Until I Knew Myself

by Tammy L. Gray

  It had been a grand event. A carousel, pony rides, acrobats, the works. The birthday that has never, nor will ever be matched. Journey had heard the story many times. She forced herself to regroup, wondering how long her grandma had been trapped in this memory.

  “Have you been working with anyone? A planner maybe?”

  Her brows bunched. “A planner. No.” Her hand fluttered to her head, her fingers rubbing at her forehead like it hurt.

  Journey’s breath caught in her chest. The bare finger, the pale wrinkled line where it used to sit. Her wedding ring was gone. Stolen, or worse, given away to someone her grandma trusted. The same someone who’d deceived Ty.

  Finding a calm she was nowhere feeling, Journey picked up the abandoned book and read the title. Her grandma smiled, happy to move on to other subjects that didn’t require her scattered memory.

  “I can’t believe he did this.” Ty’s gaze was focused on the entrance of her condo, though he made no move to go inside. “I never imagined he’d go after one of you.”

  Journey rested her fingers on his shoulder and brushed a thumb against the material of his shirt. It was coated in sawdust. Much like his jeans and work boots. He’d come straight from his house at the lake and smelled like sunblock and sweat. “It makes sense, I guess. I knew he was fishing, even that first night.”

  When Ty didn’t respond, her heart fluttered. His voice held a guilt she didn’t want him to feel. His whole life had been dictated by that emotion.

  She inched closer, caressed the hair on his head, sliding her fingers through the brown strands, then re-tucked it behind his ear. “It’s not your fault.”

  Ty finally allowed those stormy brown eyes to meet hers. “We’re going to get the ring back.” He knotted his fingers through hers as if terrified he couldn’t deliver on the promise.

  “Hey,” she said, urging him to lose that shattered expression she hated so much. They would not go down this road again. “This is on Dustin. Not you. Whatever happens. Do not let this man take any more from us.”

  He pulled her hand to his lips and closed his eyes, his breath a tickle. She used her free one to touch his cheek. Reassurance, she hoped.

  His lids flew open and he stared down to the fingers he held. “Where’s your ring?”

  “I-I took it off. April’s meeting us and I haven’t told her yet.”

  His mouth pursed. “Journey.”

  “It’s just…their wedding would have been last Saturday, and I wanted to be sensitive to that. April claims she doesn’t care, but I know the loss is more raw now than ever.”

  “April made the choice to end her relationship with Sean. She’s the responsible party, not the victim.”

  “I know, but…”

  “No buts.” Not letting go of her left hand, Ty held out his right one. A demand that didn’t need words. Journey pulled the ring from her pocket. The moment she put it back in his palm, he slid it on her finger again. “I don’t want you to take this off again. We’ve fought too hard to get to this point…together. No matter what anyone thinks or feels, this does not change.” He squeezed the ring gently. “Our future does not change.”

  A sigh rippled through her. This man in front of her was solid, secure, a man she could lean on. She pressed her forehead to his chest, letting herself release the frustration and horror she’d felt since seeing Jonathan Smith scribbled on the ledger.

  His hands massaged her back as he kissed the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay.” Another kiss. “I promise, I’m going to make it all okay.”

  Chapter 37

  He was going to kill him. Rip every piece of skin from his dirty little hands. The idea that Tyler had ever considered Dustin his blood now made him nauseous. It took a special kind of nastiness to steal from a confused old woman.

  April threw her bare feet up on the coffee table and hung her head back. “Ugh. I swear if you mention that stupid dinner again I’m going to clobber you.”

  They’d been at this for an hour and still had no plan that felt even a little feasible.

  “I’m just trying to see if we missed anything,” he shot back.

  “You didn’t, okay. Dustin was playing us. He knew exactly what he was saying so move on.” She jumped to her feet and headed toward the kitchen. In cotton shorts and a loose t-shirt, April appeared unassuming and pleasant. But her mouth kept Tyler in check. Journey had been right about hiding the ring. Though she’d feigned excitement, her mood had only continued to plummet.

