Anchored

by Hoffmann, Tracey

Mia had never had a conversation like this and wasn’t enjoying it. Though it took an effort, she kept her voice indifferent. “I would like to look after him.”

  “Thank you.” David smiled and Mia drew a breath. Her lips formed a slight smile in return and she sighed.

  “You could call around to my place and spend time with Bruno there or he could stay with you. Whatever works best for you.”

  Mia nodded and felt foolish. He hadn’t been asking for anything other than a favor and it was the least she could do.

  “Who usually looks after him?”

  “My brother Patrick.”

  “Are you sure you want me to look after him? Won’t your brother be upset at not having the opportunity to come and stay?”

  “No, Pat’s in India right now.”

  Mia wanted to ask what his brother did but kept silent.

  “How about this Saturday we plan on taking Bruno for a walk to see how you go with him on the lead?”

  Mia hesitated for a moment, “All right, what time?”

  “Say ten-thirty. Is that too early for you?”

  “No.” Mia’s vision blurred and she looked down to hide her emotion. Her mother would have loved Bruno. She’d always wanted to get a big dog, but her father had not allowed it.

  Chapter 13

  Judy realized a man was watching her from the shop window and decided to go home. She thought being by the water would help clear her mind, but she hadn’t been able to stop her racing thoughts.

  She knew Jonathan loved her. Yes, he’d tried to break up with her when Margaret had the baby, but Jonathan hadn’t been able to stay away. For a while she’d hounded him to leave Margaret and marry her, but he said if she didn’t like the arrangement they had then they were over.

  She’d come to enjoy the secrecy of their relationship. It had become a game of romance and she imagined she was in a movie. Yes, a movie star, she felt powerful and believed she controlled their entire destiny.

  When Jonathan and Margaret went out together she would put pressure on Jonathan to come to her during the night.

  Once she’d deliberately bumped into Margaret at the library and Margaret had smiled at her and apologized as if it was her fault. Everything was Margaret’s fault and she was glad Margaret was dead.

  Hadn’t she waited all these years, been there for him and not complained? It was her turn to have him. She was desperate for his touch and she longed to hear him tell her how much he’d missed her. She’d phone and tell him to come to her.

  When Jonathan answered the phone Judy felt heat shimmer up her spine. “Hello, Jonathan.”

  She could hear his breathing and wondered why he didn’t say anything. “Have you missed me, darling? I’m sorry we’ve not been able to see each other since the funeral. I want you to come to me tonight. You will come, won’t you? I need you.” Judy smiled as she pictured him longing for her.

  “I don’t know—” His tone was almost a whisper.

  “Would you rather I came to you? I can now you’re all alone in that big house. Shall I come now? I could be there in twenty minutes.”

  “No. Absolutely not! I will meet you. Where are you?”

  “I’m at my house. I’ll expect you in half an hour. Don’t be late.” Having said this she hung up and began pacing back and forth.

  Why didn’t he want her at his house? Surely it wouldn’t matter now if people saw them together. With his wife out of the picture how long would she have to wait to move in with him?

  She’d had enough of this stupid game and she was going to tell him so. After all the sacrifices she’d made for him, she loved him and he owed her.

  ~~~

  Jonathan was surprised by the pain that stabbed his chest. He hung up the phone and moved to the lounge, folding his body into a chair.

  His head fell back and he closed his eyes. His chest heaved up and down as he considered his options.

  If Mia knew he’d been having an affair with Judy all this time, she’d hate him. He’d have to go. Maybe he could talk to Judy about having some time apart so people would think he was the grieving widower.

  A tear slipped out the corner of his eye and slid down his cheek. Jonathan’s index finger wiped at the tear and his eyes looked at the moisture in surprise.

  “Margaret, my love—I miss you. Forgive me.”

  ~~~

  Being back at Judy’s place haunted him. His mouth sneered as he stormed down the path and into the house. He came to an abrupt halt in the front room. What was it with Judy and candles? The small candles flickered casting shadows around the room and the sweet smell sickened him.

