Shawna pursed her lips and scowled, but Clark wasn't interested in her embarrassment or discomfort. He wasn't the most sensitive man, but that was part of what she liked about him. A healthy bruising to the ego felt like a good way to grow as a person and become humble, and Shawna knew she had a lot of growing to do before she was to become the person she wanted to be. Life spent at Ben's side had stifled her — it was time to let go.
"Then what am I supposed to pack with?" Shawna demanded.
"You got a rucksack? A backpack? That's all I got space for. If you're going to be my passenger, you're going to make due."
"How long are we going for?" The thought that they might be gone for months at a time while she only had enough space for a couple of changes of clothes, not to mention lack of space for toiletries, had her momentarily panicked. How was she going to manage?
"Three weeks? Four? Maybe more. I never know. It depends on what I found out there, and how hungry I get for home." A shrug. Clark rose from the couch and gestured towards the door. "Now, if you're done pepperin' me with questions, you can get out and go pack. Meet me back here in four hours and we'll hit the road. If you're a no show, I'm not waiting for you."
He left her with few options, and out of all of them, all Shawna could do was nod. Already her mind had kicked it into overdrive as she tried to figure out how she could make the most out of a backpack. Maybe she could go out quickly and pick up one of those heavy duty backpacks people wore around Europe. If this was to be the start of her new life and new attitude, Shawna felt she'd get use out of such a thing again.
Shawna saw herself out, and as soon as the door closed behind her, she realized how much there was left to do. Four hours didn't seem like it was going to cut in. There wasn't going to be a moment to spare if she wanted to catch Clark before he left for good.
Bag purchased, then hastily stuffed with clothes, cosmetics, and toiletries, there was still her possessions to take care of. There was no way she'd be able to find a storage unit and move the rest of her belongings there with the time that she had left.
Instead of stress, Shawna called her mother.
"Hey there sweetheart," her mother chirped as she answered. "I was just out getting lunch. Are you on break at work?"
"No, mom, I—" Shawna hadn't told her anything. Not what had happened with Ben, not what had happened with Clark, and not about her plans to leave. Everything had eroded and reformed so quickly that she hadn't had the chance. "It's going to sound really crazy. Do you have a couple of minutes?"
Anticipating a drawn out conversation, Shawna slid down the wall of her nearly gutted apartment and settled on the floor. Docile and whimsical, her mother had always been a calm and collected individual, but Shawna was sure the news she had would rattle the woman at least a little.
"Yeah, of course. You sound stressed; what's happened?"
Shawna closed her eyes and let her head fall back so that it hit the wall behind her. It was time to spill her guts after holding everything back.
"It's about Ben," Shawna began. How could she come out and say it? After so long, everyone in the family had been sure it was only a matter of time before they were engaged. Ben had been to family functions and had always been kind to her parents. As much as she had lost him, so had they.
"Are you pregnant, Shawna?" her mother asked. There was a glimmer of hope in her voice, and Shawna pursed her lips and shook her head even though her mother couldn't see. The thought of being pregnant with Ben's child struck her as a curse rather than a blessing. A lifetime bound to a man who had no interest in anything she was passionate about sounded like torture.
"No, mom, I'm not pregnant. It's kind of the opposite. Ben and I aren't starting a new life together — we're ending an old one. We broke up two weeks ago."
"I'm sorry. Are you okay?" Genuine concern laced her mother's words, and they acted as a balm for Shawna's soul. Until then, she hadn't realized how torn up she really was. Whatever love she'd once felt for Ben had dulled with time, but the fact that she'd broken free from the familiarity of her life with him to forge out on her own was jarring.
