Between Brothers: The Sacred Brotherhood Book IV

by A. J. Downey

  It was bitterly cold, and I cuddled against his back, huddling down as much as I could to block the wind. He reached behind him and squeezed my knee and I could already feel myself getting aroused, wondering exactly what he might do when we got back to the club.

  The party was in full swing when we pulled up. Music bumping out of the common room, the glass in the window in front with the Sacred Hearts flag in it rattling in its pane. Duracell had me hop down and backed his bike into the line of them out front. When he came and captured my hand, though? He took us through the parking lot and the long way around the building.

  We followed the blacktop track toward the outbuilding silently passing below the rise where a fire was going on in the fire pit and several brothers were smoking and talking, making use of the benches on chains surrounding it.

  He let us into the same building that housed Blue’s room but took me to a different door. I slipped inside and he shut it behind me, taking my coat and hanging it on the back of the door.

  I turned around and he stepped into my personal space, hauling my body against his. He bowed his head and claimed my mouth and it was nothing like when Blue kissed me. Duracell didn’t give, he took, and he was going to take everything if I let him.

  Was it wrong of me to be curious? Was it wrong of me to want this? I didn’t think so anymore. I felt a sense of excitement thrum through me as he slid a hand under my shirt and massaged my breast through my bra.

  I pushed his coat and colorfully patched vest off his shoulders and he let them fall to the floor. It was a frenzy of getting the clothes off and once they were, Duracell picked me up and tossed me on the bed, laughing. He got between my thighs and rubbed against me, staring into my eyes. I swallowed hard and the smile disappeared from my face.

  He was so serious, something primal, dark, and deep radiating from him like summer heat from a sidewalk and I’d let him snare me. My heart climbed up into my throat and Cell covered my mouth with his again, determined to get to it and devour it.

  I put my arms around him and pulled my body up off the mattress, closer to him and he groped off to the side for the condoms waiting on the bedside table. He broke the kiss and stood up saying, “Get on the bed, in the middle, on your fucking knees.”

  I swallowed hard and did what he asked, not sure what he had in mind. He rolled the condom down his length and said, “Play with your pussy. Touch yourself, tease your clit.”

  I did what he asked as he got up onto the bed behind me. He braced an arm against my back and slammed me face first into the pillows. I gasped and tried to push myself back up but it wasn’t about to happen. Then he was inside me, and he wasn’t gentle or careful the way he had been the first time, when Blue had held me while Cell had taken me.

  “You touching that pussy?” he demanded sharply and I nodded. He spanked my right butt cheek. Laying a hand on it in a rough, stinging slap that made me cry out but also did some really nice things. I writhed where I was impaled on his cock and cried out, “Yes!”

  He was fast, and brutal and I admit, frightening but I didn’t cry out. I didn’t use the word to make it stop because it felt good and I liked it. Confusion and turmoil tried to bubble to the surface because of that but I forced all of those things back into their lair, determined to enjoy this, giving myself over and letting go.

  His body met mine with the sharp sound of slapping skin and I jumped, startled when he put his finger against my anus.

  “What are you doing!?” I cried and he laughed.

  “What I want; now relax; whether this feels good or not is going to be totally up to you.”

  He slowed down and reached over to the bedside table and I bit my bottom lip. I considering calling out and stopping this, but I was also curious. He hadn’t hurt me, or insisted on doing anything I overtly didn’t like and how would I know I didn’t like it if I didn’t at least try it once?

  “Cold,” he warned and I jumped when he teased me with the lubricant. He started moving again and I arched low to the mattress, his presence inside me stretching and filling me. Sparks and flits of pleasure moving down every nerve ending, building, the sensations not unpleasant at all, in fact, they were surprisingly just the opposite.

  “Touch that clit, baby,” he ordered and pressed what I assumed was his thumb into my ass. I rubbed my fingers at the top of my sex and whined. It felt so good, so different, and I decided I really liked this for several reasons.

