Heartbreak's A Bitch!

by S. M Phillips

  “Emily… Emily stop.” I hear Matt call out behind me. What the hell does he think he’s playing at? I’ve just told him to do one and now he’s running after me as if that’s what I want.

  “No I bloody don’t want that. I just want him to leave me alone.”

  “No, you don’t. This is exactly what you want. You want him to run after you, pull you close and tell you just how sorry he is and that everything will be okay.”

  “Piss off. Are you on crack?” I’m really going to need to have a serious talk with my head. Not only does it pipe up at the most irrelevant times, it’s now babbling absolute tosh.

  “Do one Matt. She clearly doesn’t want to speak to you, or are you a thick piece of shit too?” Rachel screams at him like a crazed woman in the middle of the street. God, you’ve got to love Rachel. She’s always got my back, no matter what. At least now I know that she followed me out. To be fair, I had it envisioned in my mind that she’d still be in be inside giving Cruella a right good talking too. I guess it looks like I’ll have to wait for that day to come.

  “Emily just stop. Please…” He pleads over Rachel’s loud vocals. “It’s not what it looks like?”

  That’s it. I stop and spin like a mad woman in the middle of the street and stare him down. How dare he come at me and say crap like that. How dare he even try to speak to me after ditching me as soon as he got his knob wet. Yes, we may have had a drunken fumble, but above everything, I thought we were friends. But we can’t be friends if he dropped me at the first hurdle.

  Oh no, he didn’t need to worry about me, as it seems that he was too busy keeping Cruella warm. God, he knows how much I hate her too. Total knob.

  Unable to contain myself any longer, I walk towards him, an unfamiliar feeling building deep within my chest. Why am I even letting him get to me like this? Why do I feel so much more than anger towards him? “I don’t give a shit what it looks like Matthew.” I hiss as soon as I’m close enough for him to hear me “It’s no concern of mine what you do with your time.”

  “Emily, come on, don’t be a dick.”

  “Don’t be a dick? Have you even stopped to listen to yourself? I thought you were my friend? Or did that end as soon as you got what you wanted?” I snap back, unable to contain my anger and hurt. I feel violated and humiliated and he’s just rubbed salt in my wounds by hooking up with her.

  “It’s just a drink…”

  “I’m not arsed. Honestly, give your head a wobble and get over yourself.”

  “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you.” He says, his eyes growing wide as he pleads with me to listen to him.

  “Yeah?” I say, disbelievingly. “Well, you clearly didn’t try hard enough, did you?”

  “I really need to talk to you… about stuff.”

  “No, no you don’t. Me and you, we’re done. I never took you to be that type of guy, yet here you are…”

  “Matt, come back inside.” Cruella calls out as she hobbles out of the pub. She’s lucky that I’m so angry at Matt, otherwise nothing would stop me from storming over to her and hurting her as much as physically possible.

  “Best go running back to your girlfriend. Wouldn’t want to keep your precious princess waiting, would you? Oh… and just so you know. I got sacked today, not that you give a crap, but I did. So, I’m now without a job all because of your new fuck buddy.” Matt watches me with a blank expression as if everything that I’ve just said to him is in a foreign language. “What, don’t believe me? Why don’t you go and ask her?”

  Matt doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me like he’s lost, but I’m not falling for his bullshit routine. I’ve been through enough recently and he knows it. I don’t need any more negativity in my life.

  All that’s left for me to do is to walk away from it all. What’s another heartbreak? The rate things are going, I’m becoming quite the pro at dealing with them. Maybe I should start an online problem page. Steering the innocent untarnished hearts away from it all before it’s much too late.

  My heads sore and my eyes hurt. Oh God, everything hurts so bad. Why, oh why did I think it would be a good idea to neck another bottle of wine when I got home? My bloody liver is going to pack in on me and then what am I going to do?

  You really need to get your life in order, Parker. Asap.

  I try to move over on my side, but my brain doesn’t want to function with my muscles. I haven’t got a clue what time it is. To be fair, I don’t even know what time I passed out. It must have been late, but saying that, I don’t really remember much after throwing up my empty stomach into the kitchen sink around midnight, only to fill it up again with alcohol. It’s not big and it’s not clever.

  How did yesterday even happen? Everything starts filtering through my mind, flashing before me, replaying over and over again. As if my hangover wasn’t bad enough, now I’ve got to contend with everything that went to pot yesterday.

  “Do you really want to spend the rest of your life living like this? Wallowing in self-pity and stale body odour?”

  I couldn’t think of anything worse. It’s like I’ve become a shadow of my former self. There was a time when I wouldn’t even dream of leaving the house without freshly ironed clothes and a face full of flawless make-up. Now, I’m no make-up artist, but it’s amazing what a couple of you-tube tutorials can do.

