Always Jack

by Susanne Gervay

  Rob’s already at the sink with his yellow plastic gloves. I’m stacking dirty dishes on the bench when Anna arrives at the back door. She’s wearing her angel T-shirt. Her silver wings sparkle and tingles race down my back. ‘Keep your eyes on the dishes.’ Rob jabs me with his elbow. I ignore Rob. He’s dumb sometimes.

  Anna’s arrived for the wedding shopping trip. Samantha runs up to her. Mum twirls her red hibiscus skirt. She dances to Nanna’s room and brings back a cardigan. Mum helps Nanna put the cardigan on because her hands are too sore from arthritis this morning.

  Rob whistles. ‘I’m the luckiest man alive. Three beautiful girls.’ Then he looks at Nanna. ‘I mean four.’

  Nanna’s face beams. ‘The cardigan is very nice.’

  I give him a scrunchy stare. He nudges me. ‘Jack and I have a lot to do. So you girls have a great time at the shops.’

  Mum flattens her hibiscus skirt and her lip quivers. ‘But you’re coming with us.’ Rob starts to object, but then he looks at Mum. He knows that Mum-look. It’s a you’re-hurting-me look. Rob’s face drops.

  ‘Not so lucky now,’ I whisper in his ear.

  Everyone piles into Rob’s nearly new four-wheel-drive people-mover car. Fits all of us in. I help Nanna struggle into the front seat. Mum doesn’t mind being replaced in the front. It makes it easier for Nanna. Rob drives to the shopping centre and parks next to a huge mobile van. Mum reads the sign aloud. ‘Free Breast Screening.’

  ‘Mum, shush. People will hear you.’

  Mum’s embarrassing, but she doesn’t care. ‘My aunt had breast cancer. I must get around to having a check-up.’

  Luckily Nanna trips over her shoelaces and Mum gets sidetracked. She holds Nanna’s arm and we head for her favourite dress shop and the hippie section. The shop assistant is nearly blinded by the hibiscus skirt and daffodil top as Mum dives into the racks, dragging us behind her. ‘We need something lovely for the girls.’ Rob’s not allowed to see what Mum’s going to wear for the wedding. It’s going to be a big surprise.

  The fashion parade isn’t very lovely. Crazy is a better word. Anna doubles over laughing after jumping out of the dressing room wearing a dotty red dress with crinkly swirls on her bum. She looks like she got measles then sat on a tomato. Rob gets Nanna a chair to watch everything from. Then he leans against the wall and I lean next to him.

  The girls try on everything from off-the-shoulder lily tops to snap-dragon skirts (really vicious looking) to droopy pansy jackets and white rose tops. Then Anna glides out in this dress. She shines as she parades around the shop. ‘The peach blossoms are beautiful.’ Nanna puts her knobbly hands on her heart. The soft peach makes Anna’s black curls and dark eyes sparkle. Samantha tries on the same dress and the girls flounce around the shop and Mum says that they’re both princesses.

  ‘Hey, what would it take to make princesses perfect?’

  I was going to say something smart like ‘brains’, but Anna’s hands are on her hips. Everyone is looking at me. Danger. Danger. I flash a grin. ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Oh, isn’t that lovely.’ Nanna smiles. ‘The girls are really perfect.’

  Rob winks. ‘Just got out of that one, Jack.’

  Nanna needs the toilet ten times. Anna can’t decide what shoes to get. They’re thinking of buying see-through scarves. Mum is secretly looking at the ugliest frock in the world for her dress. I can’t take it. Mum glances at me. ‘This is taking a while. We’ll look at bow ties next and then maybe it’s enough for you boys.’

  Yes, yes, we’ll be out of here … but bow ties? Can’t Mum and Rob just elope? But Mum chooses the worst bow ties ever. ‘They’ll match the peach dresses. There are petals on them.’ I don’t care. I don’t care. Let’s go home. Home. My ponto needs me. Hector needs me.

  ‘Nanna’s tired,’ Mum says. I give Nanna a grateful look. ‘We should go home now.’

  Rob and I are so fast, we really are the super duo. Nanna’s whizzed into the front seat. Shopping’s quickly stacked in the back. The girls belt themselves in and we’re zipping out of the carpark.

  Shopping morning over. Mum disappears into her room. She has a library assignment to finish. Then Rob waves us all over. It’s a secret mission that Mum doesn’t know about. Samantha has been bothering Rob for ages about this. No, it’s not a puppy. Poor Samantha is going to have to keep drawing puppies until she’s one hundred and one. I think she’s growing a waggy tail and pointy ears. Ha, ha.

