Dirty Addiction

by Ella Miles

  The woman leaves.

  It takes everything inside of me not to dig into my food, stuffing everything on my plate into my mouth in one scoop.

  “I know you’re hungry. Eat.”

  I hesitate and peek at Dierk, even though I know I shouldn’t. I need to eat as he said.

  “You know?” my voice trembles, thinking this is some twisted game.

  He nods. “I know Matteo isn’t feeding you.”

  “But you’re allowing me to eat? What game are you playing? The food’s poisoned or something, isn’t it?”

  His lips fall, and his body seems to hunch over a little.

  He reaches onto my plate, stealing one of my fries and popping them into his mouth. He chews and swallows before I’m satisfied.

  I can’t wait any longer. I dig into my food as Dierk nibbles on his fries.

  “Why? Why be nice to me?” I ask, my mouth full of my turkey sandwich.

  He stares out the large window out into the forest below.

  “Because I know what it feels like to be hungry.”

  My mouth drops open a little. Dierk seems to have transformed into a young boy in seconds.

  “I went without food many a night when I was a kid. I watched my mother starve to death. My sister cried herself to sleep every night because she was in so much pain from the stomach aches. No one should ever be hungry.”

  I swallow down the turkey, along with the lump in my throat.

  “Thank you.”

  He nods. “I know Matteo wants you to tell him where Nina is. He still loves her, but he deserves better. She loves Arlo; she will never love Matteo. He needs to move on and do what’s best for his family.”

  I shovel the rest of the fries into my mouth and Dierk places the rest of his food on my plate.

  “Matteo is a caring, devoted man. He’s just lost. He’s always had his brother. He doesn’t have the confidence to operate on his own. He hasn’t found his place in the world yet.”

  I frown. “I don’t think Matteo’s a very caring man.”

  He takes a deep breath staring at me. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe he isn’t a kind man. I don’t know. I took this job in high school to put food on the table and ensure my family never goes hungry again. But I can say Matteo is a better boss than Enrico was. That doesn’t make Matteo a saint; it makes him better.”

  “I guess,” remembering all of the horrible things Nina told me about Enrico, Matteo’s father.

  “Now, tell me about yourself. I might as well get to know you if I’m risking getting fired for you.”

  I wince. “You could get fired because of me?”

  He shrugs. “Maybe. If Enrico was in charge, yes. No one has gotten fired since Matteo took over. But probably.”

  “You shouldn’t have risked it.” I don’t want another family hurting because of me.

  He laughs. “You say that now you have a full belly again. I couldn’t sit back and watch you wither away.”

  “You’re prolonging the inevitable. Tomorrow Matteo will start starving me again.”

  “He’ll try, but he won’t be able to, not when I’m sneaking you food.”

  I smile. “Thank you. I wasn’t sure there was a kind person in this house.”

  “There are a lot of nice people here. There are a lot of bad people too, though. Now, what do you do for a living when you aren’t here?”

  “I prosecute the bad guys and lock them up in prison.”

  He grins. “I guess you were right. You do have a better judge of character than I do. Any chance you will spare me when this is all over with?” He wiggles his eyebrows, and I laugh.

  “What makes you think I will make it out alive?”

  “Because you are strong and resourceful. And despite Matteo being cruel, he’s not the worst kind of monster. He won’t kill you. Heck, he can’t even beat you or rape you as he wants. He’s desperate to get answers about a woman he loves, you’re the only lead he has to find her, and the best he can do is deprive you of food. I’m pretty sure he left you with me because he knew I couldn’t resist feeding you. He’s aware of my past.”

  I think for a minute, letting Dierk’s view of Matteo in, but I’m not sure it’s true. I think Matteo hides his plans from everyone he doesn’t fully trust.

  “You don’t have a clue where Nina and Arlo are?”

  He shakes his head. “Not a clue.”

  I grin. “I will spare you once I escape.”

  Dierk said Matteo has a soft side, that Matteo has some warmth in him, even if the evil hides it. Looking around at where I woke up, I’m beginning to think Dierk might be right. I was drugged in the dungeon, but he didn’t leave me there. Instead, he brought me back to his bed.