  “Yeah, that’s it,” he encouraged and I felt myself tighten around him. He pressed his fingers in and out of me, stroking in counter rhythm to his penis and I moaned. My body was awash in the most amazing and indescribable sensations, sweeping through me, building into a crescendo, until with a final thrust, a final swipe of my fingers, I came.

  I came hard, face planting into the pillows, my voice muffled by them as Cell worked himself in and out of me, playing my body to his own ends. He pulled from my pussy but kept playing with my ass and I honestly couldn’t get enough of the sensation, that is, until he pressed his cock there.

  “Push out, it helps. It’s only uncomfortable for a moment.”

  It was uncomfortable. He was too big. A moment of panic, the word to stop everything on the tip of my tongue, and he stopped moving. His voice pleased and filled with ecstasy as he said, “Aw, yeah baby. That’s it. I’m all the way in. Just stop, relax… that’s it.”

  We were still for a minute, my chest heaving, and then he began to move, slowly at first, and oh, my, god… I gripped the sheets in my fists and held still, letting him do whatever he wanted because this? As taboo as it might be, this was amazing.

  “Oh, god, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh fuck yeah!” he panted, stroking in and out of me at an even and regular pace. The slight burning from the unfamiliar stretching swamped by the pulsing and twitching deep inside my vagina that I could only label as an orgasm, although quite different from the ones I was becoming accustomed to.

  He jerked, and thrust deep and the suddenness of it made me jump and was slightly uncomfortable but his grinding against me felt so damn good, his twitching deep inside the unfamiliar channel felt unreal and I almost, almost didn’t want it to end.

  When he pulled out I just naturally folded down to the mattress. My body trembling, skin dewed with sweat but strangely chilled. The afterglow strong and the euphoria bearing me away. Cell stood up and got rid of the condom, vaulting my body to lay on his back on the other side of me, but not touching.

  “How long were we like that?” I asked, panting lying on my back. My knees ached and my wrists were sore from having been in the same position holding most of my weight for so long.

  He glanced at the bedside clock and said, “Shit, a couple of hours at least.”

  I laughed a bit and sighed; saying, “Wow.”

  “Yeah, that about sums it up,” he agreed. I rolled onto my side in his direction and moved my hair, tucking myself into his side.

  Just before I laid my head on his shoulder he asked, “What are you doing?”

  I froze. “Um, getting close to you?” I pushed myself up more onto my hands and he was laying, half holding himself up by his core alone, his hands up and out to the side as if avoiding something unpleasant.

  “Yeah, I’m not like Blue when it comes to that, you want cuddles and shit, you go down the hall to his room.”

  “What?” I asked, voice hollow and uneven, not believing what I’d just heard.

  “Did I stutter?”

  I pushed back and sat up completely. He was dead serious. I swallowed hard and got off the bed.

  “You’re serious.”

  “Always.”

  “But I – ”

  “But nothing, throw on some clothes and head that way, because you’re not going to get it from me; that’s totally Blue’s department.”

  I was shocked. I couldn’t believe this was happening. Humiliation burned my face and tears pressed at the backs of my eyes. I gathered up my clothes and put them on and he flipped on the TV, comp
letely unconcerned. I pulled my coat down from the hook and he hadn’t even said a word. I opened the door, and he raised a hand in a half assed wave goodbye and the tears that’d until now just pricked the backs of my eyes, spilled out. A maelstrom of emotion took over, too many to count. Confusion, hurt, anger, heartbreak, humiliation, embarrassment… so many all at once, overwhelming me, swamping me, the sadness dragging me under and rolling me.

  I stumbled out the door furthest from the back door of the club and sucked in a deep breath of frigid air. I didn’t want anyone seeing me make this walk of shame, which is precisely what it was, and so I took the long way around the track and down the driveway. I looked both ways. I wasn’t thinking, I mean, I should have driven but my car was at home. I struggled into my purse, cross ways over my chest, my bulky coat and scarf not exactly conducive to getting it on and struck out in the direction of home. I would walk. It might take me all night, but it was better than the alternative.

