Journey’s End

by Jennifer Scoullar

  Taj’s words echoed in Kim’s ears. Painful home truths. It was unfair to deny her children just because she wasn’t over Scout’s death. This wasn’t about her. Dusty sighed and rolled onto his back, eyes still shut, fuzzy tummy exposed. He really was very sweet, and the kids loved him already. ‘We can keep him.’

  Abbey screamed with delight and squeezed Kim’s cheeks so tight she thought they’d pop. ‘I’m going to tell Nikki.’

  Kim smiled in disbelief as she ran off. She couldn’t remember the last time her quiet daughter had shouted.

  Kim picked up the sleeping pup and placed him on a pile of spare wallaby blankets in the corner. Dusty barely stirred, sleeping with the deep, innocent trust of the very young. She went into the lounge and picked up the jar of Scout’s ashes from the mantelpiece. Kim could still picture him in this room. Asleep on the faded burgundy rug, paws scrabbling as he chased dream rabbits. Sitting on the frayed empire chair. Basking before the fire in winter, soaking up the warmth.

  Kim sank down on the couch. ‘Oh Scouty, forgive me. Nobody will ever take your place.’ Her eyes brimmed with tears, and she could almost feel the touch of his cold nose on her bare leg. So real. Out of habit, her hand dropped to fondle the old dog’s head.

  She jumped at the feel of silky soft fur and looked down. Dusty was nuzzling her. He wagged his tail and flopped on her feet. On impulse she picked the pup up. He snuggled down on her lap, his topaz eyes trained on hers. Eyes that unexpectedly reminded her of Taj. ‘I wonder what Scout would have made of you, eh?’

  And then something strange happened. She felt compelled to tell Dusty all about Scout. How he would chase cats up the backyard peppercorn tree, and climb right up after them. How he would shake himself, as if wet, after the car went through the car wash. How he joined in the Easter egg hunt every year, piling his share in his food dish. And how Scout loyally stood guard in the children’s bedrooms whenever they were sick, barely eating or sleeping until they were well again.

  Dusty regarded her with an earnest intensity as if her stories were the most important thing in the world. Kim didn’t feel foolish for long, and soon she was laughing through her tears. It felt good to remember Scout like this. Remembering the joy of his long life, not the pain and sadness of his death. A burden flew from her shoulders. ‘So you see, you’ve a lot to live up to.’ The pup whined and laid his head between his paws, as if the responsibility was all too much. From the kitchen she heard the clattering of plates and felt grateful to Mel that she’d allowed her this time alone.

  ‘Mum?’ Jake stood in the doorway. ‘Who are you talking to?’

  She put the puppy down and replaced the ashes on the mantelpiece. Jake shuffled in, unsure and fidgeting. Dusty hurled himself at the boy in an ecstasy of welcome, all waggling tail and wriggling body. Jake bundled him into his arms, finding it hard to speak through Dusty’s determined efforts to lick his mouth. ‘Is it true, what Abbey says? Can I really keep him?’

  His forehead was creased with worry, his eyes guarded. The resemblance to Connor struck her, like it so often did, and she braced herself. But for once the familiar pain didn’t come. In its place was a kind of epiphany. Connor had given her the gift of this wonderful child. How fortunate she was. How very blessed.

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘You can keep him.’

  Jake chewed on his bottom lip, the way he used to do when he was little. His expression didn’t change the way Abbey’s had when she heard the news. Jake didn’t believe her. Well, why should he? She’d said no so often, put her needs ahead of his for so long. It was troubling to see how little he trusted her.

  She got up and put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Jake, you can keep him. Dusty’s yours now, all yours.’

  A smile found its way through the mask of his uncertainty, and he ran from the room, no doubt before she changed her mind.

  Happiness settled on her skin and, for once, it wasn’t bittersweet. For once it wasn’t brought on by thoughts of the past. She had to stay living in the present for Jake’s sake, and for Abbey’s, however hard it might be. More than that, she had to think of the future. What about her grand plan? She had a whole year, enough time to get it off the ground. The prospect was exciting and frightening at the same time. Why did Taj want to help her? What was his angle?

  If only she hadn’t run away from Wolf Hall like that. She should have stayed to talk to Taj, find out more about him, discover what was driving him. He must have some sort of background in ecology; that much was clear from the trivia night and their conversation today. She’d never really thought about the breadth of Taj’s life, never tried to imagine him before he came to Australia. She’d been curious about Afghanistan, of course. She’d asked him about his country, but only because of Connor. She hadn’t cared about Taj at all. It reminded her of a taxi ride she’d once taken: a long trip, chatting with the driver to while away the time.

