Calmer Girls

by Jennifer Kelland Perry

  “Oh, I’m aware. But you must know he didn’t mean anything by it. You were playing a game. He’s your friend, isn’t he?”

  Ben shrugged. “I’m not a little kid.” He turned away from her. “I’m going home.”

  Not a little kid? Stop acting like one then.

  Samantha looked around, images from the ghost stories still in her mind. Who’s the baby now, she laughed to herself. “Well, could you at least walk me home first, please? It’s nearly dark.”

  Ben hesitated, then moved toward her. “Sure.”

  They walked to her house without speaking, the sound of their footfalls on the street echoing through the neighbourhood.

  “Ben, before you go. Please tell me what’s got Veronica in a funk.” She sat on the steps, making room for him to join her. If Ronnie sees us here together, so be it. He innocently walked me home, that’s all.

  After some consideration, he sat down with a long exhalation of breath, leaning against the wrought iron rail. “She wants a hell of a lot more than I can give.”

  “In your relationship.”

  Ben fiddled with the zipper on his jacket, his head bent low. “I thought we were having fun. Keeping it light, no heavy commitments. That’s all I can handle right now,” he said in a hushed voice. “But she expects more. She wants to hear those words. You know.”

  Samantha knew. Those three little words any girl would want to hear from the boyfriend she adores.

  “I’m not even nineteen yet. What do I know about love?” He turned to look into Samantha’s eyes. “I’m not ready, may never be. Not with her anyway.”

  Samantha swallowed. He looked so pitiful in that moment. She shook her head, and took a deep breath. “I think you need to stop leading her on, then.”

  Ben was silent for a moment. He nodded and looked at the house. “That’s what I’m doing, isn’t it?”

  “Well—”

  “You’re right, of course. No point in dragging out the inevitable.” Impulsively, he leaned over and hugged her around the shoulders. “I’ll have a talk with her tomorrow. But right now, I better go before she knows I’m here. Catch you later. And Samantha?”

  She looked up. “Yes?”

  “Thanks.”

  “Bye.” No point in dragging out the inevitable? She held on to those words. They were a lifeline to her now.

  Samantha found her sister curled up on the couch, staring at the television. “What did you and Mandy do?” she asked.

  “Went to see Kalen’s new place. Not much going on.”

  “See Ben?”

  “He was playing a video game with Kalen.”

  Veronica turned off the television. “I’m going to bed.” She stopped when she reached the hallway. “Daddy called a while ago. He wants you to phone him before you turn in.”

  Samantha nodded. Sorry, Daddy, not tonight. I’ve had enough drama for one evening. And the very idea of hearing all the news about you and your new gal pal? Spare me. I’d sooner eat shit on a stick.

  Tomorrow was shaping up to be a doozy as well. A storm of proverbial poo was sure to hit the fan when Ben had that talk with Veronica. Samantha was willing to bet with anyone their breakup was imminent. She couldn’t picture Ronnie not being able to call the shots in any relationship.

  “I think you need to stop leading her on, then.” The advice she’d given Ben only minutes ago. A steel toe of guilt kicked at her conscience, but she took it in stride. Wouldn’t her suggestion ultimately be for everyone’s own good?

  Samantha brushed her teeth and undressed for bed. A big change had come over her sister, she realized, a change since she met Ben. Ronnie often acted all goo-goo eyes over boys in the past, but it was simply part of the sport, the chase, the game of seeing whom she could conquer next. She’d accept their attentions, play and flirt and go out with them for a while until she tired of them, then move on to another. Maybe this time, she had finally met her Svengali—the one young man who didn’t have to work hard to mesmerize and to steal Veronica’s heart.

  The same one who, just as effortlessly, had stolen her little sister’s.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I desired more…than was in my reach. Who blames me?”

  - Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre

  The gloom of fog had lifted overnight and the overcast clouds were scattering, making way for a golden Friday and the promise of a gorgeous weekend. Samantha rose early and dressed in a hot pink tank top and black spandex bicycle shorts, hand-me-downs from her sister. She decided to try a run around the neighbourhood like Veronica did. She tucked her hair behind her ears and pulled on a ball cap to keep it under control and out of her eyes. Tying her sneakers, she realized she hadn’t been getting much exercise lately, and for her frame of mind this might be what she sorely needed.

