ATONEMENT (Alfonzo)

by Frank, S. W.

  The return text; OK LUV U 2.

  He wondered why Alfonzo didn’t get over there and take her, yeah, she messed up and everything but Selange was a good person. She was probably lonely. Alfonzo worked late and was gone a lot, who wouldn’t feel lonely? Seriously, it’s not like Alfonzo was a saint, in fact he could be quite the asshole. Shit, he slept with women, the only difference is men don’t get pregnant they impregnate. In Emilio’s eyes he had much respect for Selange. Someone else may have gone out and got an abortion, tried to cover her up her affair, not Selange. She decided to say fuck everybody I’m keeping these children and to hell with who doesn’t like it. Of course, Alfonzo split; he’s got an ego the size of the Empire State Building. Sure, it’s tough, Emilio got it, it’s tough when you fuck-up but it’s the people who love you the most who are supposed to forgive you. He’d heard Selange crying plenty of times. Jessica told Emilio, Alfonzo had gone ahead with the divorce and it sucked. It truly did, because it’s obvious Selange loved him, too bad Alfonzo couldn’t see it. At least she was taking responsibility, maybe Alfonzo needed to examine his role in the mess.

  Emilio looked up when the elevator chimed open and a fierce looking man, a sinister Vincent clone stepped through its doors. Midnight glossy hair, over six three, broad shoulders, muscled and lean. The dark eyes roamed to where he sat, the nostril seemed to flare, Emilio wasn’t sure or perhaps it was set naturally in this way. His clothes were quality leisure and very high-end but it’s the way in which he commanded respect by his walk that affirmed this is a man afraid of no one. He’d never met Vincent’s twin brother Nico but he heard the stories. The guys described him as the opposite of Vincent. Saying he was a no nonsense, unsmiling and serious mother-fucker. Well, they were right. Nico Serano looked like a killer!

  ***

  Alfonzo got an excited telephone call from Sal at the office, “Mommy’s going to the hospital, the babies are coming dad...they’re finally coming!”

  The boy’s exuberance sent sparks through his body. The innocence of children was enviable. Sal wasn’t concerned with any of the grown-up stuff, he was ecstatic to have new siblings to the mix. If only she were having his baby then he’d feel happy, too.

  “Who’s with your mom?” Alfonzo asked, genuinely concerned.

  “Well, aunt Shanda’s stuck at the airport mommy said and Anita got to stay with us so Emilio came to take her.”

  The long explanation from the boy was a sign of his young age. Alfonzo frowned at the news. He saw the kids regularly; sometimes he caught a glimpse of Selange out on the patio reading or by the pool. Sometimes she had her feet dangling over the edge, absently kicking up water with her feet listening to music. He’d see the solitary reflection by the way she stared ahead to nothing really and her lips turn down as she moped. She was aware he’d come for the children, he came every other day to take them out and on weekends they stayed at his new home not far away. She always kept a distance, not smiling or speaking, simply existing. She was trying to spare him the sight of her extended belly and he hated making her feel such shame.

  He’d stand there at the side of the house as Anita got the kid’s things and listen to the music drifting from those powerful mini speakers. She changed her playlist often and on one visit a male artist he wasn’t familiar with was singing. The lyrics caught his attention. It was about ships in the night, passing by. He could still hear the song in his head. ‘We’re like ships in the night…keep on passing me by…trying to find who’s right –and if all goes crashing in to the sea…it’s just you and me…trying to find our light…like ships in the night…’

  He wanted to go there and sit. Maybe, take her hand and ask, “What happened to us?” But, he never did, he couldn’t. They’d crashed in to the sea and he doubted they’d find their way back. So, instead, he’d collected the children’s backpacks, waved at her and kept it moving. He researched the song, Matt Kearney was the artist. He purchased it and added it to his playlist. He really liked it.

  Over the ensuing months he realized he couldn’t do it. Yes, he loved Selange more than the island sea, it just hurt too badly. Every time he thought about her, Nico, Vincent and the lies, it produced pain. He couldn’t trust her any more. The speedy divorce gave her the house, money and anything else she wanted. It also assured the children would not have his name.

  He remembered her crying on the phone when she got the documents, balling and hiccupping, “Don’t do this hun, we can fix it. I’ll fix it, just reconsider…I messed up…I know but I love you…I won’t stop loving you.”

  He almost gave in then his wounded pride spoke, “I’m too broken, we’re broken babe, it can’t be fixed.”

  “No, hun…it can,” she said optimistically, “come home…we’ll get counseling, whatever it takes, I’ll do it. Please don’t give up on us…don’t punish me for one mistake.”

  Alfonzo sighed, “That’s not what I’m doing. Selange, I’m being honest, when I look at you all I think about is you and Nico. Then the anger starts, I don’t want to be angry anymore…I’m not trying to punish you…babe…I just want to be okay again.”

