She didn’t speak, so he did. “Do you think you’re protecting yourself?” he demanded. “Because you’re not. You’re hiding. You’re fooling yourself that it’s safer that way. If you don’t feel anything, you can get through life, however hard it becomes, one day at a time.”
“And what about you?” she demanded, finding her voice. “Are you so in touch with your feelings that you feel qualified to lecture me?”
“I’m not in touch with my feelings. I’m drowning in them,” Diego admitted. “And for that, I hold you entirely responsible.”
“Me?” she said hotly.
“Yes, you!” he fired back. “You don’t need to get in touch with your emotions, you need to find them first.” And with a sound of angry frustration, he pulled away.
She shivered as Diego sprang up and walked away, finally drawing to a halt with his back turned. She’d been trying to drive him away, and now it seemed she had. Did she want a life without Diego in it?
No. But she had to tell him the truth, all of it, before they could continue.
“The slavers stripped me and humiliated me. They beat me and did unspeakable things. They were dirty, filthy, stinking pigs. From the moment they took me and threw me into the van, they singled me out for particular cruelty, for some reason.”
“Because you’re strong, and they knew it. They had to break you, make an example of you. By attacking the strongest woman amongst their captives, it would act as a warning to the others.”
“Then I’m glad they picked me,” she said fiercely.
“Because you could take it,” Diego agreed.
“But not the mental pain that came afterward,” she admitted.
Celina was injured as surely as if she had been beaten to a pulp, but talking about her experiences was the important first step toward moving past them. He waited as she paused to gather her thoughts.
“At least I knew while they were taunting me, it kept the other women safe,” she said with a rueful huff as she thought back.
His expression remained noncommittal, but it was all he could do to keep his feelings in check. He wanted to find the men who’d done this to her, twist off their cocks with his bare hands, and shove them down their throats. For now, he settled for soothing words. “You’re safe from now on,” he insisted.
The glance Celina flashed at him tore at his heart. Going to her, he knelt at her feet and took her hands in his. “Lift your head. Look at me. Don’t let them win.”
“They’ve already won,” she said. “Their boss got away, and I can’t let you go back into danger for me.”
“You can’t stop me,” he said, willing his strength into her as he stared steadily into her eyes. “Blood and Thunder will finish this one way or the other.”
“You’ll be distracted because of me,” she said, shaking her head. “You always said that if emotion gets in the way, people make mistakes.”
“Don’t you think I care about every mission I undertake?”
“I think you care too much,” she countered, “about everyone but yourself.”
“Like you, then,” he said.
“You can’t change my mind. I can’t live like this. I can’t love you and see you walk into danger. I can’t risk losing you—”
“You love me?” he repeated.
“Of course I love you,” she insisted impatiently as if this were obvious. “That’s why I’ve got to leave you, before we both do something we’ll regret.”
“Such as?” he pressed gently.
“Get into this any deeper.”
“Is it possible to get in any deeper?” Pressing his lips down, he shook his head. “You have to trust me to help you.”
“Not if it puts you in danger,” she said stubbornly. “Del Roca has already struck at the heart of the team. I heard about Dante’s first wife.”
“But you haven’t heard all the story. You’d have to ask our Romani chieftain, and I know for a fact that Dante won’t talk about it.”
“Exactly,” Celina exclaimed. “So I won’t risk you running up against Del Roca.”
“You can’t stop me,” he pointed out.
“But there must be other missions, other countries, other causes for you to help?”
“Have some confidence in me, Celina. This is unfinished business, and we will bring it to a close. Whether you’re here or not, with me or not, you can’t stop the wheels of fate from rolling on. These things have a way of playing out, and believe me, Del Roca will rue the day that he began his career of murder and exploitation, but right now, my concern is you. You need time and care, and the team can help you with that. We have trained counselors who can help you come to terms with the loss of your friend. Don’t be too proud to accept that help. You’re not the only person we’ve rescued who needs this type of assistance.”
“I’m not a worthy cause.”
“No, you’re more of a king-sized pain in the ass,” he agreed dryly. “But I love you, and I want the best for you, so that’s all right.”
Diego was offering everything, so why was she hesitating? She could continue with the work she loved, though it would be here in Spain, with people she cared for and could trust. She’d be close to him. “I still say, I can be more help to the team back in my own country.”
“And so the cycle continues?” Diego shook his head. “Beating yourself up won’t solve anything. Stay and face your demons. If you still feel the same a few months down the line, we’ll go back together. You’re a survivor. Don’t forget that. You might have been alone since you were a child, but you’ve always drawn people to you. You’re well liked here. This is your home now.”
“Home,” she repeated, remembering how she’d felt when she’d been about to leave again. She’d turned around to look back at the estate and had seen her friends, and had realized how much she’d miss them. This really did feel like home.