  Veronica was at work, and Darlene slept. Samantha locked the door behind her and began with brisk strides to warm herself up. Sunshine poured over her bare arms and shoulders and wind blew warm at her back. She’d considered taking her Walkman, but opted at the last minute to listen to the pleasant sounds of the waking neighbourhood instead.

  She waved to the young paper-girl with the bangs in her eyes, trudging up the street on her route; her shoulder was weighed down with a linen satchel full of newspapers. She smiled at three small boys who whizzed past her, their reed-like legs vigorously pumping the pedals of their BMX bicycles. Before long, they would all be back in their classrooms, another summer burned through and the prospects of a new school year ahead to trail-blaze. A quiver buzzed through her when she imagined the many new faces, of students and teachers alike, she would soon encounter.

  She rounded the corner onto Gower, picking up her pace to an easy jog as she approached Ben’s house. A familiar car was pulling into the driveway as she got closer. It was the navy blue Ford Taurus.

  The pretty, dark-haired woman she and Kalen had seen there before was getting out of the car. Ben’s mother. She was alone.

  Samantha liked how the sunlight bounced off her long hair. It was the same rich, brown colour as her son’s. Even her eyes resembled his, with the high lovely arch of her eyebrows. She smiled at Samantha, who realized with instant embarrassment she’d been staring. She returned the smile, looked away and kept on jogging.

  Unable to ignore the urge, she turned around in time to catch a sleepy-looking, half-dressed Ben letting her in. They embraced. Obviously, she loves her son, she reasoned. She visits often and doesn’t appear to be the neglectful type. Of course, appearances can be deceiving, can’t they? Samantha imagined her saying, “Good morning, Benny.” Did his mother still call him that now that he was grown? Or would he mind it even coming from her?

  She picked up her pace again, jogging faster now, lost in thought. The tempting sight of Ben Swift, naked from the waist up, was a mental snapshot not easily dismissed. Even with his unpredictable moods, and her concern over Veronica, she couldn’t get him out of her head. Why did he have to look so perfectly yummy this morning, with his bare chest and smooth flat stomach, and those broad shoulders? Samantha envisioned the strange new hormones blooming inside of her, filling her with excitement and happiness and terror, all at the same time. This love or this crush, or whatever it was, consumed her.

  All of these mixed-up feelings gave Samantha a frustrated energy she used to make her legs pump faster. She quickened her pace from jogging to running. It felt good. She wanted to keep running until all of her surplus energy was spent and she couldn’t run anymore. She looked down at her thighs pumping like pistons and her sneakers pounding the asphalt, faster and faster. Her heart pounded, her lungs burned, but she loved the exhilaration. Then—

  Thump!

  “Hey!”

  Colliding into the girl in front of her, Samantha tried to keep her balance, but instead they fell together in a tangle of arms and legs in the middle of the street. Pain shot through her knee when it struck the rough pavement.

  “Get off me, you cow!”

  Dazed, Sa
mantha pulled herself off the girl she had knocked down. It was Crystal, Andrew’s girlfriend and the hostess for his party last month. The rich girl who had snubbed her at Bowring Park. Through the curtain of dark hair that covered half her face, her eyes flashed at Samantha, then examined the scrape on her elbow. Peppered with dust and gravel, it oozed blood in several places.

  “Cripes, don’t you watch where you’re going? You charged into me like a bull moose. Look what you did!”

  “Oh, God, I’m sorry!” Samantha gasped. Though red from exertion, she flushed even brighter, ignoring the blood trickling from her own skinned knee and from the palm of her left hand where she caught herself from hitting the asphalt face-first.

  Andrew and Kalen rushed over to Crystal, helping her to her feet. In the confusion, Samantha hadn’t noticed they were with her.

  “Sorry, Crystal…I wasn’t looking…where I was going.” Samantha panted, trying to catch her breath.

  “Obviously,” Crystal chided. “Jeez.”

