Night Lover

by Rosanna Leo

  “Hmm?”

  “I’m sorry I never told you about my parents. I should have.”

  Roused, he let go of me and turned on the bedside light. He sat up in bed and gazed at me, his quiet strength all the encouragement I required.

  I sat up as well, tucking the bedspread around my breasts. For a moment, I just stared at the coverlet, entranced by the faded whorls of the fabric. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to travel back to that night, the evening when my world was plunged into darkness. The night I lost control. Pain, somehow fresh and yet biting, made my throat thick but I swallowed past it.

  “Lark,” he said, running a hand over my shoulder. “I’m here.”

  “I know.” I looked at him, determined to hold his gaze. “They’d had other plans that night. Our church was hosting a silent auction for charity and my parents went to all those events. My aunt and uncle were set to go with them. My dad said he had his eye on a signed Maple Leafs jersey, said he wanted to win it so he could rub it in my Uncle Mo’s face. Those two were always competing.” As I laughed in remembrance, my emotions got the better of me and my laugh turned into a sob. “I begged them not to go.”

  “Why?”

  “I had a concert that night and couldn’t face singing. You and I had just broken up and I had no energy, no will to sing. My parents couldn’t come to all my concerts, of course. I never expected them too. But right before the dress rehearsal that day, I pleaded with them. I asked them to break their plans and come to the concert instead. I’d hoped that seeing their faces in the audience would help me get through it. And being who they were, they said they’d come.” I gazed at him, almost unseeing, as the tears flooded my eyes. “Because I made them change their plans, they died. If they’d gone to church, that drunk never would have plowed into them. Because of me, they died.”

  “Oh, love, you know it’s not your fault.”

  “Isn’t it? I could have put my big girl pants on, gone to work, sung, and never said another word about it. But no, I let my emotions overpower me and I forced them to attend.”

  “You didn’t force them. They chose to come. You didn’t hold a gun to their heads. And besides, it’s just a case of tragic circumstances. You didn’t know the driver would hit them. It just happened.”

  “Just happened, huh?” A bitter smile crossed my face. “You know what else happened? Their car skidded into a guardrail. It was a rainy night and the roads were already bad.” I sucked in a breath. “The coroner figured my dad died right away from the impact, but my mom lingered a bit. She was hurt, Finn, and all alone before she died…”

  He gathered me in his arms. “Sweetheart, it wasn’t your fault.”

  “Maybe not, but what happened afterward was.” I cringed. This was the part I hated to admit the most. “My brother called me right before the concert. He told me what happened, told me he was coming to get me. And Finn, I don’t even remember it. My conversation with Enzo, the ride home, the funeral. I have no recollection. I blocked it all out. I felt like I was swimming, drowning, in a pool of loss, and couldn’t break the surface. Apparently, Enzo told my conductor I wouldn’t be coming back. He had to resign on my behalf because I couldn’t even carry on a simple conversation. I just remember my bed and hiding under my blankets. I’d lost three of the people I loved most in the space of two weeks and I…broke.”

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault either.” I wiped my eyes, wishing I could seal up the dam of pain inside me. “Enzo didn’t know what to do with me. He tried, but he couldn’t get through. I wouldn’t eat. I wasn’t talking to anyone. Eventually he checked me into a clinic, knowing I needed help, and I don’t blame him. I tried…I tried to forget, but all I could see was my guilt.”

  Finn passed a hand over my hair and dropped a gentle kiss on my brow.

  “The doctors tried to tell me I didn’t kill them, but I wouldn’t listen. I disappeared into my music, my only consolation. I felt I’d destroyed them, and after a while, I began to wonder if I’d pushed you away as well.”

  He touched his fingers to my chin and made me look at him. “No. Never. Don’t even go there.”

  “I know. I mean, now I know. I was so ashamed of my reactions, Finn. I felt so weak. And now that this thing is happening with Hugh, I’m being made to feel weak all over again.” I took a deep breath and told him what happened with Margaret and Malanotte in the graveyard.