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘Woof.’ I laugh, then look at Anna. ‘Nothing. Can’t a guy have a private joke?’

  We follow Rob down the road, round the corner. ‘Where are we going?’ Samantha pants. Pants. Pants. I stick my tongue out and scratch my ears. No one gets it. Dog — panting. Then Rob suddenly stops. We’re looking into the pet-shop window. There are no puppies but Samantha squeals. The mouse-house in the window has lots of mice running around. Samantha immediately falls in love with Patch. He’s light brown with small pointy ears and a long patchy tail. ‘Pick which one you want.’

  My mouse is Spot because he has white spots all over. Anna picks the littlest mouse and calls him Frank. Samantha of course has Patch. We walk out with Patch, Spot and Frank, plastic bowls for their water, ladders, bells, a running wheel, mouse food. We’ll use Hector’s old cage. ‘I love the mice.’ Samantha puts her hand in Rob’s.

  Mum’s not going to love them. She’s scared of mice, which is really dumb. What can a mouse do to you? Nothing. (Actually Mum doesn’t like Hector much either.)

  We arrive home and head for the workshop. There are things to do. Rob gets Hector’s old cage. I construct the wheel. Anna cleans the cage. Samantha unpacks the bowls and toys. Anna spreads sawdust on the cage floor, then sets up their food, water, toys. The cage is ready. We pick up our mice by their tails and drop them in. Frank and Patch are already chasing each other around the wheel. Spot’s ringing the bell. I’m taking photos.

  Rob heads out of the workshop. ‘Got to talk to Mum.’ Poor Rob.

  Chapter 3

  Mice R Nice

  Mum’s mad at Rob, but she never stays mad. The mice are allowed to stay — Mum doesn’t believe anyone should be homeless. So they live in the hallway on the hall stand now. Nanna loves watching them run around. Puss loves watching them too. (Mainly because she wants to eat them, so we have to be careful to lock the cage door.) Anna’s mouse, Frank, lives with Patch and Spot. Mrs Napoli is scared of mice like Mum. But unlike Mum, no one can make Mrs Napoli un-scared, not even Rob or Mr Napoli. It means Frank lives at our place. It means Anna visits even more. Mum says that Anna’s part of the family.

  Nanna always waits for us when we come home from school. The problem is her ears. I bang and bang on the front door. Nanna can’t hear the knocking of course. The TV is blaring so loudly no one can hear anything. ‘Stop banging, Jack. You’re making my head hurt.’ I ignore Samantha.

  I find the house keys. ‘Nanna. Nanna,’ I call out. We throw our bags into the entrance hall. Anna turns off the TV and we look for Nanna. There is no Nanna in the lounge room. No Nanna in her bedroom, but there is snoring coming from the kitchen. There she is with her mouth open and her hair done — fluffed and hard. Her top and bottom teeth are lying on the table. Her skirt is caught on the arm of her favourite lounge-chair and she is flashing her purple underpants. Anna and Samantha giggle. I grab an apple as the girls tiptoe out. Only an explosion will wake her up, so I stomp after them.

  We go to check the mice. Anna squeals when she picks Frank up by his tail and drops him in the palm of her hand. I can’t stop laughing when Frank leaves a plop. Mice are poo machines. Anna laughs too. I nudge her.

  ‘Knock, knock.’

  ‘Who’s there?’

  ‘Frank.’

  ‘Frank who?’

  ‘Frankly, not a poo.’

  Everyone cracks into laughter. Then it’s work time. I take out the mice and put them in a cardboard box. Anna and Samantha start to clean the mouse-house. I hang
around for a bit, but I have stuff to do. ‘I’ve got to check my ponto.’

  ‘You never clean anything, Jack. It’s unfair. You have to help clean the mouse-house!’ Samantha flips her pony-tail at me.

  ‘I’ve got scientific experiments to record.’ I shake my head. ‘Science is important.’

  Nanna’s awake now and wobbling toward us. ‘Jack is such a clever scientist.’

  ‘Jack’s clever all right, Nanna. At getting out of work.’

  I make a face at Samantha, until I see Anna. I look serious. ‘I’ve just got a few things to do. I’ll be back soon.’ Anna gets very focused when she’s in the middle of a job. She won’t notice I’ve gone.

  I check the fridge, squeeze some oranges, have a drink and take some more photos of my ponto. Then I’m back in the hallway carrying the cardboard box with the mice. The mice like the clean mouse-house with new sawdust and little pieces of apple Anna left in their food bowl. Nanna’s face shines as she adds a nibble of cheese. I’ve told Nanna that mice are not allowed to have cheese because it makes them too fat. Nanna’s beaming. I guess it’s OK as a special treat.