  I stayed on the shoulder, as close to the grass and as far from the lane of traffic as possible, even though it was quiet out here. Not a soul else travelling in either direction. I wiped at my eyes and sniffed, keeping my hands buried in my pockets for the most part when the sound of a bike reached my ears.

  I didn’t want to face anyone, I really didn’t so the sound made me cringe. Blue pulled up beside me and yelled over the motor, “Hayley, what are you doing!?”

  “I’m going home!” I cried.

  I think he swore, reaching out and grabbing my arm I turned and his face was barely suppressed rage.

  “What did he do?” he demanded, and I realized he wasn’t angry with me.

  “I just want to go home,” I moaned and he nodded.

  “Come on, get on. I’ll take you straight there.”

  I crumbled a bit, wanting desperately to be left alone but at the same time desperately wanting to go home to my studio, my own space where it was safe and I could go back to being unrecognizable by the world at large.

  How could I have been so stupid?

  “Come on, my little one… get on. Let me take you home,” Blue begged.

  I hated what it did to me, when he called me that. I hated how it made my insides turn liquid with relief. I hated how it made me want to believe…

  I got on the bike and held onto him, not even caring that neither he nor I wore a helmet. He took me home and I was grateful that it was without incident. He pulled up alongside my studio and I immediately jumped down and went to the door, digging for my keys in my purse. My hands were shaking, my vision blurred by tears and Blue reached out with frozen fingers, plucking the ring from my hands. He unlocked the door for me and I went in, the warm air from my studio puffing out at us. I ripped my purse off from over my head and hung it up and Blue stood by, passive, waiting, but not leaving.

  “What happened?” he asked.

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want a shower.”

  He nodded and said, “I’m not leaving you like this, without knowing what went on. Go get under the water. I’ll find you clothes and clean towels.”

  I didn’t argue, his presence always having been a soothing thing… plus, he wasn’t Cell. He was Blue.

  I threw what I was wearing down on my bathroom floor and turned on the water, getting under before it fully had the opportunity to heat up. I felt awful, dirty, but certainly not in a good way, and worst of all taken advantage of. I scrubbed and finally overcome, just sat down in the bathtub and cried.

  It was like high school all over again and I hated that. I hated that I let myself believe that I could do this, that this was even a good idea. I should have just stuck to my damn self, making my windows and wishing for something more.

  I huddled miserably in the bottom of my shower and let the warm water wash only the surface dirt away. I don’t know how long I was there, or how long I’d cried but I was all cried out when Blue came in.

  He had towels hung over his shoulder and moved the curtain aside to turn off the tap. He knelt by my tub and wrapped one of the towels around my shoulders, helping me to cover up. The towel was warm, fresh from the dryer out there.

  “Hey,” he murmured, and smoothed some of my wet hair out of my face.

  “Hey,” I whimpered back miserably.

  He gathered me close and held me, rocking me while I went through a fresh spate of tears.

  “Come on, my little one. Let’s get you up and get you dressed.”

  We stood and he handed me the other towel for my hair. I wound it up and he was gone when I straightened. I made sure the rest of me was dry and he met me at the bathroom door with a sleep set, also warm and fresh from the dryer.

  “Thank you.”

  “Just get comfortable. We don’t even have to talk right now, but please… don’t send me away.”

  I froze and looked up at him. He leaned a shoulder into the door frame and looked down at me, waiting.

  “I don’t want you to go anywhere,” I said and it surprised me that I wasn’t surprised. He nodded and turned his back, waiting for me to get dressed. I went to him when I was clothed and wound my arms around his waist, resting my head against his back and murmuring, “You don’t have to do that. I mean, you didn’t do anything and you’ve already seen everything, so…”

  “So, nothing. I don’t want you to be unhappy. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Not around me, not ever.”