  “Fuck,” he whispered, his eyes wide. He grabbed me by the arm, rubbing it. “Renata, what were you thinking, trying to talk to that…person?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m glad I did. He said he knows my weakness, that’s it’s the same as Hugh’s weakness. Hugh felt extreme guilt over the way Claudia died, even over the fact that his mother died giving him life. That guilt is keeping him here, just as mine kept me in darkness. I’m convinced of it. Hugh and I both need to come into the light again and we need to do it together.”

  His grip on my arm tightened. “What does that mean?”

  I held my head high. “It means the next time I dream of Hugh, I don’t want you to wake me up. I need to stay in the dream with him until I fix this.”

  “For how long? Doing what?”

  “I don’t know, but I need to make him see he’s not to blame for those deaths. I’m not sure how long it’ll take, but I need you to trust me. I won’t betray you, Finn. Do you trust me?”

  He stared at me for a long time and a myriad of emotions flitted through his gaze. Anger. Possessiveness. Worry. Finally, his shoulders sagged in acceptance. He nodded. “More than anyone in the world. I promise I’ll do whatever you need.”

  I sank into his embrace. “And I promise I’ll come back to you.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  For a couple of nights in a row after my chat with Finn, I slept well. Hugh didn’t come to visit me and I was glad because I needed time to think. Time to ready my spiritual arsenal.

  When I awoke on the third day, something felt different. A foreboding sense of darkness occupied my periphery vision everywhere I went. Goose bumps rose on my skin for no reason. I felt a constant need to swat at the back of my neck, in an attempt to calm my raised hackles. And there were voices, quiet voices tempting me into the darkness.

  I was determined never to go there again.

  Walking into town, I placed a call and spoke briefly with Margaret. I asked if she’d meet me inside St. Bartholomew’s.

  When I opened the church door, I sensed right away that I was alone. Entering the quiet sanctuary, I turned my head left and right, inspecting the stained-glass windows. The sun shone outside and beams of light turned the windows into brilliant displays of color.

  It had been a long time since I’d entered a church with the intention to pray. I’d stopped praying long ago.

  Before I made it to the top of the aisle, I heard the door open behind me. Turning, I saw Margaret and smiled. Her face was full of color and her back was straight, so different from the gnarled creature she’d become when Malanotte took hold of her.

  She approached me. “Renata. I was surprised to get your call.”

  “Margaret, I was hoping you could help me…pray. I don’t remember how to pray.”

  She clutched at the cross pendant on her necklace and offered me a gentle smile. “Oh, dear girl. Of course, I’ll help you.” Reaching around her neck, she removed the necklace and moved to place it around my neck.

  “No, I can’t take this.”

  “Borrow it then.” Without listening to another objection, she fastened it around my neck. “Never forget, Renata. There is great power in faith.”

  I nodded, overcome. The tiny gold cross might have been a mighty amulet for all the awe it instilled in me in that moment. “Will you show me?”

  “With pleasure. It’s very simple, really, and at the end of the day, I don’t think it matters which god you worship. What matters is your sincerity, and your willingness to love, and to forgive. Some people talk to God. As for me
, I always find the old favorites are most comforting.” She took my hand and led me to a pew. We pulled the kneeler down and kneeled. Still holding my hand, Margaret bowed her head. “Our Father, which art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…”

  I followed her lead, repeating the words I’d known since childhood, the words that had once given me solace in times of need. As we repeated it several times, I realized I wasn’t mumbling any longer. My voice had risen and it echoed in the church as Margaret’s did. She took me through the Lord’s Prayer, the Hail Mary, and the Angel of God. Before long, we’d uttered a whole rosary’s worth of prayers.

  Somewhere along the line, they took root in my being once again. I don’t know what sort of epiphany commanded my soul that afternoon, but I knew I’d made a commitment to surrender myself to light, rather than the obscurity that had once claimed me.

  At some point, I started to believe again.

  And my faith told me, in no uncertain terms, that I was not at fault.

  I glanced toward one of the stained-glass windows and spied the representation of two saints, a man and a woman. As the sun illuminated their faces, they seemed to look upon me with kindness, with love even.