  As soon as he saw her Jonathan gritted his teeth and his fists clenched.

  Judy sauntered towards him and her smiled mocked him.

  He hoped his disdain was visible to her. His eyes met hers and her smile penetrated his foggy mind. He was playing into her hands. This was exactly what she wanted. She liked his anger.

  Stepping back from her he allowed his hands to relax. He wanted to convince her they needed to play it cool, that time was now on their side and they had to use it wisely. He would appease her tonight and get himself some space.

  ~~~

  The conversation with David played on Mia’s mind. Twice she’d been abrupt with him to the point of rudeness yet here she was standing outside his house.

  She glanced back down the street and contemplated reneging on her promise. Why was the thought of being friends with him so difficult?

  Straightening her shoulders, she braced herself and with purposeful steps she approached his door. What would he say when she told him she was now house-sitting for a friend of her uncles and living on Werrina Parade, six houses down from his?

  She fiddled with the catch on her bag for a moment then set her mouth as she pressed the bell.

  The sound of the bell could be heard ricocheting through the house, quickly followed by a dog barking. Mia smiled.

  David opened the door with one hand and signaled to Bruno with the other to sit and wait.

  “Hi, Mia, come in.” Mia greeted David, then hunched down to say hello to Bruno. “Hey, Bruno, remember me?”

  With undisguised excitement Bruno nudged into her, his big head swooping down to lick her hand. Mia laughed as she briskly rubbed his neck.

  “Would you like a drink before we go? I’ve just poured myself one so I hope you’ll say yes.”

  “In that case, thank you.” Mia relaxed and glanced around. The ambience of the room spoke of class and money. Each piece of furniture faced the window, beckoning the eye to survey the ocean landscape. The room was lived in with books on the coffee table and a newspaper folded on the floor by a chair.

  There was a massive potted plant taking up a whole corner of the room and Mia lifted her eyebrows in surprise as she saw the wildness of it.

  “I know, I know, it’s ugly. Mum gave it to me five years ago and it’s gone ballistic. I go to trim the thing but the thought of it dying halts my hand in midair. Mum loved plants and this reminds me of her. When it takes over the whole room I’ll buy a bigger house.” Laughing, David motioned for Mia to sit down and excused himself as he went to get her drink.

  Walking over to the plant, Mia gently touched one of the large shiny leaves. He was a sentimental man. The corner of her mouth curved as she went to sit on the edge of a chair.

  David arrived back and placed a tall glass of lemonade beside her. Sitting opposite her he picked up his drink and took a sip.

  Bruno sat next to Mia with his big frame leaning against her leg and she rested her hand on his head, stroking his ears.

  “Have you had a good week?” David enquired.

  “Yes. I’ve decided to go back to work on Monday. I can’t mope around any longer feeling sorry for myself. Mum would be disappointed in me.”

  Leaning forward in his chair, David’s eyes captured hers. “I think your mother would be proud of the way you’ve coped. I’m proud of you.”

  Mia looked at her
hands. “I – thank you.” Of their own accord her eyes rose and met his. “I miss her. I can’t believe I won’t see her again.” Her eyes shimmered with tears and a small sigh escaped her lips.

  Bruno chose this moment to push his nose into Mia’s lap.

  David smiled. “I think Bruno’s ready, I made the mistake of telling him we were waiting for you and then we were going for a—you know that ‘w’ word.”

  Chapter 14

  Music poured into the car. Mia’s finger moved in time to the music and she felt warm inside. Things were improving. She’d moved into her new home, had a big affectionate dog as a house guest and been back at work two weeks.

  On Sunday she’d somehow found herself going to church with Uncle Robert and upon walking into the building she’d felt a presence, a sort of beckoning to her heart. The singing had been nice and although she didn’t really get too involved it had been nice to sit with Uncle Robert and think about her mother.

  The Pastor talked about how God is a God of second, third and fourth chances, and that the Son of Man came to seek and save what was lost. Well she certainly wasn’t lost, so this couldn’t apply to her, she knew exactly where she was and where she was going.

  As Mia told herself these things she felt uneasy and her fingers stopped tapping and her grip tightened on the steering wheel.

  “When have you ever listened to God, Mia?” Mia was surprised she’d verbalized the question and reached across to hit the stop button on the CD.

  The silence in the car vibrated with the question. She thought of little Jenny from preschool, and how it had taken time to build her trust and form a relationship with her. Had she expected God to listen to her when she didn’t even have a relationship with him?