  A slam of a cabinet, a bottle hitting the counter and then silence.

  “Good. She’s pulled out the wine.” Journey massaged her neck until Ty took over. “Maybe it will make her a little more agreeable.” She rolled her head, giving Tyler greater access to her strained muscles.

  A pound on the door startled them both.

  “Are you expecting someone,” he asked.

  “No.”

  “Come in,” April hollered from the kitchen, and Beck, still wearing his work attire, stepped through the doorway.

  April peeked her head out of the kitchen and smiled like she couldn’t wait to start the show. “I called in reinforcements.” Then to Beck, “Want a drink?”

  “Yes.” His tone was flat, annoyed, and yet Ty felt immeasurably grateful.

  “I didn’t realize she called you.” They were supposed to meet tomorrow afternoon. Ty was planning to talk to him about everything then.

  “Do you have a problem with me being here?” Beck’s brows shot up the same time he lowered himself into one of the empty chairs.

  Okay, he’d taken that completely wrong. “No. I was just surprised.”

  Beck focused on Journey, his eyes going soft. “Don’t worry, we’ll think of something.”

  “Thank you.” Journey tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, exposing the engagement ring, then quickly dropped her hand as if she’d forgotten.

  Tyler watched for a reaction from his friend, but Beck gave no acknowledgement. The dismissal stung. Before, he’d have been the first one to jump up and congratulate him.

  “O…kay.” April skipped into the room like this was some kind of stupid party or something. “Now maybe we can come up with something that isn’t completely asinine.” She passed a cold bottle to Beck and lounged back in her chair, tucking her bare legs beneath her. “So far, Journey has suggested she call and take Dustin up on his not so subtle invitation to get to know her, if you know what I mean.” She took a sip, fluttered her eyelashes over her glass at Beck.

  He bristled. “Absolutely not.”

  Journey’s brows pinched. “It was just an idea.”

  “A dumb one.”

  “That’s what Ty said, though his ideas haven’t been much better. Now it’s your turn, Obi One. Show us the way.”

  Beck silently removed his blue blazer and rolled up his sleeves. “I’m going to call him. Tell him I’m in the market for a one of a kind watch. Get him to meet me somewhere to go over the details. The guy did his research. He knows how much money my father has.”

  “If he wanted to go after you, he would have already,” Ty reminded him.

  “I don’t think so. He saw my skepticism at Morton’s. Now I’m giving him a way in.”

  April waited to see if Tyler would respond. When he didn’t, she redirected to Beck. “And you don’t think he’ll be suspicious when you suddenly know his secret profession?” At least April was consistent. She’d torn down every idea he and Journey had come up with as well. “Remember, as far as we’re supposed to know, he’s a kind, benevolent guy who tends to the needs of the elderly.”

  Beck leveled a hateful stare. “Fine. I’ll call him and ask for those tapes you starred in.”

  “No way. He knows I’m a ruthless attorney and I’ve already threatened damages. He won’t chance it.” Again that taunting smile.

  “Is this a game to you?” Tyler growled, his agitation growing by the second. “That ring has been in Victoria’s family for generations.”

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nbsp; Her eyes grew dark. “I’m perfectly aware of that, Ty. Just like I’m aware you have one chance to get this right, and all your ideas so far suck.” She glanced toward Journey who had remained eerily silent through the entire exchange. “I’m not being flippant. I’m being pragmatic.”

  “I know.” Journey fisted her hair at the base of her neck and let go. “And you’re right. We have to get this right.”

  Another knock, though this one was timid, and Tyler could swear April’s eyes glistened like a wolf’s in front of a sheep’s pen. “Oh good, Caroline could make it.”

  Her name in the air blasted away Beck’s cool demeanor. His lips contorted to a hard line. “Why would you call her?”

  “Oh, haven’t you heard? We’ve bonded.” She winked at him.

  “April.” Aggression layered every syllable.

  “Simmer down. She knows antiques,” April said as if it were obvious. “Ty, didn’t you say she was the one who first noticed your watch?”

