Still Wifey Material

by Kiki Swinson

  “Baby, I understand all of that, but we’re not going to have any problems. My love for you is solid. And I don’t want to wait a long time for you to be Mrs. Fatu Oduka.”

  The words coming from his mouth were magical and breathtaking. I was literally about to melt. What man do you know who pours out his heart like that and sounds like he means it? Fatu had convinced me that we didn’t necessarily have to have a long engagement before we tied the knot, so I said, “So when do you think we should get married?”

  “Well, I was hoping we could do it on New Year’s Day.”

  “Oh my God, Fatu! New Year’s is only six months away!”

  He smiled. “I know. So what do you think?”

  I smiled back at him and said, “That’s fine. We can do it.”

  He raced around the table to me and kissed me dead on the mouth. He was very passionate and he made my pussy wet too. I talked him into paying the check so we could get out of there. I wanted to go straight to his place so we could fuck the hell out of each other.

  Before we left he handed me an envelope. I opened it and found a deposit slip in it from an offshore bank account with my name on it. I was even more speechless when I saw all the dough he had in that account. “When did you do this?” I asked.

  “Just this morning.”

  “This is a lot of money,” I said, looking at all the zeros behind the number one.

  “It’s all for you. I want to make sure you are OK just in case anything ever happens to me.”

  “Nothing is going to ever happen to you,” I assured him and hugged him for dear life.

  Back at his place we wasted little time hopping into the sack. After we sucked and fucked each other, I lay back in the bed and admired my ring while he was asleep. I knew a little bit about what to look for in a diamond as far as clarity was concerned, so I turned that joint inside out, trying to see what I was working with. I knew when I got home Nikki was going to have something to say, so I was prepared. More than likely, she was going to have something negative to say because she was a fucking hater. But I wasn’t gonna pay her silly ass no mind. My mission, from this point on, was to get a wedding planner so my new fiancé and I could get our show on the road.

  Since I was in such a good mood the next morning, I got up and cooked my man a couple of Belgium waffles and some turkey link sausages. Fatu smiled when he came into the kitchen and saw me half dressed, wearing only an apron.

  “I love seeing you dressed like that. You look very sexy.”

  I smiled and placed his plate in front of him. “Thank you, baby.” I gave him a wet one on the lips. “How did you sleep last night?”

  “I slept very well. And you?”

  “Baby, I ain’t gonna lie, I couldn’t get a drop of sleep last night.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I couldn’t keep my eyes off this ring. Baby, it’s so beautiful! I know you must’ve paid at least ten grand for it.” I hoped he’d tell me exactly how much he had dropped on it.

  “Let’s just say that you could trade that ring in, buy two of the same model Lexuses that you drive now, and you’d still have money left over.”

  My eyes grew two inches bigger. “Come on, now. You’re joking, right?” I wanted just a little more clarification. If I’d just heard him correctly, he told me that my ring was worth one hundred forty thousand dollars plus tax, since my Lexus cost me seventy thousand. If I had calculated this right, Fatu paid over one hundred fifty thousand dollars for my engagement ring. That was some major shit.

  “No, I’m not kidding,” he assured me. “But look at it this way. You are worth every penny.”

  I kissed him on his forehead. “You’re so sweet!” I said as I passed him the bottle of syrup.

  He drizzled a modest amount of syrup over his waffle and dug right into it. Once I made myself a plate of food, I sat down at the table beside him. We talked about everything under the sun, but most importantly, we discussed the colors we were going to wear for our wedding. After we decided to incorporate pearl white, platinum, and gray, we got to the subject about what our living arrangements were going to be after the wedding. Fatu first suggested that I come live with him at his place, but I wasn’t feeling that idea, so I made the suggestion that we buy a new home, somewhere we could have a big backyard for the children we were gonna have. He thought that would be a good idea and told me he was going to have his Realtor look into it for us.

  I got really excited by the idea of getting a bigger home, a place where we could raise our children. I could tell that Fatu was excited about it too, because after he finished his food, he got right on the phone and called his real estate agent. He spoke to her briefly and then he handed me the phone so I could tell her exactly how many bedrooms and bathrooms I wanted, along with the amenities I was looking for. She wrote down every one of my requests and told me she’d get back with me in a few days. I told her to take her time because we weren’t in a rush. She congratulated me on our engagement, and then we hung up.

  Before I left his apartment, I messed around and gave Fatu some more pussy. That was the least I could do, considering I was sporting a one-hundred-fifty-thousand-dollar rock on my finger. There was no man in my life, prior to Fatu, who could top that. No one! I was going to hold on to him, because his type didn’t come around often.

  She’s One Frontin’-Ass Bitch

  (Nikki Speaks)

  Kira strolled her silly ass in here this morning, skinning and grinning about how nice of a night she had. What really took the cake was when she walked around the kitchen doing everything she could possibly do to use her left hand, so I could see her fake-ass diamond. I knew she wanted me to ask her where she got it, but I already had an idea, so I would not give her the pleasure. Instead, I grabbed myself a bowl of cereal and headed into the living room so I could watch some TV. That tactic didn’t work because she followed me there, carrying a glass of orange juice. She sat down on the sofa, facing me, and used her left hand to hold her glass. I burst into laughter because I found her actions to be so funny.

