Something's Rotten in Paradise (Maui Mayhem Cozy Mystery Book 1)

by Aysia Amery

“Shhh, they’ll hear you.”

  “I doubt it. They’re too above us to give us the time of day.”

  “Reese, not all wealthy people are snooty.”

  “Yeah, I know, but let me have some fun with being snarky about this bunch, will ya?”

  I silently laughed. Reese could be pretty snarky, all right. I wouldn’t want to be on his hit list, that’s for sure. If he liked you, you were golden, and he treated you like royalty. But if he embellished a bullseye on your forehead, you’d better stay out of his way because he was worse than Cinderella’s stepsisters on PMS days. I kid you not.

  The butler was back. In the middle of pouring the amber-colored wine into the third goblet, the doorbell rang.

  “Ah, that must be our surprise guests.” Fiona smiled as she looked around the table, settling her gaze with a squint—that seemed almost diabolical—on her husband.

  That cliché ‘if looks could kill’ would be well-fitting for that glare she gave him.

  As the butler finished up the wine pouring, the housekeeper appeared with the two guests. My eyes immediately zeroed in on the tatted dwarf in the black leather biker vest and blue jeans. A small goatee spotted his handsome young face. He looked pretty badass, actually.

  While he looked about the same age as Fiona’s two kids, the other man was much older, in his late fifties to early sixties perhaps. That graying hair and those jowls normally gave a person’s middle-aged status away.

  Next to the dwarf he looked like a skyscraper, towering around six-foot-four easily. The cratered scars on his face gave me the impression he had an acne problem as a teen. He wore an aloha shirt that seemed washed one too many times, along with navy blue slacks.

  In Hawaii, especially the outer islands, people dressed more casually even for a dinner party such as this. I’m sure Fiona would’ve specified the attire if she had a more formal engagement in mind.

  The ladies were garbed with a little more flair than the men. The daughter shined in her scarlet form-fitted sheath dress, while Fiona exuded elegance in a designer-made muumuu with large hibiscus and fern patterns silk-screened down to the ankles. A breezy spaghetti-strap peacock blue top and fitted black skirt gave Regina an air of sweetness.

  “Please, have a seat,” Fiona told her guests.

  As the two men sat in a vacant chair, Fiona’s husband furrowed his brows while he squirmed in his seat. Something was up with these guests, and I had a feeling there was going to be major drama tonight.

  I wasn’t sure if the queasiness in my stomach was excitement and anticipation of discovering what the secret about these two guests were, or dread because my sister did show up tonight—a warning that this night may end up badly. It wasn’t the first time we catered an event where something tragic took place. On the other hand, it could’ve just been gas.

  “You can start your service now,” the butler told me. I had been so busy checking out all the body language and expressions of the Amusing Seven that I completely lost sight of why we were here.

  “Of course. Sorry.”

  As we went around the room serving the pupus, the daughter was the first to speak.

  “Mom, you haven’t introduced your guests. That’s kind of rude, don’t you think?”

  “Of course it is, Penelope, however I wanted to wait until the appetizers were served.”

  “Well, they’re served, so...”

  Fiona’s finely penciled brows crinkled while she gazed at her annoying daughter. One didn’t have to be insightful to know it was a disapproving look.

  “Joseph. Lester. This is my husband, Richard, my daughter, Penelope, and my son, Vogel. And this is my son’s girlfriend, Regina.” She gestured with a hand. “Everyone, this is Joseph and Lester. Lester is Joseph’s son. Well, not quite, but we’ll talk about that later.”

  It was obvious that Fiona’s family was intrigued with why Joseph and Lester were even here and how they were connected to Fiona.

  Penelope, again, spoke out. “How do you know my mom? I mean, no offense, but she’s never, ever, had people like you over for dinner.”

  “‘People like you’?” Lester mocked. The insult, no doubt, had pierced him. “And what people is that? Little people? Or people who have manners, unlike you?”

  Jemma lifted her eyebrows and stretched her mouth out, which I took to mean ‘yikes,’ as she looked over at me on the other side of the table. I didn’t dare seek out Reese’s facial expression, worried I’d laugh my head off, sending spittle to rain all over the table and those I served.

