“This—you, me, all of it.”
“Well, of course you planned the mission,” he agreed. “It might have been reckless, but everyone knows you acted with the best of intentions. And as far as the tech side went, your planning was meticulous.”
He began to smile, and she guessed he was remembering the micro-transmitter and where she’d hidden it. She felt no pride in that. All she’d done was her job. “I planned to sleep with you,” she said bluntly. “I wanted to know what it would be like.”
Diego considered this. “I don’t see anything wrong with that. You didn’t expect to come back alive, and you wanted to experience some good sex first.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I seem to be,” he confirmed dryly.
“But I was cold-blooded about it.”
He eased his position. “Am I supposed to be shocked?”
“I thought you might be…offended,” she admitted.
“Do you think you’re the first woman to approach me for sex?”
Her cheeks fired red. “No, but I’m pretty sure I’m the first to involve you in a mission that could have killed you.”
“Oh, please,” he exclaimed with a sound of amusement. “I’m in the danger game. It’s what I do. Your mission is my trade. Polo is my passion. My tech empire is a bonus.”
“But you were key to my plan,” she insisted. “I had so little time to persuade you to launch a mission that I went full-out.”
He curved a faint smile. “I’m pleased you chose me.”
“You’re content to be a tick box on my list?”
“At the top of it, I hope?”
“You’re not taking this seriously,” she complained.
“Because I don’t believe you acted selfishly.” He sighed patiently. “If there was a prescription for love, we’d all be following it.”
“This isn’t love.”
“You seem very sure of that.”
“I am.”
“Then you’d better mount up.”
She looked at him. “Is that all you’ve got to say?”
“Should there be more? Oh, there is one more thing,” he amended after a moment.
“Yes?” Her voice was light and fast.
“Tie your top in a knot to cover for the fact you’ve no buttons. Okay?”
She blinked. “Okay.”
There was a small smile playing around his lips as he sprang into the saddle. This had not gone the way she’d expected. Far from severing the bond between them, she had only succeeded in teasing out a tolerant side to Diego that she had never seen before.
“You’re out of luck,” he said, slanting her an amused glance as if he could read her thoughts as plainly as if she had spoken them out loud. “You didn’t expect to come back from that mission, yet you went anyway. You risked your life to save others. You led our team to the heart of the gang. You truly are a terrible person, Celina.” After gently mocking her, he turned serious. “And you’re also the most courageous person I’ve ever known. Now, get on that horse. He’s hungry, and he wants his bed.”
“Don’t make me out to be some sort of angel,” she said as she swung a leg over the saddle.
“I’m glad you’re no angel.” Gathering up his reins, he huffed a laugh. “I don’t see myself hooking up with a saint.”
“Well, I won’t be your mistress, if that’s what you think.”
His lips pressed down as he thought about this. “So start as my girlfriend and end as my wife.”
“I’m sorry?” Turning her horse, she reined in.
“You heard me. Or are you frightened of commitment?”
“I’m not frightened of anything.”
“Exactly,” Diego confirmed. “So don’t expect me to believe that you’re frightened of love.”
Lost for an answer, she urged the willing bay forward into a rolling canter. She needed time to think. Was he teasing her? “It’s not funny,” she assured him when he rode up alongside.
“Am I laughing?”
“Me, a duchess?” she scoffed.
“My wife,” Diego corrected her evenly, “will actually be a grand duchess.”
“But there’s nothing grand about me.”
“You do have certain other qualities.”
“I refuse to be grand.”
“I’d be disappointed if you said anything else,” he murmured, and urging his big, black stallion forward, he set a brisk pace home.
Their bridles jingled as they rode along. They were almost back in the stable yard when Diego observed, “No one leads me on, Celina. I don’t go anywhere or do anything I don’t want to. I didn’t plan to fall in love with you. It would have been more convenient not to, leaving me free to choose someone easier to handle and far less complex.” And when she huffed with pretended outrage, he added, “I guess I just got lucky. So, however many times you try to make the past an excuse to avoid this happy change in your life, I’m going to block you.”
She looked at him with concern. “What if the past comes back to haunt me?”
“You try again. You’re stubborn. I’ve never seen you give in easily, so why would you start now?”
There was no question that she loved him, but could she risk her heart by admitting it? She could handle danger, but the pain of love was unendurable. It was like walking a tightrope with no safety net underneath. Past experience told her to run as far and as fast as she could, because great love risked great loss, and what if she couldn’t handle that? “Love is just words,” she blurted in a final attempt to convince them both. “You were right to say there’s no such thing as romance.”
“Did I say that?” Diego gave her a doubting look.
“We should have left it where it was. Just sex,” she explained.
“There’s no such thing as just sex where we’re concerned, Celina.”
“No?” she challenged, doing her best to look unconvinced.
“No,” Diego stated firmly. “I look at things differently. You were traumatized as a child. Your emotions have been brutalized since you took your first breath. I lived a strange life as a child, detached from all emotion. We can help each other. If it takes me a lifetime to prove there’s love on the other side, that’s what I’m going to do. You’re going to feel love all around you, surrounding you and protecting you.”