  When I was unconscious, did Matteo sleep next to me in bed or did he sleep on the couch and give up the bed to me? I’m guessing from how I was lying in the middle of the bed, I slept in the bed alone. So he gave up his bed for me, again.

  His weakness is Nina, I know that, but could I also be his weakness? I remind him of her, so maybe I can find a way to use that to my advantage. All I know is I won’t let him drug me again. I’d rather he starve me. I can’t handle giving up substantial portions of my memory.

  The door opens, and Matteo steps in, but only to make his presence known as his eyes focus on me.

  “Come on. Breakfast is getting cold.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Breakfast?”

  “Yes, starving you only works when my staff doesn’t feed you behind my back.”

  My heart races. “Your staff didn’t—”

  His face tenses, and his dark eyes protrude, threatening me. I stop.

  “I’m not asking you to rat out who it was. I don’t care. I know my employees are loyal to me and I can understand how a woman like you could manipulate them into doing what you want. Now get the fuck up and let’s go.”

  I stand up abruptly, forgetting I’m still weak and need to move slowly. My knees give out, and I grasp for the post at the end of the bed, hoping it will keep me upright. I miss. I prepare for impact, my arms outstretched to catch myself. I don’t hit the floor though; Matteo’s arms snatch my wrists, holding me up.

  He searches my eyes. “Why do I do this?”

  I swallow down whatever emotions are creeping up in my throat. Matteo doesn’t have to explain himself. I know what he means. Why does he keep protecting me? Why doesn’t he let me fall to the floor? Why does he care at all? I don’t know the answer, but I have a feeling it’s the same reason I haven’t stolen a knife from the kitchen and jabbed it into his throat while he sleeps. Something unexplainable stops me.

  He lifts my body up into his arms, carrying me like a baby. My head instinctually rests against his firm chest. I breathe in, and the chills all over my arms cause all the tiny hairs on my arms to stick up straight.

  He notices the goosebumps on my arms and carries me to his closet, before pulling a sweatshirt off one of the hangers. He gently places me down on the bench on one end and holds the sweatshirt above my head. I lift my arms up, and he places it over my arms and head, pulling it down to my waist. He walks back over and pulls a pair of yoga pants off the shelf and bends down in front of my leg. He puts one foot into the pants, then the other, and helps me shimmy them up my bare legs until the pants are on.

  I feel much better now that I’m clothed. I don’t know why Matteo always has me sleep in my underwear and one of his t-shirts.

  “Why?” I ask, confused why he dressed me.

  He stands up, seeming taller somehow, and lifts me back into his arms. “You look like Nina, and I like taking care of people. It’s a curse.”

  I frown. He could have fooled me about the taking care of people. He only takes care of me after he drugs me and I literally can’t function without him. Dierk is twisted if he thinks Matteo is warmhearted.

  He carries me down the hallway to the dining room where two plates of food are already sitting in front of our usual seats.

  He leisurely drops me
into my seat. None of his men are seated at the table. I glance out the window behind him and realize it’s the middle of the day, not morning.

  “How long have I been out for?” I ask.

  “A few hours. I gave you a much smaller dose.”

  I exhale. Only a few hours. I’m not sure if I believe him, but I need to if I’m going to keep my sanity.

  I start shoveling the eggs and toast into my body without waiting for him to permit me. Despite having at least one hearty meal a day for the past couple of weeks, I’m still starving, especially after not having eaten for however long I was out.

  Matteo stares at me, not touching anything but his coffee.

  I try to ignore him, but it’s impossible to ignore his presence. He’s just sitting there, but I can’t enjoy the eggs I’m putting in my mouth because all I can think about is him. What he wants, what he’s thinking.

  “What are you doing?” I ask, my mouth jammed full with toast.

  He shakes his head, ignoring my question.

  I keep eating. I’ll need it to regain strength for whatever ridiculous plan he is scheming next. I watch him out of the corner of my eye, and I can’t help but notice he’s different. Tired. Worn down.

