Human After All

by Connie Bailey

  Jaymes met Arkay’s eyes, a terrible suspicion growing in his heart. “I want to see him now.”

  “You can see him, but he’s…. He died shortly after you arrived.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I thought I just explained that. So… do you still want to see him?”

  Jaymes shook his head, turning away as his vision blurred with involuntary tears. When was the last time he’d cried because he felt sad? He couldn’t remember. The tears he’d shed as a Companion were nothing more than props brought out to elicit a specific reaction in the client. Lochler was not a wealthy patron, and he had no influence to wield on Jaymes’s behalf, yet Jaymes felt his loss keenly. He was sorry that Lochler was gone and that he’d never speak with him again.

  “I knew his death would upset you, so I lied,” Arkay said. “Would you like a sedative?”

  For the first time in Jaymes’s life, he refused the comfort of chemicals. “No,” he said. “No, thank you.” He didn’t want to blunt this pain. He wanted to feel it fully, to accept it, and own it as his. Mixed with the sadness were regret and a sense of guilt. It was certain that if he hadn’t come into Lochler’s life, the lobo would still be alive. “I’d like some private time, please.”

  “Follow me, and I’ll show you a room where you can rest. In a couple of hours, we can get together and talk about your reentry into the Cloister.”

  Jaymes walked silently behind Arkay to the second floor and entered a comfortably furnished bedroom. Drue turned from the window, smiling when he saw Jaymes. As he looked more closely, the smile faded away.

  “What’s wrong?” the Zot asked.

  “The lobo didn’t make it,” Arkay said. “I’ll see you later. Meanwhile, try to get some rest.”

  “Lochler’s dead?” Drue said as the door closed behind Arkay.

  Jaymes nodded and sat down on the low, wide bed.

  “I’m sorry.” As Drue uttered the mandatory words, he realized he really did feel sorry—not so much for the lobo, but for Jaymes. It literally pained him to see the look of sadness on the T-bred’s face. He wanted to make Jaymes happy again and see him smile.

  “You’re not sorry,” Jaymes said softly. “Why would you be?”

  “I’m sad because you’re sad.”

  Jaymes looked up to meet Drue’s gaze. “I cannot believe you’re ripping on me right now.”

  “I’m not,” Drue said, going on his knees in front of Jaymes. “I know I’ve given you a hard time, but only because I didn’t want to fall for you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because everyone falls for the T-bred. It’s like an unwritten law.”

  “And you don’t want to be like everyone else.”

  Drue took one of Jaymes’s hands between his palms. “Ever since I can remember, I wanted to stand out. Whichever direction the crowd was going, I went the opposite way. I was proud to be pointed out as a rebel.”

  “Fortunately for you, that mindset meshes well with an Exotic’s character.”

  “That’s not the point.” Drue squeezed Jaymes’s hand. “I resented you from the moment Alvera mentioned you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I had found a purpose for my life when I found her. She educated me about the anti-Bioware movement and recruited me. I’d found my place as a hero of the coming revolution. And then intel decided a Zot wasn’t good enough for their plan, and you came into the Scenario. Once again, the top job went to a T-bred.”

  “I would’ve turned it down if it had been possible.”

  Drue smiled. “I love your spirit,” he said. “I’m rather fond of your looks too, but it was your spirit that made me love you.”

  “You’re seriously talking to me about love?”

  “Aren’t I good enough?”

  “Please don’t make this about class.”

  “It’s always about class. We’re always aware of it, no matter who we are or what we’re doing. It’s impossible to get away from it. I’m not the one who cares about class, it’s you.”

  “Well, I can’t wipe away the conditioning of a lifetime in a couple of days. And don’t tell me you don’t care about class. You have an inferiority complex that’s affecting the planet’s orbit.”

  “That’s… true.” Drue cleared his throat. “Do you think we could ever get beyond it?” He paused. “Do you even want to?”

  “I feel like I have a lot to think about, but I can’t stop to think.”

  “Do you at least like me?”

  “I’m drawn to you,” Jaymes said candidly. “I’d really like it if you’d put your arms around me. I think it would make me feel better.”