“You’re wasting your time.”
Dismounting, he handed over his stallion to a groom and then came to lift her down. “Am I?” He stared levelly into her eyes. “I don’t think so. However long it takes, I’m going to prove to you that love can last.”
She whipped her head away. “Please, don’t—”
He brought her back again to face him. “I’m going to make you believe.”
His touch made her body sing. Even fully clothed, she could feel his heat. “Why do you have to make this so hard?”
Diego’s lips pressed down as he shrugged. “I hope that proving the way I feel about you takes a very long time indeed. Maybe forever.”
She tried to fight the feelings inside her, but it was no good. She still wanted him. She would always want him. And when Diego stared down at her like this, she had to risk everything, even her heart.
“And as for the differences between us?” he said, taking her hand as they strolled across the yard. “You’re small. I’m tall. I’m dark. You’re pale. And there is the man and woman thing,” he conceded dryly. “Apart from that?” He shrugged.
“It’s more than that,” she said tensely.
“Is it?” Swinging an arm around her shoulders, he brought her close.
“You’re rich. I’m poor,” she insisted. “You’re a duke. I’m a—”
“Very special and brave woman,” he interrupted. “And don’t you forget it. In fact, I won’t allow you to forget it.”
But he didn’t need Celina Petrovka pulling him down. And she had a job she loved, a job she hoped to keep in Eastern Europe, where she could continue to be of more use to the Blood and
Thunder team than anywhere else. Their work wasn’t done yet, and she wanted to be part of that work.
~~o0o~~
It was only when Celina entered his life that he’d considered sharing it. He was determined not to follow his parents’ example, hence his reluctance to consider marriage in the past, but the thought of having children with Celina made him smile. The boys would be fierce and the girls would be spirited, and the floor would be littered with toys.
“Aren’t you coming back to the house?” he asked with surprise as she freed her hand from his and turned toward the staff block.
“Later. I just need to pick up some things.”
“Okay, then.” He pulled her back to give her a kiss. “Don’t be long.”
He shrugged as she walked away. He must have imagined that shadows were back in her eyes.
~~o0o~~
“Where are you going?”
“Amber?” Oh no! Celina grimaced inwardly as she turned to face her friend. Spotting Celina hurrying down the drive, Amber had halted her horse just outside the main gates. Celina hadn’t been able to get a lift into town. The grooms had left ages ago, so she’d had no alternative but to set out walking.
Amber eyed Celina’s bulging rucksack with suspicion. “That looks heavy. What have you got in there?”
“This? Oh…”
“Don’t lie to me, Celina,” Amber said quietly, dismounting from her horse. “We’ve been through too much together for that.”
Which was true. Amber had been nothing short of incredible, since she’d offered to buy Celina and the other captives pizza when they were starving in Monte Carlo, and she’d gone on to be a staunch ally in the cellar, both before and after the Blood and Thunder raid. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go,” she insisted, trying to move past Amber
“Go? Go where?” Amber pressed suspiciously, side-stepping in front of Celina to block her way.
“I’ve got an appointment in town—”
“Oh?” Amber frowned.
It was twilight already. If Celina didn’t leave now, she’d miss the last bus.
“Why are you going into town now?” A few seconds passed, and then understanding dawned in Amber’s eyes. “No, you don’t,” she said, and taking a firm hold of Celina’s arms, she turned her around to face the way she’d come.
“I’m going back,” Celina said quietly, not wanting to fight with her friend. “I’m needed. I can be more use to the team than I am here.”
“You won’t be any use to us dead.”
Celina started in alarm as Diego strode up to them. “Diego?”
Sensing a drama about to unfold, Amber backed off. Directing a silent greeting at Diego, who only had eyes for Celina, she mounted her horse and rode away.
“What’s this?” he demanded, flicking a glance at Celina’s heavy rucksack. “Are you running away again?”
“I’m not running away.”
“That’s what it looks like to me.”
“I’m running to something.”
“Oh, really?” he snarled contemptuously. “And why would that be?”
“Because I can’t stay here with you!”
“Is this because I suggested you become my wife? Is the thought so unappealing?”
“No—” She stared around in desperation, trying to order her jumbled thoughts. “I need to help the team, and I can do that better if I go back. And I don’t want to be a pampered wife—”
“A pampered wife?” Diego exclaimed. Raking the back of his neck with frustration, he shook his head. “I expect my wife to be an equal partner. I expect her to help me as I’ll help her, but I also expect her to have a life of her own.”
“All I’m asking for is a chance to help the team.”
“You’re helping the team right here in the tech department.”
“No,” she argued hotly. “I could do more if I went back. You want me to stay because you’re mistaking love for sex.”
“When did you become such an expert on love?”
“That’s just it!” she exploded. “Neither of us has got a clue about love.”
“Speak for yourself,” he fired back.
She rose to the bait with fury. “If you won’t let me help you, I might as well hand in my notice right now.”