  His eyes are bloodshot like he hasn’t slept in a week or is high. His clothes are ragged like he hasn’t showered or changed in days. I notice the spots of dirt and blood scattered over his shirt and jeans. It’s not a lot, but enough to make him look like he’s been through hell and back.

  “What happened?” I ask, staring at the blood. I don’t know if it is his or someone else’s.

  He doesn’t answer. Instead, he glances past me like I’m not here.

  Strange. He usually answers all of my questions. Today though, all I get is silence.

  I don’t like silence. I know from experience when the men I prosecute become quiet and stop talking, that’s when things start happening. They make one last desperate attempt to get what they want. And it’s never pretty. Someone ends up hurt or dead.

  I need to keep Matteo talking. I need him to go back to the old Matteo, who was solely focused on Nina. He requires focus to keep him going. And I need him to keep his sights on getting Nina back to stay alive long enough to escape.

  I eat the last drop of runny eggs with the last piece of bread, sopping up every last drop. I lean back in my chair trying to remain relaxed. Food in my stomach makes me calmer. But it won’t last, not with this Matteo.

  The old Matteo was predictable, this man sitting at the table next to me is erratic. He’s dangerous. A flip has been switched, and I’m not sure how to turn the switch back off.

  I have to change my plan. I have to do something daring for a chance to get out of here.

  “I’ll tell you where Nina is, but I have some things I need in return.”

  He doesn’t move. He doesn’t react. This is the one thing he claims he wants above everything else. The thing he kidnapped me for, but he doesn’t care.

  “She’s in Monterey Bay, Jamaica.”

  I wait for him to answer. For his eyes to grow big or him to grin so widely he can’t contain it. Or for him to smirk and let me know he realizes it isn’t true. He doesn’t do any of these things. He sits in his chair like I don’t exist.

  I glance around. No one is in the dining room. Most of Matteo’s men are gone or are hanging around in their offices or the living room. If I got up and walked out, would anyone stop me?

  I consider it for a second before I realize it’s a stupid idea. Far too risky. If Matteo were to snap to and realize I ran off, he would probably kill me when he found me.

  “Did you hear me? I told you where to find your precious Nina.”

  Nothing.

  “Matteo!” I slap him on the cheek. It feels good to have my hand hit his rough face, even though my arms are weak and the hit was more of a light slap. So light that it didn’t even make a satisfying sound when our skin touched.

  It does earn me a growl and a glare.

  I smirk. “Glad to bring you back to the living. Did you hear me?”

  “Yes. I’m not deaf.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  “I heard you, but it wasn’t worth responding to. It was a lie. We both know it. You want some of your control back. You want to know what’s going on so you can try to get one step in front of me. Well, guess what sweetheart? Not everything revolves around you and Nina. Sometimes, I have more important things to worry about.”

  I wrinkle my brow. “Like what?”

  “Nothing that concerns you. You need to shut up. I need to be alone right now, and even though I can’t be alone because I have to babysit you, I can at least pretend in the silence.”

  “You could let me go if you want to be alone.”

  “I said, shut up!” His voice beams, bouncing off the high ceilings and walls so loudly I’m sure anyone in the house could hear him.

  “No.”

  The anger rolls off his body, but there’s something else mixed with it too. I’m playing with fire, but maybe figuring out what is going on is the key to gaining my freedom. I need to know everything I can about Matteo. It’s the only way I can be free.

  Matteo shoves his uneaten plate of food in front of me.

  “Eat. I know you are still hungry and if your mouth is full, maybe you’ll stop fucking talking.”

  Damn it. My stomach aches at the sight of more food. I could use more nourishment. Who knows when my next meal will be.

  But it’s a distraction. I know that. But it’s a diversion that is going to work.

  I dig in, filling my belly. It will only work temporarily, and then I’ll be back to questioning Matteo every second until he starts speaking.

  “Matteo Carini, it’s been a long time,” a deep voice bellows through the dining room.

  I keep shoveling in food as I turn in the direction of the man who has entered. It’s not a man I recognize, but I haven’t met all of the men who work for Matteo.