  Tyler hated how perceptive she was. How nothing said was ever missed with her keen and far too prying ears.

  “Yeah, she was.” Tyler shoved both hands through his hair. This was a nightmare. All five of them in the same room. It would be a blood bath. One April had clearly orchestrated, though why he couldn’t understand.

  “Okay then.” April set down her glass and wove her way to the door.

  Journey slid her hand through his. For support probably since Beck was fuming in the seat across from him, a trapped rabbit in an Armani suit.

  “Come in, come in,” he heard April say from the doorway.

  Tyler turned his head, catching a glimpse of her from his peripheral.

  “Your place is beautiful.” Caroline said. “It’s so clean.”

  His lips quirked up, thinking of her slobbery. Beck’s scowl deepened and Tyler’s smile immediately faded.

  “So what did you nee—” Caroline didn’t finish the sentence, her gaze finally falling to the three of them in the living room. The three people with enough heat and tension they could power their own war ship.

  April pushed her forward. “We’re strategizing. Dustin turned out to be a low-life con artist, and he stole a ring from Journey’s grandmother. We’re trying to figure out how to get him out of hiding.”

  Caroline focused on Beck for only a second before averting her eyes. “What will you do then?”

  That seemed to take all the air out of the room.

  “I have that part covered.” Tyler’s voice shook with emotion though he tried to pull it back. “I just need to get in the same space with him.”

  Caroline stopped at the corner of the room, the toe of her shoe pressing into the edge of the area rug. There was nowhere left to sit except smashed on the couch with him and Journey, and she didn’t seem eager to move that direction. Tyler pushed to get up, but Beck beat him to it.

  “Take mine.” It would have been chivalrous if he hadn’t huffed like a bull and snatched his jacket from the back.

  “Thank you.” She scurried across the room and sat quietly, offering a quick smile to Journey who returned it with equal warmth.

  Tyler hated seeing her this way. Caroline was vibrant and funny, not timid and closed off. He just didn’t know if it was from the lingering effect of their discussion about her ex, or from his former housemate who’d taken residence against the far wall. Either way, Tyler was to blame. He’d caused this. He’d caused all of this.

  “I’m so sorry.” The words flew out before he could stop them and his head dropped into his hands. “If I’d been less eager…” he couldn’t continue, especially when Journey’s hand began rubbing his back, her comforting whispers the only thing holding him together.

  “Hindsight won’t get us anywhere.” The voice was Beck’s and for the first time since he stormed into the condo, it didn’t sound stilted. “We have to start thinking like a criminal.”

  Tyler glanced up when Beck strolled back into the circle of furniture, and perched on the arm of the couch near Journey. She shifted over to give him more room.

  “Perfect suggestion.” April rolled her eyes. “Let’s all get into the headspace of a pathological liar. Or better yet, a sociopath.”

  “Should be a piece of cake for you,” Beck mumbled, and April threw a pillow at him.

  He tried to dodge it and nearly fell off the side of the couch. Journey tugged his arm, helping his balance and laughed for the first time all night. The sound brought a cascade of memories, and he smiled too when Beck reciprocated April’s attack with a line drive that spilled wine on her shirt. Luckily it was white wine and the t-shirt she was wearing was from the ninth grade and already stained.

  She pointed, wiping absently at the wet spot. “Party foul. Next one, and you have to clean up afterwards.”

  “You’ll have to bait him.” Caroline said out of nowhere.

  They all swung their attention to her. She sat stiffly, her arms wrapped around her middle. “You asked about what goes on in the mind of a man like that. Someone who can hurt other people that easily.”

  Tyler recognized the ache in her voice. The same one she’d had when they sat in the corner booth and she admitted her ex had hurt her. She was thinking of that monster again. He knew that as clear as he knew his own name.

  “The pursued has to become the pursuer.” She stared a hole right through him. “You have to make him come to you, Ty. Seek you out. Want you. Otherwise, the game is no fun.”