  No, enough is enough. Today is the day that I’m going to try and get my life back on track. If I remember correctly I’ve even got a job to go to tomorrow, too. Oh, the joys. Hopefully Rachel will go easy on me. I’ve warned her about being pushy so I really hope that she takes that on board.

  Yes, today everything that I do will be positive and I’m really going to try my best to become a better person. Sod everyone who has tried to drag me down. I don’t need those kinds of people in my life. But, first things first, it’s time I had a shower and stuffed my mush with something greasy.

  Priorities.

  After speaking to Rachel earlier, I feel a lot better. From what she said I didn’t really do anything to make a tit out of myself. Apparently she was pretty proud of me for finally standing my ground and sticking up for myself. Honestly, I’m pretty proud of me too, I never knew that I had it in me.

  I’ve decided that today is going to be a whole day dedicated to me, team Emily. I plan on doing nothing other than spending my last day of unemployment curled up on the couch watching Gilmore Girls and nothing and no one is going to stop me. Well, maybe a couple of bars of Galaxy.

  I can hear my phone buzzing to life somewhere on the couch, but I haven’t got the energy to find it. Sod it, if it’s important then they’ll either call back or leave a message. I’m perfectly happy slouching it out like the true sloth that I am and I wouldn’t really be doing myself any favours by moving. This could be my last day of peace for God knows how long. I fully intend to enjoy it.

  My eyes grow heavy as a knock sounds at the front door. Jesus, all I wanted was some peace and quiet for one day. Guess it doesn’t look like I’m going to get it though. I’m tempted to leave it, but last time it was Rachel and she almost took my door off. Obviously, I don’t want that to happen again. The last thing I want to happen is Mr. Jones having a heart attack.

  Reluctantly I pull my mahoosive arse up and off the couch and head towards the front door. Whoever it is, it better be worth it. It’s not often that I pause something. Now I kind of understand how Rachel feels when she’s disturbed from watching Geordie Shore.

  “Oh, hey.”

  “Hi.” I say, surprised to find Noah stood on my door step. “How are you?”

  “I’m good.” He smiles and he looks so carefree. “I hope you don’t mind me just turning up like this? Rachel gave me your address.”

  “Oh, she did?” Wait until I see her tomorrow. Yes, she probably thought that she was doing me a favour, but my heads so mashed with everything that’s happened, Noah is the last person that I wanted to see. I look down, a little embarrassed at my choice of outfit. Oh wel
l, he better love penguins. “Sorry, come in.” I step aside to allow him to pass, and my mind automatically wanders back to when Matt last came over.

  Jesus, why can’t I get him out of my head?

  “I thought I’d come and see you after you had to dash off the other night. I would have called but I figured you might have enjoyed the surprise more?”

  Wrong. I hate surprises. Even Matt knows how much I hate surprises. One thing he was always good at was keeping me away from them. But, that was then…

  I look at Noah and smile at him. My God he really is beautiful. Before I have chance to say anything further, he’s on me, his lips possessively seeking mine. My body reacts automatically and I can’t help but follow his lead. Our tongues glide against each other, slowly at first and then Noah starts to pick up the pace a little. I try my best to follow suit, but something isn’t right. It feels completely wrong and I don’t know why.

  I pull back a little, and I’m unable to meet his gaze. “Sorry… too much, too soon?” he asks.

  Emily, don’t be a dick here. Just look at him for God sake. I shake my head at him and lean up again on my toes to reach him. As my lips touch his again, I wait to feel something. A spark, a connection, but there is nothing there. Nothing except the image of Matt every time I close my eyes.

  Oh no. No, no, no. This cannot be happening. Not after everything that’s happened.

  “I’m sorry Noah.” I say, as soon as everything connects in my head. “I can’t do this. I’m just not ready…” I hope he doesn’t think that I’ve been leading him on, because I haven’t been. I genuinely do find him attractive in every way possible. But that’s as far as it goes. He doesn’t make my heart pound, he doesn’t make me laugh the way Matt does and he definitely doesn’t drive me around the bend like Matt does.

  For God sake, why has it taken me so long to see what’s been right in front of me all this time?

  Matt… It’s always been Matt.

  “No, that’s fine. I completely get it. Maybe coming over wasn’t such a great idea after all?” He asks. “Look, I don’t want to make you feel any more uncomfortable than you already do, so I’ll go. But, if you change your mind or you fancy doing something, well, you’ve got my number so give me a call.”