“Home,” Diego confirmed, his fierce stare burning into hers. “Don’t let the bastards win. Tomorrow, we start rebuilding.” Standing, he walked across the room, and, lifting the phone, he waited a few seconds before issuing an order she couldn’t hear. Replacing the receiver, he turned around. “Amber will be with you in five.” Before she had chance to respond, he added, “You need company tonight.”
Amber? Celina frowned. She didn’t understand. Why not Diego? What had he arranged? What did this mean?
“You’re good friends with Amber, aren’t you?” he asked.
“Well, yes, but—”
“Don’t you think she’ll be worried about you, after seeing you heading off the estate with that heavy pack? Spend some time together. Chill. Relax. You don’t do enough of that.”
Guilt silenced her. Amber had risked her life for Celina, and she hadn’t even planned to say good-bye. What was wrong with her? Was that how she repaid her friends?
“Repeat the cycle, or stay and fight,” Diego threw over his shoulder as he left the magnificent room. “It’s up to you now.”
~~o0o~~
Three months had passed since that night in the library. During that time Diego had traveledtravelled the world playing polo. And every day, he’d given Celina cause to smile, sending a courier with some small token for her. One day it was a single red rose, and on another, a box of sticky cakes. A verse by email had popped up on her screen one morning. Designed to make her laugh, it had cheered her up for the rest of the day, but when night fell, she missed him more than ever. On another memorable occasion, he’d sent a photo showing him covered in mud and bruises after a match. And he still looking stunning. But what had touched her even more than the image was the text below it, telling her how much he missed her. So, come home, she’d thought. Diego was right. She had started to think of his home as her home. She loved the people. She loved the climate. She loved being with the animals, as well as the stimulation of working with the best in his tech department. She had no complaints. None. Well, perhaps one, she thought as she sat on a hay bale in the stables, kicking her legs and
thinking about Diego.
He was here, right now, playing the return match with the team that had suffered an injury, but he’d gone straight from his jet to the stables without coming to find her. After plying her with romantic gestures, she had to admit she was confused. What was the current state of their relationship? She had no idea. She didn’t want their reunion to take place in front of an audience, so she hadn’t exactly sought him out. Now she was wondering if he’d found another grand duchess. Whoever it was would have to be very accommodating. Celina couldn’t see herself sitting meekly by while Diego wrote romantic verses to another woman. Nor could she imagine the team grapevine letting her down so badly if there was another woman in his life.
She shrugged, remembering his last words before he left. “No one handles tracking and surveillance like you, Celina. It’s time for you to keep me safe, don’t you think?” She’d promised to do just that, and it was still her intention, whether or not Diego had a grand duchess in tow. Though if he had, it would be a case of pistols for two, coffee for one. And she was a crack shot.
~~o0o~~
The distant cheers tempted her to leave the barn and catch the end of the match. She took a final few moments to breathe deeply on the scent of clean hay and warm animals, and then she paused in the tack room. Dipping into the back pocket of her jeans, she brought out her locker key. Opening the locker, she extracted her long-neglected makeup pouch from beneath a pile of mint packets and assorted detritus. There was a party after the match, which Diego, with or without a female companion, would certainly attend. If all they could ever be was friends, then that would have to be enough for her, but at least she should find him and thank him for everything he’d done while he was away. Those little touches had really meant a lot to her. They meant everything to me. They, and not a professional counselor, had made her believe and trust. So, now it was time to put that trust to the test. The rest was in the hands of fate.
And Celina Petrovka, Celina amended as she left the barn. Her fate was in her own hands, and no one else’s.
~~o0o~~
Diego was elated as he galloped down the field. The winning shot was his. Drawing back his mallet, he fired the ball into the goal. The crowd was on its feet as he cantered back, but in all that mass, he saw only one person, and that was Celina. He saw the fire in her eyes and knew she was back in the fullest sense. She’d been present in body and will, but Celina, the woman he’d known and had fallen in love with, had been absent. It takes time to heal, Alexei had told him. “You’re part of that healing process. Give her time, Diego.” He’d kept his word and stayed away, but the shadows had gone, he noticed as he drew his horse to a halt in front of her. More than that, there was hope and trust shining in a face that was endearingly familiar. “So,” he asked casually, allowing his reins to hang loose, “Are you coming to the party tonight?”
She smiled back at him. “Are you asking?”
“I am,” he confirmed.
“Then I will,” she said.
“Good.” Turning his horse, he cantered away. Good? He was fucking firing off sparks like the Fourth of July.
The match had been a huge triumph for Blood and Thunder. Even with the opposing team back to its full, awe-inspiring strength, Blood and Thunder had slaughtered them. But that was on the field of play. Now it was time for the party, and all that came afterward.