  Chapter 38

  As soon as the words left her mouth, Caroline was sucked back in time. Jeremiah had tangled her up in his web quickly and effectively. She was a senior at Texas Tech, celebrating her best friend’s engagement when they’d met through a mutual acquaintance. He’d charmed her, much like he charmed everyone he met.

  But she’d known, even that night that something felt off. Just a little more intense than she was ready for. When he asked for her phone number, she’d declined. And right then, the game was afoot. And as it turned out, Jeremiah was the crowning champion.

  A snide comment from April pulled Caroline out of her fog. “I’m sorry. What did you say?” she asked.

  “Nothing.” Beck was up from the couch again, pacing like a caged lion. It fit. He was formidable, intelligent, strong. A leader by birth as much as by molding. “Let’s keep going. How do we draw him out?” The words were said with the same controlled fury as the ones in his office. You chose wrong.

  “Was there anything else in your grandfather’s things that he would want?” Journey’s voice was hesitant, as if she knew without asking what every piece meant to Tyler.

  “Maybe. Mr. Bakerfield did an inventory of all the antiques.”

  Caroline’s interest piqued, grateful for something else to focus on. “Do you have the list?” They’d need something rare, something that would tickle Dustin’s ego as much as his pocket.

  “It’s in my car.” Tyler was standing before he even finished the sentence, keys fisted in his hand. “I’ll be right back.”

  But his absence left a black hole in the room, one April seemed determined to fill. She tilted her head toward Journey who was picking at the pillow in her lap. “What did I tell you about the nice girls. They’re always the most cunning.” Her gaze popped back to Caroline’s. “That’s a compliment, by the way.”

  God forbid she actually insult her.

  Caroline stood, feeling much like Beck seemed to and walked toward the wall of photos behind the dining table. Though the photos were all black and white and lined with impeccable precision, they were the only thing in the entire condo that felt warm.

  In each one, they were smiling. Sincere smiles, ones Caroline had yet to see from anyone. Journey or April were in every photo, with Ty and Beck making the cut as well. But it was the third guy she couldn’t take her eyes off of. He was ruggedly handsome but not in a conventional way. More a brutish strength that seemed to ooze from every picture. Even the most humble of one when he was down on one knee in front of April.
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  “That’s Sean.”

  Caroline wasn’t sure when Journey had joined her, but she felt grateful for the company. “Ty’s mentioned him.”

  Journey snuck a peek over her shoulder at her roommate who was now flipping through a magazine. Beck had disappeared. “She misses him so much it’s ruined her.” There was an apology in her voice, or maybe an explanation. “She wasn’t always like this. Snarky, yes. That’s just her personality, but this chill. It’s new.”

  “You miss him too, huh?” Caroline could see it in the dip of her shoulders.

  “We all do.” A noise came from the kitchen and Journey pressed her lips together. “Especially Beck. I want you to know, he’s better than this behavior. It’s a defense mechanism.”

  Caroline didn’t want to talk about Beck, or learn anymore about him that would add to the already growing pit in her stomach. “Congratulations, by the way. I saw the ring. I’m really very happy for you.” And she was. Ty and Journey deserved their happy ending. She just hated that they had to stumble over her to get to it.

  Journey lifted her hand, examining it like she still couldn’t believe it was there. “Thank you,” she said, a love-sick smile on her face.

  The door flew open, Ty panting as if he’d run the entire way, and everyone returned to the living room. He handed off the inventory when Caroline passed by.

  The list was thorough, though nothing stood out, until the very bottom of the last page. A Vantamer bracelet. Fifteen charms attached.

  “This one,” she said, pointing to the line.

  Tyler crouched beside her, eyeing the selection. “It’s not even worth that much.”

  “He probably thought the same thing which is why he hasn’t been back. But if he had a buyer. One with deep pockets who would make it worth his while, it changes the equation.” Ty still seemed skeptical. “It’s more than money, Ty. It’s ego. And you’ve been an easy target.” She tried to soften the last part, but she still saw him wince. She handed the pages back to him. “Do you have it with you?”