  She paused for so long he wondered if she’d passed out or something. If it wasn’t for the soft sobbing noises in the background he’d believed she had. Then she said with such despair, “I signed them…I won’t fight it. I did this, I killed us.” She wailed into the phone, “How can I expect you to love someone else’s child or me? I’m stupid to think you loved me so much you would. I’m an asshole for believing we were more than our mistakes…I would’ve forgiven you...I would have been furious, yes…dammit…I would’ve been but if you were repentant…truly sorry and wanted to keep what we have…I would’ve forgiven you and loved your kids like my own because they’re part of you and we all sometimes lose our way. Your child wouldn’t be less loved because it would be innocent! You never truly loved me…you couldn’t have…you’ve been lying too…I see it now…and to think I almost aborted these babies because I loved you and didn’t want this to happen –but I’m glad I didn’t…I’m so fucking glad I had the courage not to!” A hiccup at the end of the long rant reverberated then, “I asked God for forgiveness, I no longer need it from a man. Take care of yourself, bye!”

  Once she hung up, Alfonzo slumped over with his head hanging down in futility. His chest ached at how pitiful and dejected she sounded. His eyes became moist then overflowed to run along the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t cried in years, not even when they cremated Vincent. He wanted to, the mourning socked him around many days but he hadn’t out-and-out cried.

  He sniffled hard, and then balled his hands into fists. The tears wouldn’t stop and he let them go unabridged. He loved Selange so goddamn much and it killed him to divorce her…it literally caused heart palpitations. The tears were his blood spilling for her. She didn’t understand how close he came to putting a bullet in his head when he returned from Italy. She didn’t see the drunken nights he stumbled around smashing anything he could find to keep from hurting inside. He’d suffered weeks of a rollercoaster of emotions, anger, disbelief, guilt, denial and at his weakest, almost took the easy way out.

  Weeks felt like a lifetime but he came out of it, seeing the kids helped, working helped but it always got bad when he saw her belly and it’d come roaring through his gut all over again. He might’ve forgiven the affair, but seeing reminders of it every day was like rubbing his nose in it. Were they in such heat Nico didn’t think to use a condom? See, that’s the painful part, you know? It’s sort of, ‘what the fuck’, did he love her so much he wanted it raw, wanted to impregnate her then send her back to her husband carrying his seed? Yeah, see this is why Alfonzo couldn’t do it; he’d keep doing this to himself, looking for answers when sometimes there aren’t any. People sometimes don’t think, they fuck-up and sometimes when they do it’s an earthshattering event. Selange’s mistake was not ‘thinking’ about her husband.

  Her words were stinging, because in truth, he believed she would’v
e forgiven him. Many times she had, but he wasn’t the forgiving kind, not when it came to this. She forgot, hadn’t she? The first night they spent together, he’d told her about it and she forgot. The first girl he thought he loved, cheated and it ripped him apart. This was different…Selange was his wife…not a girlfriend or a youthful crush but a woman he’d gladly die for…which made it ten million times more devastating!

  He wanted to be there at her side today, she shouldn’t be alone but his feet wouldn’t move. There were troubles spiraling in the midst of his personal problems. Yes, he rushed the divorce, he had to. He had to protect his kids and Selange from what was coming. Don Gregorio had turned state’s evidence against Alfonzo. He’d begun cooperating with the feds to avoid time for a ten year murder and racketeering charges. Lou got wind of it but by then Don Gregorio and his family were placed in The Witness Protection Program.

  Vincent was right, he should’ve eliminated Gregorio. Now, Alfonzo could only wait for the inevitable. His known assets were already frozen, but of course this was the least of his problems. In the end, he had to get to Gregorio, for Vincent’s wisdom rang in his ear. “In my experience it’s better to rid yourself of a rat then have it come back and bite you in the ass later!”

  He missed Vincent…he missed his wife but they were gone and he had to get out of this jam. With the help of his political connections, he could get Gregorio’s location but there was only one man who could eliminate the problem. He was the best of the problem-solvers and also the man Alfonzo would never call. Nico!

  ***

  Selange gripped the railing with one hand, trying to will away the uncomfortable pain pressing against her uterus. Geez, this wasn’t like when she gave birth to Sal or Allie, there were two jockeying to get out and she was alone. Literally, left in a room by the nurse who flippantly said she wasn’t fully dilated yet and she’d be back in a minute, she was going to get the doctor.

  Somehow, the thought of going through this without anyone to hold her hand almost made her cry. Yep, she cried a lot. She cried when Allie called her fat, she cried when Amelda and all the women came for a visit. Oh she cried over not having someone to rub her back at night, goodness, there were cries for crying. The contractions were getting closer and the nurse hadn’t brought her ass back yet. Where did she go, Timbuktu?

  The Lamaze classes at least helped in the breathing part and she did the silly, ‘hee-hee-hee’ nonsense until she tired. Then the wind from the door caused her to look up and her eyes widened in shock. The joyful surprise when she saw her unexpected visitor evident as she exclaimed, “Nico!”

  He came to her side and took her hand. She gripped it tight, gratefully tight and he massaged the base of her spine, “You didn’t think I’d let you go through this by yourself, did you?”

  She leaned sideways to his chest. Her round belly was covered by a sterile sheet and he wondered how far apart the contractions were. He didn’t get to ask because she asked first, “How…how did you find out?”