  “What’s so funny?” she asked.

  “You,” I said.

  “Why am I funny?”

  “I don’t have to tell you. You already know.”

  She smiled. “Did I give it away?” She fanned her hand around, indirectly admiring her ring.

  I ignored her and pretended to be engrossed in the TV.

  “You know, Fatu asked me to marry him last night.”

  “That’s nice,” I commented without looking at her.

  “Well, are you happy for me?”

  “Kira, if you like it, I love it.”

  “Why are you being so nonchalant about this?”

  I finally looked at her. “Because it’s not my life.

  “I understand all of that, but you could still be happy for me. I mean, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would be happy for you.”

  “Well, Kira, I’m sorry! But I am not you.”

  “Look, Nikki, enough with all the sarcasm! You always got to fuck up a wet dream!”

  “I didn’t ask you to come in here and start a conversation with me. I was sitting here with my bowl of cereal, minding my own business, and then here you come with this nonsense. Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

  Kira got quiet for a second, then said, “OK, I’ll leave you alone, but will you help me plan my wedding in your spare time?”

  “With all that money Fatu got, tell that nigga to get you a wedding planner,” I shot back and continued to look at the TV.

  She sat there on the sofa, looking stupid as hell. She looked like she wanted to curse my ass out, but I guess she thought about the fact that I wasn’t in the mood to be fucked with, so she ended up changing her facial expression. “Will you at least be in my wedding?” she asked.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  I guess Kira couldn’t take being around me any longer because she got up from the sofa and hauled ass into her room. I snickered behind
her back, because I loved it when she gave me the power to push her buttons. When that happened, I won every time.

  I decided not to stick around the house after my movie went off, so I got dressed and left. While I was on the road, I got a call from Carmen. This was her second time calling me since the robbery, but I knew she hadn’t called Kira. Carmen and I were always closer than her and Kira.

  “Whatcha doing?” she asked.

  “In my car, driving to the mall.”

  “Whatcha getting at the mall?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll find something. What are you doing?”

  “Out riding around, looking for a spot to lease so I can open up my salon.”

  “Have you seen anywhere you’d like to be?”

  “Yeah. I ran across a couple of spots, but the parking was bad, so I’m gonna keep looking until I see something.”

  “Well, good luck, because finding a spot with good parking is going to be hard. You know how it is around here.”

  “Yeah, I know. But I’m sure I’m gonna find something. Hey, listen, don’t forget that I’m getting married two weekends from now.”

  “I haven’t forgotten. Have you picked out your dress yet?”

  “Yeah, girl! My dress was made right before I left the shop.”

  “So did you ever get another ring?”

  “Of course I did! As a matter-of-fact, my baby took me to the diamond gallery and got me the exact same ring. I was happy as hell too, because I loved that ring.”

  “Well, I’m glad. Have you heard anything about who may have robbed us?”

  “Nah, I haven’t. But my baby is keeping his ears to the streets, so he’s bound to find out something.”

  “I hope so. But guess what?”

  “What?”

  “Kira brought her stupid ass in the house this morning with an engagement ring on her finger.”

  “Whaaaaaatttttt! You kidding?”

  “Nope.”

  “So she and that Nigerian cat is making it official, huh?”

  “I guess,” I responded nonchalantly.

  “So how does this ring look?”

  “Oh, I ain’t gonna front! It’s pretty as hell!”

  “How many carats is it?”

  “I’m not sure, but it’s a canary-colored diamond, and it’s big as hell.”

  Carmen fell silent.

  “Hello, you there?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m here. So Kira’s getting married too, huh?”

  “Yep.”

  “So what’s this guy do besides own that nightclub?”

  “I think he’s selling drugs too, because a lot of people don’t be going in there like I thought, so he has to be making money somehow.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really. He’s got to be doing something to keep the mortgage payments going on that apartment he’s living in, not to mention that Bentley he’s driving.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. So did she say what she was going to do with her house once they get married?”

  “Nah, we didn’t get into it.”

  “Are you going to be her maid of honor?” Carmen asked before she burst into laughter.

  “Hell nah! You know I don’t fuck with that bitch like that!”

  “Did she ask you?”

  “You know she did.”

  “So are you at least going to her wedding?”

  “Yeah, I’ma go, but when that pastor asks the question, ‘Who in here feels like these two shouldn’t be joined together, speak now or forever hold your peace,’ I’ma jump right up.”

  Carmen burst into laughter again. “You ain’t gonna do that.”

  “Watch me and see.”

  “What’s the beef? Why you don’t want them to get married?”

  “Because he was supposed to be with me,” I explained. “When we first met them, I was trying to talk to Fatu first, but his cousin Bintu hopped out of the damn car and beat him to the punch. To keep from being rude, I went on and had a chat with Bintu and gave him my number.”

  “Well, if it was like that, then I see why you’re mad. But don’t dwell on that mess. Go out and find yourself somebody else. You’re a pretty girl, and it’s plenty of niggas out here, so you ain’t gon’ have no problems.”