  Rob’s people-mover veers into the driveway. We race to the front door. A hand waves from the car window. It’s Mum’s, then I see Rob’s head and laugh. It’s more prickly than usual. He’s had another one of his special haircuts. I feel my head. Maybe I need one too. As he gets out of the car, Samantha runs to him and tries to scratch his prickles.

  ‘Hey, watch out. You could mess it up.’ Rob tickles her stomach. Then he winks at Anna.

  I bound across the lawn. I’ve got to tell Rob about how fast my ponto is growing. He didn’t believe I could make it again. ‘Get out of the way, Samantha.’

  Rob and I grab the groceries from the car. Mum is in the kitchen already. She made pasta on the weekend, so she just has to heat it up for dinner. I’m starving. Plates set, glasses out, salad cut and chopped and overflowing its bowl. Bread and butter. Nanna is waiting in her chair. Anna sits in the guest spot at the table next to me. The smell of melting cheese and tomatoes puffs through the air and I try not to dribble. Mum piles everyone’s plates.

  I’ve got a mouthful of pasta when Rob blurts out, ‘Leo’s staying next weekend.’ Rob glances at me. ‘We can go surfing. Surf report says there’ll be good conditions.’

  I love surfing. But Leo? My stomach sinks. Leo’s everywhere these days. Mum put two photos of him on the fridge door. One in his school uniform and one baby picture, next to baby photos of Samantha and me.

  ‘I always wanted more kids. I love you visiting, Anna. And there’s Leo now.’ Mum looks at the photo-covered fridge. Her eyes go watery. Oh no, I can feel a sentimental moment coming. I can’t take it and try to detour her. ‘Great salad.’

  Samantha butts in. ‘Oh, that’s a cute picture of Puss and Nanna. Hey, Mum, look at that photo of you and Jack.’ Mum’s eyes stop on the photo of her holding me after I was born. Her eyes are getting even more watery. Danger, danger. Nanna is concentrating. Is she going to tell that dumb fish story when I swallowed a fish and pooped it out? I was only two. Nanna coughs. No story, it’s just a bit of bread caught in her teeth. The bread’s out now.

  Mum is looking at my baby photo. She puts down her fork. ‘Did you know that Jack didn’t want to be born?’

  I groan. ‘Mum, we’ve heard this before.’

  ‘Anna hasn’t.’ Mum smiles.

  ‘She doesn’t want to,’ I pipe up.

  ‘I do, Jack.’ Anna’s a traitor.

  ‘Me too.’ Samantha squiggles next to Rob. She loves hearing this dumb story again and again.

  That’s all the encouragement Mum needs. ‘Well, Jack was having such a great time in my stomach, he just decided to stay inside getting bigger and bigger. He was setting up a workshop.’ Everyone laughs. ‘Jack was hammering shelves inside me. He gave me a horrible stomachache.’

  Can Mum stop? I yell out a joke. ‘Doctor, doctor, what can I do? I swallowed a hammer!

  ‘Doctor answers. Use a screwdriver instead.’

  Mum ignores the joke. ‘Jack swam around, eating, experimenting. Jack and his hammer had to be dragged out of my stomach. He came out like a banana head.’ Mum starts laughing.

  I can’t help laughing too. ‘Not everyone can look like a banana head.’

  Rob pokes me. ‘That’s why Jack’s bananas.’ Everyone is moaning when Rob suddenly gets a bright idea. ‘Do you know what happened when Leo was born?’ No one wants to hear about Leo. ‘He wasn’t born with a hammer. He was born with a hose.’

  ‘What are you talking about, Rob?’ I kick the rug.

  ‘He came out and sprayed the doctor.’

  ‘Leo weed on the doctor.’ Samantha giggles.

  That isn’t funny and I don’t care. Mum hugs Samantha. ‘You were beautiful when you were born. Even though you had no eyelashes.’ Samantha was born too early, which is why she didn’t have any. I don’t want to hear this story again. Mum’s gone all soppy. I guess it’s better than talking about Leo.

  ‘She has eyelashes now.’ Anna hugs Samantha too. Oh no. Mum extends her arms to me. I shake my head. I’m not joining in.

  ‘They put Samantha under special lights with a black blindfold over her eyes and fed her through a tube in her nose.’ More tears dot the corners of Mum’s eyes.