  ‘Where are you from?’ she’d asked him.

  ‘Syria.’

  ‘Do you like driving taxis? Is that what you did back at home?’

  His answer had been slow in coming. ‘I was an orthopaedic surgeon, but my qualifications and experience are not recognised here. This is the only work I can get.’

  ‘Mum?’ Abbey came in. ‘Jake won’t let me play with Dusty. I said he could have a turn of Percy’ – She held up the toy poodle – ‘but he wouldn’t swap.’

  ‘I’ll make sure you get a turn later,’ said Kim. ‘Meanwhile, come and talk with me for a bit.’

  ‘Can I sit with you on the empire chair? It’s the prettiest.’

  They both squeezed into it.

  ‘You like Taj, don’t you?’ Kim said.

  Abbey’s face lit up. ‘Oh yes. Taj shows me beetles and things, and tells me stories. He’s my second-best friend after Nikki.’ She frowned. ‘And Grace, of course, but I don’t see her anymore.’

  ‘Does Taj tell good stories?’

  ‘The best. All about when he was a ranger in Afghanistan. He has wolves and bears in his forests, not like here. Even leopards. And deer with fangs like vampires. We have deer here too, Mum. I hope they’re not vampires. Anyway, Taj used to keep them safe from poachers, and stop bad guys from chopping down the trees. Did you know he had his own wolf pack?’ Kim shook her head. ‘He raised some baby cubs, and when they were grown up enough he taught them how to live in the wild again. They thought Taj was a wolf, like them.’

  Nikki came in. ‘Mum wants to know if there’s tomato sauce.’

  Abbey bounced to her feet. ‘I’ll come show you.’ She kissed her mother on the nose. ‘Don’t forget to tell Jake it’s my turn for Dusty next.’

  Kim sat there for the longest time, considering Abbey’s words. Taj must have been spinning tales. Wildlife in war-torn Afghanistan? Connor never talked very much about his time overseas. It left a frustrating gap in her understanding. The country didn’t have forests, did it? Let alone bears and wolves and fanged deer. The images in her mind were of deserts and barren, bombed-out landscapes.

  Kim went to her room and opened her iPad. May as well get some mileage from their brand new internet connection. She googled Afghanistan, forests and wolves. The results confounded her. An astonishing range of wildlife survived in the country’s remote northern forests, including wolves and rare deer with tusks like sabres.

  How limited her knowledge of Afghanistan really was. She scrolled through the images on her screen. It seemed there was more to the country than desolation and violence. More than the death and roadside bombs shown on the nightly news. There was also a mythical beauty – ancient forests, rugged snow-capped mountains and wild rivers. A landscape Connor would have loved. He did not die, as she’d imagined, trapped in a place of unrelenting ugliness. Perhaps his spirit had found sanctuary and peace in Afghanistan’s last wilderness. It was a comforting thought.

  Ben poked his head round the door. ‘Are you hungry? Grub’s up.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’m starved.’

  Ben
’s perfect white teeth gleamed in a devilish grin. She returned his smile. Despite her aches and pains from the accident, this was the lightest she’d felt in years. She was suddenly looking forward to an evening of talking and drinking with friends. Of meeting her son’s eyes with hope. Of sharing a joke with the charming Ben, a man who Jake adored, and who’d swept in after her crash like a knight in shining armour.

  Kim changed into clean jeans and a silk shirt of the softest green. She went to the bathroom, washed her face, brushed her hair and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Then, hesitantly, she found a lipstick . . .

  CHAPTER 19

  Kim hoped it wasn’t too early on a Sunday morning to ask her new friend a favour. ‘Knock, knock.’ Kim pushed in the back door at She-Oak Springs, and found Mel chasing a half-grown kookaburra around her kitchen. ‘Any chance of borrowing your truck?’ She threw a convenient tea towel over the bird as Mel cornered it in the sink. ‘For the whole day, if possible.’

  ‘Sure.’ Mel quietly caught the squawking youngster and placed it in a crate. ‘What’s up?’

  ‘You know that rainforest nursery?’

  Mel put on the kettle. ‘I heard it’s closed down now. Somebody bought out the entire stock, the whole kit and caboodle. Pity that – I wanted some more tamarind seedlings.’