  His mouth tugged into a half-smile, she hadn’t guessed? The security feed to the house. Wasn’t she curious about why Alfonzo always asked him to check security? There wasn’t time to get into all of that, she’d be surprised at how easy he could hack her security feed and zero in on places in the house. Last week, he saw her crying in the living-room. It made him so upset, he’d shut it off because he hated seeing her miserable. He was here because it appeared Alfonzo didn’t have a heart after-all and all the bull-shit he talked about loving her…well…this was the test and he failed!

  “No questions about how, I’m here. This is a ‘now’ moment.”

  She smiled, overjoyed at his take-charge attitude and hoped he wasn’t risking too much to be here, “Your wife is going to kill you, Nico.”

  “Don’t worry; my ex-wife and I are friends. Matter-of-fact she’s got herself a lawyer boyfriend. But, hey she’s happy, that’s all that matters. Okay, enough about me, let’s start focusing on a far more important subject. You and frick and frack there.”

  She actually laughed. Oh, snap, hearing the sound come out of her mouth was as jubilant as Christmas. She grew encouraged, “I can do this...I can do this…right…twins…they’re small babies not elephants, right?”

  He laughed at the brave fear, “Far tinier than elephants.”

  His eyes twinkled when she began to pant again, “Hee-hee-hee!”

  Nico leaned closer and smelled the delicious minty scent of her hair. His eyes were lovingly drinking her in and he breathed with her. She needed him today more than ever and he came. He caressed her arms, “You’ll know when they’re actually about to come, let me know and I’ll call the nurse, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “Are you soldiered-up?”

  “Damn right.”

  They breathed again and in a resting phase he asked as a distraction, “Have you decided on names?”

  “I want to name the boy Vincent if it’s okay with you?”

  The sudden flicker in his eye was a sign of happiness. “Perfect.”

  “The girl I haven’t decided, I want something special.”

  “My mother’s name is pretty special. Angelina.” This was his adoptive mother, the only mother he’d known. Yes, his biological mother was alive and well but she ignored the twin’s existence. He did not want to know her, this Sabrina woman, she was not brave like Selange, and she was nothing except a name on a birth certificate.

  “I like it, Angeli-na!” She pressed down hard on his hand. Her eyes wide from the heavy pressure from her uterus, “Nico…they’re coming…now!”

  Excited hornets bounced inside Nico’s body. It was an exuberant feeling, a happy moment he didn’t think he’d get to see or share for that matter. He’d found heaven twice in life but then when he thought about it, he realized life was his heaven. He could not have it all. His love for the woman in his arms, panting, lovely as always was beyond the physical. She brought hope and a yearning for something other than killing to his spirit. He caressed her lower back, let her lean against him as she pant rapidly, the glorious hair caressed his cheek and caused his heart to expand.

  “Oh damn, where is that slow nurse?” She exclaimed.

  Nico’s voice boomed through the corridors jarring Emilio from his seat. “Nurse, get your ass in here. We’re about to deliver!”

  **********************

  An author’s note:

  Someone, a reader asked will there be a 5th in the series and I pondered the question. I ponder a lot; my errant mind wanders amuck, so before I can answer such questions, I give them careful consideration. For the reader, who may be reading this, the one from my intimate circle on Facebook, the answer is yes. There are many stories untold in this family saga. There are stories hidden inside stories and perhaps you may have partially flushed it out, then again maybe not.

  To anyone upset with Selange, certainly love is imperfect; at times it errs as is the fallacy of mankind. It falters, struggles, becomes distracted and sometimes wanders away for a time, yet, have faith in truth…it is the ultimate factor of with whom the heart lies…and yes…sometimes the AWAKENING may come too late.

  Wink!

  For those of you who have enjoyed the series, kindly leave a review, share your thoughts on the characters –and for those who didn’t, I shrug, a writer will not please everyone; everyone cannot be pleased.

  And for those interested in stopping by to ask questions, or to get updates on the release of the 5th novel, visit sometime: www.facebook.com and [LIKE] SWFrank.

  You can request a kindle graph by going to: www.kindlegraph.com

  -Ciao!

  NOVELS BY AUTHOR

  The Sisters of Cain and Abel

  A House of Brick and Mortar

  The Alfonzo series, Volumes 1-4

  Book club discussion:

  1. Is it possible to be in love with two people at the same time?

  2. Do you think Selange loves Nico or is she curious?

  3.
Do you believe maturity and life experiences make for a better mate?

  4. Do you think Selange may have married too young and her affair is an exploratory phase that should have come before she took marriage vows?

  5. Is Alfonzo guiltless or does he share any responsibility in his wife’s affair?

  6. Is Alfonzo being hypocritical or are men less likely to forgive an indiscretion than women?

  7. Should Nico have chosen duty over love?

  8. Is Nico an honorable man, is Alfonzo, why or why not?

  9. Is there hope for reconciliation between Alfonzo and Selange?

  10. Should Alfonzo have forgiven Selange for her affair?