  “Now, now,” Kalen said. “It was an accident, Crystal. Are you okay, Sammie? You’re bleeding too.”

  Crystal glowered at her, clamping a hand to her wounded elbow. “Samantha, is it? Clumsy little sister of that brazen bay tramp. Boy, you’ve got your share of troubles, don’t you?”

  “Hey, come on now, you girls are going to be in level two together,” Kalen said. “Maybe even the same homeroom. Bishop’s, right?”

  Samantha wiped the sweat from her brow with her arm. “Yeah.” She bit her lip. This Crystal person didn’t hold anything back, did she?

  Crystal threw her a scathing look. “Well, I’ve been initiated and I’m going to have the scars to prove it. If you’re running around the school, keep your head up, Sammie. I’ll warn the others, but I’ll be keeping my distance from you. And your show-off sister.”

  Samantha stared at her in stunned silence.

  “And that goes double for the tramp’s boyfriend with the short fuse. Talk about a party pooper.”

  “Lighten up, Crystal,” said Andrew. “Come on, let’s go back to my place and get your elbow cleaned up.”

  “Gladly,” Crystal said. The two of them left.

  Kalen stayed behind, crouching down to examine Samantha’s bloody knee. “I think it’s beginning to clot now. Does it hurt much?”

  Samantha gritted her teeth. “What, my knee? Or being told off like that?”

  “Crystal can be outspoken, that’s for damn sure.”

  She winced at Kalen. “You and Gina are in level three with Veronica, right?”

  “We are,” he said. “And Mandy.”

  If Samantha had wondered about the possibility of Crystal being a friend at school, she didn’t anymore. Nothing at all like Leah, and with a cruel mouth to boot. How many kids was she going to turn against her with that mouth and that attitude? Samantha’s heart sank.

  “Let me walk you to your house so you can take care of that knee,” Kalen said, linking his arm through hers. “Think it’s only bruised under that blood?”

  “I think so.”

  “Don’t worry about Crystal. She’s so not worth it. Does it hurt to walk? Can your knee bend okay?”

  “Yeah, I think it’s only bruised.” Samantha tried not to lean into Kalen too much as they walked, hoping she didn’t stink of sweat. She gave him a feeble smile. “What a klutz I am. Perhaps Crystal got that part right.”

  “It could happen to anyone.”

  Samantha stole a sidelong glance at Kalen’s face. “I wish I was in level three,” she said.

  “We can all hang out at lunch time,” he said, smiling.

  She returned the smile. At least she had one person in her corner.

  At home, Samantha found her mother in a bathing suit, sunning herself on the old lounger in the back yard. She sipped from a glass of amber liquid while she smoked a cigarette.

  “Is that a drink? Before lunch?” she asked.

  “A little whiskey. What of it?”

  “If you have to ask, Momma—”

  “I’m enjoying a day off. What’s wrong with that?” She exhaled a fine stream of smoke and looked in Samantha’s direction, huge sunglasses hiding her eyes. “Besides, they gave me notice last night.”

  Samantha froze. “You’re getting laid off?”

  “In two weeks. Hopefully, I’ll find something else by then.” Darlene ground out her cigarette in the ash bin next to her. “Never liked that job much anyway, truth be known. Sammie, what happened to your knee?”

  “I tripped when I was jogging. Any Band-Aids in the bathroom?”

  “Yes, almost a full box. Looks nasty. Make sure you wash the dirt off of it first.”

  After she nursed her wounds and changed her clothes, Samantha made an omelette. She sat at the table, moving it around on her plate. What if you can’t find another job, Momma? The bottom is gone out of the economy. What happens to us then? Can Daddy afford to pick up the slack?

  Darlene came back into the house and poured another glass of whiskey and ginger ale. She added ice cubes and stirred.

  “Momma, you don’t really want that. Why don’t you let me make you an omelette too? I’ll make one the way you like, with cheese and lots of peppers.”

  Her mother spun around, dribbling some of the drink on the worn linoleum. “I don’t want a damn omelette! And I told you not to worry, didn’t I?”