  “It’s funny you say that, because I was kicking it with this cat named Neeko and we were supposed to go out to dinner that night we got robbed, but of course it didn’t happen because of all that went on.”

  “Ahhh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Oh, no, don’t be sorry, because out of the fucking blue this nigga comes back on the scene and asked me to go out with him again, so I said yes.”

  “Where did y’all go?”

  “Down the highway of hell. That nigga almost got me killed.”

  “Whatcha mean by that? What happened?”

  “OK, like I said, I hadn’t heard from him since the night before we got robbed and then he calls me out of the blue apologizing and telling me about how he got caught in some beef with some cats from out his way. So I bought into his story and jumped at the first opportunity to go out with him and that turned out to be a fucking disaster.”

  “What did he do?”

  “That motherfucker got me caught up in a shootout. Niggas were gunning his truck down as soon as I hopped inside it.”

  “Oh, that Neeko? Oh my God! I heard about that. That shit happened not too long ago.”

  “Yep, it sure did.”

  “I can’t believe you were in the car with him. That cat is straight crazy and everybody and their mama who is out there in those streets is trying to kill ’im.”

  “But why?”

  “Because he’s known for robbing motherfuckers! Or setting them up to get robbed.”

  “Are you kidding me?”

  “Hell nah! I’m dead serious! It wouldn’t surprise me if he had something to do with us getting robbed.”

  “You know what, Carmen, you might be right. Because now that I think about it, he asked me how business was that day, and right after I told him it was good, we hung up, and then a few seconds later, niggas were running up in the shop to rob us.”

  Carmen immediately changed her tone. I could tell that she had instantly gotten a bad taste in her mouth. “How did he act when he picked you up?”

  “Like normal.”

  “That nigga thinks he’s fucking slick. But he fucked with the wrong one if he had something to do with us getting robbed.”

  “Whatcha gon’ do?”

  “I’m gonna call Xavier as soon as we get off the phone so he can go out the way and ask some questions.”

  “I don’t think that’s gonna be a good idea. I mean, he should sit back and watch Neeko’s moves and keep his ears to the street to see if somebody slips up.”

  “Fuck that! That nigga needs to be dealt with now. Shit, he’s lucky he got away with just a couple of flesh wounds to his legs and arms. I know that if X’s people’s was on his ass while he was racing down the highway, they would’ve got him with one shot to the head. Plain and simple.”

  “Well, whatever you do, don’t say I told you shit. I don’t want nobody coming back to look for me.”

  “Oh, you ain’t gotta worry about that. Xavier is going to take care of that ass and ain’t nobody gonna have to worry about that nigga taking another motherfucking thing from them ever again. Speaking of which, when was the last time you spoke to Neeko?”

  “I haven’t spoken to him since we crashed on the side of the highway.”

  “Well, word is he’s been trying to stay low key until all that shit blows over, but if he knows like I know, him hiding out ain’t gonna help him one bit.”

  “Ahhh, shit! You think X’s gonna kill ’im?”

  “If that nigga had somebody take our shit, hell yeah!”

  “Well, just make sure X gets my jewelry back before he pulls the plug on Neeko’s grimey ass!”

  “Don’t worry, he will. But you’re gonna need to do me
a favor too.”

  “What’s up?”

  “If he ever decides to call you and acts like he wants to see you, act like you want to see him too. But before you set up something with him, call me first so I can let X know what’s going on, OK?”

  “OK,” I said, even though I felt uneasy about it.

  I knew right away that Carmen would want me to set Neeko up, and I wasn’t up for that. Setting niggas up to get murdered was not cool and I didn’t want any part of it. I couldn’t have his blood on my hands. Now all I had to do was stay the hell away from him. He was bad news!

  Carmen and I ended our conversation with her promising that she wouldn’t divulge any of the information I had just discussed with her about me being in that shootout with Neeko. She vowed not to say a word, mentioning the fact that she hadn’t spoken to Kira since she left the shop, so I had nothing to worry about.

  “I’m closer to you than her, so why would I talk to her about your business? I mean, Kira and I are cool, but we ain’t cool like you and I are.”

  “Yeah, a’ight,” I said and then we both laughed and a planned a lunch date for the next day.

  After we hung up, I couldn’t help but wonder if in fact Neeko did have something to do with the robbery. If he did, he’d better watch his back because if he knew like I knew, his life was about to end. Yeah, he escaped death not too long ago and that didn’t happen too often. So he’d better pay up on his insurance policy and update his will because he was definitely on his way with a one-way ticket to see his maker. And I wasn’t talking about the man above either. The way this nigga carried on, I knew he had made a deal with the devil, and he was about to pay up.

  Playing the Field

  (Nikki Speaks)

  Not too long after I got off the phone with Carmen, I called Fatu. He said he was at the club so he was kind of busy, but I got him to stay on the phone long enough to ask him about his engagement to my cousin. “I saw the ring,” I didn’t hesitate to say.

  “She showed it to you?”

  “I couldn’t help but see it. It was almost bigger than her knuckle.”

  Fatu chuckled. “It is beautiful, huh?”