"I've been okay. It's been good. He wasn't good for me. We didn't have the same goals, I guess, and we grew apart. I want excitement and travel, and he... Well. He's not so interested in that. He's already moved out and living on his own, and I bet that it won't be long before he uses his new single status for networking purposes." Shawna snorted, gazing up at the ceiling. It was one of the last times she would ever see it — the end of the month their lease was over, and she'd lose ownership of this place. The home she'd once shared with Ben would belong to someone else. "I guess I'm surprised he didn't already cheat on me in the name of networking. It seemed all he ever wanted to do was build himself as a brand and work. I couldn't take it anymore."
"I know that it doesn't help," her mother said, "but you're still young, sweetheart. Tons of people don't meet their true soul mate until their thirties, or even later. Don't let this breakup get you down."
It was so much like her mother to try to make the best out of a situation. Shawna chortled, lips curling into a smile. While the advice hurt, it also helped. Her mother's heart was in the right place.
"I'm not, I promise. I'm trying to do what's good for me right now, and... Well. I'm leaving the country for a little while."
A beat of silence passed between them as her mother digested the news.
"What?"
"I'm going to go to Canada and travel. I've always wanted to see the world, and Canada seems like a good, safe place to start for a beginner like me. And some things fell into my lap really last minute, so I'm going to be leaving in just a few hours. I need to ask you a favor."
Shawna ran a finger up and down the denim over her thighs, occupying herself with the sensation. If her mother said no, she didn't know what she was going to do.
"That's a lot all at once. Are you sure you're okay? This seems a little drastic for you. Usually you're so mellow and level headed."
"That's what I'm working to change," Shawna said. "All I've wanted to do is travel and live life, and Ben had held me back from that for so long that it's become a part of my identity to be boring. I don't want to be boring. I need to take this chance, and I need to refresh myself. Reinvent myself. And I need your help."
Another pause. Shawna's mother had always been understanding and patient, but Shawna wondered if she'd pushed her too far. The response finally came.
"I trust you, honey. What can I do to help you?"
A grin broke across Shawna's face, and she breathed in deeply to anchor herself.
"I need you to find a storage unit for me and take my stuff there before the end of the month. You still have a spare key for the unit, so you can get in. Everything is boxed. I wanted to do it myself, but it's just, this opportunity came up literally two hours ago, and there's too much left to do. I promise when I come back I'll pay you back for all you do for me."
The huge pack sat across from her, stuffed and ready to go. Shawna lowered her gaze to look at it, the back of her head still planted against the wall.
"Hun, I'm your mom," the voice on the opposite end of the phone said. "Maybe you have been influenced a little too much by Ben. I do things for you because I love you and support you, not because I'm looking to be compensated. I'll move your stuff out and put it in storage provided you call me when you're safe in Canada and let me know what's going on. When are you coming back home?"
"A month, I think," Shawna said. "I'll let you know when I know. I feel like my whole life is up in the air, and it's not going to be coming down any time soon."
The tinkling sounds of mirth rang in her ear as her mother laughed.
"Shawna, if you're up in the air, that means you're that much closer to being amongst the stars. Relax. Live life. Blossom. I'll take care of things for you here on this end, you just focus on taking care of you."
A warm smile spread her lips. The opportunity of a lifetime stretched out before
her as if stoked by destiny. It couldn't have been a mistake that she'd met Clark that night at the gym, or that Ben had blown a gasket like he had. Everything in her life was fitting together just right, and Shawna was going to make the most of it.
"And you watch that heart of yours," her mother warned her. "It's easy to fall in love when you're vulnerable and on the road. I just don't want you hurting any more."
Love. Shawna's cheeks flushed with color, and she crossed her ankles to ward off the heat she felt. Sure, she was attracted to Clark's body and turned on by his assertive, carefree attitude, but love was out of the question. Not him. Not now.
"I'll be good, and I'll be careful," she promised.
"That's my girl," her mother praised her. "You take care, and don't forget to let me know when you're safe."
"Of course. Bye mom. Thank you for everything." Shawna curled the fingers that had been tracing the length of her jeans.
"Bye sweetie."
The call ended, and it was time to go. Had Shawna known what laid in store for her on the open roads, she might have taken her mother's words much closer to heart.