  Stung by her retort, Samantha watched her get a paper towel and wipe up the spill. Seeing Darlene in a bathing suit, Samantha could tell she had lost weight. Her mother’s once well-proportioned figure had slimmed over the past several months, no doubt due to her habits and her dwindled appetite. Sighing, Samantha scraped most of her untouched omelette in the trash and put the plate in the sink. She was supposed to call her father, but given the time difference he probably wasn’t up yet. She made a mental note to call him later, wishing she had it over with. Wishing she didn’t have to make the call at all.

  “Is Ronnie working all day?” she asked.

  “No, her shift is over soon. I think she said Ben is picking her up at the store.” With the ice tinkling in her glass, Darlene disappeared upstairs.

  Samantha sat, cupping her face in her hands. I’ll have a talk with her tomorrow, Ben had said last night. Was it over for them today? And what would it mean for her? Would she ever see him again?

  The door opened and in walked Veronica, Ben following behind. From their neutral expressions, Samantha gathered they hadn’t had the big talk yet.

  “I have to shower,” Veronica said. “You can wait here or in my room. I won’t be long.”

  Ben sat down near Samantha and gave her a nervous smile. When the water began running in the bathroom at the top of the stairs, he said, “I’m going to tell her I need a break. Let her down gently.” He raked a hand through his hair, his eyes flickering for a second on Samantha’s face. “Probably for the best, under the circumstances. Think she’ll freak out much?”

  Samantha shrugged her shoulders. “I would say. But seeing how you two don’t want the same things—”

  “Exactly.” Ben got up again and paced the floor. He stopped and stared at her indecisively. “I hope we can still be friends, though.”

  “Of course,” she said. He still wants to hang out with me!

  “Really? She won’t tell me to go to hell, or eat shit and die?”

  Samantha reddened, turning away before he noticed. She’d presumed he meant his friendship with her. You little idiot. She picked up the open newspaper lying on the table, busying herself with the want ads her mother had been perusing earlier. “No harm in hoping,” she managed.

  Ben jammed his hands in his pockets. “I didn’t set out to hurt anyone. I only—” He stopped talking when they heard Veronica come out of the bathroom. They both fell silent as she went to her room and closed the door. He sat down again. “I’m not sure where my head is at, Samantha,” he whispered. “And that’s the truth.”

  Oh my, Ben Swift. Why are you such a beauti
ful conundrum? Can’t you see the power you have over us? One minute you fly into a rage, leaving us bewildered, and in the next minute you are sorry and act like a wounded puppy. I wish I could be the one to wipe that worry off your face for good.

  “I’m ready,” announced Veronica as she breezed into the kitchen, looking fabulous in white shorts and a beaded yellow blouse with a plunging neckline. Samantha considered her a little pale in spite of her fresh application of makeup, but she did seem more put together compared to last night.

  “Let’s get lunch,” Ben said.

  “Sure,” Veronica said, smiling as they left.

  Samantha fingered the Band-Aid on her palm, wondering how long it would take before Ben’s words obliterated that lovely, dimpled smile.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Samantha was on the back veranda, delving into the second chapter of Jane Eyre, when she heard the front door slam. Loud enough to wake the dead. Though probably not loud enough to wake Darlene, she supposed, who was up in her bedroom sleeping off this morning’s batch of booze.

  Best to leave her sister alone for a while, she thought, burying her nose back between the pages. She soon learned Veronica had other ideas. She stomped through the house and out to the veranda, swinging the screen door wide.

  “Did you know Ben was calling it quits?” she demanded, an edge of hysteria in her voice. Her red-rimmed eyes didn’t blink, brimming with unshed tears. “Huh? Answer me, Sam. Now!”

  “No, I thought he only wanted to take a break…” Samantha trailed off, realizing her error. But it was too late to take back her poor choice of words.

  “So you did know. No wonder I hate you! Why didn’t you warn me?” Veronica lunged at her, grabbing the book out of her hands and hurling it across the deck. The first smack she gave Samantha sent her glasses airborne, flying in the other direction. Samantha fought to stop her sister from hitting her face, but her blows struck down in a deluge of fury she never dreamed Veronica could muster. One clenched fist connected squarely with her top lip and she tasted blood.