  Drue sat next to Jaymes on the bed and pulled him into a hug. Jaymes leaned into Drue, putting his head on Drue’s shoulder. Drue felt the tension drain from Jaymes’s frame and held him tighter, running his hands up and down Jaymes’s back.

  “I want to forget everything for a while,” Jaymes said. “Will you help me do that?”

  Drue turned his head, brushing his lips against Jaymes’s forehead. “Whatever you need,” he said.

  Tenderly, Drue lowered Jaymes to his back and leaned over him. Jaymes gazed up at him, inviting a kiss, and Drue obliged. As he gently coaxed Jaymes’s tongue into a slow dance, he pulled the T-bred’s tunic up to his armpits, running his hands over the hard planes of the sculpted musculature, tweaking the puckered nipples.

  Jaymes pulled Drue down, taking possession of his mouth as he ran his hands down Drue’s strong back to his round buttocks. Drue returned the kiss with enthusiasm, working a knee between Jaymes’s thighs to press against his crotch. Jaymes’s core clenched and released in a liquid pulse of need, and his arms tightened around Drue in a spasm of fierce desire. Drue looked down into Jaymes’s dewy gaze, molten with longing, and concepts like class and social standing lost all meaning. Pushing Jaymes’s legs farther apart, Drue lay down between them, propping himself on his elbows. As he divided the attention of his mouth between Jaymes’s nipples, he flexed his buttocks, rubbing his hard cock against Jaymes’s crotch. Jaymes moved under Drue in abandoned surrender, giving himself up to the physical sensations that drove out coherent thought. He moaned as Drue kissed his way south, starting with Jaymes’s clavicles and ending at his pubic bone. He gasped when Drue took his cock in a firm grasp and kissed the tip.

  Drue licked his lips, tasting Jaymes’s essence on his tongue, before going back for more. As Jaymes sank into the pillows, Drue put his palms against the T-bred’s inner thighs and spread them wider. Nuzzling, licking, and sucking, he covered every inch of Jaymes’s crotch before darting his tongue into Jaymes’s hole. Jaymes arched off the mattress, lifting his pelvis, pressing closer. Drue cupped Jaymes’s ass cheeks in his hands and buried his face, pushing his tongue as far as he could into the musky opening. Wrapping long fingers around Jaymes’s cock, he shuttled his fist slowly up and down, pausing to run the ball of his thumb around the tip at the top of his stroke. Thin, cloudy liquid welled from the slit, mixing with Drue’s saliva, adding another dimension of pleasure to the gentle friction.

  With his head pillowed on Jaymes’s upper thigh, Drue had a wonderful vantage point. Jaymes’s crotch was right in his face, and if he rolled his eyes up, he could see Jaymes’s face and savor every each little change of expression as he caressed him. When Jaymes’s features went absolutely still for a second, Drue knew the T-bred was close to climax and trying to stave it off. Taking a deep breath, Drue opened his mouth, took in as much of the shaft as he could, and swallowed. Jaymes made a small noise somewhere between a whimper and groan. The soft sound went straight from Drue’s ears to those parts of his brain that governed arousal. The steel knots that had bound him for so long melted in the heat of his need to give pleasure to one he loved. A warm red tide rose in him, flooding his body, his heart, and his soul, washing away the last vestiges of inhibition. He felt reborn, and he wanted Jaymes to feel the same joy.

  Jaymes cried out as Drue’s mouth engu
lfed him to the root. Instinctively, he lifted his buttocks in an abbreviated thrust, but Drue’s hands on his hips pinned him to the bed.

  Drue wrapped his lips tightly around the long cock and bobbed his head. Spurred on by the way Jaymes squirmed and moaned, Drue sucked harder. When Jaymes’s cock jerked and squirted a powerful stream, Drue gulped it down without pause. Running his hands along Jaymes’s flanks, Drue held the quivering shaft in his mouth until Jaymes dropped back onto the mattress. Slowly, Drue let Jaymes’s sated cock slide from between his lips. “Better?” he asked.

  Jaymes reached down and ran the tip of his finger along the curve of Drue’s hard-on. “I’m still trembling,” he said breathlessly. “Don’t ask me to answer questions.”