“That’s the biggest load of crap I ever heard. You help us with your tech skills more than you can ever help us on the ground. Do you really think we need the distraction of worrying about you when there are so many others waiting for the chance to be rescued?”
The truth was brutal. Her certainty died. Diego was right. If she went back to the front line, the team would be distracted. They’d made it clear from the start that Blood and Thunder had a duty of care toward all their staff. She’d felt safe and protected for the first time in her life, and she was at the point of throwing that away—worse, she was at the point of putting others in danger. “You’re right,” she admitted grimly. “I’ve been selfish. I didn’t think—”
“You think too much,” Diego argued.
Balling her hands into fists, she turned away to try to steady her breathing and saw a snapshot of her friends and colleagues on the estate, going about their day-to-day work, happy, productive, vital, and fun. There was a full life here. Deep down, she didn’t want to leave. This was the first real home she’d ever had. “Can’t we just go back to where we began, when you were my employer and I worked for the team?”
“Not a chance,” Diego flashed. “What’s this really about, Celina? Is it love in general that frightens you, or just loving me?”
“Why should love frighten me when sex is all we have?”
“Are you sure about that?”
He moved so quickly to take hold of her, she had no chance to answer. “You’re coming with me,” he said. Keeping a tight hold on her arm, he marched her back to the house.
“You feel this way about me now, but what about tomorrow and all the days after that?” She tried to forget the chains around her heart that bound her to Diego.
“Are you done arguing with yourself?” he demanded. “Who the hell knows about tomorrow? We work at it like everyone else has to. That’s how we learn about each other—”
“Until you find someone new,” she stated with confidence.
By this time, they’d reached the grand double doors that marked the entrance to his home. Pressing her back against the smooth, cool wood with the weight of his body, Diego glared into her face. “I’d love to say you’re not worth the trouble, but God help me, you are.”
Chapter Fourteen
Diego steered her through the double doors and into his magnificent hallway. “My life has changed, and yours can too, but only if you allow it to.”
This couldn’t work. They would never work as a couple, she told herself as he opened a tall, imposing door on a room she hadn’t visited before. For an unforgettable, heart-stopping moment, she stood on the threshold in awe. Diego had brought her to his library…to his stunning, book-packed library. He couldn’t have brought her anywhere to affect her more profoundly. The room was vast, with floor-to-ceiling books on three sides, and floor-to-ceiling windows on the fourth. The windows overlooked the glorious formal gardens, where fountains played and songbirds ready to roost for the night fluttered among the branches of the trees. Burnished wood paneling and vast, jewel-colored rugs competed with antique Oriental ornaments, but it was the scent of books that Celina found intoxicating. The thought of all those adventures tucked inside their leather bindings excited her.
It was twilight, and the subtly lit gardens lent their glow to the room. The soothing ambience invited her to venture deeper and explore. There was a huge library table to sit around and study, and a comfortable seating arrangement positioned around an open fire. She could just imagine snuggling up for cozy reading on chilly winter nights. It was too warm for the fire to be lit at the moment, but the hearth was full of flowers, and their scent mingled with the aroma of polished wood and ancient pages, creating a unique an
d heady perfume. It was a room straight out of her dreams. It was heaven. She drank it in and almost forgot why she was here until Diego removed the heavy pack from her shoulders and dumped it on the floor.
Long years of defending herself prompted her to launch the first verbal blow. “You want to control me. You knew I couldn’t resist a room like this. That’s why you brought me here.”
“How could I know how the room would affect you?” he said with resounding good sense. “Perhaps one day you’ll explain why you find my library so compelling.”
“I love books.” She turned to face him. “I love having control of my life too.”
“Because control keeps you safe.”
She gave an allowing shrug. “So far,” she agreed. “So many books,” she breathed as she walked across the room to trail her fingertips reverently over the leather bindings.
“That’s usual in a library,” Diego commented dryly, coming to join her. Bringing her into his arms, he added, “Most women want diamonds or a house in the South of France, but you want books.”
“I’ve never seen so many in one place before,” she admitted. “It’s a treasure trove.”
“Shall we sit?” he suggested, indicating one of the comfortable sofas.
“I prefer to stand,” she said.
“And I prefer to sit.”
She yelped with shock as he swung her into his arms. She should have known that Diego never did as expected. They were in such a civilized setting, he had taken her off guard. He was a creature of fierce passion and decisive action, and now it was a battle of wills. She stiffened and resisted him when he sat down on the sofa, still holding her. He dipped his head and kissed her, anyway. She fought him and lost. Trying to block her mind to the wealth of sensation he provoked was a lost cause, as was pummeling her fists on the wall of his chest. When he pulled back his head, he just laughed as if he’d never been so happy.
“What do I have to do?” he demanded. “How do I convince you that if you insist on seeing the world through the eyes of a damaged child, you will never be happy? There’s nothing timid about you when it comes to helping anyone else, but you won’t lift a finger to help yourself. How can I change that? Tell me,” he insisted when she didn’t answer. “What do I have to do to make you care about you?”
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