  ‘You’d better ask me then.’

  Mel turned to stare. ‘You mean —’

  ‘Yep. That’s why I need the truck.’

  ‘Oh my god! What are you going to do with all those plants?’

  ‘Give you as many as you need, for starters,’ said Kim. ‘A few more understorey species wouldn’t go astray in your gully.’

  ‘That would be wonderful, thank you. But what about the others? How many are there?’

  ‘Thousands.’

  Mel put two cups of coffee down on the table, and gestured to a chair. ‘I know you’ve got a lot to do,’ she said, ‘but there’s always time for a cup of coffee. Now sit and tell me what you’re up to.’

  Kim hesitated, then sat down. ‘You know I’m a botanist, right? When Connor inherited Journey’s End twelve years ago, we talked about a project of broad-scale rainforest regeneration. When he died, I gave up on the idea. Didn’t think I could do it on my own.’ Kim sipped the hot brew. ‘Well, I’ve changed my mind. I’m going to restore the original, pre-European vegetation cover.’

  Mel looked confused. ‘What, over the whole two hundred hectares?’

  ‘That’s the plan.’

  ‘What about pasture for stock?’

  ‘In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t have any stock. Unless you count goats and brumbies and the odd wild pig.’

  Mel shook her head as though she couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. ‘You’ll lose your improved land value. What if you want to reclaim the paddocks down the track? Clearing costs a fortune in steep country like this. And when you sell, who’s going to buy two hundred hectares of bush? Especially if it’s locked up with conservation covenants.’

  ‘Someone like me.’ Kim put down her half-drunk coffee and stood up. ‘Now, can I borrow the truck or not?’

  ‘Of course,’ said Mel. ‘Don’t get me wrong – I just want to be sure you know what you’re doing.’

  ‘Right.’ Kim bit her tongue. It wasn’t the reaction she’d expected. She thought they were on the same page, that Mel would be as excited as she was about the plan. After all, visiting the nursery had been Mel’s idea in the first place, and she had her own greenhouse full of natives.

  ‘I wasn’t criticising,’ said Mel. ‘It’s just I’ve never heard of anyone converting their land back to wilderness. Regenerating creek banks maybe, or putting in shelter belts. But not their whole farm.’

  ‘Well, now you have.’ Kim sat back down. This wasn’t the time to get in a huff. She needed to explain this to Mel, get her on side.

  ‘What does Ben think? I can’t imagine he’ll be happy.’

  ‘I haven’t told Ben. Only you and Taj.’

  ‘But I thought you and Ben were . . . you know.’

  ‘Well, we’re not.’

  But Mel would not be deterred. ‘Admit it, ever since that crash a few weeks ago, Ben’s been spending a lot of time at your place. I see his car there all the time.’ This wasn’t entirely light-hearted teasing. Kim knew full well Mel had a crush on Ben. ‘You realise he’s the town catch, don’t you? Tingo’s most eligible bachelor.’

  That made Kim smile. How many people were there in Tingo again?

  ‘Don’t be silly. He’s a friend,’ said Kim. ‘And Jake likes him. Ben helps him with his cricket.’ Mel did not look convinced. Time to get the conversation back on track. ‘What I’m planning isn’t very different to what you’re doing with that gully, Mel, just on a larger scale. Think how great this will be for your orphans. You can release them right next door.’

  ‘That does sound good,’ said Mel, her tone still uncertain. ‘But if you let the place run wild, won’t feral animals take over? I’ve got enough problems with foxes as it is.’

  ‘I’m starting an eradication program, with Taj’s help. Did you know he’s got a master’s degree from the University of Leeds in environmental biology?’

  ‘You’re kidding,’ said Mel. ‘Wouldn’t a qualification like that be recognised in Australia? I wonder why he’s working as a handyman.’

  ‘Taj says these mountains remind him of home – that’s why he stays. I know,’ said Kim as Mel raised her eyebrows. ‘I thought Afghanistan was all ruins and desert.’

  ‘Didn’t your husband . . . didn’t Connor talk about it?’

  ‘Not much and, anyway, he was stationed in the south – Helmand Province. Apparently the mountains are miles away, in the north-east.’ Kim drained her mug, surprised at herself. It wasn’t often she could talk about Connor so matter-of-factly. ‘So, back to the truck . . .’