Part Three
Gasoline and crisp leather. The ripping roar of the wind, and the hum of the engine beneath her. A constant thrill from the danger of the bike racing down the interstate, and the security of Clark's firm body. Shawna sat behind him, arms around his waist, pressed flush with the thick back of his leather jacket. Clark was no longer alone in his fashion choices — when she had arrived at his door, he'd had a surprise for her. A woman's leather jacket, fitted near perfectly to her body, and a full, sleek black helmet were hers to do with as she pleased.
"Got them back from an ex who didn't want anything to do with me. Leather's expensive. Thought I'd recycle it, make sure it got a good home instead of letting it be moth food in a closet or donated and abused as cheap thrift."
Maybe Clark wasn't the most romantic man, but at least he was thoughtful. Shawna was putting the gifts to good use.
They'd been driving for close to three hours at this point, and Shawna's thighs were killing her. The pack she wore was heavy and threatened to throw her off balance, and so she'd been clinging to Clark and the sides of the bike with renewed vigor. Crashing or falling off, even with her thick leather and her new helmet, would likely mean death — as carefree as Shawna was trying to be, dying didn't spell out a good time. If she was going to enjoy liberty and spontaneous behavior, she had to be alive.
B.C. was the destination. British Columbia. Mountains and ancient forests. Mild temperatures and diversified culture. Clark said the women there were hot shit, and Shawna wondered what kind of secrets she would discover wandering its streets. The deal was that they'd split a room in a motel, and Clark would drop her off and pick her up at set times, but that the rest of the time, they'd be on their own. That arrangement suited Shawna just fine. Some time on her own wouldn't hurt.
The bike veered to the right, destined for the next exit. Shawna lifted her head to look. A rest stop. Even as her thighs thanked her, her constitution wavered. Could she really keep up this balancing act for a month? They'd be traveling every day, sometimes multiple hours a day if they were on the move. It was going to be tough.
A wooden building with a sloped roof offered restrooms and vending machines, and the lush grounds around it were dotted with picnic benches. Clark navigated into the parking lot and glided to a gentle stop in one of the spots up front, nearest the building.
"Gotta piss," he announced, taking his helmet from his head. The first night they'd met, he hadn't had the sense to wear one. Long distance traveling awoke a sense of mortality in him, or so it seemed. "Wait here for me, unless you've gotta piss, too."
Shawna did not need to use the facilities — she was so clenched up, she thought she might never need to go again. Instead, as Clark eased himself from the bike and strode towards the lodge, Shawna hopped down, slung the pack from her back for some brief relief, and took her cellphone from her back pocket. To her surprise, four text messages waited.
Ben (1:24PM): I think we should try to talk about this.
Ben (1:30PM): I'm really sorry I was such a jerk to you. You didn't deserve to be attacked like that.
Ben (1:41PM): Please call me.
Ben (2:04PM): If you call me, I swear I will treat you with respect and listen to what you have to say. This doesn't have to be the end.
The words twisted and sat uneasily in her gut. Shawna bit down on her bottom lip and wondered if she should just ignore them. Leaving him hanging proved impossible — Ben had been her everything for five years, and she owed him a little respect. A relationship as long as theirs wasn't over just like that. No break was that clean. Shawna lifted her eyes to observe the lodge, found Clark nowhere in sight, and hastily dialed Ben's number.
Why was it that she felt guilty doing so?
The phone rang. Shawna shifted her weight from foot to foot, waiting for him to pick up. Just when she was about to hang up, Ben's familiar voice greeted her.
"Hey, Shawna. I'm really glad you decided to call. Are you at work?"
By all rights, she should have been. How could she tell him she was traveling to Canada with the man he'd become so incensed over? She couldn't.