  Mia pulled the car into her parking space outside the preschool and shook her head in confusion. She pushed the thought further away and focused on the day ahead.

  As the day progressed Mia felt her shoulders relax and even the smudged floor streaked with scuffs from children’s shoes made her smile. It was good to have a semblance of normality back in her life.

  She chatted to parents as they arrived to pick up their children and marveled at how fast the day had gone.

  Walking into the office she found Jackie filing away some papers and running a hand over her forehead. “Are you okay, Jackie?”

  “Yes, it’s just been a long day and I have so much to do tonight. It’s my daughter’s birthday and I have to pick up the cake and blow up a bag of balloons.” Jackie gave a fleeting smile. “I forgot I’d made an appointment to enroll a new boy at 5.30 p.m., so it’s going to be a bit of a rush.”

  “I’ll do the interview. I don’t have anywhere I need to be tonight and it’s only about half an hour anyway.”

  “You’ve only been back at work a couple of weeks,” Jackie argued.

  “I insist you go. Besides I would like to read over some of the children’s notes to catch up with how they’ve been doing and this will give me a chance to start on that while I wait for the family to arrive.”

  Jackie leaned over and hugged her. “Okay you’ve talked me into it. It’s good to have you back. I’ll be off then.”

  “Oh I nearly forgot, I’ve got a small gift for the birthday girl.” Reaching into her bag she pulled out the carefully gift wrapped parcel and placed it in Jackie’s surprised hand.

  “Thank you, she’ll be so excited. See you tomorrow.”

  “Bye.” Mia walked over to look at the children’s paintings. They were so creative. Maybe she’d buy some paint for home and get back into doing some painting for herself.

  Moving back towards the office she stopped as she heard the door open. Preparing herself to meet the couple Jackie had told her about she turned to watch them come in.

  The man walked purposely across the room, but he was alone.

  Mia looked behind him and shifted uneasily on her feet. “Hello, I’m Mia, is your wife still coming?” His gaze seemed to be stuck on her chest and Mia lifted her hand protectively.

  “No, she wasn’t able to make it and I decided I’d come on my own. Is that a problem?”

  “No of course not. Follow me please.”

  Mia led the way to the office and turned to offer him a seat.

  He was so close behind her that she swayed, and he placed his hand on her waist.

  Mia found herself spiraling into another place, another time, with another man.

  One of his hands covered her mouth and the other hand was on the top of her leg. He was so big and she was pinned under him.

  She was frightened yet didn’t struggle. Something told her that struggling only made it worse.

  Her eyes shut tight and she was trying to think about the tree hut she was building in her mind. The ladder was made of rope and once she was in the hut she could pull the ladder up so no one could get up there unless she invited them. She had her dolls with her and was pouring them tea in small teacups.

  The pain always made it difficult to stay in the tree hut. It brought her back and she almost opened her eyes, but daddy didn’t like it when she looked at him.

  “Miss, are you okay?”

  “I—” Mia looked at him and made an effort to focus. He was supporting her and the look on his face showed only concern.

  She pulled herself away and stammered “I—I’m sorry. I felt a little lightheaded there for a moment. Is it okay if we reschedule the interview and then your wife might be able to make it?”

  “That’s fine, if you’re sure you’re okay, I’ll get her to phone you.” He turned as he spoke and inched towards the door.

  Mia watched him leave and dropped into her chair. Her head slumped forward and she started to tremble.

  Oh no, her father. How could he? How old would she have been? Four, five? Why hadn’t she remembered until now? Oh she wished she hadn’t remembered. She’d thought it was his anger she’d been frightened of, but it was much, much more.

  It was like she’d unlocked a Pandora box as memory after memory resurfaced and Mia found herself being swallowed up by the anguished pain of betrayal.

  “Noooooooo!” she screamed into the silent room.

  Crying hysterically, she was unable to bring her thoughts back into focus.

  The shrill of her cell phone finally caught her attention. Mia bent under the desk and picked up her handbag. Getting her phone she recognized Uncle Robert’s name on the screen.

  Bruno was with him, she needed to pick him up, what time was it? Answering the phone, Mia said a quiet hello.

  “Mia, honey, are you okay? It’s going on seven and it’s not like you to be late.”

  “I’m still at work, sorry I didn’t phone you. Is Bruno okay?”

  “He’s fine. Are you sure you’re okay? You sound sort of upset.”

  “I’m leaving now—I—we can talk when I get there.”