  ‘I’d better drive,’ said Mel. ‘It’s got a few quirks, like no door handles. You need to use the needle-nosed pliers in the glove box when you want to get out. And reverse gear is tricky. If it doesn’t take then you have to keep the clutch in and quickly go through first and second, then very slowly back to reverse, and . . .’

  ‘Okay,’ said Kim. ‘You drive.’

  Nikki ran in. ‘Drive where, Mum?’

  ‘Kim’s bought herself a baby rainforest. We’re going to pick it up.’

  ‘Cool. Can Todd and I come?’

  ‘Sure.’ Nikki ran off to find her brother.

  Kim gave Mel a grateful smile. ‘I’ll bring the kids in my car, if you like. They can help us load up.’

  ‘Deal.’ Mel put the mugs on the sink and grabbed some keys from a hook behind the door. ‘Come on,’ she said with a grin. ‘Let’s go get your forest.’

  Even with Taj’s help, it took them all day to collect the stock. This was their final load. Taj removed his hat and wiped the sweat from his brow. ‘That’s it.’ He handed down the last plant to Kim, then jumped from the tray of the truck, landing beside her with the easy grace of an animal. The feathery fronds of a tree fern poked out the top of the pot, along with a wilting seedling. She felt the soil. Bone dry. ‘You poor thing.’ The rightful occupant of the pot had almost been smothered by the self-sown fern. Kim was constantly amazed by the sheer fecundity of life in Tingo.

  Kim trailed her fingers along the seedling’s nondescript leaves. No label. It could be anything.’ She looked up at Taj. ‘What do you think this one is?’

  Taj bent close, and she could hear his steady breathing, almost taste the salt on his skin. He plucked the pot from her hand and studied the young plant with great care as if examining something precious and rare. He rolled a leaf-tip between thumb and forefinger. Closing his eyes, he brought the fingers to his nose and inhaled. Kim waited. The moment swelled and built. Finally he opened his eyes. ‘Cinnamomum oliveri. Cinnamonwood.’ He handed the pot back as though he was giving her a gift.

  Dusty bowled into her legs and the moment was lost. ‘Well hello,
sweetie.’ She put the little pot down in the shade with the others, and tickled the excited pup. In the few weeks they’d had him, Dusty had tumbled, romped, snuggled and charmed his way into all their hearts. She’d loved Scout, but the border terrier was all grown up when she first met him. She’d never raised a puppy before. And according to Mel, Dusty was rather a special one. ‘He’s so clever. You can see his mind ticking away, working things out. I kicked a stone behind the gate today to close it because my hands were full and I couldn’t do up the chain. Well, Dusty sat there and looked at that rock awhile. Then he picked it up in his mouth, moved it aside, and swatted the gate with his paw. It swung right open. It was the darnedest thing.’

  Kim had learned to take her friend’s stories with a grain of salt. Mel had a nickname in town, Mel-odramatic, because she tended to exaggerate. But Dusty did seem to be very smart, though Kim had no basis for comparison.

  It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Connor had told her stories about the bravery and intelligence of military dogs. ‘Dogs can understand two hundred and fifty words and gestures,’ he said. ‘They can count to five and are as intelligent as two-year-old children.’

  Kim didn’t doubt it. Dusty could already undo the catch on the crate Mel had loaned her for house-training. He’d learned to open the pantry door, hide quietly under Jake’s bed when she wanted to put him out, and unlatch the chook pen so Bonnie and Clyde could come out and play with him.

  Kim picked Dusty up. ‘What have you been up to, eh? Where’s Jake?’

  Taj, who was fitting a hose to the tank, indicated the house with a jerk of his head. Kim turned to see Ben’s red LandCruiser parked in the drive. Jake was bound to be with him.

  That explained why Dusty had deserted Jake. The pup knew Ben didn’t like him. His overtures of friendship were always rebuffed, and he ended up slinking away with his tail between his legs. ‘Why is Ben so mean to Dusty?’ Abbey had asked her. Kim hadn’t known what to say. Maybe Ben only liked dogs with a pedigree, and Dusty didn’t cut the mustard.

  Taj tested the hose. Kim put Dusty down, and the pup leapt and snapped at the water stream. Taj let him play with it awhile, then turned it on the pots. Kim watched with a smile of satisfaction as curtains of spray rained down on the thirsty seedlings. This unique collection, these thousands of subtropical rainforest plants – all safe, all hers. She could still hardly believe it.