  “Not long enough,” Matteo answers.

  The man chuckles and walks over and takes a seat opposite me and next to Matteo. He leans back in his chair, ignoring me completely as he stares at Matteo.

  It gives me a chance to study him. He’s well dressed in dress pants and a buttoned-down shirt. It fits his body perfectly, like it was handmade for him. His hair is gelled and his face cleanly shaven. He doesn’t look like the rest of the men who are employed by Matteo. They wear clothes to make them look as menacing as possible. Dark jeans, shirts, and jackets. Items they can quickly move in and store weapons in. Not suits meant for an office.

  “Your sister is ridiculous,” the man says, leaning back in his chair.

  Matteo glares at the man. “Careful,” he warns.

  “What? We’re friends. And you know how your sister can be. I came by to ask her to go with me to the ball my family is throwing.”

  “Just because we are friends doesn’t mean you can say anything bad about my sister because she turned you down.”

  “I didn’t say anything mean. I could have called Gia a bitch or cunt or something.”

  Matteo is going to kill him. They don’t appear to be friends to me.

  “What do you want Armas?” Matteo growls.

  Armas grins at Matteo’s foul mood. “You know what I want. The same thing I’ve wanted for the past couple of years.”

  “Gia will never go out with you.”

  “Why not? She should. I’m handsome, charming, have almost as much money as this family. I’m your best friend, so we already have your blessing to date.”

  “You don’t have my permission to date my sister. Not that it matters, because she will never date you.”

  “Not without some help. Come on Matteo, put in a good word for me.”

  “And why would I do that?”

  “Because we are friends and I have saved your butt plenty of times.”

  Matteo narrows his eyes. “When? Because all I ever remember you doing was running when I needed
your help.”

  Armas laughs. “They were shooting at us. What was I supposed to do?”

  “Stay and fight like a real man.”

  “And get killed? No, thank you. Where is your brother anyway? He’s the one who usually saves your ass.”

  “None of your business.”

  Armas cracks his neck side to side. “Why won’t Gia go out with me? She is going to my family’s ball anyway. You all are. So why won’t she go with me?”

  Matteo shakes his head. “You are clueless. She won’t go out with you because she’s in love with another man.”

  Armas laughs like it’s the most ridiculous thing he’s ever heard. “You can’t be serious. She doesn’t fall in love. She’s a Carini. Carinis are ruthless, uncaring, and controlling. They don’t deal with things as simple as love.”

  My eyes burn into Matteo. It’s not true. Arlo is definitely in love. He gave up his whole family, his entire life to live a life on the run with Nina.

  Matteo doesn’t mention Arlo. Apparently, no one in town knows Arlo is gone or the reason.

  “Well, call it lust then, but Gia is still hung up on the last guy that took her out on a date, so forgive her if she isn’t interested in letting you take her out.”

  Armas sighs and leans back in his chair until his feet go up on the table. As he does, he notices I’m in the room for the first time. A creepy smile slinks up on his face as he gawks at me.

  “And what’s your name, beautiful?”

  I shovel in the last bite. “Eden.” I stare at him cautiously, letting him know not to mess with me.

  Armas looks to Matteo. “Seriously? You have a slave? I thought the stories were only rumors.”

  Matteo shrugs. “When will you learn all of the rumors are true?”

  Armas cocks his head to the side. “Well, well, it’s my lucky day then.”

  “I don’t know why? You have no luck,” Matteo says.

  Armas turns his head toward me. “You can give me some luck by letting me borrow your slave tonight. It will help me get over your sister.”

  Matteo crosses his arms across his chest. “And why would I do that? She’s mine.”

  I swallow hard, not sure about this exchange at all or what I want to happen. For one, I want both men to stop referring to me as a slave. And two, I don’t know whose side Armas is on. If he takes me, maybe I can convince him to help me escape. But if not, then I want Matteo to win. Matteo, I understand. Matteo, I know what to expect from him. Armas would be like starting all over. And he might have no problem hurting me unlike, Matteo.