  I knew then my parents forgave me, that they’d never been angry with me in the first place. I knew then they wanted me to forgive myself.

  Like a tiny mallet, their love chipped at the wall surrounding my heart. With each strike, the mallet seemed to grow and the stones in the wall tumbled, revealing open spaces filled with light. Before long, I stood in a pile of rubble, reborn.

  I was free.

  If the joy in my being had been helium, the entire church would have taken flight. Call it religion. Call it spirituality. In turning away from my sense of guilt, I felt redeemed.

  And now it was time for me to do the same for Hugh. I didn’t know if a similar redemption was in the cards for him but I had to try. Maybe this was all it would take to free him. Then again, maybe I operated under a horrible misapprehension. No matter what, it was my only recourse.

  Margaret looked at me, her face softened by her own steadfast faith. “You look as if you’ve walked out of a storm cloud.”

  “I feel it. Thanks, Margaret.” I hugged the old woman, giving her a gentle squeeze so as not to hurt her. “I’m going to save Hugh.”

  “Renata, dear. I think, if anyone can, it will be you.”

  »»•««

  “So, just to confirm, if I see you struggle, I’m not supposed to wake you up?”

  Poor Finn. Talking through clenched teeth, his shoulders tense, he clearly had trouble with my plan. I knew it was difficult, damn near impossible, for someone like him to step aside if he felt help was necessary. Nonetheless, I needed his buy-in.

  “That’s right. Just let me sleep.”

  “And if you start acting like you can’t breathe?”

  “I’ll be all right. Remember what I said. I need you to trust in me.”

  He gnawed on the inside of his mouth. “Right. It’s him I don’t trust.”

  “I know this is hard, Finn. If you’d like, I’ll go back to Lizzy’s room to sleep.”

  “Hell, no. You’re staying here where I can watch you.”

  I smiled, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  “You might not be when I stick your hand in a bucket of cold water in an attempt to revive you.” Despite the harshness of his expression, a soft chuckle followed his words. He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer in bed. “I can’t lose you. Besides, you still have to sing in the festival. I’ll never get another soprano at this late date.”

  I laughed, glad he could still see some humor in the situation. “You won’t lose me.”

  We lay together on our pillows, facing each other. Finn touched the cross at my neck, tracing the intersecting lines of the pendant. “You’re sure he’s coming tonight?”

  I nodded. All day, I’d caught snatches of Hugh’s spicy cologne, teasing me onto another plane, tempting me back into the abyss. “I can already feel him. He’s waiting.”

  Finn’s blue eyes grew hard and black in the semi-darkness of our room. “Well, he can wait a little longer.”

  With that, Finn dug his hand into my hair and held my head as he kissed me hard. I tasted a hint of blood as his teeth gnashed against my lips in a proprietary caress. I knew his kiss wasn’t merely an expression of love for me. It was a warning to Hugh. With each nibble, I could almost hear him declare “She’s mine, you dead bastard. Don’t you forget it.”

  The more Finn kissed me, the more I struggled with temptation. I had to stop him before we got too far. I wanted to meet Hugh with my senses on high alert, not legless, and numb with pleasure. Something told me to abstain right now, so I could meet him on the battlefield, much like an athlete who abstains before the big game. I pulled away, breathing hard. “Finn. Please. I need to keep my wits about me.”

  His own chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, he acquiesced. “Fine. But just let me state this. When all is said and done, I’m going to fuck you into next week.”

  I smiled. “I look forward to it.”

  Finn didn’t turn out the lights, his one demand. He said even if he couldn’t stop my dream, he wanted to watch, just in case. As we lay together, our foreheads touching, our gazes flitted back to each other, both of us watching to see when the other would fall asleep.

  Neither of us could seem to do so.

  It had to be an hour later when a deep voice tickled my ear. Watch this, my beauty, and know my power.

  Almost instantaneously, Finn’s eyes closed. His slow, steady breathing sounded on my ear. I remembered reading somewhere that an incubus can cause a woman’s partner to fall asleep, so he can ravish her undisturbed.