  Oh, yes, this was going to be a night we would all remember and talk about when reminiscing about crazy gigs, that was for certain.

  “Penelope! That was very rude. Joseph and Lester are my guests. You’ll find out more about them soon enough. For now, mind your manners.” Fiona scolded her daughter as though she were five. That didn’t sit well with the little princess.

  “Don’t treat me like a child, Mother.”

  “Then don’t act like one.”

  “Well, I’m just saying what everybody’s thinking. Right, Vogel?”

  Vogel kept eating and ignored his sister. Quite frankly, I couldn’t blame him. I wondered if she was the cause of his stutter. I could just see her bullying him when they were kids. It was obvious she was the older sibling.

  “You’re such a coward, Vogel. No wonder no girl wants you. Well, except for your new girlfriend, but I don’t think she’ll stick around for very long.”

  “Penelope!” Fiona was not amused.

  Miss Bully Princess rolled her eyes.

  What a nightmare to have given birth to a child like that. I bet she was a daddy’s girl.

  “Dad’s the only one I can relate to in this family. Everyone can go to hell.”

  Yup, I was right.

  “Richard, control your daughter. She’s an embarrassment to this family. And so are you, and you know what I’m talking about.”

  Vogel must have learned avoidance from his dad. Richard kept his focus on his pupu dish, just as his son had.

  “Why are you picking on Dad? He didn’t do anything. He’s never embarrassed you.” Penelope then turned to her father. “Do you know what she means by that?”

  Richard glanced at the two guests, then closed his eyes and sighed.

  “Go ahead and serve the next dish,” Fiona instructed me.

  I gave her a nod.

  “Oh my god, this is like being part of a soap opera. Talk about drama city!” Reese whispered in a hard breath when we were back at the serving station.

  The dining room was awkwardly silent by the time the salad was served.

  A few times, I saw Lester and Regina glance at each other in an odd way. Did they know one another yet didn’t want to say? It was hard to make out what was going on there.

  “Joseph, I’m so sorry for my daughter’s rudeness. I hope she hasn’t spoiled your evening.” Fiona forked a half-sliced grape tomato and slid it into her mouth.

  “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure things will be different before the night is through,” he replied.

  There seemed to be a conspiracy going on. Joseph and Fiona were in on something. I was pretty good at reading into things.

  Okay, I guess I can’t take too much credit for that in this case, because even Snow White’s youngest dwarf Dopey would’ve honed in on that.

  “Okay, enough!” Richard barked that out like a pit bull. His outbreak startled everyone in the room. Even the veggies probably jumped.

  All eyes focused on the man at the head of the table.

  “I know why they’re here. Get it over with already. You want to humiliate me in front of everyone? Go ahead. Our marriage is over anyway. This family is a tragedy that can’t be saved. Might as well end it here and now.”

  Oh my god! What were we in the middle of here? This was going to get worse, no doubt about that. Nobody was going to have an appetite for the entrée after this. Our creations were going to go to pot. I shouldn’t be thinking about that righ
t now, but dammit, we prepared a lot of great stuff. I hated when good food went to waste.

  “What the hell is going on?” Penelope looked back and forth between her parents.

  Vogel was speechless, but he hadn’t said much anyway after his sister humiliated him early on.

  “Go ahead, tell them.” Richard raked his fingers through his hair as he sat back, waiting for the kaka to hit the fan.

  “Daaaad?” Penelope sounded frightened now. I almost felt sorry for her. Whatever was going to be disclosed probably wasn’t going to be good for her or her brother.

  With a flick of my head, I cued Jemma and Reese to head toward the kitchen. I didn’t feel right about being out there in the thick of it while this drama ensued.

  Both my assistants gave me bug-eyed stares as if saying, ‘Oh, c’mon, it’s just getting good.’

  I made a face back to say, ‘Don’t be asses! Get to the kitchen!’

  Short of telepathy, which of course, none of us possessed, they got my glare and flared nostrils loud and clear.

  Chapter 4

  Jemma and Reese still got satisfaction because the dining room could be clearly heard from the open kitchen.

