mrs. Spencer gave a watery smile and nodded. “Carry on, Phillip—you were saying?”
“Robert was saying there is no news on who was driving and no witnesses. The police will continue the investigation but it seems like it was a freak accident and the driver panicked and took off.”
David desperately wanted to go to Mia. Had she been able to resolve the fight with her mother before she died?
As neither Mrs. Spencer nor David said anything, Phil continued. “As you can imagine Robert is hurting bad, having been so close to Margaret. I asked him about the funeral and he said Jonathan had asked him to take care of all the arrangements as—”
Mrs. Spencer interrupted, looking over at David. “Jonathan is Mia’s father, David.”
“As I was saying,” Phillip’s eyebrows lifted and he squinted at Mrs. Spencer, “Robert is making all the arrangements for the funeral as Jonathan seems to be in a daze. Must be in shock, poor man.”
“How’s Mia?” David asked.
“Robert said he’d arrived at the hospital and found Mia clinging to her mother’s hand. Apparently little Mia looked up at him and said she didn’t want to leave because once she left the room things would never be the same again.” Phillip sniffed loudly and David noticed his hand shook as it leaned on the counter.
Mrs. Spencer needed to know all the details. She said there were casseroles to be cooked and dropped off to Jonathan and flowers to be organized. She would contact Robert as soon as she got home. “Phillip, did Robert say anything about when the funeral would be?”
“Yes, ten o’clock next Wednesday at the Clarence Street Bible Chapel.” Phil turned to David. “Robert and Margaret have been a part of that church since they were children.”
David asked if he could attend the funeral to show his respects to Mia’s mother even though he’d never met her.
Mrs. Spencer patted David’s arm. “Of course you can David; the whole town will probably turn up. It’s what we do around here, look out for each other. Now I have so much to do that I must be going. Thank you for the information about the funeral, Phillip, I’ll catch up with you in a day or two.” She hurried out of the store murmuring names of people she would contact.
~~~
Jonathan sat at the dining room table and stared into his empty cup. He felt beyond help, lost.
Standing he moved into the lounge and stood by the small grand piano. He could hear Margaret playing in his mind. He’d never told her he loved to listen to her play.
He looked at the photos she’d placed lovingly on top of the piano. He picked up a small photo of Margaret holding Mia as a baby. Jonathan remembered taking the photo after he’d convinced Margaret to come back to him. He recalled her poking her finger into his chest and telling him that if they were going to try again then he would need to behave himself. She’d looked him straight in the eye and told him she would not share him with another woman, that if he thought she was the sort of woman who’d turn a blind eye to him having affairs then he could think again.
She’d been magnificent, determination in her face and her eyes blazing. Jonathan had made promises, offering her the world to get her and Mia back in his life and it had worked.
Funny, often what you want to do and what you do are two different things. Breaking off with Judy was harder than he’d thought.
His forehead creased as he replaced the photo. Jonathan moved around to sit on the piano stool. He lifted the lid and absently ran his finger along the keys, the notes sounding harsh compared to the fluid movement of Margaret’s playing.
“Margaret, I’m sorry. She wouldn’t leave me alone and it became easier to give in to her. I’m a terrible man, the worst husband—you deserved better. If only—”
Jonathan shuddered as he felt the shiver run down his spine.
You never loved her, you never cared!
“No, no that’s not true. I loved Margaret, I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her.”
You killed her, you may not have driven the car but you’re guilty; it should have been you that died.
“Shut up, shut up. I won’t listen to you. I didn’t do anything wrong, I tried to make things right.” Sobs began to form below his rib cage, slowly working their way up his chest to escape through his mouth, Jonathan found himself on the floor with his head on his knees. He wailed.
~~~
Mia came into the room and saw her father on the floor weeping. Part of her wanted to go to him, to share the feelings of helplessness and pain. She began to approach him and a soft moan escaped her lips.
He seemed totally unaware of her presence. She watched as he wiped his face and mumbled something as he jumped to his feet and hurried out the terrace doors, running down the path as if someone was chasing him.
Mia opened her mouth to call him, but the words remained unspoken.
Surely he would have seen her. She didn’t know what was happening with her father and supposed that each person dealt with grief in a different way. She wished she could talk to him about how he was feeling. Maybe it would help her unlock the knot that seemed to be stuck in her heart.
Her finger curled her hair and she tilted her head.
When had she ever been able to talk to her father? Why would now be any different?
She spun on her feet in panic. She couldn’t stay here without her mother. The house felt different. The windows were closed and the air smelt musty. The house seemed to be grieving the loss of laughter and light.
What would people say if they heard she’d left her father when he needed her the most? She felt the pressure to conform but something in her fought it, challenged the logic of staying in a place she didn’t feel safe.
As she deliberated her options, the phone rang. She stared at it and considered ignoring the call. After seven rings she picked up.
“Hi, Mia, how you doing, honey?”
&n
bsp; “Not too good, Uncle Robert.”
“I was hoping you would come and have dinner with me, I don’t want to be alone right now.”
“Dinner?” Mia wondered when she’d last eaten.
“Yes. You can ask Jonathan to come too if he’s there. How does that sound to you?”
“I’m not very hungry.” The thought of food made her feel sick.
“You have to eat, Princess.”
“Dad’s gone out. Uncle Robert, I can’t stay here. I won’t stay here. It’s horrible without Mum, and Dad and I—” She stopped talking, not knowing what to say.
“Mia, do you want to stay here? You know you’re welcome. I’d love to have you stay here for however long you want.”
“Thank you. It’s so—hard. I’ll grab some clothes and be over in an hour, is that okay?”
“Perfect. I’ll get busy with dinner, drive safe.”
Mia placed the suitcase on the bed and in a mad frenzy threw clothes towards it. Once it was full she forced the lid down. Running to the cupboard she got another suitcase and didn’t stop until all her things were ready to go.
Moving through the house she stopped in the kitchen and wrote her father a brief note.
Dad, I’m sorry but I can’t stay here. I’m at Uncle Robert’s—Mia
Mia looked around the kitchen as if saying goodbye to her mother all over again. She moved to the fridge and removed a photo her mother had placed there about a month ago. It was of both Mia and her laughing into the camera. She remembered Uncle Robert taking it and smiled at the memory.
With the photo in her hand she left the house and didn’t look back.
Chapter 11
Robert woke early and got straight out of bed. The funeral was today and he needed time with the Lord. He wanted the day to honor Maggie’s memory and send out a message of God’s love. Maggie would want that.
Gosh he missed her. Her Pollyanna attitude to life had challenged him to believe in new beginnings and second chances. Maggie had been the lifeline he needed when Jen died. She’d been there for him, constantly popping around and involving him in her life, asking him to babysit Mia or come around for dinner.
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