  Well, not this time. I wouldn’t allow Hugh to pull any of his tricks tonight. I would be strong.

  “Hugh?” I whispered, gazing about the room.

  One of my talents, my love. Do you like how I made him fall asleep? No one can stop me from having you.

  It was time.

  I lay on my back, eyes open, staring at the ceiling. Daring him. “I’d like to see you try.”

  The familiar pressure landed on my chest, making me jolt. Although my instinct was to struggle and push him off me, I reminded myself I needed to play along. As invisible hands slid up to my throat, I sucked in what felt like my last breath.

  I lost consciousness to the thrill of his seductive laugh, a soft temptation in my ear.

  »»•««

  I awoke to lips brushing my neck. A heavy weight laying atop me in delicious seduction. Hands parting my legs, finding me wet and willing. I writhed under him, tilting my hips in invitation, wanting more of him. Always.

  The sweetest of raptures.

  No! This is wrong. Stay strong.

  Harnessing every ounce of my energy, no mean feat with a hungry incubus taking his pleasure, sapping my strength, I opened my eyes and focused.

  I would not play his games any longer.

  Putting my hands on his shoulders, I pushed with all my might, grunting like a pro tennis player on a crucial serve.

  To my surprise, he flew backward and landed on his ass. It was all I could do not to laugh as Hugh sat on the floor, stunned, like the unwitting hero of a slapstick Regency spoof.

  I seized the moment to check out my surroundings. Stained-glass windows. Cold floor. Pews.

  St. Bartholomew’s Church. How fitting his demon alter ego should try to end my life here.

  Shaking his head, he spoke. “My love…”

  I jumped to my feet. “Don’t you my love me, mister. The rules have changed. I’m going to talk and you’re going to listen.”

  Hugh grinned and stood, brushing off his trousers. The crook to his eyebrow indicated his amusement. Damn him. He ambled toward me, loosening his shirt at the neck, allowing his rapacious gaze to rake up and down my form. “You’re adorable.”

  God help me, my body responded. My nipples pebbled and my panti
es might have been made of birch bark, they felt so uncomfortable. It would be so easy to surrender, to become hot and pliable against his frame. To forget everyone who mattered…

  Finn.

  No, I would be strong.

  As Hugh approached me, I raised my arm as if to backhand him. As I marveled at my apparent power, he once again flew across the room, hitting a wall and falling to the floor.

  Holy Hell. All this from some prayer?

  Margaret’s voice echoed in my head. There is great power in faith.

  Hugh’s mouth hung open as he regarded me. “I don’t understand.”

  “Understand this. You will not take advantage of me ever again.”

  His beautiful face crumpled. If I weren’t so intent on vanquishing the demon possessing him, I’d have felt sorry for him. “Take advantage of you? But I love you. You love me. We’re meant to be together.”

  I stepped toward him, not getting too close. “No, Hugh. You love someone else. It’s Claudia you want, not me.”

  Upon hearing her name, he put his hands over his ears and let out a shout. “Don’t speak of her!”

  “Why not?” I persisted, moving even closer. “She’s our reason for being here, isn’t she? Your guilt over her death has haunted you too long. And your love for her has led you to seek her in other women, but it’s time to let go.”

  “I can’t,” he wailed, clutching at his gut as if stricken with pain. “Don’t you understand? The curse won’t let me forget. I am bound here, destined to destroy others as she was destroyed.”

  “I don’t believe in curses anymore.”

  “My darling, you are fooling yourself.” He stood and paced the aisle, his footsteps heavy and solid, just like those of a mortal man. “Don’t you think I have tried? Don’t you think I have battled? With every woman I’ve been led to seduce, I have fought against the chains that bind me here. And each time I have failed. I am tired, exhausted, and have accepted my fate.”

  “No, Hugh. We’re rewriting fate tonight.”

  He ignored me, yet pacing, lost in his own world, a victim to his remembrances and ramblings. “He cursed me as a demon. I deserve nothing less. I could have helped her. I should have been with her.” He groaned. “Father always said my life would be forfeited one day. I killed my mother. I killed my Claudia. And I deserve this hell.”