  Drue bit his bottom lip as Jaymes palmed his balls. “You want a few minutes to catch your breath? I know I have quite an effect.”

  Jaymes’s stopped Drue’s words with a kiss, and Drue groaned into Jaymes’s mouth as the T-bred fondled him with a firm hand. Rolling over to lie atop Drue, he took the Exotic’s mouth again. As he swept his tongue around the soft, wet chamber, he let his weight rest on Drue, enjoying the feeling of Drue’s hot cock pressed against his belly. The total connection he felt with Drue intensified everything, as though he was experiencing it doubled. It felt so right that he never wanted it to end, and he was not surprised that he was getting hard again. When he began pulsing his hips, dragging his stiffening length over Drue’s aching arousal, Drue groaned deep in his chest and grabbed a double handful of ass. Molded together, they moved against one another in perfect harmony, skin sliding over skin in the light sheen of perspiration. Drue looked up into Jaymes’s eyes, his gaze liquid with need, shining with love, and Jaymes’s heart swelled until he feared his ribs would crack.

  “Tell me what you want,” Jaymes murmured.

  Drue answered with characteristic earthiness. “I want your fingers inside me while you make me come with your mouth.” He took Jaymes’s wrist and brought Jaymes’s hand to his lips. He sucked on each finger in turn, darting his tongue against the sensitive web between them.

  Jaymes shivered. “I’ve never felt like this before.”

  “Me either. When it comes to the physical realm, I have all the confidence in the world. When I’m dealing with emotions, I’m not so….” Drue’s words trailed off in a long groan of pleasure. His head tilted back, and his eyelids fluttered as Jaymes circled his hole with a saliva-slippery fingertip.

  Jaymes eased his finger in just past the second knuckle and felt around until he found a slight swelling. Drue moaned loudly, and a pleased little smile curved Jaymes’s lips as he pressed harder, moving his finger in a tiny circuit around the sensitive spot. Taking Drue’s dick in his other hand, Jaymes bent to take the head in his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the tip as he moved his hand up and down the hard shaft. Setting a rhythm, he moved his finger in and out at the same pace, rubbing at Drue’s prostate with each thrust.

  Drue clutched at the tangled sheets, tossing his head as the build-up of pleasure climbed higher with each passing second. Drawing his knees up, he planted the soles of his feet and lifted his ass from the bed. Gently, he rocked into Jaymes’s mouth, fixing his gaze on the full lips stretched around his cock. “I love you,” he groaned as Jaymes’s caresses brought him to the peak. His climax burst from his center like a miniature big bang, radiating bliss to the farthest atoms of his being. For several long moments, he was suspended in a state of utter fulfillment, and then Jaymes swallowed. Drue felt another wave of ecstasy as his sated cock spooled out one last string of seed. “Stellar,” he said under his breath.

  Jaymes lifted his head. “I almost came again when you did.”

  “Come here,” Drue said, holding open his arms.

  Jaymes sank down next to Drue, resting his head on Drue’s shoulder. Drue’s arms went around Jaymes, and he leaned his cheek against Jaymes’s silky hair. Jaymes reached up to finger comb the tangles from Drue’s curls as they submerged in a cloud of afterglow.

  “Well, that was definitely not a fail,” Drue murmured.

  “I felt… I don’t know how to describe it.” Jaymes’s voice was slow and grainy, sending a tingle through Drue’s groin.

  “Lifted up?” Drue suggested.

  “That’s close.” Jaymes’s lips moved against Drue’s neck.

  “I’ve had some sort of sex almost every day of my life since I was old enough to yank it,” Drue said. “But I’ve never felt anything like what happens when I do it with you. It’s like I’m making love to more than your body.”

  “When you came, you… you said you loved me.”

  “I couldn’t help it.”

  “Did you mean it?”

  “Yes. From all I’ve heard about love, I’m sure I love you.”

  “I have very strong feelings for you too.”

  “Really? Strong feelings?”

  “I’m sorry, I—”

  “Frij. I was just having fun with you. Lovers do things like that.”

  “They do in the holodrams.”

  “Well, the writers get their inspiration somewhere.” Drue kissed Jaymes’s forehead. “I know it’s useless to tell you not to overanalyze it.”

  “Drue?”