  ~~~

  Robert knew something was wrong. Bruno sprung to his feet and ran to the front door, alerting him to Mia’s car arriving.

  He carried two drinks into the lounge, hoping she might stay for a while, even have dinner with him. As Mia entered the room, he noticed her pale face and puffy eyes. She looked like a wilting flower.

  Her gaze shifted around the room only making brief contact with his.

  “Mia, what’s happened? Come and sit down.”

  Mia sat looking at her hands. Bruno pushed his face into her leg for attention and she absently placed her hand on his head, the contact bringing some small semblance of life into her face.

  “I was at work meeting this man to enroll his son in preschool when something happened that—um—” Mia gripped her hands together and he watched her twist her fingers in knots.

  What had happened to his girl to cause this distress? A frown creased his forehead and his heart started to pound.

  “Something happened that triggered a memory from when I was a little girl.” Her mouth twisted, showing her anguish.

  “What happened? What do you mean, a mem
ory?” When silence was all that answered him Robert continued. “Mia, whatever it is honey, I love you. I want to help you, please tell me.”

  “I want to talk to you, I do, but—I’m scared of what you might think of me.”

  Her statement was like a blow to his stomach. “Nothing you could say would ever change the way I feel about you. I love you.”

  “You say that now, but how can I believe you? How can I believe anything anyone ever tells me?”

  He reached for her but she swerved and raced to the bathroom.

  Robert pulled up a chair and sat down to wait. His eyes were anxious and a frown chiseled his forehead.

  ~~~

  How could she have said that to her uncle? She’d grouped him with her father.

  Wiping her face she looked at her reflection and saw a stranger. Her stomach churned at the thought of dealing with the truth.

  Bracing her hands on the basin she inhaled deeply and bile rose in her throat. She swooped down and filled her mouth with water, swirling the liquid around her mouth to get rid of the putrid taste.

  She felt pungent, dirty, damaged.

  Gritting her teeth, she went back to her uncle. Robert stood as she entered the room.

  “It’s okay, honey, you don’t have to tell me if it’s too painful. When you’re upset, Mia, I’m upset.”

  Mia believed him.

  Her heart skipped a beat and before she could change her mind she said; “I always thought it was my father’s anger I was scared of. He used to threaten me and sometimes he’d hit me.” Her eyes closed as she visualized the scene she’d described. “If I went to church with Mum he’d get angry and I knew I’d suffer the consequences the next day.”

  “Mia, I didn’t know.” Robert’s eyes widened, in surprise.

  “I knew Dad was sometimes unpredictable, but what I didn’t remember was that he—”

  Mia stopped. The words got caught in her throat. How could she say it? Speak the words that would forever be ingrained on her heart, labeling her as damaged goods.