  I had to admit, I too wanted to know what the heck the big surprise was going to be, although if had to guess, I’d say Richard was Lester’s biological father. Fiona’s comment was hard to miss.

  I hung back by the island while Abbott and Costello, or Laurel and Hardy (take your pick), huddled at the entryway like two thieves waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting victim. I would bet you they were salivating, and not from hunger.

  “Your father has been unfaithful, and I don’t mean recently. While I was changing your diapers, Penelope, he was screwing his secretary. Lester is the product of his adultery. He is your half-brother. And he’s your older half-brother, Vogel. What does that mean? Your father was screwing two women at the same time. He’s a liar and a cheat. So how do you feel about that?”

  “Dad, is this true? Is this...this...dwarf your son?”

  “Hhh-how could you ddd-do this to Mmm-mom?”

  “Look, I made a mistake. It was a long time ago. I never loved the woman.”

  “You bastard. That was my wife you’re talking about. She killed herself because of the guilt she had carried all those years. Every time she looked at Lester, she was reminded of how you seduced her, and used her, then tossed her aside when you found out she was pregnant.”

  Even without seeing any of the characters, it wasn’t hard to deduce who was saying what.

  “How the hell do you know that he’s not your kid?” Richard needed proof. Perfectly reasonable, having been accused of fathering a bastard son.

  “Last year, we were told Lester needed a kidney transplant. It was then I found out he wasn’t my kid. I was mad as hell with Carol and wanted to know the truth. But she wouldn’t tell me. I was distant to her after that, and maybe that sent her off the deep end. I live with it on my conscience now.”

  Jemma turned to look at me and mouthed an ‘Oh. My. God.’

  “Look, I’m sorry about what happened to Carol. I hadn’t seen her in years since she quit. But what happened between us back then was just a moment of lust. She didn’t love me. I didn’t love her. It just happened. It happened only once.”

  “That’s bull. Carol was in love with you. She left a note confessing everything. She felt so guilty, it ate her up until she didn’t want to live anymore. Lester reminded her of the sin she had committed and thought God had punished her with a dwarf son who’s now dying if he doesn’t get a kidney transplant.

  “Carol knew we had no money for the operation and all the expenses that come after. Insurance won’t cover it all. And since she had her own health problems, they wouldn’t accept her kidney. Do you know how she killed herself?”

  “I don’t care to know.” Richard’s tone was flat.

  “She stabbed herself in the gut with a knife.”

  “Oh my god,” Penelope gasped.

  “Do you know how long it takes to die of a wound like that? It can take hours. And guess who came home first and found her?”

  I think everybody could guess that.

  “Look at him. Look at your biological son. The pain of what he witnessed haunts him. He’s twenty-two, yet he cries like a baby at night, plagued by those nightmares. And you’re the cause of that pain. Lester may not be my blood, but in my heart he’s as much my son as yours is to you.”

  Oh wow, that brought tears to my eyes. Lester was lucky to be brought up by Joseph. I don’t think he would’ve been as loved and cared for being part of the Duboit household. Now it’s such a sad set of circumstances, though.

  “Do you want money? How much? What do you want from me?”

  “I sent your wife a copy of Carol’s suicide note in hopes she would help Lester. I didn’t expect to have your kids here, but I’m assuming she wanted them to know the truth. Carol told you about being pregnant. She wanted your help, and you wanted nothing to do with her. You don’t get to play with people’s lives and get away with it.”

  “Just because my dad fooled around once, it doesn’t make him evil. Everyone fools around. I bet you have. I bet even my mother has been unfaithful.”

  “I have NEVER been unfaithful to your father, Penelope.”

  “I see the way you flirt with some of Dad’s friends.”

  “I do not! Young lady, you are way out of line.”

  “Okay, stop it, Penelope. Your mother doesn’t deserve that,” the dad chimed in.

  “I don’t want to listen to this anymore! Just because your family’s a mess, now you’re trying to break up our family?! What if it was your wife who seduced my dad? She could be lying just to get back at him. Maybe she wanted a raise. Maybe she...”