  I nodded and stepped back enough for him to turn around and hold me back. We stood like that for I don’t know how long, until I shivered a bit, the cold creeping up through my feet where they rested against the frigid polished cement floor.

  “Go on up, I’m right behind you,” he whispered into my hair and kissed the top of my head. I turned and he worked at shutting off lights and things down below while I climbed the ladder up into my loft.

  He followed me up quickly, just as I’d finished plugging my phone in. He looked at me and motioned for me to get into bed.

  I lifted the blankets and climbed in; Blue sitting down on the edge and tucking me in. I felt myself laid low, but closed mouths didn’t get fed and so I asked, “Stay with me?”

  He smiled and looked relieved, nodding his head. He pulled off his boots and stood, ditching his pants but leaving his boxers on. He pulled his shirt off over his head and I lifted the covers, scooting over. He lay down on his back and lifted his arm closest to me, inviting me to get close. I cuddled into his side and laid my head on his shoulder.

  Silence. Sweet, calming, silence, comfort and grace.

  “I hate seeing you hurt,” he murmured and pressed his lips to my forehead.

  “I should have seen it coming.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because I’m not blind, Blue. I watch the way he treats you. The way he treats everybody and something has always felt a little off about him.” I was silent for a time, just enjoying the warmth and feel of his hard body against mine.

  “I don’t know what’s worse,” I said. “Letting myself believe… or the fact that I genuinely liked everything he did to me up until the end.”

  “What did he do?”

  I swallowed hard and because it was Blue, I told him. All of it.

  “Shit,” he sighed and held me close. “Fuck, would it really have been so hard for him to give you ten fucking minutes?”

  “I don’t want him to do anything that he’s not comfortable doing.”

  “Hayley, no… that’s honestly not how things work.”

  “Well then help me understand, Blue! How is this supposed to work?”

  “We should all be getting what we need.”

  “And what do you need?”

  “You. I need you, I need this, and I don’t want to lose you, or Cell, but I don’t want any of us to get hurt in the process. Dammit.”

  A long time later, each of us having been lost in our thoughts, I said, “This is some kind of a mess isn’t it?”

  “Yeah, and it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have – �
�

  “Oh, hush. I’m hurting right now, but I’m glad you did. I needed you two as much as I think you needed me.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yes. I never would have rejoined the land of the living and regular people if it hadn’t been for you. Just… I guess, I knew this wouldn’t be easy but I didn’t anticipate this being the problem. I expected it to come from the outside, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “Has he always been like that?”

  “Yes.”

  I pulled myself closer to Blue and sighed. “Why? Do you know?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can you fill me in?”

  “I would love to, but I’m not sure that’s my story to tell.”

  “I can understand that, but it doesn’t make it any easier to swallow.” In fact, it was a pretty bitter pill, but I didn’t want Blue to feel any worse than I already could tell he did. We talked more, but eventually lapsed back into comfortable silence.

  I woke up in the middle of the night, Blue sleeping soundly beside me, still wrapped up warm in his embrace and it gave me some more time to think about things, alone and without distractions.

  I believed it was too late for me, when it came to Blue. I was already past the point of no return when it came to falling in love with him. I could tell by how he was still here, taking care of me and making sure I was okay, that he loved me, too.

  That was worth putting up with a certain amount of, excuse my French but, bullshit from Cell. I could tell they were inextricably linked by something. Past experiences, bonded through events I couldn’t begin to understand. I also couldn’t deny that Cell could be charming and that he was far more charming than not when it came to me.

  That didn’t mean he was going to get a free pass on his behavior and that also didn’t mean I would excuse any future bad behavior from him towards either me, or Blue. There needed to be some form of compromise and some way to achieve that compromise. I didn’t and couldn’t expect them to bend around me and me alone. I needed to understand and do some bending of my own. Fair is fair in such an unfair world.