"I took the day off to deal with some stuff," she lied. "I was on the road when you texted me. What is it that you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to let you know how sorry I am," Ben said. Shawna pursed her lips and tried not to let his words affect her, tried to remember how miserable she had been while they were living together. The good times were long gone, and Ben had ignored her needs for so long that she should never consider taking him back, no matter how good the apology. And yet...
"It's not all your fault," she tried to reason with him. "When we started dating, we were young. With time, we grew apart. There's nothing shameful about that."
"What's shameful is that I didn't do my part to try to grow back to you, to unify our lives as they should have been. I wanted to propose to you." The words sank like stones in her gut and spread cold dread through her. No. He wasn't bringing this up now, was he? Shawna left her bag near the bike and made tracks to the nearest picnic bench, sitting to brace herself as he continued to confess. "I wanted to do it last Christmas, but the ring I wanted to get you was too much for me to afford at that time. And then, month by month, little financial things kept popping up that prevented me from acting on what I wanted to do. And I got bitter. I wanted you forever, and now because of it, I don't have you at all."
"Maybe it's for the best," Shawna said. "Maybe what happened was for a reason."
"I don't know what reason that would be. I'm miserable. All I do is work and come home, work and come home, and there's no one there to brighten my day or talk to afterwards. I didn't realize how important you were to me until it was too late. Why don't you come home, Shawna? Come home and we can start over, and I can show you what a good guy I can be."
Here she was in the middle of nowhere, well on her way to Canada, with Ben spilling his guts on his lunch break. Shawna closed her eyes and leaned back until her back hit the table of the picnic bench.
"I don't know..."
"Please. Please give me a shot. You know me."
She knew the man he once was, and the man he had become. Ben was dependable when it came to financial matters and his professional life, but he'd never invested very much into their relationship — Shawna wasn't sure how much she could trust him.
To see clarity she opened her eyes to find Clark towering over her, looking down from above. A startled yelp punched a hole into the serious conversation she was having, and all of its importance leaked out, leaving it hollow and deflated.
"I've got to get back on the road. Gotta go—"
"—On the road? Where are you—"
"Bye."
With a jab at the end call button, Shawna let Ben go. Clark hitched an eyebrow, his oppressive presence not backing down. Decked out in thick black leather, hair wi
ndswept from the ride, clunky riding boots and fingerless gloves completing the image, he was as frightening as he was captivating. A bad boy through and through. Now that she was under his scrupulous gaze, Shawna felt weak and exposed.
"Who were you talking to?" he asked.
"Trouble," Shawna said earnestly. "Are you ready to go? I'm so ready to go."
Clark's gaze narrowed, and he turned his thoughts over as he considered her. Finally, with hesitance, he took a step back to allow her to stand.
"You know my policy — this is my ride, and if you're getting cold feet, you're on your own. I'm not coming to your rescue, blondie. Whatever's going on is a fight you're going to have to see through to victory all on your own."
The honesty of what he said spoke to her, and Shawna nodded. But as she rose and followed him back to the bike, and even when she'd secured her helmet and bag and had tucked herself against his back for safety, thoughts of Ben and the 'what ifs' swarmed her mind like bees around a hive. Had she made a mistake, and was she making it worse by running away to Canada with a stranger to forget her feelings? Now that Ben had called, she wasn't sure.
But there was no turning back.
Miles of road stretched out before them, and the afternoon sky bled into twilight. Soon the light of the moon paired with street lamps to point their way forward, but Clark showed no signs of stopping.
Had Shawna to guess, the bike slowed for the first time since the rest stop at close to midnight. Hungry and yet nauseated, in need of a restroom and yet too strung out to really care, Shawna saw the bright lights in the distance. The land border between the United States and Canada looked modern, the buildings sleek and elegant, traffic backed up even at this time of the night. Shawna tucked herself closer against Clark's back as they crawled to a stop to wait in line. Lines of cars waited for approval, and in the distance, Shawna saw the booths with the border agents. This was it — she was really leaving the country.
SHEIKH'S SURPRISE BABY: A Sheikh Romance Page 30