  “Yeah?” Drue answered drowsily.

  “I love you too.”

  Drue settled back with a contented smile and drifted off to sleep.

  DRUE woke and realized instantly that Jaymes was gone. Leaping from bed, he pulled on his trousers and bolted out the door. Unerringly, he found Arkay’s office and walked in.

  “Where’s Jaymes?” he said.

  Arkay looked up from a sample he was examining. Removing the field optron-lens from his eye, he rolled it on his palm as he spoke. “He didn’t see any reason you should both be endangered, so he decided to go alone.”

  “Arrogant vac-head!”

  “I told him you’d be disappointed.”

  “Which way did he go?”

  “I told him you’d ask me that.”

  “Did you tell him I was going to do this?” With the speed of a pouncing cat, Drue vaulted the desk and slammed Arkay against the wall. Wrapping a hand around Arkay’s thin neck, he cut off his air supply. “In a few seconds, I’m going to let you go. When I do, you tell me how to find Jaymes.” Slowly, Drue eased the pressure on the chemjineer’s windpipe.

  “I’ll tell you what you want to know,” Arkay wheezed. “But if you were smart, you’d stay here with us.”

  “I can’t take the risk that he won’t come back.”

  “I’m surprised. Through my communications with Alvera, I’d formed the opinion that you didn’t care for the T-bred. After observing you together, my opinion hasn’t changed.”

  “You might be a genius at manipulating behavior, but you’ve got a blind spot where love is concerned.”

  “You believe you’re in love with the Prince?”

  “I don’t know what else to call it. It’s not a Companion’s romantic infatuation. It’s not a Scenario. I care more for him than I do for my own well-being.”

  “You’re not supposed to be able to feel that deeply.”

  “Tell me who to apologize to, and I’ll do it, right after I find Jaymes.”

  “You sound very determined.”

  “And you’re very calm.”

  “That’s because I lied about the compulsion sequence being over. I wrote in a back door.” Arkay smiled. “I’m not going to tell you what it is, but rest assured it will incapacitate you instantly if you do anything reckless.”

  “You’d keep me here against my will?”

  “You have no idea what I’d do to tear down the Cloister.”

  “I thought you were fighting for Bioware rights.”

  “Can you think of a faster way to accomplish equal rights for all humans?”

  “I became a Pygmalion because I believe Bioware are treated unfairly. Destroying society as we know it wasn’t on the agenda.”

  “The system needs
to be reset.”

  “So you’d take away everything so everyone is equally fragged?”

  “That’s one way to put it.” Arkay’s fingers played absently with the row of jewellike buttons set in the polished wood of the desk. “You only see a small section of the structure. If you had a clear picture of our world, you’d see that it needs to reboot.”

  “You’re not talking about a restart. You’re talking about rewriting the entire operating system.”

  “Well… maybe not all of it.”

  “You do realize what you’re talking about is impossible.”

  “It won’t be easy, and it certainly won’t be quick—not in my lifetime—but it can be done. This planet has started over more than once, but this time it won’t be a random natural disaster like a comet strike. This time it’ll be a controlled burn.”

  “And I assume you and your friends will control who survives.”

  “Of course. If we’re going to build a better society, we have to start with the right matériel.”

  “Do you hear yourself?” Drue said in disgust. “You’re as bad as the pols.” He turned to go out of the door.

  “I’ve been real slack with you,” Arkay said. “You’re product, and your handicaps aren’t your fault. I know that, but you’re talking about things that are beyond your understanding. If you have anything at all to say about our movement, it should be thank you.”

  “Tell me how to find Jaymes, and you won’t hear from me again.”

  “It’s just a chemical reaction, you know.”

  “What?”

  “You think you’re in love, but it’s only because your saliva was on the code you passed to Jaymes. You can’t help being attracted to him.”

  “I’ve been attracted to people before. This is different.”

  “You feel this way because I needed you to have an emotional investment in the T-bred. Alvera and the others were willing to sacrifice him, but I knew he was too useful to waste on a suicide mission. You were the only one who could save him, so it was imperative that you feel an attachment. Your saliva activated enzymes that combined with the T-bred’s sebaceous glands to secrete a—”