~~o0o~~
The band was playing a sultry tango when Celina appeared. Diego moved from the bar where he’d been laughing with the players on both teams as they recounted the tricks they’d played on each other, and crossed the dance floor toward her. He was in a good mood, and in an even better mood when he took Celina in his arms. He didn’t ask her if that was okay. He didn’t ask her to dance. He just reached for her, and she stepped into his arms. After so long away from each other, that embrace was something he would never forget. It was stunning in its intensity. He’d forgotten how good she felt, how soft and firm, how steady and challenging her gaze was, and how her faintly smiling lips demanded to be plundered. She belonged in his arms, he determined as he kissed her chastely on both cheeks.
“You look well.”
Massive understatement. She looked amazing. Even in simple formfitting breeches and the team top, with her hair drawn back in a ponytail that made her honey-gold eyes slant even more appealingly, she looked like a fresh-faced teenager with nothing more on her mind than her next visit to the library. The fact that he knew her well enough to know she could turn any library into a steamy erotic film set made his senses roar.
“Thank you,” she said primly, staring steadily into his eyes.
He guessed she was hunting for clues to his thoughts. He gave her nothing. “Dance?” he suggested.
“Why not?” she agreed.
There was only one thing better than holding her, and that was moving with her. She responded as if he’d never been away. They moved as one. She gradually softened against him. He gradually tightened his hold. Words were unnecessary. Bound by music and each other, they danced on, oblivious to their surroundings and to the other people around them. It was more than a dance, it was a reunion and a pledge of trust, combined with anticipation for a future they were about to pick up and run with. Neither of them knew where that journey would lead, but it was going somewhere fast. “Shall we go back to the house?” he suggested.
“Pick up where we left off three months ago?” she said, lifting her chin to stare into his eyes. He knew they both remembered the challenge he’d laid down, which was either to repeat the cycle of running away from love, or staying and accepting the consequences, whatever they might be.
“I don’t think we need to do that, do you?” he said.
Her stare was long and steady. “You’re right,” she said quietly. “We don’t.”
They strolled back to the house, hand in hand. There was no desperation, just quiet certainty, and when he opened the front door, it felt as if they were both coming home.
“I should carry you over the threshold,” he said, and before she could answer, he’d swung her into his arms. She didn’t say a word, but her face said this was what she wanted, and he knew it was right for both of them.
Nestling her cheek against his chest as he opened the door and carried her across the hall, she dragged deeply on the same scent he did: clean house, beeswax, and fresh flowers, newly arranged by his staff to celebrate his return. “I love your house,” she whispered. “It always feels so welcoming.”
“Your house now,” he replied.
~~o0o~~
They sat up and talked all night, snuggled up close, side by side on Diego’s bed. They had so much to say to each other. Mostly she talked and Diego listened, Celina conceded wryly as she took a shower the following morning. It was like starting over. They were starting over, but with a deeper understanding of where they’d been and where they were going next. Their relationship might be back to front and upside down, but it was strong green shoot, and that shoot was absolutely determined to thrive.
“Do you mind if I join you in the shower?”
“Do I mind? Is that a serious question?” she asked Diego as he stepped naked beneath the pounding spray.
“I’ve got something for you.”
“I can see that,” she agreed.
He laughed, a blinding flash of strong white teeth in his beautiful, beloved face. “I mean this,” he said.
She gazed in wonder at the exquisite diamond band Diego was holding in the palm of his hand as if it were a mint for one of his horses. “For me?” she said in bemusement.
“Unless you don’t want it?” The laughter in his eyes turned into a steady appraisal. “Unless you don’t want me?”
“I want you,” she confirmed, still hesitating to accept the fabulous ring. “But I don’t need this.”
“I want you to have it. It was my grandmother’s, and it’s very special to me, a family heirloom. I can’t think of anyone else who deserves it more. My grandmother would have
loved you. She was, um, quite spirited too.”
“What are you trying to say, Diego?” she demanded in a mock-warning tone as her heart went crazy mad in her chest.
“That I love you, and that I want the whole world to know I love you. That I want to live with you, have children with you, work with you, and know you’ve got my back.”
“Do you have to continue the dangerous work with the vigilantes?”
He put a finger across her lips when she would have said more. “You know I have to. It’s what I do. It’s who I am. But if you’re with me every step of the way…” He shrugged.
“And when we have children, will you still risk your life as a vigilante?”
Ignoring the most important part of that question, he exclaimed with triumph as he brought her into his arms. “You’re saying yes!”
“I’m saying slow down. I haven’t given you my answer yet.”
Pulling his head back with pretended affront, Diego asked, “Are you blackmailing me?”
“Whatever it takes,” she confirmed, straight-faced.
“Can I persuade you to give me a definitive answer to the question of whether or not you will be my bride?”
She shivered with arousal. “I’m sure you can.”
He lifted her. “Celina Petrovka,” Diego murmured against her mouth as she wrapped her legs around his body. “Will you marry me?”
“Now that’s plain unfair,” she groaned as he began to tease her with just the tip of his erection.
“And your answer is?” he demanded, keeping up the torment as she whimpered in his arms
“Yes,” she exclaimed on a rush of breath as he took her deep.
Spaniard Untamed Page 12