  I’m quite surprised how that went. Noah took it a lot better than I did. Well, why wouldn’t he? He’s probably got a long line of girls to choose from so he’s not really going to miss me all that much. Me on the other hand, I feel shocking. I feel like I’ve led him on a merry-go-round and that was never my intention. Bloody hell none of this was.

  Now, I’m faced with a massive problem A problem that I don’t know how to solve. To tell you the truth, I haven’t even got a clue where to start with it all.

  How do I tell Matt how I feel? Should I even tell him how I feel? There’s probably no point as I can just imagine him and Cruella getting all cosy and no doubt laughing at my expense.

  Maybe I should give Rachel a call. She’ll know just what to do. But then, she’d probably chew my ears off about how shocking he’s been. I can’t lie, if I do end up speaking to him again, I’ll personally remind him just how shocking he’s been.

  Knock… Knock… Knock…

  Oh no. Obviously, Noah didn’t take it as lightly as I thought. Either that or he’s coming back for his phone. Shit, I didn’t even think about that. But, I’m a proud girl and I’d never stay with someone over a gift. Even an iPhone.

  “I’m sorry… “I begin as soon as I open the door, unable to raise my eyes to meet Noah’s face. God, I’m such a coward.

  “Me too.” My eyes shoot upwards at the sound of that voice. A voice that I didn’t think I would be hearing for a while.

  “Matt?” I say, part shock and part happiness. “What are you doing here?” I need to remember that I’m still mad at him and I don’t want him to think that I’m about to let him off the hook so easily. Matt doesn’t answer me, instead, for the second time in the space of thirty minutes I’m enveloped in someone’s embrace, only this time I don’t hesitate. I allow him to claim me like I did before, only this time I have no intention of letting him go, ever.

  “It’s always been you Emily Parker. I’ve fucking loved you from the minute you stepped foot into that office when you turned my world upside down. I’m done with messing around. I’m fed up of playing games.”

  “You are?” I ask, full of disbelief. “What happened last time? You walked away without so much as a goodbye.”

  “I know, I’m a dick…”

  “Too bloody right you are.” I laugh. “Where’s Cruella?”

  “There’s never been anything going on between us two. Sure, she’s tried it on a couple of times, but I’ve always blew her off. After last night, she was ruthless and told me everything that she’d done to set you up. I’m guessing she thought that I’d be happy about it and hang out the flags for her or something? There’s no way that I can associate with someone like that. Forgive me?” He pleads and gently takes my face in his hands, bringing his face closer to mine before placing his lips on mine once again. This time he doesn’t pull away, instead he holds me tight as he walks us both back into the house without breaking our embrace.

  “We’ll see…” I say, as I pull away and lean back briefly. “You’ve got a hell of a lot of making up to do Matthew.”

  “Now that sounds like music to my ears. I’ve also emailed Graham with everything that happened, including some video footage from someone from the bar too. With any luck, you’ll be back tomorrow and Amanda will be gone.”

  “Thanks, it means a lot that you’d do that for me, but honestly, I can’t go back and work for someone who let me down and treated me like that. I just can’t do it.”

  Never in the history of man did I think that Matt would mean this much to me. It’s crazy to think that it’s taken all of this drama for me to see that what I’ve wanted and needed all along was sitting right in front of me and this time I’m going to hold on tight and never let go. I will make it my mission to keep the communication going and to questions things when they don’t feel right.

  Well, that’s if I survive to get that far. I’ve still got to see Rachel and I know that she’s going to have quite a lot of colourful words to say on this whole matter and in my ecstatic state, I’m looking forward to each and every single one of them.

  Love, Lies & Louboutin’s (Heartbreak, #2) is OUT NOW!!!

  #ONECLICK your copy here: http://mybook.to/llal

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  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  I have absolutely loved living in Emily Parker’s world and I hope you do too. Not only is she fun and a little bit crazy, but she’s a good girl at heart with a lot of love to give when she’s given half the chance.

  Firstly, I’d like to thank Louise. Not only is she a fabulous PA, but she’s also a dab hand at swag making and keeping me sane. She’s also amazing when it comes to whipping me into shape too. Thank you Louise, for everything you do for me. It’s very much appreciated.

  I’d also like to say a massive thank you to you, my readers, new and also to those of you who have been with me since the very beginning. Your support means everything to me and it still blows me away that you read and escape off into the worlds that I create.

  If you have the time, I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review on Amazon and Goodreads. Reviews mean the world to us indie authors and help spread the word about the worlds and characters that we create.

  Lastly, thank you to my nearest and dearest for always supporting me in all that I do. Even putting up with me randomly busting out one-liners. I know you all love it really.

  Until the next one…

  Much love,

  Steph xx

 

 

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