  The girl’s voice caused my ears to ring, and they’d need a bucket to catch all the tears she was now spilling.

  “Get out of our house! Get out!”

  A chair shuffled, then fleeing footsteps—I assumed Penelope’s—left the dining room.

  Reese turned to me and gave me a wide-eyed stare as though he just got a stimulating shock of electricity. He mouthed a ‘WOW’ so big we could have fit a cantaloupe in there.

  This was the kind of drama I knew he loved. He would be gossiping about this for days. Between him and Jemma, they spread more gossip than Perez Hilton.

  “You best leave,” Richard said in a somber voice. At this point it seemed everyone’s energy had been spent.

  “Do this for Lester and atone for your sins. Donate your kidney to him and pay the medical bills. Your blood is his, and you can afford the expenses. You owe it to him. If he didn’t need you, I’d be busting your teeth in right now.”

  Another chair’s legs screeched. Sounded like somebody else was ready to leave.

  “I’m headed home, but your wife has offered Lester to stay the night in your ohana cottage. Maybe you should finally get to know your biological son. He’s a good boy and deserves to live. He needs that kidney.”

  “William, please tell the caterers to make Mr. Langley a plate,” Fiona said.

  “That won’t be necessary. I don’t have much of an appetite right now. I have food at home if I get hungry. Thanks for your hospitality and for helping Lester.”

  Another chair moved around.

  “I’ll see you out.”

  “You gonna be all right, Lester? You don’t have to stay here if you don’t wanna.”

  “I’ll be fine, Dad. I’d like to get to know my other family. But you’re the best dad, ever.”

  “You do the right thing and give this boy your kidney.”

  More footsteps left the room. Then it was as though the dining room had been put on mute.

  I wanted to laugh, watching Jemma and Reese still huddled in their positions like that. I’ve seen some old Bewitched reruns, and they brought to mind Gladys Kravitz as she eavesdropped on the Stephens, although Gladys snooped by peeking in or out of windows.

  “Are we going t
o stay stuck back here?” Reese asked me.

  “We wait until we hear from Fiona what she wants us to do. If she wants us to continue service, we will.”

  “Why are you still here?” That sounded like Penelope. “I heard your father leave. Why didn’t you go with him? You’re not welcome here.”

  “Penelope, don’t speak to your brother that way.” Fiona was back now too.

  “He’s NOT my brother. How can you want to help them? This dwarf is NOT your child.”

  “Penelope, maybe you should just go back to your room,” Fiona said in a matter-of-fact tone.

  “This involves us as much as anybody. Are you really going to give your kidney up for somebody you don’t even know is your real son? They could be making all of this up just to extort money from you. And what if I need a kidney from you at some point?”

  This girl was something else. What a selfish...okay, not going to say that ‘b’ word.

  “Do what your mother says, sweetheart. You shouldn’t get involved in this. Vogel, why don’t you and Regina go for a walk.”

  “We’re not kk-kids anymore. We cc-can handle it. If he’s our bbb-brother, then we need to be in on tttt-this conversation.”

  “Stop saying he’s our brother! Do you want this dwarf for your brother? Well, do you?”

  “Hee-eeee can’t be any ww-worse than you.”

  Ten points for the golden boy. Vogel didn’t sound like a spoiled brat like his sister. So far, he seemed like a decent guy, but he hadn’t really said much. The jury was still out on him.

  “I hope you can accept me into your family. I don’t wanna cause any trouble, but I have a right to get to know my biological father.”

  “You have NO rights. You have to earn a place in this family. Let’s say you are who you say...just because you have half our same blood, it doesn’t make you one of us. Did you grow up in this house? No, you grew up somewhere else. We’ve never met you until today. You can’t just waltz in and expect to be included in any inheritance, or expect my dad to give up his body parts for somebody he doesn’t even know or care about.”

  Talk about brutal. This girl was worse than Attila the Hun.

  Just then, the butler appeared. Jemma and Reese were startled and scuttled back behind the kitchen island to appear busy. If they started whistling, I swear I was gonna roll my eyeballs. Good. They didn’t. Heaven forbid if we came across like The Three Stooges.