  I roll my eyes. ‘Good that everyone was born, Mum.’ I put my you’ve-got-to-be-joking tone into it. No reaction. I glance at Anna. Definitely glad Anna was born but this has to stop. Tactical response. Change the topic. Mice. They love talking about mice. ‘Hey, everyone. The mice need feeding.’ I’m right. The mice discussion starts. Samantha likes their games. (My Spot is the best acrobat.) Mum thinks they smell. (They do.) Nanna still wants to give them cheese. Even Rob adds that mice don’t eat much. Saved by the mice.

  Then Samantha asks the dumbest question. ‘Do you think the mice should meet Hector?’

  ‘No,’ I shout at Samantha who knows nothing about survival of the biggest. Hector is a good rat, but he’d kill Patch, Spot and Frank.

  Leo’s staying this weekend. Mum has ordered me to clean my room. I don’t see why I have to. Mum told Samantha that she has to help me. I don’t want her to. My head is thumping and she’s humming. I grit my teeth. ‘Stop humming.’ She doesn’t. I ignore her.

  There’s Wally the one-eyed stuffed cane toad on the floor. I dust him and stick him at the back of my cupboard. Cane toads have been eating our green frogs and making it hard for our honey bees. I don’t like Wally much any more. I slump onto my bed.

  Finally Samantha stops humming. ‘Are you all right, Jack?’

  I don’t say anything. She just hangs around like a bad smell. ‘Go away, Samantha.’

  She sits on my bed. ‘Did you hear me? It’s Leo, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s none of your business. Why don’t you go and do your hair?’

  ‘Leo’s all right.’

  Can Samantha be quiet? ‘It’s not like Leo’s going to live here. Anyway, Rob is our dad.’

  My throat is dry. Once I called Rob Dad, and he made a joke about it. Samantha calls him Dad sometimes and Leo calls him Dad all the time, but not me. I don’t care because Rob and I are mates. It’s not like I need a father. I don’t want a father. My head is throbbing.

  Oh no, Nanna is shuffling along the hallway toward my room. I don’t want Nanna to be here now. Go away, Nanna. I stare at Nanna trying to make her leave. But she just keeps shuffling in and when she says hello, I see that she has left her bottom teeth somewhere again. Nanna plunks herself onto my chair. ‘Nanna, I’ve got to clean up my room.’ I jump off my bed and grab my waste-paper basket. Samantha picks up the overflowing one and we head for the outside garbage bin. When we come back Nanna is still sitting there. Go away, I want to shout at her.

  Nanna smiles. ‘You are such a wonderful boy, Jack.’ She looks at Samantha. ‘And you are a wonderful girl. I am so lucky to have you both.’ Her green eyes sparkle and I feel like a rotten person and Leo is comi
ng.

  Chapter 4

  Surf’s Up

  Another Saturday morning. A car pulls up and I race to the front-room window. Samantha squashes next to me and Mum presses behind us. Spy-force, that’s us. Just need binoculars to check out what’s happening. Rob’s gone outside. Leo’s standing next to him, carrying his computer games. Leo’s mum gets out of the car. She’s thin with black hair like Leo. She and Rob are talking and Rob isn’t smiling. Leo is staring at his shoes and he’s not smiling either. Rob’s hand is on Leo’s shoulder.

  ‘Can you hear them?’ Samantha asks me.

  I head to the open front door with Mum and Samantha tagging behind. Nanna can’t hear anything, so she stays in her chair patting Puss.

  ‘If you were any type of a father, you’d drive up and see Leo every week,’ Leo’s mother shouts. I can’t hear what Rob answers. ‘Isn’t he important to you?’

  That’s so unfair. She doesn’t know anything. Leo is important to Rob. I watch Leo standing there looking at his shoes. His face is white. I get this bad feeling in my head. How can Rob drive up to see Leo at Port more than he does now? It’s five hours away and Rob works and has us. Anyway, she was the one who took Leo to live up there.

  ‘It’s all right for you moving into a new house with a big garden. What about Leo? We live in a tiny apartment.’

  Rob speaks clearly and loudly, not like Rob at all. ‘Leo, say goodbye to your mother.’ He nods at her. ‘So you’ll collect him tomorrow afternoon.’ Rob grabs Leo’s arm and they walk toward our open door. She slams the car door shut and a man, I guess it’s Leo’s stepdad, speeds away.

  Leo just stands in the lounge room holding his computer games. We all say ‘hi’ to him. He says ‘hi’ under his breath.

  Nanna’s green eyes twinkle. ‘You’ve grown taller, Leo.’

  We’re all standing around like stuffed tomatoes. I have to do something. ‘Rob’s moved a table into my room for your games, Leo. Do you want to look?’ I’d been really angry about the table. I feel like a rat now. That gives me an idea. ‘Do you want to see Hector?’ Leo shuffles after me.